Chapter 33

:Eugh.:

Fey’s party made slow progress through the water, returning to Pearlview in a much more disreputable state than it had left in. Taxi dolphins usually lingered where they dropped off their passengers in order to collect a return fare, but the trio of dolphins the group had hired to take them to the nomfish territory had immediately returned to Pearlview after dropping them off.

This should have been an obvious warning, but Fey, Blade, and Sirena had persisted on their quest to hunt 500 nomfish.

It turned out that the reason nomfish had such wide mouths was to accommodate the excessive number of shark-like teeth they had. (“Nom” is short for ‘omnomnom’.) When provoked, the entire school of carnivorous fish had attacked like hungry piranhas. As with many species (and people), nomfish were a lot cuter when they kept their mouths shut.

Sirena poked mournfully at a tear in her mage robes. Two warriors (well, one warrior and a Fey) had been insufficient to keep all of the nomfish away from her. Her clothing and flesh had suffered as a result; it said something about her priorities that she mourned the clothing more.

:I need to up my Concentration: she sighed. While taking eight seconds to cast a spell had seemed fast against the giant lobsters, Charge Jolt’s minimum cast time of 2.8 seconds had seemed far too long in the face of the fast-moving nomfish.

“You already did, didn’t you?” asked Blade. Applying some the attribute points from levelling up towards Concentration, Sirena could now cast Charge Jolt in 2.4 seconds. (This had also seemed far too long in the face of the fast-moving nomfish.)

:We should have bought armour: Fey lamented (see Chapter 30 to review the unwise decision), joining in on Sirena’s self-pity fest. Her wetsuit had not been enough to keep nomfish teeth away from her skin.

“Aww, cheer up,” said Blade. “We finished the quest and levelled up, didn’t we? Sirena even gained two levels.”

Blade, Fey, and Sirena were now level 25, 24, and 23, respectively. If anything, the human warrior was even more tattered than his party mates, having taken up his meatshield (*cough* we mean ‘tank’) duties with seriousness, despite not having been told it was his role.

:We should have gone after the electric eels: Fey continued gloomily. She was not a person who let some optimistic encouragement get in the way of a good pity-fest. (Whining childishly was one of her favourite hobbies.)

“Come on,” Blade coaxed. “Your glooms even learned a new skill.”

Despite herself, Fey smiled. :They did, didn’t they?: She glanced fondly at her adorably vicious shadow-pets, which now consisted of one rabbit-eared mermaid, two swimming torpedos, two shadow-dolphins, and an inky nomfish. The glooms had figured out that the safest way to kill the nomfish while staying away from their teeth was to seal the nomfishes’ gills shut, depriving them of oxygen. Thus, Suffocate had been born.

Obsidian swam over, temporarily grew arms to give Fey a hug, then darted off again (as a torpedo).

:Love you too: Fey called after her pet. Compared to her earlier expression, she was now smilingly cheerful. Her somewhat sudden shift in demeanour was not a sign of emotional instability; rather, she had not been particularly upset in the first place (she just enjoyed whining).

Seeing that she had lost her comrade-in-self-pity, Sirena also adopted a more cheerful mien (after one last sigh over her damaged clothes). She gave the captured Ebony an extra hugging squeeze. Ebony wiggled slightly in a feeble attempt to escape, but had mostly resigned herself to her fate as a living stuffed animal. (Psst. Shadow-bunny. If you shift to the cave-spider shape, the mermaid will probably let you go.)

As the sun set in the game world, visibility underwater became very poor.

:How does anyone play underwater at night?: Fey asked. Even with elven night vision, she could tell that she would have trouble seeing when the sun set completely.

:A lot of monsters are bioluminescent: Sirena answered. :Still, it’s a good idea to stay near town after dark.:

“Why?” asked Blade.

Sirena met a question with a question. :Ever heard of anglerfish?:

“Uh, maybe?” The term sounded vaguely familiar to Blade.

:Scary deep-sea fish that use a lantern-like appendage to lure prey to them: Fey summarized. :Fun fact: several species of anglerfish practice sexual parasitism, where the male fuses with the female and is basically reduced to a sperm source.:

“…Cool.” Blade did not really think that Fey’s fact was particularly fun (more like ‘super creepy’).

:Yeah, a fun fact would be something along the lines of ‘there was an anglerfish in Finding Nemo’: Sirena commented dryly.

:To-may-to, to-mah-to: said Fey, dismissing the gentle correction with a wave of her hand.

:Anyways: Sirena continued. :Anglerfish aren’t restricted to low depths in this ocean. They’re also a lot bigger, and have lures that look exactly like low-level jellyfish.:

:Ooh, jellyfish. Are they cute?: asked Fey.

:I wouldn’t exactly call them cute. They’re gelatinous masses with tentacles full of neurotoxic stingers.: Sirena replied.

:I wanna see!: Fey exclaimed (childishly). Apparently, Sirena’s description of the jellyfish was appealing to her.

Sirena shrugged (after so many years, she was no longer surprised at her friend’s antics). :Sure, they’re on the way back to town.:

“But…” Blade protested, trailing off as he was met with two grinning faces.

:Were you perhaps about to point out that we’re going to visit jellyfish at night after being warned about giant anglerfish with jellyfish-like lures?: Fey asked mischievously.

“I…” Blade had indeed been about to point out the danger, but seeing the girls’ ‘laugh in the face of a possible gruesome death’ attitude, the words would not come out.

In real life, of course, Arwyn and Leah took much more care with their lives and health. They avoided dark alleyways, secondhand smoke, even jaywalking (unless they were really late). In the game, Fey and Sirena were much more blasé about risking life and limb in the pursuit of amusement, never confusing the 99% realism of Fantasia with real life. (Considering everything that’s happened, though, somebody should really ask the game developers how exactly they had come up with their 99% value.)

:It’ll be fine: Sirena reassured Blade. :If the anglerfish really does come, we can just feed it a newbie and escape.:

“You’re kidding, right?” he asked.

Sirena splayed her fingers and rotated her wrist back and forth in a ‘so-so’ gesture, the action prominently displaying the translucent webbing between her fingers. :Ehhh, kind of. I wouldn’t throw a newbie at it unless there was no other way to get away.:

Swimming along as they conversed, a faint pink glow became visible in the distance. It soon resolved into a swarm of pink jellyfish. Of the sea nettle variety, each jellyfish had a round bell with long, neurotoxin-filled tentacles trailing delicately from its edges. From its centre extended thicker, whitish oral arms. The jellyfish varied in size, but most had tentacles much longer than Fey was tall.

:Aww: Fey swam over for a closer look while Sirena and Blade hung a safe distance back. The jellyfish were set at level 3 because of their extremely slow movement speed, but being sufficiently stung by the tentacles could cause death even for high-level players.

Fey carefully poked a jellyfish on its neurotoxin-free cap. 90% water, the jellyfish offered very little resistance to her finger and caved in easily. :Hee hee.: (Our heroine is easily amused.)

:Having fun over there?: Sirena called out.

:Yup!: Fey called back cheerfully. Her inner nine-year-old was once again in charge of her body.

A tiny jellyfish drifted by, its tentacles the length of one of Fey’s fingers. :Aww: Fey cooed, cupping her hand around the tiny cnidarian (1) and manipulating the water currents so it would not drift away. :I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine: she said, quoting Dory’s line from Finding Nemo.

Somehow, Fey was not surprised that Fantasia’s game developers liked Finding Nemo. :Squishy: she decided, since she had already called the jellyfish by that name.

:Guys, I caught a baby jellyfish!: Fey called excitedly. She began to fan the water, pushing the sea nettle towards her party-mates.

“Seriously, how many pets do you need?” asked Blade.

:Don’t be jelly: laughed Fey. She normally would not use the diminution of the word ‘jealous’, but puns often took precedence over the proper use of English.

Technically, Fey was still at nine owned pets, having transferred Magic over to Leandriel’s care.

:How are you going to transport it?: Sirena asked pragmatically. :Jellyfish are slow.:

:Dunno: Fey said with a considering twist of her mouth. She fanned the water faster, pushing Squishy along. :Oww!:

Fey had accidentally brushed the jellyfish’s tentacles with her right hand. Red welts began to rise on her skin.

:Uh oh: said Fey. The welts stung fiercely, but more importantly, she was unable to close her hand in a proper fist. Priority one (being able to kill things) was now compromised.

:Anybody know how to fix this?: she asked.

Sirena swam over to inspect Fey’s fingers. :I don’t think you can heal this with a regular healing potion: she said after assessing the damage.

“Why don’t you just use some of that healing balm that you have?” asked Blade.

:Oh yeah!: Fey had completely forgotten about the salve that she and Kallara had made from slime remains and the Blessing of Health spell (all the way back in Chapter 2 *nostalgia*). Smiling at Blade for his helpful suggestion, Fey rummaged in her carry-pouch and pulled out the correct container, which still contained about half the original amount of healing salve.

Fey was stymied for a second, unable to open the jar with only one working hand.

“Here,” said Blade. He took the jar, opened it, and handed it back to Fey.

:Thanks.: Fey smiled and eagerly scooped out a small globule of balm, spreading it over her injured hand and sighing in relief as it took away pain and paralysis. She closed the jar without help and put it away (making a mental note to dump out the salt water when she got back to land).

Fey glanced up in startlement at Sirena’s private message. The mermaid looked slightly unhappy with the events that had just transpired.

After several repetitions, “opening jars” was starting to sound like a euphemism for something else.

(Our heroine is actually pretty good at opening tightly-screwed jars. All it takes is the sudden and violent application of force.)

Blade caught his party-mates exchanging meaningful looks, with the occasional glance thrown his way. “Hey, are you two talking about me?”

Sirena telepathed :No, of course not!: at the same time Fey said :Yup.:

Fey clarified, :Well, we were talking about me in relation to you, and whether there’s any deeper meaning to the act of opening ja-ars…: Fey’s mental voice stuttered in startlement when Sirena clamped webbed hands over her mouth. Mouth obscured, she expressed her emotions through an eloquently raised eyebrow. :You know that covering my mouth isn’t going to stop me from using telepathy, right?:

:It’s symbolic: said Sirena in a ‘shut up right now or I’ll pull out the blackmail material I have on you from high school’ tone.

Sirena’s dramatic actions successfully distracted Blade from Fey’s ‘jar’ comment. “Symbolic of what?” he asked.

:Of me shutting up: said Fey in a ‘fine, I’ll be quiet, but you don’t have anything worse on me than a few pictures of me wearing braces, and we both know it’ tone. Privately, she messaged Sirena:

Coming over to defend its new owner, Squishy puffed its bell, displacing water until it reached Sirena and stung her hands where they rested over Fey’s mouth.

:Ouch!: Sirena quickly released Fey and shook her hands out, trying to relieve the pain. Compared to Fey’s accidental sting, this one was much more severe.

:Good job: Fey told the tiny jellyfish (he’s the only one who’s supposed to be jelly), seeing an opportunity to allay her friend’s jealousy. She again pulled out her jar of healing balm and handed it to Blade.

:Here, you can open the jar for her, too, and we’ll be even.: (Are we still talking about opening jars? Just what is this a euphemism for?)

Confused, Blade nonetheless did as bid and opened the jar. Since both of Sirena’s hands were paralyzed, the human warrior even went as far as to apply salve to the ugly red welts on the mermaid’s hands.

Fey winced as Blade used far more balm than was strictly necessary to cancel the status effect.

She messaged Sirena. Sirena did not reply with a private message, but her facial expression was full of enjoyment. To Fey, that was more than worth the usage (and wastage) of her expensive, powerful healing balm.

Fey looked away from her party-mates, giving them ‘a moment’. Suddenly, she noticed that Amethyst was not hanging around on her neck. Not wanting to interrupt Sirena’s ‘moment’ with a telepathic call, she looked around in all directions.

Fey finally located Amethyst by the slime’s purple bioluminescence, which stood out in the sea of pink jellyfish. Riding along on Inkblot, Amethyst appeared to be eyeing a particularly large jellyfish, which had a cap fully 1 metre in diameter. She’s not really going to try to eat that, is she? Fey wondered.

Amethyst gave a commanding squeak (“Go! Go!”) and Inkblot dived in. The slime’s mouth opened impossibly wide and engulfed the jellyfish’s main body. She then began to slurp up the enormously long tentacles like noodles until they, too, disappeared.

Jellyfish neurotoxin was not like the other poisons Amethyst had ingested, and the slime was not fully compatible with it. She winced as the jellyfish was slowly digested.

Fey was alarmed to see Amethyst’s health drop below half and rushed over to force-feed her pet a potion. :This is what you get for trying to eat such random crap: she scolded. :You’re going to get yourself killed one day.:

Amethyst nodded dutifully, but Fey had no faith that the slime would change her seemingly suicidal eating behaviours. Amethyst was further justified when the system notice appeared:

Sighing, Fey grabbed both Amethyst and Inkblot and swam back to Sirena and Blade, who appeared to be done with their ‘moment’ and were looking slightly embarrassed.

:Back to Pearlview?: Fey asked, completely ignoring the awkwardness to make it go away.

:Mm, yup!: Sirena purposely used her superior swimming speed to gain a small lead over her party-mates, giving herself some time alone to calm down from her emotional agitation.

Blade returned the healing salve to Fey, and the two land-dwellers made their slow way back to town.

Blade asked through private messaging rather than party chat so Sirena would not be aware of the question.

Fey grinned. Things appeared to be working out nicely.

Blade nodded, trying to look casual. He glanced several times at Fey, who continued smiling and said nothing.

More seriously, Fey added:

Blade was a little surprised that Fey held him at a level of esteem that was above ‘contempt’.

For Fey, there were few people who could tolerate her fully uninhibited personality. Just the fact that Blade had continued to adventure with her through poison, violence, childishness, sarcasm, antisocial moments, nerdy and creepy fun facts, and a truly outrageous best friend meant that she now felt comfortable around him. In her mind, he was 90% of the way into the ‘friend’ category.

Fey smiled and swam on.

(1)Cnidarians include jellyfish, anemones, and hydra, and corals, and are characterized by the cnidocytes, specialized cells that shoot neurotoxins for self-defence and/or the capture of prey

(2)In real life, sea nettle stings in humans usually causes only a mild rash unless there is severe contact, in which case muscle cramps and breathing problems could occur