《Homicidal Aliens are Invading and All I Got is This Stat Menu》01.03.01

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Anya had set her course from Chicago all the way down to Louisiana, back up to Kentucky, down to Florida, and then up the coast in a zig-zagging path. She leaned back in the pilot’s chair and gave instructions to Felix to ping once a minute and wake her immediately if he got a signal on another host or alien. With that done, she made sure Pan would be okay while she slept.

“Good good,” Pan nodded. “Talking with bright friend about think-board. Going to be more!”

“More?” Anya asked.

“Strong like Tall Friend. Annnyaaaaa,” the pangolin said as he drew her name out. Anya frowned. She didn’t want to order the little guy around, but the thought of him just randomly choosing skills he might not fully understand worried her.

“Just be careful with your think board. It can be really dangerous if you don’t know what you’re doing. I’ve hurt myself a couple times because I wasn’t ready.”

“Careful much,” Pan assured her. “Sleep now?”

Anya yawned and nodded. “God yes. See you in the morning Pan.”

“See you next time,” Pan said. And then began whispering to his AI as the two studied his menu in the back seat.

Gary and Samaira said they’d do a sweep along the northern half of the Eastern United States and southern Canada, and come down to New York from Maine. It was the area Anya had spent that afternoon sweeping, but it was all too easy for her to have missed something, or for another host or alien to have moved in the time since.

Anya shut her eyes half hoping she would find something but also that she would sleep the whole night through. She wasn’t as tired as she had been after fighting the puppet, but she still felt like she’d climbed a mountain and gone ten rounds in the ring with a bear. She drifted off as soon as she’d finished her pre-flight check and set the V-187 on its course.

She dreamed of shapeless things inches behind her, almost touching her, but never making contact. She saw her mother shaking her head and telling her the wages of sin was death, and this would never have happened if she had stayed home like a good daughter. Then her mother changed into a fridge and shoved her back into the formless creatures behind her and Anya awoke.

“Good morning!” Felix said and Anya squinted. The AI was messing with her. It couldn’t be morning already.

“Ugh, shit,” Anya groaned and saw dawn on her right, Manhattan ahead of her. The glowing clock on the V-187’s HUD informed her it was 8:43 AM.

“Good morning, Anya!” Pan said beside her.

“Hey Pa—Agh!” Anya’s reply turned into a shout of surprise as she beheld the creature. When she had gone to sleep Pan had been the same as any other pangolin, just bigger. Now he looked like a small armored vehicle. His dull brown scales had become the shade of polished copper, his leathery skin had become smoother and had a faint golden sheen to it. His claws had turned into the same metallic substance as his scales and they each had very visible edges to them now. He also had pants on: tiny, baggy black trousers that had a wide hole for his tail and little elastic cuffs that hugged his ankles.

“What? What?” Anya asked.

“I studied my menu and talked to B.F. while you slept and made some changes!” Pan said. Anya blinked. His English had improved quite a bit. “I went through and collected all my side-objectives, and I guess I actually got some partial experience from just locating the alien last night too! None from the fight though since I just stayed here. B.F. said I level a little faster than normal as some kind of compensation for the menu getting my lifespan percentage wrong. I’m not sure what that means, but I got to level 30!”

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“Wow,” Anya said. “You went up 19 levels in one night?”

“B.F. says the menu system was never designed for non-sapient life, and it might be over-compensating now. I went up fifteen levels really fast but then it slowed way down. B.F. says it should be more ‘normal,’ now.”

“Hey, whatever works,” Anya said. “So why are you shiny?”

“I used some of that RAC stuff to make my body stronger. My scales are some kinda super hard metal now! And my claws! And my skin is something called a, uh, orgasmic metal compound!”

Anya giggled. “I think you mean organic.”

“That’s it!” Pan agreed. “I got this skill too!”

Pan brought up his menu and pointed. “Deeerrmmmmaaaal Hardening.” Pan pointed his other skills and Anya found herself nodding in approval.

CLASS-TERRA TITAN COMMANDER

PHYSICAL SKILLS-REMAINING POINTS: 0

DIGGING-10: EXCAVATING EARTH AND STONE WITH BASIC TOOLS OR ONE’S OWN HANDS.

GRAPPLING-10 (+10): GENERAL CLOSE-QUARTERS ABILITY TO HOLD ONTO OPPONENTS AND ESCAPE HOLDS.

CLAW-FIGHTING-10(+5): MELEE COMBAT FOCUSING ON THE USE OF MULTIPLE BLADED IMPLEMENTS EXTENDING FROM THE HANDS.

MENTAL SKILLS-REMAINING POINTS: 0

ENGLISH-5: UNDERSTANDING OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND ABILITY TO SPEAK, READ, AND WRITE IT.

ARITHMETIC-5: THE ADDITION, SUBTRACTION, MULTIPLICATION, AND DIVISION OF INTEGERS, REAL, RATIONAL, AND COMPLEX NUMBERS.

MYRMECOLOGY-5: BRANCH OF ENTOMOLOGY FOCUSING ON ANTS.

GEOLOGY-5: KNOWLEDGE OF EARTH, MINERALS, AND TERRESTRIAL SCIENCE

SQUAD TACTICS-10(+15): TECHNIQUES AND STRATEGIES THAT FOCUS ON COMMAND OF A SMALL FORCE.

OTHER SKILLS-REMAINING POINTS: 0

DERMAL HARDENING (ORGANIC METAL ALLOYS)-10: OUTER SKIN HARDENING AND PROTECTION THROUGH ORGANIC TRANSMUTATION INTO VARIOUS METALLIC ALLOYS AND COMPOUNDS.

EARTH DOMINION-10(+15): CONTROL OVER DIRT, SOIL, STONE, METAL, AND MINERALS THROUGH FORCE OF WILL.

GOLEM SUMMONING (EARTH)-10(+15): THE FABRICATION AND CONTROL OF SENTIENT EARTHEN CONSTRUCTS.

“That’s uh, quite a list,” Anya said. “Why Arithmetic? And golems? The others I get, kinda, but…”

“Arithmetic is for numbers. I didn’t know what numbers were before or points, or more and less, so B.F., Bright Friend, said I should take this. And golems means friends! I can make friends! And I learned how to use the store! I can buy ants!”

Pan held up a thick cloth sack with a draw string and Anya saw that it was swarming with ants inside and she shuddered. Pan flicked his tongue into the sack several times and devoured the tiny creatures with a happy squeak.

“That’s great. Pretty decent choices, Pan. Just don’t spill the ants in here,” Anya said and smiled. Her eyes drifted to the Earth Dominion skill and she squinted at it.

“Hey Felix?” Anya asked. They were minutes away from 26 Federal Plaza and her meeting with Agent Riley, but she wanted to ask her AI before she forgot.

“What’s up?” Felix asked as they appeared on the dashboard.

“Pan got Earth Dominion. I got Flame Dominion. How many Dominions are there?”

“Earth, Flame, Air, Water, Space, Gravity, Shadow, Light, and Abyss Dominions,” Felix said. As he spoke, each dominion skill popped up on her menu with some basic information, including what each of them granted their user at level 1. For Flame Dominion, it was the Sun’s Heart. No surprise there. Pan had gotten the Mountain’s Bones with Earth Dominion. For air, Aether’s Breath; for water, Ocean’s Ichor; for Space, Eyes of the Horizon; for Gravity, Singularity’s Grasp; for Shadow, Umbra’s Maw; for Light, Crown of the Firmament, and for Abyss, it only said [REDACTED-SKILL NOT AVAILABLE].

“What the fuck?” Anya muttered. “Felix, what is——”

The console of the V-187 beeped and alerted her that they were at the end of her planned course. She glanced out the window and saw a a well-built man of average height wearing a navy blue windbreaker over a crisp gray suit. He had short blond hair, a weathered but good-looking face, and he was holding a brown paper bag and a cardboard container with two cups of coffee.

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Riley.

“Felix make a note to remind of this Abyss Dominion thing later,” Anya said and looked at the menu. The [REDACTED] sign glowed at her, somehow ominous.

She was distracted again by another beep, this one from her ear. Samaira’s face appeared in a sub-menu, Chandrali‘s white ears poking up at the bottom of the frame, and Gary driving his flying truck beside her.

“Hey! Gary’s going to drop me off at a cafe nearby so I can get some breakfast, and then he’s going to a scrap yard somewhere. Just wanted to let you know that we’re nearby if you need help or a getaway,” Samaira said.

“Don’t trust that Fed,” Gary grunted.

“I’ll be okay,” Anya said as she decloaked the V-187 and set it down on the roof. Agent Riley’s blond eyebrows raised up his creased forehead as she did, but he maintained his composure otherwise. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Anya took a breath and smiled at Pan as she stepped out of the V-187. She raised her hands up to her sides, palms out, to display to Riley that they were empty.

“Ms. Nowicki,” Agent Riley said.

“Morning Agent Riley,” Anya said. She had fought two otherworldly, homicidal invaders from outer space and come out alive. But Agent Riley made her just as, if not more nervous, than both of those things had. The aliens were terrifying, true, but they were monsters. Riley wasn’t a monster, at least he didn’t appear as one. He was just a man with coffee and donuts, and probably a small sidearm that couldn’t do her any real damage.

But he was a representative of the government. He wasn’t just one thing like the aliens, he was a tiny piece of an amalgamation of pieces that could still overwhelm her.

Riley just smiled and offered her one of the coffees, however, and said, “Pleasure to finally meet you. Why don’t you take one of these and we’ll head inside to talk. Just talk, I swear.”

“Okay,” Anya said. Her mouth was a little dry and she took the coffee cup. The thought that Riley might have drugged it occurred to her, but then her regeneration would handle any toxicity, unless the coffee was nothing but poison, and then she’d notice it very quickly just from the taste.

“I didn’t drug it, but I’ll take a sip if that’ll help,” Riley said as he watched her stare at the cup.

“No, that’s okay,” Anya said and took a sip. It was good, normal, black coffee.

“Hello! Pan here!” Pan said as he poked his head out of the V-187.

“Jesus,” Riley said and faltered back a step.

“No, Pan,” Pan corrected and waddled out of the stealth craft. He clutched his bag of ants in one clawed hand, the other raised in a little wave. “Friend?”

“This is Agent Riley. And yes, he’s kind of a friend. He gave me this, see?” Anya said and held the coffee up.

“Friends give?” Pan asked and then looked at Riley and blinked his wide, black eyes.

“H-hey,” Riley said. “What’s in the bag?”

“Ants! What else would I carry around?” Pan asked, confused. “Ants are good enough for me. Maybe termites? Oh? You want ants?”

Pan opened the bag and exposed the writhing ball of insects inside. Riley grimaces and shook his head.

“That’s fine,” Riley said and let out a breath. “God, I thought I was all mentally prepared for this. Just gimme a sec.”

“Sure,” Anya said. She couldn’t help but smile as the Agent turned away and looked at the crowded Manhattan skyline. She saw him release several deep breaths as clouds puffed out of his mouth. She could sense his blood pumping through his veins faster as his heart rate increased. It slowed after a minute of his forced breathing exercise and when it did, he turned around again.

“Okay. I’m good. Ramierez told me about the pangolin there, and I saw the video but seeing him and the uh, invisible alien car in-person is another thing. Also kinda makes all the other reports I’ve been getting seem a lot more real,” Riley said.

Anya was a little relieved to see the agent unsettled by the V-187 and Pan. It took away some of his faceless government goon aura. That and the coffee and donuts.

He opened the door that led to the offices below and Anya thanked him as she walked past with Pan. The scent of maple, sugar, and fried dough filled the stairwell and then the elevator as Riley led them down. He pressed a button and studied Pan as the pangolin looked around the elevator curiously and flicked his tongue at the air.

“I half expected a SWAT team to be on the roof with you or something,” Anya said.

“Man of my word,” Riley replied. “I said I’d be there with coffee and donuts, not a strike team.”

“Still.”

“Things have been very hectic lately, Ms. Nowicki. Normally I’d have my boss, and likely the director of the Bureau herself breathing down my neck if I told them I had reason to believe there were actual aliens and talking animals and super-powered people running around the country.”

“You don’t?”

“Not at the moment, no. I don’t have the full picture, but based on the news and what you’ve told me, the whole world is a little bit on the chaotic side. So for now, I’m being left alone while my superiors attend to other matters. You’ve shown yourself to be cooperative so far, and to not be an enemy of the State. So for now, I tell my bosses things are fine and under control.”

“For now?” Anya said and raised an eyebrow at Riley.

“I swore an oath to protect this country. If you look to be an obstacle to that, I’ll have to change my tune. Just putting my cards on the table.”

“Fair enough,” Anya said. “You’re still being a lot more calm and reasonable than I would’ve expected a government agent to be.”

“We’re all in unknown territory, Ms. Nowicki. Best to proceed calmly and with our options open. I can always call for that SWAT team later,” Riley said and the elevator doors dinged open on a polished marble hallway that ended in a wide desk and a wall of opaque glass with the seal of the FBI on it. “Welcome to the FBI.”

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