《Dungeon Scholar》39 - Alien Views (2)

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Nailla leapt in a graceful arc into the water tank at the center of my preprepared circle. (Thankfully nothing splashed out to ruin my painstakingly hand-drawn work.) She inspected her new vessel critically, seeming indifferent to the rest of our surroundings, namely, a private ritual room in the Scholar's Guildhall.

Our current location had been suggested by Healer Bishop, currently observing from a safe distance. Though I'd needed to book the space at not inconsiderable cost, I'd been thoroughly impressed by the size, warding, and customizable features, such as controlling precisely where outside light -- whether sunlight, moonlight, or starlight -- fell into the room, or opening it up entirely to permit natural air circulation. Obviously, we would not require such exactitude in our ritual environment; indeed, compared to the high-level rituals that must have taken place here, what we attempted today was mere child's play.

I reminded myself of this before stepping gingerly into position, right by the circle's perimeter. "Ready?" I asked, trying to repress my own rush of anxiety.

Nailla pinned me with an icy gaze. "I am no skittish prey or changeable tide. I said I would, so here I am."

She was totally nervous too, but I supposed she wouldn't appreciate being called out on it. I gave her a nod, took a deep breath, and started casting.

This Tier-3 spell was like nothing I'd cast before. If previous spells might be likened to weaving a complex net before casting it out and away, this was more like weaving one large net around me and Nailla both. If she'd struggled, this would be a hundred times harder, or rather, in my case, impossible. Furthermore, I required this spell to stick, enduring in perpetuity. Worst of all, the spell called for individualized tailoring based on the caster, intended familiar, our relationship, and other such unquantifiable factors.

Considering the inherent complexity, it might be surprising it was only Tier-3. But despite the difficulty in achieving the optimal result, scraping by with a pass should be relatively easy. The spell's framework was solid and self-sustaining, anchored by casting stones and powdered silver rather than mere transitory chalk. If I'd spent hours fine-tuning the spell array and still wasn't satisfied... well, that was on me.

Honestly, this spell was much too unstructured for my personal taste. Just as I preferred divorcing emotions from arguments, I disliked incorporating touchy-feely mumbo jumbo into what should be logical constructions. Just to give a sense of what I was dealing with, I read one chapter devoted entirely to comparing the creation and casting of Familiar Bond with the wooing and maintenance involved in a committed relationship. Thus, the most prominent advice was 'follow the heart; you will know it when you feel it.'

Thanks a lot, book.

(Not.)

But I did my best to suppress my doubts and uncertainties. As I cast, I moved around the circle, slowly but surely winding closer to Nailla in the center. I didn't ask again if she was ready; we both felt the moment of decision. Carefully, I set down my staff so it didn't touch any lines, drew a small ritual dagger from one sleeve, and returned just its sheath.

I activated [Mind Over Matter] before drawing the blade across my palm, letting my blood fall into the circle. Simultaneously, thick dark liquid flowed from where Nailla had done the same.

As I finished casting, we clasped our hands together, mingling our life essences.

And it was done. The bond coalesced almost despite my inept efforts. I felt a surge of excitement and exultation and...

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Then the bond. I was absolutely not prepared for the sheer force and accompanying noise that was Nailla's infusion into me.

She was not harming or even directly influencing me. I'd succeeded in shaping the spell, our bond, in that respect. But she was there, present and overwhelming. It was thrilling and then terrifying. Her existence was simply greater than mine, or so I could not help feeling in close proximity.

The comparison that leapt to mind was of a waterfall. At first, standing by its base, close enough to enjoy the cooling mist, I was struck speechless with awe. I gazed in appreciation upon all that raw energy and innate majesty, and I felt humbled. Amazed.

But I did not think, 'This is the place I want to build my home.' Sure enough, it would not take long before I'd wish for space and distance, time alone to hear my own thoughts. Some peace, please.

Yet there was no escape so long as the bond lasted. Nailla was a constant roaring in my ears, a thrumming in my bones. I'd found water nostalgic, a callback to my childhood in Orinavia, but now I understood I'd never been more than a landbound tourist.

It wasn't fun anymore.

"What is this?"

My head snapped around. With shock, I realized Nailla didn't appear to be coping any better; at least part of my raging discomfort must come from her. "I feel so... dry!"

"Give the new bond time to settle." Healer Bishop approached, passing me a healing salve I gratefully slathered over my palm. The cut disappeared as I watched. "You two are very different, so the dissonance will naturally be greater."

Settle? Easy for him to say; I was vibrating out of my skin!

All of a sudden I couldn't bear to stand still. This fragile fleshy form was hardly enough to contain the overspill of energy filling me. I looked around wildly, seeing the powdered silver had been consumed in the casting, leaving only trace amounts. A curtain segmented this half of the room from what I knew was on the other side. An open doorway led to a bathroom, while the sealed door would return me to the Guildhall proper.

I started forward, unsure where I would go or if I'd simply pace, when I unexpectedly swayed. My mind, body, and heart were all in accord -- go, go, go -- but my mana was not. It had been significantly depleted during the casting, and even now...

Sploosh! I glanced over to see Nailla had returned to the larger tank, practically a miniature pool, which was included among the available accommodations. She then took up circling around and around, as restless as I was but with considerably more ability to work it off.

Fortunately, I wasn't worried or frustrated long. As always, I knew just the method for relaxing, which didn't involve exerting myself whatsoever.

Thank mana I'd brought a book!

I settled in for a good long read... and kept settling in. I simply could not find a comfortable position, shifting constantly, wondering if it was just my imagination I felt too small for my skin.

No, this couldn't be. I stared down at the pages, willing my mind to focus. But my heart was beating fast, my blood pumping, my body surging through the water--

Wait. I gritted my teeth and looked up to see Nailla was still going strong, shooting back and forth like she was chasing an invisible opponent.

I turned back to my book with a sense of determination. Doggedly, I resumed reading, forcing myself to read and reread when my mind wandered. It was a chore, but I would not give up...

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My book dropped from limp fingers. No, this was all wrong. I shook my head in horrified denial, but the truth was staring me in the face with its mockingly closed cover. I could no longer sit in one place and read for restful hours on end. I was too energized, too distractible, too influenced after all.

No! This was unbearable!

"Something went wrong," I hissed at Healer Bishop. "Do you think it all right if we end this now?"

He regarded me with furrowed brows. "Is your mana fully recovered?"

"No," I admitted. I made myself sit and Meditate, no matter how ineffective or comparably so it felt, like music barely heard over a waterfall's thunder. "But after?"

"You will need consent," he pointed out, and I winced.

I'd completely forgotten! Hurriedly, I shot back to my feet, swayed again, and then marched over to the tank. "Nailla!" She ignored me. I slapped the water's surface and was briefly startled by the sensation. Was it... more slippery than normal? I tried running my hand through it--

Snarling, Nailla broke the surface. "There is not enough water here for both of us!"

Um, what? I stared at her before shaking my head. "Nailla," I said, "I am about to tell you a secret. You absolutely cannot tell or hint it to anyone else, do you understand?"

"Oh, master has orders already," she said. "But who could I tell, bound as we are?"

"No, that's... Nailla, if all goes right, you will have the opportunity to tell others, especially your sisters, and you will likely want to. But if you do, you'll be endangering yourself and them." I tried to convey my seriousness along our bond. "If this information spreads, some very powerful people will be sent out to plug the leak, and they're specially experienced in tracing it all the way back to its source. Do you swear what I say will stay secret?"

She stared at me, intrigue stirring. "I do so swear if you have not played me false. What is it?"

I eyed her. That was one thing we had in common: curiosity. Or was it simply a default condition of sapience? "As you know, Familiar Bonds are usually for life. But not always." She gasped, or performed her equivalent, involving a full-body ripple extending into the pool of water. "It is difficult and risky, but there exists a counter-spell--"

"You can end this?" she interrupted. "And you will?"

Should I be insulted? Then again, at the moment I felt I wanted this over and done with more than she did. "Yes."

Her heart soared, mine rising with it. Then unexpectedly, her joy transmuted into fury. "Why didn't you say anything? Why, why?"

The water boiled beneath her. "I couldn't," I said and tried to explain.

Nailla didn't understand guilds or magical contracts, but she grasped oaths and loopholes, apparently. Quick as a flash, she was excited again. "Then let's look for my sisters now. Now, and be done with this."

"I--"

"Now."

"Nailla!"

But it was no use. Her impatience and restlessness magnified mine, and I realized I was in no condition to accomplish anything else while her desire beat so strongly in my veins, flooding me with adrenaline and unfulfilled purpose. I had the urge to run out the door immediately like an impassioned adventurer. Wasn't the familiar's influence supposed to be less direct?

Despite myself, I started to consider our next steps in locating her sisters. We should start with the more accessible locations, of course, but even there...

Anxiety bubbled up within me. I realized I would more happily face monsters than other humans. Wouldn't they have Skilled guards? And Nailla, could she be trusted to act sensibly and cautiously?

"Hold on," Healer Bishop said. "Before I can responsibly permit you two to leave, I believe you require another checkup."

Nailla whirled on him. "Stay out of this!"

"Please calm down." The Mind Healer was the very model of serenity himself. "Your strong emotions are unduly affecting Rena."

She eyed him hatefully but also uneasily. I felt a flash of insight into her: she was unsettled by her inability to ascertain his threat level, especially now she was saddled with a noncombatant like me. Furthermore, he didn't look that appetizing, although...

My eyes bulging, I fought not to gag. Was she seriously considering attacking and eating Healer Bishop? "That is disgusting, Nailla. Please, please stop thinking of humans as food."

I didn't think that was too much to ask, but the undine asked, "Could you stop seeing food as food?"

I stared at her. My overactive imagination conjured up a succulent roast pig, its smell wafting over and making my mouth water, and then a talking pig -- for some reason this one had fluffy white wings -- reprimanding me: Pigs aren't food, oink!

But then I saw Healer Bishop again, colored through Nailla's hunger. My stomach roiled violently. I turned and fled, the Familiar Bond stretching taut, even as I gained no true distance from the storming waterfall of her existence.

The ritual room's bathroom sadly didn't come with its own bath, but the large sink was nearly deep enough to climb into. I turned on the faucet and plunged my hands into the cool water that emerged.

Instantly, I felt soothed and calmed on one level, and even more panicky on another. Just how much influence did Nailla have over me? Was this to be my life for however long before we broke our bond? Would she even agree to end it before she'd gotten everything she wanted?

Why did I ever think this was a good idea?

My breaths were coming faster. Just the thought of being trapped like this, unable to so much as enjoy a good book...

No, calm down. I'd read of this! Some people reacted poorly to the bond. And they managed, how...? Right, they probably lacked such a discrepancy in power, or the imbalance went the other way, or they had higher compatibility, or at the very least they had [Familiar Bond]! Even my spellwork, while technically proficient, had been missing something, I knew it. I'd felt it. So much for following the heart...

"Rena?" Healer Bishop said from the doorway.

"What should I do?" I asked him. "If she won't break the bond?"

He studied me. "I think you could both benefit from sharing a Dreamscape together."

I brightened right up. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten! Yes, we could do this now we were bonded!

Nailla was less enthused. "I do not care to be washed ashore even in a dream!"

"Come on," I said. "The sooner we are cleared to go, the sooner we can start searching for your sisters."

That was all the encouragement Nailla required.

"I will need physical contact for this," Healer Bishop said, offering both his hands. I took one and couldn't help watching a bit nervously as Nailla took the other.

But my heart mainly beat faster for a different reason. This was to be our shared space, a mental representation of the connection between us. Close to both our hearts... or not.

"[Dreamscape]."

Together we plunged underwater. I was glad for Nailla and couldn't really be surprised; I might be the official master, but she was clearly dominant in this relationship. Thankfully, I could breathe, move, and see as normal, which might be why I wasn't forcibly reminded of my near-drowning experience.

Additionally, I had to admit this scenery was incredibly lovely. We were surrounded by a vast ocean floor decorated with brightly colored coral reefs, anemones, starfish, and other marine life aplenty. The chair on which I sat had been converted into a giant yellow-green sponge. Schools of equally colorful fish were frozen in place like hanging decor. If I peered out into the distance, I could see jellyfish trailing tentacles with stingers like long hair, dolphins caught mid-play, and farther still, a bulk that must belong to a ponderous whale.

No wonder Nailla missed home. Living amongst such beauty, it was a wonder she'd ever left.

At the same time, the whole backdrop felt staged, disconnected from reality (strange as that was to say within a dream). I felt distinctly a tourist. Still, if Nailla was happy...

"What is this?"

I looked at her, startled. "What" -- bubbles escaped from my mouth, nonsensically -- "is what? Isn't this yours?"

"A playground for coddled children?" She sneered. "Where are the predators of the deep?"

"We are in your shared Dreamscape," Healer Bishop said. "I believe it resembles Nailla's preferred environment but as perceived by Rena."

Blinking, I realized: of course water spirits didn't see the world this way. For that matter, humans didn't either. But since I normally didn't dive underwater and explore... my imagination must have taken illustrations from books.

No wonder our setting looked so picturesque: everything here came from actual pictures.

"You humans limit yourselves so," Nailla said, spinning in place with her arms spread wide. "Where is the feel of the water? You may not sense it as we do, but surely you cannot dismiss it like this altogether?"

"I didn't do this consciously," I started to protest, but she wasn't done.

"Do you have no smell? No hearing?"

I gazed at her in confusion. "Not underwater, no."

She looked back, equally baffled. "You lose all your abilities but sight?"

"Um, we can't really see well in the water either, most of the time."

"That cannot be. I have known humans to fight krakens!"

"Oh, you're probably talking about Platinum-Rankers with special Skills, spells, equipment, and the like," I explained. "What I said only applies to us normally. Humans have far fewer natural abilities compared to undines, but we compensate in other ways, such as gaining Skills a lot faster."

"That is unnatural," Nailla declared. "As unnatural as this dream. You humans! Why do you force your way into the water when you are not suited? Why bring we who are of the water onto your land?"

"Generalizing, Nailla," Healer Bishop said. "We talked about this."

"But can you truly tell me you are not jealous?"

"Um," I said. "Of what?"

"We are one with our world." Nailla looked around longingly then with marked distaste, clearly wishing she were underwater for real. She pointed at a decorative school of fish, which briefly shimmered into movement, darting gracefully in synchronized circles before once more freezing in place.

For just a moment I thought I felt it, a sense of weightlessness, of perfect three hundred sixty degree vision. No, more than that, more than simple sight.

"You humans can only dream of such synergy with nature, waddling awkwardly as you do."

"Um." I blinked, shaking my head, trying to grasp what I'd sensed again. But I only saw the sad stage props left behind after Nailla's demonstration. Needled by her pity and contempt, I said, "Humans have options. We can be anything."

She gazed back, unimpressed. "Why would you want to be something you are not?"

Did she not realize she was contradicting herself from earlier? "I think some people... humans might envy natural swimmers, sure. But most of us are happy to stay on land. Personally, I haven't heard of any underwater libraries...? And most books aren't waterproof. I'll admit to curiosity about life underwater, but what I most want..."

For a moment, our surroundings flickered, showing my usual library. Nailla reared up in alarm, staring around as though she'd just been transported to an alien dimension.

"...I have up here."

We resettled into our transparently fake ocean.

Nailla glared from me to Healer Bishop. "This is supposed to deepen our bond? All it has done is show our incompatibility."

"You best understand where you are to change it," he responded, though he felt a little troubled. No doubt our case was far from normal.

Where Nailla seemed only frustrated and annoyed by my alienness, however, I also felt curiosity and possibility due to our differences. "I thought it's possible to share her senses with me?" I asked Healer Bishop.

"This Dreamscape reflects the current state of your bond," he said. "As it improves, you should gain access to more of each other's abilities."

"Just say it," I said. "I read about this already. We should be sharing at least something by now, but instead... Our bonding's a failure."

"Did you not already engage with Nailla's senses earlier?" he reminded me. "When you rejected what you perceived of her hunger?"

"I don't want to see other people as threats or food!"

Wait, didn't dungeons do the same? (But Nailla at least had her sisters... Oh, Duni. What a lonely existence.)

"You do not," Healer Bishop corrected gently. "You merely understand that Nailla does. Her differences do not invalidate her beliefs or yours."

I thought back to when I'd suddenly seen into Nailla, and yes, even then I'd understood it was her hunger, her perception, her thoughts I'd sensed, and that any insight gained was into her rather than Healer Bishop who she was sizing up. "Then has she picked up anything from me?" Realizing I was asking the wrong person, I turned to the undine. "Nailla?"

She glared. "Nothing important. Your head is in the air," she said, by which I understood she meant I was airheaded and that I foolishly looked above the water. "Are we done yet?"

"Why the hurry?" I asked, echoing Bessie's question to me.

I'd hoped she would share my minor epiphany, but she stared at me and said, "Every second we delay my sisters suffer. Likely some days make no difference, but we and they do not know that. Perhaps today, perhaps tomorrow they lose hope and return to the water. They are strong, but no will exists that cannot break."

My good humor vanished, turning into a leaden weight sinking in my stomach, as I felt her sincerity and... despair. She understood the likelihood of success, but so long as there was any chance, she refused to give up. Her restless impatience felt like ants crawling up and down my skin.

I opened my mouth to respond when the Dreamscape shattered.

Blinking back to the ritual room, I clambered unsteadily to my feet and said, "What just happened?"

Healer Bishop said, "[Dreamscape] cannot hold people against their will."

"What-- Nailla!" I hurried over to where she floated miserably in her tank. "What's wrong?"

"The air. The earth. The sun. Not enough water is what's wrong. I will not dry out just yet, but neither do I wish to stay here."

I was surprised at her vehemence before imagining if our roles were reversed, if I were huddled into a tiny pocket of air. No, it had to be worse for her than that. "Shall we return to the river?" I offered. "Or wait. Will you try entering the bond?"

She glared at me but clearly saw the sense in confirming this important feature worked as intended. If she couldn't be safely stored in the bond, moving around would become a lot more difficult. Our souls were tied together such that we couldn't separate comfortably or far; [Familiar Bond] would have helped with this, and its upgrades were noted to drastically increase the possible range of separation.

The Skill also supposedly made moving her into the bond intuitive, but as it was, neither of us appeared to have any idea how to go about it. We probably looked rather comical from the outside, as Nailla held one hand to my upper breastbone while she and I strained together. I knew familiars were supposed to materialize from there thanks to reading about it and observing Primrose, Jeff's familiar... but not thanks to sensing anything myself, unfortunately.

"Focus on the bond," Healer Bishop said.

"We're trying!" I gritted my teeth. "You push, I pull?"

Nailla sent me sprawling on the floor. Groaning, I stood back up. "Not physically!"

Was I feeling more and more frustrated, or was that her? Maybe she simply didn't fit, from a faulty bond or my smaller mana pool?

Shame I hadn't seen a book on managing a familiar without [Familiar Bond]. A terrible oversight, really.

When we started snapping at each other to relax, I knew it was time to take a break.

"Can't we do something about this?" I wondered aloud between gulping down water. I hadn't intended it as a real question, but I found myself turning pleading eyes in Healer Bishop's direction.

As usual, he refused to give a straight solution. "What are your options?"

Nailla and I shared a look. I realized we both wanted something very badly, but the fact of our wanting made us leery of trusting it as a first option. Still, I was trying to be objective here, and I couldn't think of anything else. "Break the bond."

"My sisters--"

"Unless we can get you in the bond, we won't be sneaking you anywhere soon," I said. "And I for one can barely concentrate. I don't think we're in the right shape to try any daring adventures, do you?"

Also, she seemed increasingly distressed cut off from any significant body of water, while I was starting to catch myself fantasizing about diving underwater myself. Instead of the bond settling over time, we both continued to be miserable.

"What do you think?" I asked Healer Bishop.

"How is your mana?" he repeated.

"Not good," I admitted, "But I'm starting to think it's from my current condition rather than a temporary depletion. I will just drink a mana potion during."

I was willing to throw money to be free sooner, I was that desperate. All I wanted was to retreat to my library... and this bond would ruin that for me!

Thankfully, Nailla conceded, and I'd prepared the severance spell's circle ahead of time. Just in case our Familiar Bond went disastrously wrong. (Though, I'd expected more drama in that case? A bang, not a fizzle?)

I pulled aside the curtain of obscuration -- standard secrecy protocol -- to uncover the spell formation. Without exaggeration, I could say this was one of the most difficult, time-consuming, and mana-intensive spells I'd ever had the burden and privilege of implementing on my own. The majority was chalked, cutting down the time, effort, and cost, and I'd then used [Enhanced Scribe] to craft runes midair, casting them one at a time, which I would've done even if I weren't limited by my Skill. I'd only used powdered silver to shore up the most necessary and fragile parts; if the casting started to go badly, I could make adjustments or even attempt to cancel it, but only using those parts that were chalked.

I was gratified when Nailla actually stared at my creation for a moment. Paused just as I had before the waterfall weight of her.

This time she was by the perimeter, while I stood in the center. And then I started to cast.

Right away I felt extreme discomfort. I thought if all the hairs on my body were tugged at once without actually yanking them out, it still couldn't come close to this sensation of intimate invasion.

I'd meant to hold off longer, since pain and other such signals served their purpose, but I couldn't reliably power through this blaring wrongness. I gasped, sighed, and cast: "[Mind Over Matter]!"

And I was just casting any spell as normal. I'd worried I would need to flicker the pain-neutralizing Skill in and out to register feedback, but Nailla's discomfort remained clear to me, even as I experienced it at a remove, cataloguing without internalizing. I also felt a tug still, though it wasn't painful or uncomfortable.

Wonderful. I could now cast undistracted.

And I did... mostly. Nailla writhed in her tank, struggling not to lash out. I spared her a worried glance, trying to project peace and calm down our link but to no discernible effect. Deciding the best I could do was end this faster, I poured my mana out -- guzzled down a mana potion, shoving its bottle back up my sleeve -- and continued casting.

All told it took over a half-hour of nonstop effort. By the end sweat was pouring off of me, I was staying upright by leaning heavily on my staff, and that feeling of imminent exhaustion suggested mana overuse.

But I didn't feel our bond. Any bond. I'd succeeded!

I started to smile...

And as the casting finished, so did [Mind Over Matter].

The instant agony was... indescribable. But if I had to try, it was like somebody had ripped my heart out of my chest, both physically and emotionally.

I opened my mouth in a silent scream, crumpling to the floor.

Nailla peered down at me while I was curled into a fetal position, shaking and crying. "Are you dying?" she said. "Don't think I won't eat you if you do."

I had to admire her capacity for speech; I could feel the pain wracking her form as well. But at the moment, I was a little preoccupied with my not-so-private suffering.

We were quiet for a time. For some reason Healer Bishop kept his distance, so it was just the two of us who'd briefly been bound.

Then Nailla began to sing.

Her voice... It soared high and dipped low, resounding and resonant, passionate and pure. It was the waterfall's vehemence with the crystalline lake formed below, the battering drop with the fine mist that arose.

Wild and controlled, fierce and sweet, her song flowed into my chest and deftly plucked heartstrings I hadn't known existed. She evoked the rainbow after rain, the soothing balm after the sting, the smile that reemerged despite loss.

I... hadn't known a simple song could be like that.

Wonder was accompanied by longing. I didn't think of myself as a jealous person. I didn't hunger for power, riches, or greatness, even as I was aware of my own relative lack. Even when it came to intelligence and knowledge, qualities and achievements I valued dearly, I could admire a proven genius like Master Thorne without suffering needless comparisons.

Still, I thought if there was one innate ability I envied, one talent I wished came naturally to me, it was this. Music. How effortlessly she lifted our shared moment from pointless pain to living poetry. How powerfully she touched me with emotion, whereas I as an Empath could only receive without giving.

I didn't burst into applause when she was done. Even the silence after her song seemed significant; I didn't want to spoil it with such coarse sound.

So she spoke first. "That is that, then? Your paltry human form cannot withstand my magnificence."

"No, Nailla," I said softly. "It isn't over. We have a local guild of experts we can consult."

Her eyes lit with understanding, in her case literally: light danced across the surface of lighter shaded pools. "Jeff?"

For some reason, I felt a prick of... no, that couldn't be jealousy. "Yes, but not just him," I said. "Time for another visit to Helulo National Park."

"And then my sisters?"

Again I thought of Skilled guards, of Nailla's unpredictability, and my stomach tightened with nerves. But in this, at least, I thought I understood her perfectly.

"And then onwards," I agreed.

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