Golden light shined down through gray clouds. I squinted upwards, shielding my vision with a half-cupped hand. Synthesized pop blasted over a light-gray wireless speaker on the patio table, a kitschy, catchy beat perfectly engineered to be a hit before it ever hit the album. The opaque glass of the patio table caught a muted reflection of the emerging sun, blinding my vision.

There was an inescapable feeling, like I was in the middle of something critical and had been unceremoniously interrupted. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember what it was.

Something shuffled beside me and I started, glancing down. Talia was sitting on the grass next to me, trying very hard to look respectable and aloof, despite the wagging tail and the way she kept shifting from side to side.

There was a clink on the table and the scent of freshly cooked meat filled my nostrils. Nick shoved the plate in front of me, and stepped back. He was wearing a striped blue-and-white apron along with his signature grin, then placed another plate gently on the grass in front of Talia. “To the victors go the spoils.”

“Not sure I’d call us victorious,” Sae commented dryly. She was lounging in a poolside chair, dark hair done up in a casual bun, wearing a pair of designer sunglasses. “We survived.”

Nick stabbed a metal spatula at her that was still covered in char. “We kept our heads, when everyone else was losing their shit. Cooperated with multiple guilds to get people working together. Three regions fortified. All of which—at risk of sounding self-serving—put us on the Adventurer’s Guild’s A-List.”

“We’re still trapped in a dome, at the mercy of our anorexic overlord.”

“Gotta take the wins when they come.”

I felt off, like I was missing something. “That’s valid, but we really should be talking about next steps.”

Nick looked at me, betrayed. “Bro. You worked harder than anyone. Turn off your brain for five minutes.”

“Turn yours on,” Jinny chuckled. She squeezed my shoulder gently as she passed to take a seat at the table, and glanced at me sympathetically. “Matt’s got a lot to deal with. None of us were called out at the beginning of the transposition.”

The majority of my anxiety faded the moment Jinny settled in next to me. She’d shed her robes for a casual blouse and jeans, and crossed one leg over the other, flashing brightly colored sneakers.

“Everyone will be looking over their shoulder. That’s going to hurt you, when it comes to the infiltration stuff.” Sae said blandly, as if she was commenting on the weather.

“No one knows his face, and he has the mask.” Nick argued.

“They’re not gonna stop there,” Sae said. “That shit the overseer pulled with the announcement? Name-dropping the existence of an Ordinator without going into detail? It was foundational. Laying the groundwork.”

I nodded, ignoring the underlying unease for a moment. “I’ve thought about that. Assuming whoever—or whatever—running this show knows what they’re doing, my existence is a fluke somehow. But they can’t kill me directly. They want the ordinator gone, and they’re intentionally doling out breadcrumbs to make sure someone eventually does it for them.”

“If I didn’t know you and saw the footage they were playing, it’d make me more wary of anyone I met from that point onward.” Sae’s mouth was tight.

“It’s odd,” Jinny mused, “This obviously isn’t their first go-around. Assuming this sort of thing has been happening in other universes… or realities… for centuries or longer, I can’t believe there’s never been a benevolent Ordinator.”

“Which means they’re cherry-picking the footage,” Nick realized.

“It’s not just about making people scared. It’s almost like they’re trying to cast you as a villain.” Jinny continued.

Sae took her sunglasses off. “Not just a villain. The villain. We know from the footage that they keep records of the events. And there’s no shortage of fucked-up shit that happened during the transposition. It wouldn’t be hard to pin some of it on the “Ordinator.” It’s just a question of what they’ll go with.”

My mouth dropped open. “Fuck me.”

“What is it?” Nick asked.

I put a hand to my forehead, suddenly nauseous. “I might be completely off-base here.”

“Tell us,” Jinny prompted.

I licked my lips, my mouth suddenly dry. “It’s easy to see the entire event as meaningless chaos. But outside of one exception, it followed a certain degree of order. Generally, the level of opposition a region faced was based on location and population density.”

“Right. Giants and dragons in downtown, lizards and lesser monsters on the outskirts.” Nick said. He pushed my plate towards me in something of a half-hearted manner, as if he knew I wasn’t going to eat it before it went cold, regardless of what he did.

“And the exception?” Sae asked. But the grimace on her face indicated she likely already knew what I was about to say.

“Region six.” A heavy weight settled on my shoulders. The whole region was annihilated early in the transposition, in a way that didn’t track with anything else that had happened. I’d never stopped pondering why.

“You’re saying they did that, so they could leave you holding the bag?” Sae asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not exactly,” I furrowed my eyebrows, lost in thought. “I’m not the center of the universe. There was probably some other reason. Maybe they needed to reduce the number of people, or the organism that took over mutated and went out of control. But if Sae’s right, and they’re recording everything, they already have footage of me in the aftermath. They won’t show my face—if they could, they would have already. However, it wouldn’t be a hard sell. Everyone’s hurting, looking for someone to blame.”

“You could ditch the Myrddin persona completely,” Sae suggested.

“Or at least pare down your usage of it,” Jinny added.

“Maybe.” That didn’t seem right, but it was an option.

“Sure, you could go forward as Matt the Page, but what does your gut tell you?” Nick asked. His blue-eyes seemed unperturbed, unbothered by the theoretical, as he waited for me to answer.

“I doubt the greater powers would just leave me alone if I retired Myrddin and avoided using Ordinator abilities.” A small smile crested my lips. “And if they actually follow through, it’s a huge mistake on their part. Giving me that level of infamy. There are plenty of drawbacks, but just as many benefits. Leaning into it—the role of the villain, could pay off exponentially.”

“He’s making creepy faces again.” Sae shivered.

I opened my mouth, then hesitated. “If I was alone, I’d probably play it that way. My main concern is bringing it home with me. To my family… and you all.”

“You’ve been playing this game before the rest of us even knew there was one. Like you’d even get caught, Helpline. You’re too much of a sneaky fuck for that.” Sae rolled her eyes.

She stood, left her sunglasses on the beach chair, and jumped into the pool. The resulting splash spattered the rest of us with water. Everyone at the table cringed and sputtered. Nick hurled an inflatable beach ball at her head when she emerged.

Jinny removed the towel hanging off the back of her chair and dabbed water from her face, shooting Sae an irritated glance. “Flippant as she is, I’m inclined to agree. If anyone’s equipped for that particular task, it’s you. But more importantly, are you okay with that? There’s no telling how long you’d have to keep it up. And playing that role like that for an extended time always comes with a cost.”

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter if I’m fine with it. It’s the optimal play. Anything less would turn a potential advantage into a problem. And I have enough problems already.”

Jinny smiled sadly. She rose from the table, taking her empty plate with her. Now that I thought about it, I’d never seen her eat. “There’s more to life than optimization. But we’re with you. Whatever you decide.”

The sliding door to Nick’s house opened and shut. I idly watched through the window as Jinny made her way through the house. Through the dusty glass, she almost looked transparent, like she wasn’t there at all.

Nick cleared his throat. “I know I’m the ‘leader,’ but Jinny’s right. This is your call, Matt. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

A long silence passed between us, augmented by splashing as Sae began to swim laps. Suddenly, I was overcome with the need to express something to Nick. Something I’d never said before. It was completely unlike me, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that, if I didn’t, I might never get the chance again.

“The first time we met. In the hospital.” I started.

Nick rolled his eyes. “God, you were such a dick. I didn’t even know it was possible to be that much of a dick to someone on crutches.”

“You wouldn’t leave me alone.”

Nick glared. “You were there all the time and you always had your nose in a book.”

“I was studying.”

“And I’m a social animal man, what was I supposed to do?”

I stopped, considering whether to finish my thought. Again, that feeling that I might not have a chance again pushed me forward. “There were other people there you could have bonded with. People that would have made more sense. I saw more than a few athletes with injuries when I came to visit you later on, people…”

Like you.

Nick nodded. “There are other folks I would have had more common ground with, sure. You’re asking why I singled you out?”

“There had to be a reason. Like you saw something in me. Or sensed that I could be useful.”

“I can’t answer that, Matt.” Nick sipped his water, oddly sage.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t know the answer. And if you don’t know, I can’t tell you. Because this is all happening up here.” Nick pointed to his head. The moment the words were spoken, the scene of the barbecue seemed to fade in color. Slowly, the sun receded back into the clouds. Nick looked at me, his face uncharacteristically stoic. “You’re spinning too many plates, my friend. It’s only a matter of time before they all come crashing down.”

“It’s already happening, to some extent. But what am I supposed to do?” I said angrily, pushing the plate away, only noticing it was bare after I’d moved it, nothing left on the off-white surface but a picked-over bone. “I can’t drop anything. Every goal I have is vital.”

Nick shrugged. “The suits are dangerous. And I know you’ve dealt with iffy people in the past, but this is way out of your league. I was naive. I made this mess. It wouldn’t be unreasonable if you left me in it.”

“I promised. And I don’t promise often—“

“Because your promises are iron-clad. I know, I know. You’re a stubborn bastard.” Nick lounged back in his chair and let out a deep breath. “Look. If you’re really committed to this, it’s time to go.”

I looked around at the facade. A fairy-tale land where Jinny never died. Where I’d found either the courage or foolishness to confide my secrets, and instead of breaking us apart, it’d only brought us closer together. Was that even possible?

Probably not. But it was a nice dream.

“Can I just… stay here for a minute?” My voice sounded faraway, abstract.

“Do it already.”

“What?”

/////

“Do it already.”

Various sensations returned slowly. A brutal throbbing in the back of my head. The smell of sweat and fear, followed by the cold steel of a knife pressed against my throat. Frigid air from a vent brushed freely across my face, no longer restricted by the stuffiness of the mask. Moments later, I realized why.

They took it off.

“I can’t. He helped me. And he’s just a kid.”

Mantle’s voice. I kept my eyes closed, trying not to mentally calculate exactly how bad this was, and failing.

“Silas.” The gruffer voice from further up spoke again. “They only need a little more. We pull this off, your region is solid, we’ll be heroes, and we leave this probationary bullshit behind. Not to mention, this mask is going to sell for a fortune.”

“Look at him, Kyrin. He’s the same age as your son. Probably younger.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Why can’t we just stop the car and drop him off on a sidewalk somewhere?”

“He saw your face. All our faces, right before I put his lights out. And have you looked around? Leaving some unconscious asshole on out in the middle of this would be cruel. He’d be eaten alive, or worse. Putting him down is a mercy compared to that.”

There was a beat of silence as the SUV took a hard right turn.

Kyrin spoke again. “People are dying in the street by the hundreds. No one’s going to look twice if some random kid ends up dead. But if he lives and finds you somehow? Raises a stink about what happened here with the guild? It compromises all of us.”

“Fuck this. God fucking dammit,” Silas said. I could tell from his voice that Kyrin had persuaded him. Now it was just a matter of working himself up to it.

By my count, there were three of them. Kyrin, Silas, and an unnamed driver I reached out blindly with aiming for the driver’s side, picturing what I wanted. The throbbing in my head grew more intense, almost to the point that I lost consciousness again.

A third voice chimed in. “Brakes are acting up.”

“What the hell?” Kyrin asked. “Silas, nut-up and do the kid for fuck’s sake. If we have to ditch the car, he’s not coming with us.”

Silas leaned down far enough that I could feel his breath, and whispered in my ear. “Sorry.”

There it was again.

I snaked an arm upwards, knocking the knife away and grabbing the back of Silas’s neck. Surprise registered in his face, his mouth opening in shock, just before I drove my thumb into his eye.