May 24, 2014

Steve and I stood in a room together, dressed in our uniforms and getting make-up put on us.

“I’m still not sure about this,” Steve said nervously as a blushing young woman applied something to his cheeks.

“It’s so that we look good on camera,” I said wearily, hiding my own discomfort at the stuff that was getting applied to my eyes. “There are a million other things going on, so we gotta look nice.”

“Not that you need it,” the woman taking care of Steve’s makeup said to him.

“Oh, thank you!” Steve said with a brilliant smile, the woman blushing a darker red.

“Why can’t you be that nice to me, Jack?” I asked my make-up girl. She popped some bubble gum.

“You aren’t as pretty as he is,” she said with a grin.

“But I am pretty?”

“Yes, you’re a beautiful young girl,” Jack rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was grinning. I was breaking her cold, cold heart down.

“How are you so casual about this though?” I asked Steve. “I think this makeup thing is the only part you’ve been nervous about.”

Steve shrugged. “I’ve been on stage before. Knocked out Hitler over 200 times.”

“Oh yeah… any advice?” I asked Steve.

He grinned. “Yeah. Focus on the job, let the audience carry you instead of getting obsessed with what they think of you,” he chuckled, white teeth sparkling. “I’ll be honest, I prefer this to being in front of a camera by myself.”

“You were in front of a camera by yourself? What for?” I asked.

“Some sort of videos for PE classes?” he frowned. “It was supposed to just be rehearsals, but they never called me back. Wonder how those videos went…”

“Dial, Captain America,” someone walked into the room, looking at us nervously. “You’re almost up.”

“Yaaaaay,” I said slowly and sarcastically, swallowing. God help me, what a cliche. I’d been enslaved less than a week ago, and I was still more nervous about this than I’d been while fighting in a stadium.

Maybe I’d be lucky and a supervillain would attack in the middle of the interview? It always happened in the comics.

“Come on,” Steve chuckled, getting out of his chair and patting me on my shoulders, blue eyes flashing. “Let’s go-”

“W-Wait!” the young woman who had been taking care of him ran to her purse, pulling out a piece of paper and scribbling something on it before rushing back to Steve and handing it to him. “H-Here! This is my number.”

Steve stared at her like she’d changed into Frankenstrike. “I-”

“Just, you know,” she brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “In case you ever want to talk. Or get more makeup,” she blushed harder somehow.

“Damn, Dani, that’s a brave move,” Jack teased.

“Steve, take the number,” I said with a grin, pulling him along as he sputtered. “Don’t worry, he’ll call you!”

“H-Hold on!” Steve said just before the door closed on Dani’s blushing and Jack’s laughing. “I can’t just call.”

“Man, you’ve got to get over your aversion to technology,” I teased, still pulling him along.

“That’s not what’s going on, and you know it,” Steve mumbled, brushing me off. “I don’t date people.”

“Yeah, I know, Nat’s noticed,” I looked over at him and grinned. “You know, the number one question people ask celebrities is about their dating life.”

“I’ll deal with it,” Steve said, looking annoyed. Then he gave me a pointed look. “You ready? Because as much of a comedy show as this is, he doesn’t hold back. A lot of his questions will be the ones all Americans, the world really, will be asking us. Not all of them will be nice. This man has interviewed presidents after all.”

Somehow, getting reminded of that was more calming than unnerving. If I saw this from the perspective of a fight I had to prepare for, as opposed to sitting in front of millions of people on television, it was a lot less hard to deal with. “Yeah. Yeah, I can handle it.”

Steve patted my shoulder when we got to the edge of the stage, a kind look on his face. “Good. Thanks for being here, by the way.”

“Maria asked me to,” I chuckled. “But hey, it’s like Sam said all those months ago. If Captain America needs help… Well, and you’re my friend. I was all in from the start.”

He patted my shoulder again and nodded firmly, then looked out at the stage. I shifted my shoulders, my armor clanking just a bit.

In an attempt to look more casual for this, I’d gone for a costume change. Rather than the full-body armor that had been destroyed in the Savage Land, my new armor only covered my chest and upper arms, like a metal t-shirt, leaving my arms bare at the elbows. A small hood was hanging off the back of my neck, ready to shift into a helmet if needed. I wore a pair of black jeans and some metal boots, black with green trim. It was my attempt to balance casual and tough.

Yes, I was trying to look cool. I mean, the armor was still functional, but appearance was everything today.

On stage, behind his desk, a pale-skinned man with white hair and blue eyes, was beginning to speak. “Welcome my guests tonight, two men who need no introduction, but I’m gonna do it anyway cause, you know, tradition,” the crowd laughed and cheered. “The first, a living American legend, in every literal definition of that, Captain Steve Rogers, the leader of the Avengers! And with him, Mahmoud Schahed, a member of the Avengers and a bit of media sensation in his own right, the Universal Dial!”

Music began to play over loudspeakers and a nearby guy in a black polo with a headset gestured for us to walk forward. Steve came out first, and the applause was insane. I grinned at the bashful look on Steve’s face, only to blush when I got a smaller, but still pretty loud applause for my own entrance.

We walked up to our host, walking past a screen displaying a map of the Earth next to the capitol building. Running along that screen, and two others, was a set of blue letters displaying the title of the show, with the actual logo prominently displayed on the host’s desk.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

It was a little overwhelming, walking up to that desk as Jon got up and walked around to take Steve’s hand, the two grinning and greeting each other. Then Jon came up to me and gave me a quick handshake as well, patting my back.

“Good to meet you,” Jon said politely, chuckling.

“Dude, the honor is entirely mine,” I said honestly, having to speak up over all the applause.

Jon gestured for us to sit before moving around to his own seat. He opened his mouth, only to stop and look over at the crowd. They were still cheering like crazy. When Steve looked over at them, they exploded, and he looked honestly touched.

It was really something, seeing a sea of faces from different backgrounds cheering for Captain America. Jon let it go on for a moment until everyone finally calmed down.

“Man, you guys never cheer like that for me,” Jon joked.

Everyone laughed, someone letting out a ‘whoop!’

“Sure, I’ve never stopped an alien invasion or defeated a decades-old terrorist organization but you have to admit I’ve done some impressive stuff myself. I have single-handedly protected the integrity of New York… pizza.”

Everyone laughed again, and this time I joined in. Jon had gained some fame for his ‘pizza rants’. His video on the fact Chicago-style wasn’t real pizza was one of my favorite videos to watch.

“It’s uh, it’s great to have you guys on the show! How’s it going, how are ya?” Jon asked us.

“Good, good,” Steve answered with a brilliant smile. “We’ve been working hard, keeping busy. I came back from a mission a couple of days ago, that went very well.”

“That’s good to hear. And you, Mahmoud?”

“Oh, I haven’t been working hard at all,” I joked, getting a light chuckle. I swallowed nervously, trying my best to keep my eyes on Jon and not the people behind the cameras. “I mean, I’m still patrolling the city every day, but my last big mission ended a little rough, so I’ve been resting.”

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” Jon gave me a concerned look, though he covered it with a smile. “Still, here you guys are, safe and sound. You’ve been, like you said, keeping busy, staying on top of things. Avengers, uh, have a lot of traction, in the world today. Lot of questions being asked by a lot of people, most of which are about how many of you guys actually wear underwear under your uniforms.”

Oh yeah, that was something that still got asked. Natasha thought it was hilarious.

“But uh, let’s get into it, shall we,” he looked me, then Steve, in the eyes. “One question people are asking is about the other superheroes in the world. First off, now, I’m not the kind of guy to accuse Captain America of working with commies,” the audience laughed at that, and he took a moment to let them calm down while Steve and I sat awkwardly. “But you guys have apparently established a, uh, a pretty good relationship with the Winter Guard. Even have Fantasma, a former member, on your team now. But you guys have yet to foster relationships with other countries' super-teams, like that South Korean K-Pop one. Why Winter Guard in particular?”

Steve frowned, then looked at me. “I think it’s best if Dial answers that question. He was one of the first Avengers to meet their team.”

“Wow, way to put me on the spot, Steve,” I said without thinking.

“Ouch,” Jon joked. Still, he looked over at me.

I thought about it for a moment. “Well, would it be dumb if I said they just showed up first?”

“A little, but who am I to judge?”

I laughed along with the audience but continued. “Seriously though. We just both ended up stopping a crisis in the middle of Russia. Ivan Kragoff was threatening the lives of thousands, Alloy and I were called in to help with a team of BRIDGE agents. Russia happened to have its own team and we coordinated to stop the bad guys.”

“And then took one of their team members on. Some people might see that as the Avengers, a private organization, approving the idea of government-sponsored superhero teams. I mean, I don’t know how I feel about every country having its own group of people with above-human ability, sponsoring them at events and- oh right! Olympics! Never mind,” Jon joked. He chuckled, shaking his head. “But really, how do you respond to people saying that the Avengers shouldn’t have allowed Fantasma on the team?”

“They’re idiots,” I said immediately. The audience laughed. I relaxed a bit and leaned forward. “But honestly, Fantasma saved not just my life, but the lives of thousands. She’s risked her life in combat, the way all Avengers have. For her in particular, she’s a great person and I’m damn glad to have her back.”

Steve leaned forward as well, drawing attention with ease. “As for the idea of government-sponsored teams, the Avengers policy on that is the same as BRIDGE’s. The UN is still discussing the ruling on them, but thus far we have no issue with governments having their own teams. It is the right of all nations to build their defenses after all,” Steve gestured around. “The Avengers are here to protect the world, not to rule it. We can’t go around telling governments they aren’t allowed to bolster their defenses.”

“What about in the cases of nations that might use superhumans to oppress their people?” Jon asked pointedly. “I mean, if some dictator gets a bunch of super-strong guys together to force his nation to follow his rules, are you guys going to stand by because he’s technically following his own rules?”

“No,” Steve and I said at the same time. Steve looked at me and I gestured for him to continue. He nodded and spoke. “That is why I specified that we would follow the rules BRIDGE does. BRIDGE, in its current form, has rules in place on the treatment of superhumans and humans. We worked with them in the wake of their rebuilding to create those rules. They aren’t perfect, and we’re still working on them, especially in the case of younger superhumans that we find. But one of the rules is that superhumans being used to go against the Geneva Convention are treated like any other person,” Steve said grimly.

“If we find out people are getting oppressed by superhumans, we stop it. We have to,” I said. “It’s complex of course since every situation is different. But generally, the Avengers only intrude when the rights of the innocent are being messed with. We don’t care about people exercising their rights to protect themselves, only if they try to hurt the innocent.”

“You’re repeating yourself a bit, there,” Jon pointed out. I felt a bit embarrassed at the laugh that followed that time. “Still, it does worry people. I mean, you, Steve, are the product of a government project to make super-soldiers. Same with the Hulk and Russia has been claiming the same for Vanguard. With more governments building up, trying to make their own teams of super-people, what if they start doing some more experiments? We’re in the middle of a superhuman arms race. What happens if something goes wrong and a bad guy gets laser eyes? Or if something goes right, and they find a way to make us all Captain America? Because I’ll be honest, I might be the first guy to sign up for the free six-pack abs,” Jon said with a smile.

Steve stroked his chin. “Well, this was always going to happen. Even if we ignore me-”

“That’s impossible, look at you,” Jon said, the crowd cheering with a couple of women letting out some shouts of appreciation. Steve bashfully shook his head before continuing.

“I wasn’t the first being in the world with more than human ability. Thor and the other Asgardians were on Earth before. Chernobog has said he was around the same time they were, with Thor agreeing. The ‘demons’ who showed up in Rio were always around, some superhumans have been found by SHIELD before this. If anything, the way the world is now is just things coming into the open. This, ‘arms race’ as you called it, was always happening. But now the public knows about it, and we all know how to respond and prepare for it. If the Rio Incident had happened before the Avengers, before BRIDGE and the superhumans we took on, we wouldn’t have been able to mount anywhere the rescue and assault efforts we were able to.”

“So, you’re saying that random superhumans before were bad, because we didn’t know about it. But superhumans now are good, because we can at least prepare and work around it?” Jon clarified.

“Basically, yeah.”

“Well, that does bring up the point of the larger universe,” Jon said. “Like you, Dial.”

“Me?”

“No, the other Dial, back there,” Jon chuckled. “Yes, you! Namely, that fancy watch… gauntlet?” he blinked at the Omnitrix. “Wait, did that thing change shapes or is it covered by armor?”

“Changed shape,” I held it up.

He reached out to the Omnitrix, stopping just short of touching it. “Can I?”

“Sure,” I moved my arm to let Jon take hold of the Omnitrix.

He took a hold of it, running his hands along the metal surface of the most powerful device in the world. “I got to be honest, I don’t usually touch a guy's watch until the third date.”

“You gonna respect me in the morning?” I snarked, Jon chuckling.

“So, this is the part that you-” he tapped the green dial, yelping when a hologram popped up. Swampfire’s form stood over the watch, the audience gasping. I saw a few leaning in to watch. I twisted the dial to change over to Wildmutt, then let Jon take over. He hit a few Saur-Lords, then Blight, Sandrass, Upgrade, so on and so forth. “Wow. That is cool.”

Jon released my arm and leaned back. “So, before you distracted me-”

“I distracted you?” I asked, blinking.

The talk show host smiled good-naturedly. “I was going to ask you about the aliens on there. People were worried enough about aliens when the Chitauri came down,” his humor disappeared. “After 9/11, we thought New York had seen the worst. Then, a literal invasion of aliens came down from the sky. If it wasn’t for you,” he pointed at Steve. “And the other Avengers corralling and finishing them off, a lot more people might have died. So we already had a bunch of aliens with laser guns to worry about, with giant flying snakes to- hold on, my brain is trying to get over how crazy this sounds,” Jon waved a hand. “Okay so. I was worried enough when they had laser guns and, bleh, giant armored flying snakes. Then, we find out Thor is an immortal alien with superpowers. And I was okay with that, because well, Thor’s on our side, and so are the Asgardians, right?”

“Oh for sure,” I said.

“But then, you showed up. And you told us that all of the things you could turn into were aliens.”

“Well, they were at least sentient or sapient beings with DNA that is different from humans,” I corrected.

“Eh, close enough. So now, we have to worry that, out in the galaxy, there are things like the aliens you can turn into. Diamond monsters, four-armed strongmen, plant monsters, tiger men. You’ve been called the Universal Dial. Some people have said you might as well be your own Avenger team,” Jon shook his head. “If there are really entire planets full of aliens like the ones you can turn into, and let’s say only around, two hundred or so are bad guys. That’s still a lot of them to worry about.”

Damn. This was delicate. Thankfully, Maria Hill had coached me for this exact question. A little artful lie.

“We actually don’t have to worry about them,” I said. “Because almost all the aliens in the Omnitrix are so far away that it would take even beyond light-speed for them to get to us in a century.”

Jon frowned. “What do you mean?”

“The Omnitrix is a message in a bottle,” I looked down at it. “According to it’s files, it comes from a place where the aliens in it are numerous. There are aliens in our own neck of the woods, sure. But anything stored in the Omnitrix is way out of our way.”

That was the story Maria had told me to tell. I’d suggested just saying all the aliens had gone extinct, but Maria preferred this one. That way she could justify things like arming up for aliens as powerful as, say, NRG.

I continued speaking. “Tony and I work constantly finding ways to counter the Omnitrix aliens. Meanwhile, Thor and his people have been keeping us informed on the aliens right next door.”

“So what do we have to worry about there?” Jon asked.

“Classified,” Steve said. When the audience let out noises of disappointment, he continued. “What I can say is that, generally, the aliens we know of tend to be around human level in terms of natural ability, though their technology is incredibly advanced. Many aliens are stronger than humans, but not so much that a skilled one, like Natasha or some of our other soldiers, can’t defeat them in combat. Sure there are aliens out there with abilities we would call superpowers, but those are pretty rare all things considered. In fact, Dial’s aliens are more like examples of me, physical peaks of species, so in reality, other members of said species are unlikely to be as strong in comparison even if we did meet.”

“So then, all your aliens are basically alien Captain Americas,” Jon said, pointing at my Omnitrix. “But most of the actual ones are more like, well, more like me, right?”

The audience laughed. Jon looked at them, an affronted look on his face. “What’s so funny? I’ll have you know I lifted five pounds today!”

Jon’s comment left everyone in an uproar. Steve, chuckling, nodded.

“That’s the basic gist. In the end, the one thing we have to remember is that despite our physical differences it is how we act that really matters. I used to be the weakest little kid in the world, but it was my character which made the people in charge decide to make me who I am today. The galaxy and even wider universe are pretty big and while I’m sure there are plenty of bad guys there are good guys as well. We know we aren’t alone in the universe anymore so rather than be afraid of that fact let us embrace and adapt to it.”

I felt compelled to join in, leaning forward. “A lot of people still have trouble telling the difference between SHIELD and BRIDGE. But there is a difference. And the big thing is the goals, which the Avengers agree with,” I looked at Steve, who nodded. “We are not going to be afraid of the things out in the universe. Demons, aliens, superhumans, spies. We won’t let them scare us. Instead, we’re here to shine a light out there.”

“There are good people, guys and girls like all of us, just trying to make a living. There are families trying to make a safe home for their kids, soldiers protecting people, nerds writing movies, novels, and video games-”

“Talk show hosts? Because I’ll be honest, I’m not a fan of my current competition, let alone alien ones,” Jon joked.

“Hey, probably a few out there,” I grinned, then got back to the topic. “Point is, we have a lot of good things out there to see. The world we live in is scary. But it’s also really awesome. Space travel is getting easier, technology has advanced, and superheroes have become a real-life thing. The Avengers and BRIDGE will keep everyone safe, putting everything we have into it,” I couldn’t help but clench my fists. “But we’re also going to help everyone move forward.”

“For both the superhuman and alien sides,” Steve added. “If someone's kid is born with superpowers, we want that parent to know their child will be safe. That they won’t be forced to become weapons, or treated like monsters.”

“You realize that sounds, well, a little bit impossible,” Jon said without a hint of humor. “You guys, as cool as you are, can’t make guarantees. Bad things are going to happen. The Avengers can’t always be there to stop it.”

“...You’re right,” Steve said. There was a look on his face. It was the look of someone who had stood against empires, madmen, and gods, and not once faltered before them. “We aren’t gods. We can’t promise that we’ll never fail. In the end, we’re mortal, same as every other soldier in the world. But we’re willing to do everything we can to defend the world. No matter what it takes, we’ll keep everyone safe.”

“It’s naive,” I admitted. “Hoping we can do it all. That we can inspire other heroes to rise up more and more, to join our ranks from Earth and the stars, and that we can make a peaceful world in all the chaos of the modern age. But we’re willing to try. To reach out for the good and make sure to stop the bad.”

I coughed. God, Steve was a lot better at these speeches. He was smiling at me for some reason. “As I said, our hopes seem naive if you don’t see all the work we’ve been doing to back them up. But the thing is, our naive hopes are held up by the Hulk.”

Loud cheers erupted at that name, with a few people calling out ‘Hulk Smash!’

Jon’s smile became very wicked. “Actually, speaking of the Hulk. You and She-Hulk. Spill.”

“Ah shit,” I said on national television.

“What, is the Hulk that bad as an in-law?” Jon joked.

“Absolutely, and you can tell Bruce I said that,” seriously, he’d chased me through the damn tower. “But honestly, we are dating. It’s going really well. I really like her,” I smiled a bit. “And she’s amazing.”

“Awwww,” some people in the crowd crowed, a few catcalls followed.

“Man, I was hoping for something spicier,” Jon said. His eyes went to Steve. I could see him opening his mouth to ask Steve the question. ‘How about you, Captain America, who are you dating?’ He was just about to say it when Steve, with the speed and intelligence of a super-soldier, intercepted him.

“Hey, who wants to see Dial transform?” Steve asked the crowd. A loud cheer filled the room, claps sounding out.

“Yeah, I’d like to see that, let’s have a look!” Jon joined in.

I gave Steve a level look, and he shrugged, completely unashamed. “Sure, I’m down. But after that, Steve is doing backflips.”

As I got up, the cheers resounded again. I moved over to the clearest area of the stage and flipped through the Omnitrix menu before I reached an alien I thought would make a good impression. Plus, I wanted to show people something new.

And I had just the big guy to do both.

Pressing down on the watch, a green flash filled the air. When it was done, my skin was replaced with dark green scales. The scales going from the top of my head to run along my spine and tail, the back of my arms, on my chest, and the front of my lower legs, were all much thicker than my other scales, all colored a pale brown to contrast with the smoother green. The first time I’d turned into this alien, I couldn’t help but think he was the mixture of mint and milk chocolate.

I also had two feet on Four Arms, which meant I filled the space on the stage almost entirely. I was crouched over, but still almost touched some of the metal struts running along the top of the studio. This was my Brontosaurus-Saur-Lord form.

“Whoa!” Jon shouted, shocked. Several people in the crowd shouted in surprise as well, one woman screeching.

“Hey, it’s cool! It’s cool!” while my voice was deeper than before, it wasn’t as bad as you would think for such a big alien. I held up a hand to gesture for everyone to calm down. “Still me! It’s okay!”

Everyone slowly calmed down as I grinned, my teeth big and flat.

“That is just, well, a very big man. Warn a guy before you give us a heart attack!” Jon clutched at his chest exaggeratedly.

“Eh, it just means I have big guts,” I quipped. Huh, maybe I should see what the Doom franchise is up to in this universe. “This form is brand new. I’m still coming up with a name for him. Any suggestions?”

“Gigasaur!” someone shouted. Damn, that’s good.

“Littlefoot!” someone was extremely cultured.

“Longneck!” that was boring.

“Humungousaur!” I wish. I love that giant growing tank dino.

“Brontoroarus!” someone added. It was a teenage girl, barely older than Ruby. I pointed her out of the crowd.

“I like that one. Mind if I take it!”

She laughed, nodding so fast her pink-dyed hair was a blur.

“Okay, here’s another new one. He’s got a name already,” I tapped the Omnitrix symbol, which was on my belt in this form. In a flash of light, I shrank down massively, growing a couple limbs. My green scales became a yellow carapace, and my long shrank back into my body, my jaws moving to be split in the middle.

“Ball Weevil!”

“Wish you’d started with this one,” Jon said, looking down at me.

I chuckled a bit. “Well, I wanted to start big. Check this out!”

With some effort, I created a very small ball of goo from my insectoid mouth, a couple of people gagging at it. Yeah, Ball Weevil’s power is slightly gross, but the fun would make up for it. Thankfully the producers of the show had given me permission for the little show.

Creating a couple more balls, as thin and weak as I could, I tossed the balls upward. In a crack of green smoke, they exploded, getting some loud shouts before the cheers started.

“Don’t worry, it’s completely safe,” I said in my squeaky cute voice. “No stronger than a pop-rock. Steve!”

I created three more and tossed it to him. Steve caught them out of the air, juggled them for a couple of seconds, then tossed them upwards, where they exploded once again.

A cheer exploded outwards. I tapped the Omnitrix and returned to human form, grinning at the audience. I gave a bow. Cheesy, I know, but still fun.

As I moved around to sit back down, Jon looked back at the camera. “All righty, well we’re gonna have to cut to commercial-”

Loud boos followed.

“What, I need to pay the bills too!” Jon said to the audience good-naturedly, getting another chuckle. “Anyways, we’ll be right back, with more of the Avengers!”