The cargo craft emerged from the ice tunnel into a valley, its lights suddenly released from reflecting crystals into dark, open air. Lilijoy startled at the change and dropped out of her memories to take a quick look around. To her enhanced sight the surrounding terrain was rolling whiteness and the odd half buried structure. It was a startling contrast to the expanse of flat black she had spent the last hours re-experiencing.

Still a few more hours to go. I wonder if Anda is already there?

She had sent him a message as she left the monastery, but the ice tunnels were not a great place to receive communications. His reply came just as she finished the thought.

Lilijoy – Seems like I’m fated to wait for your arrival these days. I’m already at the entrance to the ice tunnels, and it seems I just missed you at Academy Town the other day. I met your Mr. Sennit. He seems like a good person, but I’m a little worried he’s getting in over his head, so I’m going to stick around here and help the best I can when I’m Inside. My Inside situation is… interesting, I guess? I’ll fill you in when I see you. - Anda

She was very curious to know what had happened with Anda’s character reboot. He had been out of touch for several days at the time, so she could only guess he had undergone another Trial of some kind. She hadn’t been able to pry any details out of him, so she figured he wanted to tell her in person. That or he wasn’t allowed to tell her for some reason.

That seemed like a distinct possibility, given what she knew about the walls of secrecy around Purgatory. It didn’t seem much of a stretch to assume that other aspects of the Inside were similarly protected by vows of silence or some such.

The implications of such vows did bother her though. She knew that Guardian was capable of surveillance over anyone with a registered system. Anda had told her that ages ago, when they were first traveling. At the time, she had only thought in terms of messages and other communications being intercepted, imagining Guardian as a cosmic eavesdropper, but upon further reflection, she supposed that everything that passed through the senses could be picked up.

I wonder if that includes internal senses?

Lilijoy knew that the same pathways in the brain were used to process imagination and external sensory input. Seeing a red circle and thinking of one would fire many of the same parts of the visual cortex. If Guardian could control the senses, which it obviously could, she couldn't think of a reason for it to be unable to read them. Every time she thought in words, the auditory cortex in her temporal lobe was in use, so it was very possible that Guardian had access to the internal thought process of virtually every human on the planet.

It was a sobering thought.

It was small consolation that her system didn’t seem to play by the same rules as all the other systems she had run across. For one thing, she could repress the display of the Rules, which evidently no one else could. Also, she seemed to have much greater access to Outside data streams when she was inside. She couldn’t tell whether her system was somehow circumventing Guardian or had some kind of special status that gave her more leeway. Either way, it seemed possible to her that she had greater privacy than most people.

Yay me?

The implications of Guardian’s ubiquitous awareness reminded her of another issue that had bothered her for some time.

Charm.

It was all too easy to just take it in stride as another magical fact of the Inside, the ability to influence the thoughts and actions of others. Myths and legends from every culture had beings that could influence and beguile. Lilijoy imagined that for most people on the inside, it was an ability that hid within those cultural assumptions. She hoped she wasn’t the only one who had noticed the obvious issue hiding in plain sight.

How did Charm work on Outsiders?

She could see how Outsiders with highly integrated systems capable of emotional regulation could be vulnerable to Charm, at least in theory, but what about Mr. Sennit? She was pretty sure his system was limited to sense replacement, and probably at a much lower level of detail than what she experienced. Was the Inside somehow manipulating his senses to create the desired effect? Or, and unfortunately she thought this more likely, were the systems provided by the clans capable of more than the users were aware? And if so, who was behind it, the clans or Guardian?

Her money was on Guardian.

She wondered what would happen if she used Two Minds One Self on an Outsider.

It wasn’t an experiment she was eager to run. Her experiences with Eskallia Treetouched and then Jessila had taught her that she should be very cautious. The interruption of her memory playback as the craft left the tunnel was well timed; she was in no hurry to experience the jumble of blurred nonsense her system had captured at the time she used her ability with Jessila.

She remembered the initial contact, searching for the essence of her friend’s purpose, her desire. Unlike the experience with the ocean soul, Jessila’s consciousness was small, the loops of awareness fragile. The components of her being were in profound conflict, forces of serenity and peace warred with vitriol and vengeance, the two opposing sides forced together by a stubborn savoring of struggle.

Lilijoy thought of her recent conversation with Marcus. She thought back to that memorable day by the pond when Rosemallow and Jessila fought.

“She’s one of mine,” Rosemallow had said. “This is within us,” she had added later.

Not ‘between us.’

The King of the Garden Elves cultivated peace. Eskallia’s mind turned to growth. For Rosemallow, it was ‘all about the struggle’.

All the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. The problem was, even as they fit nicely together, she couldn’t recognize the picture they revealed. Her fragmented memories of the encounter with the ocean soul had taught her that the subsets were not simple things. Why should they be? They were coherent parts of something much greater, their selves defined by the same properties of narrative self-reference that led to human consciousness. Like a whirlpool spawning smaller vortexes, and then those spawning ones still smaller, the subsets existed as a hierarchy of self awareness, spinning at different scales.

Somehow, the energy that fed the cycle of self-reference was emotional, meaningful.

The Inside is like a nursery, or a hatchery for self awareness, and the food for consciousness is...what? Emotions? But what could they possibly get out of emotions, especially vicariously? I guess I don’t have to understand it to acknowledge it.

She shelved the thought for later. Something like that was going on, and even if she had only scratched the surface, she felt like she had advanced her understanding.

In her experience with Jessila, it had been tricky to find a common purpose to allow for the merging of their narratives. Lilijoy wanted them to run out of the worst of the danger, hopefully using Juggernaut, but the essence of Jessila’s desire was immovable and obstinate. She wanted to fulfill the connection she had just made with the deep. For an instant, Lilijoy had been unable to perceive what could be so important about the deep, but as her contact with Jessila became more profound she had understood, had found the same drive within herself, and they had joined.

The moments after joining were scattered images. She remembered being hit by a thrashing tail, but they would not be moved. She remembered a crushing weight of bodies rolling over them, but they held fast, ignoring the irrelevant damage reports flooding their unused vision. She remembered the sharp jaws clamping down on their body, but they were impregnable to pain.

She remembered rising, the entire plain rising as far as their eyes could see, as the leviathan of the stony depths surfaced beneath them, its body covered by a dozen drooping lures the size of redwoods, and at the end of each a source of earth magic, a Source that rang the world like a bell. One, and only one, descended upon them, was bequeathed and received.

Later, Skria had filled in some of the gaps. She had seen the plain of reflected stars distorted and writhing with countless fleeing beings. She lost sight of Lilijoy and Jessila in the scrum of giant wriggling bodies, had seen Magpie leaping from creature to creature in an impossible effort to get back to the others. She had seen Magpie fall beneath the bodies and disappear, in what turned out to be her first death.

Then she had seen the leviathan rise, pushing the multitudes away, bearing Jessila and her passenger far above the surface.

“I tried to catch one of the other sources, at least I think that’s what they were. They didn’t really look like mine, but mine was an air source, so it didn’t really look like much at all, but the giant fish thing just sort of moved them away. I don’t know if it even saw me, ‘cause it didn’t have eyes. Anyway, then it lowered the source, which we know is a source ‘cause Jess got it, and it just kind of sank down and left you both there, and I felt bad for Lilijoy.”

Skria had been a little excited.

Lilijoy didn’t feel too bad about not getting a source. Somehow, she had known all along that this was Jessila’s opportunity.

“So what’s it like Jess?” she asked. “Did it come with any spells?”

Jess shook her head. “No. But it’s a good source. I can tell.”

Lilijoy glanced over at Skria. “I thought all sources were the same once you got them.”

“Oh no. It just doesn’t matter until much later, ‘cause the main limit is our skill and Mana Well. I won’t be able to make full use of my source for ages, and I bet it’s the same for Jess.”

Lilijoy remembered something else. “Since we’re talking about magic, is it normal to learn a class before you get a source or anything else?”

Skria looked at her blankly, so Lilijoy tried again.

“I got the Fused class when I was trying to hear through the granite. I guess maybe it’s how all those guys down there move around?”

Skria’s mouth moved a few times, but no sound came out.

“So… not normal then?” Lilijoy concluded. “Kind of useless though.”

Skria’s brain caught up to her mouth. “Are you sure you don’t have a source? I mean, as far as I understand, the source creates the whole framework. Different sources even seem to have preferences for what kind of clades and classes go together with them. It can make some easier to learn, or more difficult. For example, many air sources don’t seem to like Charged very much. But if you don’t have a source, I don’t know how it’s even possible for you to get a class.”

“Well, I guess it’s not that important. I’ll get a source someday anyway.”

After that, they continued their journey, sans Magpie. She would have respawned out of the conflict zone, and as it was her first death, she had probably respawned almost immediately. They had all discussed what to do if they got separated again, especially if it involved a respawn. Magpie was supposed to stay where she was, if she could, while Swoot flew a search pattern. With a little luck, she would respawn in the direction they were headed, which was typical in travel instances. If they didn’t find each other, they would try to connect at a town just outside of Averdale Forest called Jallit’s Grove.

As it turned out, Magpie was waiting for them where the plain ended. She had even built a small fire, a risk which seemed entirely out of character for her, though it certainly made her easier to find.

She seemed a bit abashed as she greeted them.

“Hey guys. I’d ask what took you so long, but I can’t exactly recommend my method of travel over yours.”

“So do you still have the Deathless title?” Lilijoy asked.

“Yup. Guess it’s just a Trial thing. You know, I actually feel relieved? I think it was messing with my head a little.”

Lilijoy thought that might be something that passed for an apology in Magpie’s mind. Still, she thought it best to talk over their combat strategy.

“Does that mean you might be a little more, you know… aggressive in the future?”

Magpie looked down and passed a hand over her tight braids. “Look… it’s how I’m trained, right? Don’t fight the head-on battle, go dark, strike from the shadows, that kind of thing. It’s just that we keep having these encounters that don’t fit my style. By the time I’m ready to strike, the shit’s already gone down, or sideways.”

Lilijoy remembered fighting the temptation to follow up on Magpie’s training. That conversation would come soon enough. Instead she had offered a proposal.

“How about next time you show us what you can do? Now that you know that dying’s not that big a deal...”

“Okay. Fine. Just for the record, dying totally sucks. It’s terrifying. I’m using my system for all it’s worth right now just to keep it together.”

“I remember the first time I died,” added Skria. “I didn’t even know I’d been tempered yet. I was just barely awake to myself and had no idea what was happening to me. I think it took me a week to stop trembling.”

Note to self: Don’t tell other people that dying’s not a big deal, Lilijoy thought.

After they were reunited, the cohort took a couple hours to rest. Jessila even went back to the edge of the plain and gathered some mandalas to her. Lilijoy smiled as she remembered looking out at the large girl sitting cross-legged on the mirrored surface, surrounded by the glow of a dozen lazy lights.

The rest of the journey through the instanced travel had been closer to Lilijoy’s original expectations back at the beginning of the journey.

They fought off a band of wolfen, where Magpie did indeed show just how effective a combatant she could be. Even though they were slightly out-numbered and out-leveled, the combination of Magpie wielding her crazy chain and stick weapon and Lilijoy Qi blasting and breaking kneecaps proved too much for the wolf-headed men. Skria and Jessila hardly had to lift a finger.

The final encounter of the instanced travel had been a trio of level twenty Ogres. Lilijoy enjoyed that encounter perhaps a little too much, as they reminded her, just a bit, of her trainer. Once again, she proved remarkably effective at landing criticals on her enemy’s knees, in this case conveniently located just below her eye level. The fight was perfect for Skria’s hallucinogenic gas, as she was able to keep it above the party’s head, and after a while Lilijoy began to feel bad for the stupidly tough Ogres as they roared and flailed at imaginary opponents while their real enemy chipped their health away.

Soon after that, the sun began to rise, and they found themselves on the outskirt of a towering forest that could only be Averdale. The long night was over.

Watching a different sun rise, Lilijoy made a decision. She hopped out of the cargo vehicle and stretched, feeling the odd tightness of her augmented skin. The cold wind couldn’t dampen her spirits as she walked, then ran to the waiting hovercraft.

“Open up Anda!” she yelled. “A little cold air never hurt.”

“Speak for yourself,” he said as the segments of the circular opening spiraled out of sight.

Soon they were headed north at a moderate pace.

“Well, we have a full charge and plenty of supplies,” said Anda. “Now we just need a destination.”

“I hear the Amazon wastes are lovely this time of year,” Lilijoy said.