Prelude

A small dark cell. Not disgusting or filthy, just four windowless walls, a cot, and a small boy. He writhed in the grips of fever, unattended and unnoticed by his captors. Every few minutes a seizure wracked his emaciated frame, spasms of rigid tremors spreading out from head to feet.

This was the second day.

Eventually, the seizures stopped. The fever receded. A message passed in front of unseeing eyes.

Stage Two Integration Status:.02%

>Warning! Available nanobodies at sub-optimal levels

Initiate Cultivation when ready

The boy was floating in light.

A deep voice flowed over him.

“Welcome Attaboy. My name is Dijian and we are become one.”

Chapter 1

“Name and age please.”

The receptionist picked idly at her left tusk with one finger, drumming her other fingers on the dark carved wood of the tall desk in front of her.

Lilijoy stood on her toes on the other side, trying to see over the top. She had finally managed to get the woman’s attention by ringing the little bell she had discovered, conveniently located about a foot back from the front edge. By hopping a little, she had been able to see the sign with the instructions ‘Ring Bell for Attention’, written in an ornate script. The elaborate twisting calligraphy somehow conveyed a certain sarcasm about the whole process with its overabundant frills and curls.

The previous five minutes of ‘hellos’ and ‘please ma’ams’, punctuated by arm waving and ultimately foot stomping, had resulted in a bored look from the large blue-green creature, who shoved the sign forward just far enough for Lilijoy to read. That led, on subsequent hops, to the discovery of the bell.

When Lilijoy first entered the small stone chamber with the huge wooden desk and the less than helpful receptionist crammed behind it, her nerves had almost gotten the better of her. Being the smallest person in a room was old news; large things and people had long since stopped being a source of intimidation. But she had never expected what had to be eight feet of thick wrinkled skin, topped by a massive wart ridden face with three bloodshot eyes, fat purple lips with protruding tusks, and horns nestled within styled curly hair. The frilly sundress only served to add to her unease.

“Lili...I mean Emily. I think I’m twelve. Maybe thirteen now?”

The receptionist squinted at the top of her head. She sighed loudly and picked up a pen the size of Lilijoy’s arm to write something on the paper in front of her.

“Race?”

“Human.”

The receptionist peered over the desk again. She started writing, stopped, and said, “Are you sure? Usually it takes me at least ten bites for a human. I think you would only take three or four.”

Momentarily taken aback by this unusual method for assessing size, Lilijoy could only nod. The woman returned to her writing. It went on long enough that Lilijoy began to wonder just how long it took to write one word. She felt the need to clarify.

“No, really. I’m just very small for a human. Most people seem to think I’m a gnome, a halfling, or even a goblin.

The receptionist reached over the desk, grabbed the crown of Lilijoy’s head in her palm and lifted her up onto the desk.

“Nope,” she said. “Wrong color. Wrong smell too. Good thing too, no goblins allowed.”

Lilijoy squeaked. In an attempt to recover some dignity, she looked the receptionist in the eyes defiantly. She couldn’t decide which of the three eyes she should look at, and settled for the middle. She drew in a breath to complain about her handling but was interrupted by the next question.

“Level and interests?”

“I’m level eight, and I...”

“I’m going to stop you right there.” the woman held up a palm the size of Lilijoy’s torso. “Do you think you are funny? Do you think I don’t have anything better to do than entertain spoiled brats?” Her voice has steadily rising in pitch and volume. “Someone put you up to this I bet. ‘Let’s get a rise out of old Rosemallow’ they probably said!” She drew in a breath “WELL HERE’S YOUR RISE PUNK!” she yelled, vibrating the bones in the back of Lilijoy’s skull.

“If I wasn’t on duty it would be three bites! Three!” she said for emphasis, holding up all three fingers on her right hand.

Lilijoy stood rooted in place, eyes wide and knees trembling. The woman, apparently named Rosemallow, had sprayed a shower’s worth of thick spittle during her outburst, and a drop ran down her face and on to the desk.

That was a surprising turn of events, she thought. She wiped away some of the liquid and flung it off her fingers.

Gathering herself she ventured in a small voice, “I wasn’t being funny on purpose. It was an accident I promise.” Her voice shook, “You don’t have to be so mean. I just wanted to register for the Academy.”

The woman looked at her with two cold eyes and a third whose pupil was making constant little circles around its socket. “Enough. Show me your sheet or get out right now!”

Lilijoy was taken aback. Couldn’t she have just started with that? She pulled up her character sheet and displayed it to Rosemallow.

Character Sheet: Tutorial Mode

Name: Emily

Defender of the Young

Experience Points (Exp) earned: 868:

Free Points: 100

(80 + 20 bonus from Reality Bender)

10 exp = 1 free point to spend on skills, traits, abilities, magic and more.

Dark Lady of the Thorns Blessed of Nandi

Trial Results: Above 99th percentile. Eligible for Academy**

Level: 8: An excellent result for the Trial

Achievements: 4: Less than 100 others have earned this many. Listed below...

Defender of the Young

You saved 18 children from certain death in a no-win scenario. This is a unique achievement.

Reality Bender

The Inside will never be the same. You have invented a unique ability: Two Minds, One Self

Dark Lady of the Thorns

You have become a legendary figure to the Goblin race. The stories will only grow.

Blessed of Nandi

Congratulations Lilijoy! I knew you would shine, but I never guessed how brightly. Well Done!

Other Notable Accomplishments:

Animal Lover

You did not kill any animals or monsters considered to be animals during the Trial

Path Less Taken:

Across more than 10 million iterations of this Trial, 3 have made the same path choices.

You now have the following Abilities Inside:

Scan II: Lets you see titles, levels and health of other beings.

Infrared Vision III

Echolocation III

Low Light Vision II

Two Minds One Self: Merge your mind and will with another being and act as one

Abilities are things you can do. They can be ranked from I (lowest) to V (highest). You can raise them with your free points (to level II = 4, to III = 6, to IV = 10, to V = 16)

*New*

Inventory: 8 cubic feet of storage

Opening diameter: 1 foot

Items do not stack

No active life forms can enter

Figure out the rest!

Your inventory ability allows you to store and retrieve items in a magical space only accessible to you. It initially takes the form of a simple bag that can never be lost. The pack does not interact physically with the world (for example, you may not attack or block with it*)

*credit to Reality Bender Fredicus Lee

Nothing had changed since the last time she had looked at it. That was actually the reason she was undergoing the current ordeal. She had learned that the other parts of her character would be revealed when she was enrolled at the Academy, the best of the schools where under-age Outsiders and Insiders studied skills and knowledge for both worlds. For a very big part of the population of Earth, these were the only schools students ever attended.

Rosemallow looked over the sheet, making squeaky grunting noises. She spent several minutes perusing it while Lilijoy stood shivering in an ever-widening pool of saliva. Finally, she made one last grunt and turned her gaze back to the subject of her previous ire.

“You shouldn’t just go giving out your sheet willy-nilly girl. What would you do if I turned around and sold this information to your enemies? Huh? Did you think of that?” She closed her center eye slowly as the other two remained fixed on Lilijoy. “I’ll let it go, this time.”

She carefully extracted her legs from underneath the desk and rose to her feet, hunching over just a bit to avoid the ceiling. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Lilijoy looked up, and up. And finally, up some more, until she found Rosemallow’s eyes looking down at her expectantly. “Go where?” she asked.

Rosemallow stepped over the desk, picking up Lilijoy in one hand as she passed. Lilijoy could hear her muttering to herself as she was carried unceremoniously out into the hall.

“They get younger and dumber every time. I swear I don’t know why I let him talk me into this. I finally have some time to myself, nothing but me and the river and my snacks, and what happens?” She raised her voice and eyed Lilijoy, continuing her monologue. “I’ll tell you what happens. Mr. ‘Save the Children’ himself shows up on the bank. ‘This one’s special,’ he says. ‘This one won’t let you down like the last ones.’

She began to gesture with the hand carrying Lilijoy, momentarily forgetting what she was holding. “I taught at this wretched place for over a hundred years.” She shook the hand holding Lilijoy in the air, “I gave my heart and soul to those ungrateful brats.” A sideways gesture of determination caused Lilijoy’s stomach to lurch. “They want to act like this is all a game!” accompanied by a teeth-rattling double shake. “I’ll show them a game!”

She threw her hands in the air, releasing Lilijoy, who flew just up to the beams of the tall ceiling of the room they had now entered. Rosemallow caught her neatly on the descent.

“Stop flying around the room,” she said, with not a hint of self-awareness regarding her role in said flight. “It’s bad enough when you’re knee level.”

She set Lilijoy down on a tall stool and settled her own more substantial mass into a huge white puffy chair. The chair was decorated with large pink flowers, which matched the pink of her dress nicely.

“Alright, let’s do this properly. My name is Rosemallow. It is likely that you will have nightmares about me for the rest of your life. You are Emily. You know nothing about anything, but somehow you made the best score in the trial within the last twenty years.”

Lilijoy had never felt more like a piece of cattail fluff, and that got her angry. But she also knew better than to fly off the handle at someone who might kill her by accident, let alone on purpose.

“Who are you, anyway?” she asked through her teeth.

“What, you don’t know? I’m going to be your weapons and hand-to-hand instructor until you can beat me in single combat. Looking at you, that might be a good long while. Additionally I will arrange your lessons for other skills, make sure you take the correct classes, advise you on free point allocation and generally be the bane of your existence for every waking moment until you are no longer my student. You will address me as Master from this point forward. If you don’t measure up to my expectations, I will make your life a living hell. If you gain my respect, I will make your life a living hell, but with respect. Any questions?”

“Aren’t you the receptionist?” Lilijoy was still rattled from being shaken and thrown around the room and hadn’t quite followed the last minute or so of Rosemallow’s speech. Her mind naturally returned to the last time it felt anything like a sense of normality.

Rosemallow stared, then laughed for about two seconds before abruptly cutting it off to say, “It’s ‘Master, aren’t you the receptionist’. That’s your first and last reminder. To answer your question, no, I am not the receptionist. I told him to take the morning off, so hopefully no other reed-rats show up wanting to register. Is that all?”

“Master, what kind of person are you? I’ve never seen someone so...big “

“Ha! You should see my brothers. I am an Oni, more specifically a Kashi-oni, a Riverside Oni. But don’t judge me by my size, I’m actually much stronger than I look.”

While Lilijoy was trying to wrap her head around that statement. Rosemallow went on to say, “If you have no more questions, it’s time to start.” She looked at Lilijoy, as if expecting an answer to an unasked question.

“Yes, Master?”

“That will do. Let’s see if you know nothing, or even less than that. Do you know what the four natural traits are?” Seeing Lilijoy’s head shake, she went on, “The four natural traits are strength, endurance, speed and body awareness. That last one we call kinesthetic awareness. When you see them on the sheet they’ll be abbreviated, but I’m sure you can figure it out. Natural traits are based on your body on the Outside.”

“You know about the Outside?” Lilijoy asked in surprise.

She was even more surprised to find herself flying across the room. She experienced a moment of blinding pain and heard an ominous snapping sound from her neck. The last thing she heard, before her mind was suctioned up through the cosmic straw of respawn, was the Oni saying, “Oops.”

***

She came back down just a few minutes later, back in the room with Rosemallow, who looked faintly apologetic.

“Holy crap, are you brittle, kid. We are really going to need to work on that. The good news is that deaths at the academy don’t add to your Death Counter." She examined Lilijoy with her third eye, which briefly glowed, the pupil going from a small point to a five-pointed star and back again. “Looks like you only have one death at the moment, so good job. You’ll find that the Academy sort of softens the edges of any injuries or deaths that may occur during training, makes them less painful, less disturbing.” A huge grin crossed her face. “So we can train my way, without all this worry about ‘traumatizing the students’.” She made air quotes as she spoke.

She snapped her fingers. “Right, where were we?” She looked at Lilijoy expectantly, all three eyebrows raised.

Lilijoy panicked for a moment, as Rosemallow began to examine the back of her hand and make idle swatting motions. Then it came to her. “Master, do you know about the Outside?” She resolved not to forget Master Rosemallow’s honorific again.

“Yes, I am perfectly aware that you come from another world. Don’t expect special treatment. We all follow the same rules here, but some, like you, are burdened by the need to leave the Inside on a regular basis and go to the hellhole you call the Outside. It’s a handicap, and I feel a little bad for you, not growing up understanding your traits or how the real world works. You just need to catch up quick. Now, where was I... right, natural traits.”

She swallowed and took a deep breath. “Your body Outside has physical and mental components, and some qualities that are a bit of both. In the real world, the Inside, only your natural physical qualities are taken into account. It doesn’t matter if you are Rank Ten or have no rank at all. Strength here is based on your unaugmented strength. Mental qualities are treated differently. After all, your mind is here, in your true body, so whatever helps it in one world would help in both. You with me so far?”

“So if I was strong Outside with no bugs, I’d be strong here, but if I was strong because of my bugs, I wouldn't be?... Master,” she quickly added.

“Right. Speed is a mix of mental and physical, Endurance is mostly physical, with exceptions I’ll cover some other time, and Kinesthetic Awareness is mostly mental. We’ll talk about your natural traits and how to improve them today.

First off, you can only raise them the hard way, through sweat. No free points for the natural stuff. Second, they can go down if you slack off. Third, size matters. Sorry about that. You will never have as much natural strength as me, even if you worked at it for the rest of your life. Probably not even as much as an average human. We’ll talk about why that doesn’t matter much later.”

Her third eye whirled for a moment. A moment later, a small piece of paper appeared in her hand and she gave it to Lilijoy.

STR: 11/100

END: 55/100

SPD: 57/100

KA: 152/100

The paper dissolved as she looked at it, but she could almost feel the traits being added to her character sheet.

“The numbers make more sense once you understand the range,” Rosemallow said. “One is considered to be about what a newborn human brings to the table, while one hundred represents the peak of natural human achievement. Obviously, we are talking humans here, so other species may have a different range. The range is weighted towards the low end; an average human is in the twenties on most natural traits. Your strength is appalling, but the other numbers look good. Someone been training you on the outside?” she asked.

“I don’t think so, Master,” she replied. Although, now that she thought of it, the Bros had certainly made her run and climb a lot back in the day.

“Body awareness is the most difficult to train, so you’re beyond lucky there. Getting a little help from your bug friends?” she asked with an expression of distaste. “I think it’s disgusting what you people do to your bodies Outside. You couldn’t pay me to put magic bugs in my body.”

She shook her head. Lilijoy didn’t see the need to correct her misconceptions, though she did bring one thing to Rosemallow’s attention.

“I have flowers,” she said with a glow. “Not bugs. Well, mostly not bugs. Anyway, my flowers are beautiful. Like your name, Master. That’s a flower too, isn’t it?”

“Don’t try to butter me up ‘three-bites’. You wouldn’t believe how many guys and girls have brought me roses, trying to sweeten my disposition toward them.”

Actually, Lilijoy had a little more trouble with the concept of anyone bringing any flowers whatsoever to the monstrous creature. She mentally slapped her wrist for the thought. She knew as well as anyone that looks were no way to measure a person.

“Master, the rose mallow is a flower that grows in wet areas. It’s a kind of hibiscus. I would never bring you roses, that would be all wrong.”

She wasn’t sure if that had come out exactly right, but hoped the sentiment prevailed.

Rosemallow looked down at her. “Huh,’ she said. “Well, three-bites, I suppose there might be some type of thought rattling around in that little can of yours after all. Not that it will do you much good for this next bit. Follow me!” she barked without warning, rising from her chair.

She strolled away and Lilijoy sprinted to catch up. After a short while, they emerged into a sandy courtyard, filled with stones and boulders of all shapes, sizes and colors.

“Make a pile for each color of rock,” Rosemallow ordered. “White you carry above your head, yellow at your chest. Green goes on your neck and red you carry with your arms outstretched. Gray you swing between your knees and black you roll. Got it. Good. Go!”

Lilijoy most certainly had not ‘got it’, but she remembered that black rocks were rolled, and that sounded like a good place to start. Until she realized that all the other rocks were in the way. Plus, the black ones were huge. She looked around for a small white rock and lifted it above her head with considerable effort. Straining and sweating she looked around for a good place to start her pile. Rosemallow caught her attention with a sharp whistle, and then pointed to a white platform at the far side of the courtyard, about six feet off the ground. There were no steps.

Muscles already burning, Lilijoy let the rock drop heavily to the ground. “Master, I can’t even get up there by myself, let alone with a rock,” she whined.

Rosemallow looked at Lilijoy. Then she looked at the rocks on the ground. She looked back at Lilijoy and pulled a small pouch from somewhere in her dress.

“I know you Outsiders like bugs...here is one just for you. The next time you say something stupid, I’ll add two more. They sense body heat,” she added as she pulled something segmented and squirming from the pouch. “But they don’t move very fast.”

She tossed the creature over to the pile nearest Lilijoy. She got a quick impression of claws and a stinger. Some kind of scorpion? The creature disappeared beneath the rocks in a flash of movement. Right, she thought. Slow.

There was nothing to do but pile up rocks as steps, until she could climb the rocks themselves up to the platform. The other platforms were spaced evenly around the courtyard, each at a height appropriate for the mode of carry she was supposed to do. The platforms closest to white were black and red, the smallest and largest of the available rocks. Black was already ruled out, and red would make a pile of rubble more than stairs, so she resigned herself to gathering as many yellow and gray as she could.

Her palms began to tear and blister by the third yellow rock, her legs quivered and her lower back twitched ominously. She was tempted to turn off her pain sense, but decided the feedback was preferable to a more serious strain or other injury. She tried moving a gray, swinging it between her knees and letting it go. It fell exactly where she released it. She picked it up again. Swing. Release. Swing. Release. Her palms were bleeding now; sweat dripped down her arm and stung the torn flesh. Any time she tried to rest, the devil insect would come out from its shelter and sting her feet, which were now swollen and lumpy.

At some point Rosemallow had found a shady corner to take a nap. Her raspy snore was almost as irritating as the evil insect. Tears mingling with the sweat running down her face, Lilijoy gave up on the gray rock before it was halfway to the target, when it slipped out of her hands on the backswing and perversely rolled several feet in the wrong direction. She carried a couple red rocks to the red platform and heaved them up; it was just low enough for her to do so. She didn’t want to end the day without a single rock in its place.

By the time two hours had passed, Lilijoy was cursing her hair (it made her head hot), cursing her left arm, (it was there, so she had to carry rocks with it) and especially cursing the evil insect and its still more evil mistress, who was snoring in the corner.

She had given up on anything other than moving white and green rocks, the green because they were the easiest of all, resting cradled on her neck and shoulders, and the white because once she had her elbows locked above her head, the actual trip wasn’t so bad. By alternating two green and one white, she was able to build a couple of steps. Thighs and everything else burning, she mounted first one and then the next, her burden wriggling precariously over her head as she fought to maintain balance on the wobbling rocks, to finally slip it just over the edge of the white platform.

She collapsed at the base of the platform, too tired to feel any sense of accomplishment. The evil bug chose that moment to sting her in the thigh. She leapt to her feet and decided it was time for devil bug to die. The red rocks were surprisingly light when not held at arm’s length, and she gathered one up to lay in wait for the next sting attempt.

“Ahem,” came Rosemallow’s voice. “I hope you’re not thinking of attempting bodily harm on poor Sweetums.”

Now Lilijoy had a name for her tormentor. Sweetums, the devil bug was going to pay.

“I’m just going to kill it a little, Master,” she said. “Please don’t be mad.” Lilijoy was past any rational thought.

“Did you know...” started Rosemallow, “that the bite of the marsh decapede, after the initial pain and swelling, is a powerful systemic anti-inflammatory. Its venom promotes healing and muscle growth in most humanoid species. My people have used them for years to enhance training and reduce the aftereffects of strenuous labor.”

“So I can’t kill it?” She almost slipped up and hastily added, “Master.”

“Only if you want to host the next generation for me. They are beneficial to humanoids, you see, because they want us to stay alive after they lay their eggs. In us.”

No wonder she can’t stand the idea of having bugs! thought Lilijoy. Then she ran as fast as she could to the white platform and pulled herself up, a miraculous feat. She began checking every inch of her body for any sign of egg laying.

“Don’t worry about the eggs,” called Rosemallow, “it takes them several minutes to implant even one. It’s why they are attracted to still and slow-moving targets.”

There was a certain elegance to the creature’s life cycle that Lilijoy could appreciate. Nature was not always pretty or nice, but it certainly was full of wonders.

Horrible, awful, nasty wonders.