I always dreaded getting up in the morning. Not waking up, getting up. Waking up meant that I got to bury myself under my blankets and sheets again, now conscious of how perfectly warm and comfy it was under them. Getting up meant getting dressed, eating, making myself presentable, and a whole bunch of other things that didn’t let me be in that perfect level of cozy laziness.

So I was understandably quite annoyed when I heard someone calling my name. Repeatedly. When I was clearly trying to ignore them and sleep, too. How rude! It was a Saturday as well, so it’s not like there was anything urgent I had to get up for; Seven AM five days a week was already bad enough, why should I waste my precious weekend sleeping in privileges? What was in it for me?

“Get up or I’ll electrocute you.” Said an unfamiliar, feminine, and distinctly annoyed voice.

She made a compelling argument.

It wasn’t as hard to get up as usual, considering the threat of electrocution, the seeming lack of blankets and the fact that I appeared to have been sleeping on the floor. Still not easy, but not a terrible hellish ordeal. I opened my eyes slowly, rubbing sleep crumbs out of them and adjusting to the light. Blinking, I looked around the room. The room that was, upon further inspection, not mine. Funny thing about waking up in an unfamiliar place to an unfamiliar voice shouting threats though, is that it makes it a whole lot easier to get up. I guess a little bit of terror from being kidnapped to start the morning will do that.

The room was lavish, to say the least. It seemed to be a perfect cube in shape. A multi-tiered crystalline chandelier hung from the gilded ceiling, at least a hundred candles flickering gently on it and casting shimmering shadows across the room. Three walls carried countless books, while the last one housed a variety of weapons ranging from swords to pistols to what I imagine could only be the weapons of the future. Among all the walls, there was no hint of any sort of door, window, or any other way into the room. There was a square indentation in the center of the room, surrounded by a cream colored carpet and filled with an inky-black liquid that stayed unnaturally still. Behind the slightly ominous pool, which was the only dark color in the entire room, a visibly irritated woman sat on an ornate throne wearing simple yet clearly high quality white robes adorned with opal bracelets, earrings, and necklaces. She took a deep breath and began to speak, but I quickly cut her off. People who kidnap me and interrupt my sleep don’t deserve proper manners. Thinly veiled passive aggression is the best she’s gonna get from me.

“Hey! So this place is super nice and all, but I can’t help but notice that I don’t remember how I got here. And I don’t know you. Would you care to perhaps fix my lack of knowledge? It would be most appreciated.” Hmmm, maybe I should have been ruder. That almost sounded respectful. Her brow creased in annoyance, guess she didn’t think it was.

“I brought you here for a reason, mortal.” She spoke as if admonishing a five year old. I was not five. And who calls people mortals?

“That’s great and all, but where exactly did you bring me? And who are you? Kinda basic greeting info, I’ll even start for you! My name is-”

“I know who you are, mortal.” She snapped, being terribly high and mighty for someone who had the audacity to kidnap me. “As for me, my full title is The Holy Radiance, She Who Pierces The Darkness With Her Presence And Illuminates The Path To Enlightenment. You may refer to me as Radia.” What a pretentious name, no wonder she’s like this. “And you are currently in between life and death.”

Well that’s probably not great. “Would you perhaps care to elaborate on that whole ‘between life and death’ part? I don’t recall dying, and I think I would.”

“You all say you would. Observe.” The pool rippled, it’s surface shifting to show a video of me yawning while struggling to keep my eyes open. Oh! This was this afternoon, right after I’d woken up and gone to buy some breakfast. As the video continued, I began to jaywalk, clearly not paying any attention to anything but my own drowsiness. Halfway across the street I fumbled my wallet and dropped it. When I turned back to get it, I was hit by a semi truck, my body instantly mangled beyond repair and thrown across the road in a very unflattering fashion. Radia chuckled dryly. “Most humans repress their death since remembering the pain would be too much for them. I suppose it’s for the best, that was a rather pathetic way to go out.” I nodded shakily, my brain trying to process the fact that I was very clearly and undeniably not alive as the goddess continued. “A fitting end for someone like you though.”

I tried to gather my thoughts, hardly registering the insult. “So… what now? Heaven? Hell? Something else? Nothing? Well I guess it’s not nothing since I’m here now but-”

“Well as I was going to say before you interrupted me again, you didn’t get into any afterlife due to doing absolutely nothing of note with your lazy and uninteresting life.” I got the feeling Radia didn’t like me very much. “So, you’re eligible for reincarnation. It’s pretty simple. You get summoned to a world that needs a hero, you work hard, do amazing deeds, and save the world while having life lessons and making friends, and then when you die you go to what you would consider heaven.” That sounded like a lot of work with not a lot of time for relaxation… “And if you don’t accept rebirth, or fail to complete the task given, you cease to burden us all with your existence.” Ah. That was worse. Existing was nice.

“Well, I shall accept your humble gift of a second life then. What’s the task I have to do to continue existing?” Maybe it would be something I could put off for a while, or something easy.

Radia took a more formal, rehearsed tone, as if she hadn’t just been throwing insults at me. “The tensions between the nations of Sintima and Delicta are rising rapidly. Both sides are preparing for an imminent war. The King of Sintima has summoned you to stop the war, I would personally suggest doing so by slaying the Demon King, ruler of Delicta.”

“So my options are to commit regicide or to cease to exist?” That hardly seemed easy. Or morally sound, on further thought

Radia smiled dryly. “Your goal is to save countless lives by preventing the war, killing one monarch for such a cause is justified. Now, I’ve got plenty more to do today, so if that’s your only question, I think it’s time you head out.”

I had plenty more questions, but before I could even open my mouth to ask them there was a push on my back, and I was engulfed by the black pool at the center of the room, blackness filling my vision as I passed out.

When I came to, there was none of the blissful in-between of staying half asleep. Instead, there was pain, a sore body, and quite a lot of panicked screaming. I mentally groaned as I pushed myself off the floor, barely able to open my eyes. There was a pure white arch, faintly glowing and surrounded by what appeared to be a crowd of people, some in fancy white robes similar to Radia’s clothes, all gathered around a body on a table, someone with black spiky hair from what I could see. The body was not moving. Probably sleeping, lucky bastard.

“The summoning has failed!”

“We’re all doomed!”

“The gods have forsaken us!”

Summoning failed? I was right here. I tried to raise my hand to wave to the crowd, maybe get their attention, alleviate the mass panic. If I had to be a hero, I might as well play the part.

Raising my hand revealed bigger problems though. Firstly, I could barely get it above my head. Secondly, it was not my hand. Third, it wasn’t a hand at all. It was a paw. A paw covered in black fur. A cat’s paw. My cat’s paw. I was a cat. I’m usually not a cat.

Maybe the people panicking and screaming had the right idea.