《Homicidal Aliens are Invading and All I Got is This Stat Menu》01.04.07
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The eerie silence of the aliens continued. The only sign of anything that pointed at their activity was that two other hosts went missing. Anya hadn’t met them, but they were from Colombia. The second high-powered alien, the loner who had vanished shortly before entering Mexico, had been dubbed Alien Omega. Unlike Alien Alpha, or Big Al, Omega hadn’t been given a playful nickname, and hadn’t made any big dramatic appearances. Big Al and a veritable horde of aliens had destroyed New Delhi, but Omega had been more subdued from the get-go.
Anya spent two days at one of the USAIF offices just outside Phoenix, Arizona going over the recorded alien movements Felix had taken from data streams. The latest data streams was over a month old now. She hadn’t fought an alien since the Manhattan Tornado, and every other host was at a similar loss for new intel.
If Omega had continued its southward path, it could be in Colombia. Or it could have swam out to sea, or looped back north, or any number of other things.
On the morning of her third day, Anya felt like she might just die from the sheer boredom of it all. As per USAIF regulations, she was staying in a small but clean safehouse outside the city. The USAIF office was only a few miles away so she didn’t bother with the cloaked V-200 parked in the backyard. She merely adjusted her own gravity field, flew straight up, then zoomed over to the office in a matter of seconds.
The USAIF Southwest Field Office was located in a dull office complex made of pale orange stucco. It was one of over a dozen suites with their names pasted in flat white letters on wide windows that looked out onto the parking lot that was dotted with mesquite trees.
The USAIF office didn’t advertise itself as such. Instead, its sign read, “United Investments.” There were five other covert government offices in the complex that Anya knew about, all related to or working with the USAIF in some way. The USAIF office was the only one that had been protected with some of Gary’s tech, as far as she knew.
It was still technically spring but the heat was already on par with high summer in New York. Anya touched down in the parking lot a few yards from the office’s front door. She knew Gary’s cameras would be scanning her, recognizing her face, her signal, her heat signature, and lowering a section of the invisible forcefields that protected the building.
When she opened the front door, there was a click and a beep and she was admitted inside. Anya greeted the secretary in front, then wandered back to the staff lounge to make herself breakfast and coffee and prepare for another dull-as-dogshit day of reviewing the same information.
In the past two days, she had endured almost twelve meetings. All of them had been the same.
Government officials, military leaders, agency admins, and so on had come in and reviewed the data streams of alien movement Felix had collected, as well as Anya’s statements regarding each alien fight she had participated in, and any information on foreign hosts (specifically China).
At first Anya had done her part as best she could. But after the third such meeting, her patience began to wane and she handed it over to Felix.
“Hello everybody! I’m so happy you’re here for my presentation! Let’s do it!” Felix said at the start of every meeting. He never tired of it, and each subsequent meeting became more of a spectacle. By the last meeting yesterday, he’d had the entire conference room filled with over a hundred menu screens and charts and flashing indicators.
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Her nights weren’t much better. Once she’d told Tori she would do the interview MacDougal wanted, the USAIF director had called her every night. She’d personally taken to prepping Anya for the interview that was happening at the end of the week, making sure she knew what topics to avoid, what topics to speak up on, and how to present herself. It was mostly common sense, but the only thing that really bothered Anya was MacDougal telling her to act like she knew all about the aliens and it was all under control.
“But I don’t even know where any of the aliens are right now,” Anya had said last night.
“That doesn’t matter. Not for the interview anyway. It just matters that people think you know. We’ll find the aliens, but acting like we can’t find our asses with both hands and a flashlight on national television isn’t going to help us or the American people,” MacDougal had replied. “You don’t have to lie. Just be vague. ‘We have the situation in hand,’ or ‘We’ve made several direct attacks against the invaders already.’ That kind of thing.”
Anya had sighed and wondered if this was all a mistake. Then she thought of Pan up there alone, or all of the people across the world who were completely in the dark. It had to be better to hear something rather than nothing.
Just as Anya was mentally psyching herself up to do it all again, her ear beeped.
“Priority message from Gary!” Felix said.
“Thank god,” Anya said and raised a screen in front of her. Gary looked back, bags under his eyes, stubble on his cheeks and neck, hair disheveled. He was wearing the same shirt he had been a few days prior too. “Whoa, Gary. You okay?”
“Fine. No, that’s baloney. I’m tired as hell, but I did it. I think I’ve fully duplicated your signal, down to the last detail. When can you get here for the direct comparison?” Gary asked and yawned.
“Right now,” Anya said and dropped the frozen breakfast burrito she had been about to heat up in her hand. “Just gotta let the local field office admin know that I’m taking off. Then maybe 15-20 minutes to Chicago if I book it?”
“Good. See you soon,” Gary said and cut the call. Anya grinned and ran to the administration office down the hall. She informed the head field agent that Gary needed her, that it was officially a priority, and that she’d be back when she could.
She heard the agent start to protest but she was already gone. She flew back to the safehouse, all but leaped into the V-200, and set a course for Gary’s factory.
Anya landed in the factory hangar after a quick flight and exited the V-200 with Felix and Reggie. Reggie had picked up on her enthusiasm and decided to come out of his summoning crystal to see what was going on. The elemental serpent flicked his dark orange tongue at the air of the hangar as he swung his head around.
Anya saw that, once again, she wasn’t Gary’s only visitor and that the hangar was far from empty.
Aside from a few of the DragonDrones recharging after long patrols, the hangar was also host to a sleek pearlescent vehicle that was the size of an SUV but shaped like a teardrop. The front end was rounded and smooth while the back tapered to a precise, elegant point. It was made of a seamless material that glittered like fresh snow. Intricate swirls and elegant carvings flowed over the strange craft like waves from back to front, and it lacked visible windows or doors.
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Samaira called it her Shooting Star. When in flight, it glowed with aetheric energy and left a trail behind it like a comet. It wasn’t as fast as the V-200, but it could keep up with Anya’s stealth craft at everything but its top speed. It was quite a bit roomier and more comfortable too, as the inside of the magical vehicle was somehow bigger than the outside would suggest. It had other features, but Anya wasn’t familiar with them.
Immonen’s chrome egg was also present, and Anya smiled as she saw it.
The last craft in the hangar wasn’t one she was familiar with. It was an old, Gothic-looking carriage. It was painted a deep sea-green with gold accents, and ostentatious ornamentation decorated every corner and arch. Small gargoyles, demonic beings, and hooded figures made of black iron crouched and perched on the edges of the carriage’s roof. Black spikes jutted upwards from some of the corners, as well as from the hubs of the thick wooden wheels themselves.
A solitary figure sat hunched on top of the carriage’s front, who Anya assumed was the coachman. He was dressed in a heavy cloak and robe with a hood that concealed his face. He turned to look down at Anya from his position above her, but said nothing. Despite the carriage’s extravagant (if grim) appearance, it was missing the most basic element: something to pull it. The coachman held reins, but the reins drooped uselessly to the floor of the hangar in front of him.
“Who are you?” Anya asked the hooded coachman. He didn’t respond. Anya frowned and she sensed Reggie tense his muscles across her shoulders.
“It’s okay!” somebody called. Samaira and Chandrali jogged out of one of the hangar exits and hurried toward her. Chandrali now sported gleaming, ornate silver armor that Samaira had apparently made herself, according to their last conversation. “That guy’s uh…well, he’s not a problem.”
“Sam,” Anya said with a smile. “What’s going on? I thought Gary just wanted me here. And what’s with this thing?”
“I was already in the area with the new recruit,” Samaira replied. As if on cue, a young woman in her late-teens came out of the door behind Samaira. She was short, probably as short as Anya had been before the menu hit her, and Asian. Her black hair was long and braided into a single long plait that fell most of the way down her back.
“Hello again,” she said. “I’m Chell.”
“I remember. We met when they were sending Sam and I off to Alaska and you and Pan to Texas,” Anya said.
“Right. Sorry. It was so quick I didn’t think you’d remember,” Chell said.
“Psychic stuff, right? Gary was talking about how you were helping him pin down our signals or something last time I was here.”
“Help Gary? No, geez,” Chell said and looked away. “Whatever he’s doing is past me. I just gave him some impressions.”
“You helped. Gary said so,” Anya said. Chell shrugged and bit her lip. Anya didn’t press her or force her to take a compliment. Instead she jerked her thumb at the Gothic carriage and the taciturn coachman. “What the hell is up with this thing, Sam?”
“Mona and that demon-summoner guy are here. That’s their ride,” Samaira said. The low dip in her tone suggested this was not good news.
“Demon summoner?” Anya asked. Then she recalled the big host meeting in Beijing over a month ago. There had been a frail, harried looking young man, no older than mid-twenties, speaking to Renn, Mona, and Kan. He’d picked the Demon Summoning skills because it “sounded cool,” only to have the demons he summoned torment him with promises of dragging him to Hell and to kill himself or they would make it worse for him upon his inevitable demise. “Oh yeah. What was his name?”
“Harrison,” Samaira said.
“Why are they here?” Anya asked as all three women, Chandrali, Reggie, and Felix left the Hangar. Samaira led them toward Gary’s Ready Room.
“Gary said he wanted to scan them. Harrison was up near Montreal, so not far, and Mona was visiting. The grim coachman guy is just some sorta zombie or something according to Mona. Braindead outside of driving the coach.”
“I can confirm that,” Chell piped up. “Uh, the braindead part. No psychic energy whatsoever. It’s like scanning a rock.”
“Hmm,” Anya said and frowned. She glanced at Chell out of the corner of her eye. Was she reading her mind right now? Chell caught her eye and gave her an awkward smile. Anya returned it before focusing on the hallway ahead.
Just not have to think about anything embarrassing until I can make sure, Anya thought. The doors to the Ready Room slid open and Anya saw Gary and Immonen standing in front of the giant hologram in the center while Mona and another man lounged in chairs off to one side, whispering and chuckling.
Mona looked the same as she had when Anya last saw her in Beijing: a good-looking woman in her late-twenties or early-thirties with short, spiked hair dyed sea-green. She had pale skin, and when she smiled or opened her mouth to speak, Anya could see her that her upper right incisor was somewhat longer than normal, like a tiny fang. Mona wore an elegant cloak over ornate, medieval armor that seemed to dim the light around her.
The man, who Anya assumed was Harrison, was nothing like she remembered. The Harrison from Beijing a month ago had looked like he hadn’t slept in days and would likely wet himself if anybody spoke above a whisper. This Harrison in front of her was the polar opposite. He was almost as tall as Anya, and very clearly muscular beneath his elegant clothes and light armor. He had also grown glossy black horns from his forehead that swept back over his skull. His ears had lengthened and become pointed as well, their ends now knife-sharp and studded with piercings of all kinds. He looked up as Anya and the others entered and his eyes glowed red.
A short impish creature that looked like a cross between a goat and a shaved baboon crouched at his feet. It had deep red skin, protruding tusks, stubby brown ram’s horns, hairy goat legs, and a forked tail. It made a sound like a bullfrog when it saw Anya and hopped behind Harrison.
“What the fuck,” Anya muttered. Reggie hissed quietly beside her as he sensed her displeasure at the impish creature.
“Hey there. Come join us and let’s get this show on the road,” Gary said.
“Long time,” Mona said as she stood. “Glad to see you’re still alive.”
“Uh-huh,” Anya said and Reggie hissed again. Samaira gently elbowed her from behind. Anya took a breath and forced herself to at least appear welcoming. “You too. Looks like you’re doing better since we last saw you in Beijing.”
The last was directed at Harrison, who grinned.
“No kidding. Ground out some side-objectives and killed some aliens with Mona, Renn, and Kan. Got my levels up enough to subdue these little bastards and their big brothers and sisters,” Harrison said, then looked down at the impish creature crouching behind him. He lashed his foot out and struck it with the toe of his boot. It chittered like an overgrown squirrel and cringed away for a moment before rushing back to his side.
The diminutive demonic creature was ugly as hell (so to speak) and didn’t look like it was capable of anything good. However, seeing Harrison kick the cringing thing so dismissively made Anya grit her teeth. Spikes of red appeared in her mind as Reggie started to rear up and flare his feathered frill. Anya took another deep breath and stroked the elemental until he calmed and the colors in her mind returned to a more passive, but still cautious, pale yellow.
“Well, at least you got it under control until you can respec,” Anya said.
“Respec? Absolutely not. I’m already at 50 and it keeps getting better. Learned how to summon succubi the other week. That alone is worth the time and effort,” Harrison said and smirked. Mona laughed.
“Bloody perv,” she said.
“May we?” Gary asked and spread his hands.
“Please,” Anya said.
“Good. Between me, Doc, Chell, and some other hosts and scientists across the world, we’ve finally managed to get a decent handle on the nature of the signal,” Gary said and waved at the giant hologram. It showed a spinning human figure surrounded by small screens full of charts and biometric data Anya had no clue how to understand.
“We’re still in the dark as to how the menu system works, but the signal proved to be at least somewhat understandable,” Gary continued. “And I’ve got what I think is a decent prototype for our host decoy. I’m going to test it out for each of you, then as a group, and if it works…”
“We go hunting,” Mona said and grinned.
“You got it,” Gary said.
“Well, it would be better if we could capture at least one of the aliens,” Immonen said. “I could use my skill to trace the shared link they have to the other aliens, and we might even be able to examine it under controlled conditions, learn how they work, maybe even communicate with one.”
“Didn’t Anya already talk with one?” Chell asked. “It’s in the USAIF folder I got. It said you fought a talking puppet alien in New York.”
“That thing was just aping noises it had heard, like a parrot,” Anya said and shuddered as she thought of the puppet. “It wasn’t trying to converse, just do what it thought it should be doing to blend in or something.”
“I’m fine trying to capture one if it’s easy but I think you’re wasting your time trying to talk with them,” Gary said. “And I’m not gonna put anybody at risk just so you can poke at one of these freaks.”
“Nor would I want you to put anybody at risk,” Immonen said. Anya thought she heard a slight edge creep into the doctor’s voice.
“If this works, what’s the plan? The aliens have been traveling in packs of at least ten since last month. Even with all of us and your big robots, it’d be a hassle taking them on,” Harrison said to Gary.
“We’re not fighting fair,” Gary said. “I’ve got a few anti-matter bombs ready to go off once they get close enough to the decoys. We’ll put the decoy in the middle of nowhere and blast anything that shows up. You all and some of my boys will be on stand-by to clean up any survivors and possibly try to capture them.”
“All of this is putting the cart before the horse though. First we gotta make sure it works,” Gary said.
“Uh, I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, but how will we know if the signal is accurate?” Chell asked. “I’m not an expert, and you and the doctor have already said your scans are still a little, uh, uncertain.”
“You may not be an expert on menu signals, but everybody in this room knows somebody who is,” Gary said and smirked.
“Our AIs,” Anya said. Gary nodded at her.
“Bingo,” he said. “If all of our AIs can unanimously confirm the decoy’s status as indistinguishable from the original, the aliens shouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”
“And if they can?” Mona asked. “If this is all for nothing?”
“Then it’s back to the drawing board,” Gary said. “Or maybe we all just gather up for real and make a last stand. We’ll figure something out, or they’ll kill us first.”
Anya heard Chell gulp behind her.
“So, first, the test,” Gary said. “Remove your scrambler bands please.”
Anya and the others did as he asked, even Chell. Tere was no danger in the factory with the super-sized scrambling field making them all but invisible. Gary pulled out a metallic gray orb no bigger than an apple. It projected a small screen when he touched it that displayed Anya’s face and current level.
“You first, kid,” Gary smirked at her.
“Do I need to do anything?” Anya asked.
“Just stand still and hope this works,” he replied. He pressed a recessed button on the metal orb and a light came out of the opposite side and pointed at Anya. It swept her up and down and then blinked off.
“That’s it?” she asked.
“For now,” Gary said. “You wanna get Felix to check it out? They know you better than anybody else’s AI.”
“Felix?” Anya asked. Her AI gave her a salute and started to say something before they stopped. Felix looked at Anya, floated in front of her face, then turned around and looked at Gary and the metal orb.
“That’s pretty weird!” Felix said. “I know it’s not true, but the menu system is telling me there’s two of you.”
“Is it affecting you at all?” Anya asked.
“Nope! It’s just kinda weird. But that’s because I can see you for myself. If I couldn’t it’d be impossible for me to accurately state which was the real Anya signal and which was the duplicate. That’s amazing!”
“So it works?” Anya asked.
“Me and the doc got our AIs to compare our signals and yeah, they had similar reactions. I don’t wanna assume anything until I get everybody though,” Gary said. What followed was a quick but tense series of tests. Anya held her breath as each host was scanned, and their AIs summoned to compare the signals. Every one of the AIs confirmed identical signals for their own hosts as well as for the others. Finally, Gary scanned everybody and created a kind of lump signal for all of them, which the AIs all confirmed again was an exact replica of the group’s signals. Anya didn’t cheer until she saw Gary and Immonen let out sighs of relief and smile.
“Yes!” she said.
“If it’s ready, when do we conduct a field test?” Mona asked. “I’m quite eager to see if any alien fishies come nibble at our bait. Renn may insist on joining us.”
“I’ve already notified the American, Canadian, and Finnish governments,” Immonen said. “We’ve been told to carry out a field test somewhere in the far north end of Canada and to report our findings at once. So, I suppose that means now, unless anybody had any pressing reason not too?”
“Don’t you have to do an interview or something?” Samaira asked Anya.
“Not for another two days,” she said. “And if I can go on the air and tell people we’ve got a surefire way of nuking the aliens, it’ll be even better. I can’t imagine MacDougal would be against that, especially if Doc’s already cleared it with the government.”
“No objections to getting this show on the road?” Gary asked. Anya thought she heard Chell squeak behind her, but that was all.
“Let’s do it,” Anya said. “Let’s bait the bastards.”
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