The mag-rail train was a gnomish invention, one of many patented by the influential Fizzlesprocket clan. Outwardly, this machine had the appearance of a gigantic metal eel that had been painted yellow with a white vertical stripe running along its length. It was just over 200 meters long in its entirety, with a height of 4 meters and a width of 3.5 meters. Rather than a single solid object, it was actually comprised of a total of 10 separate cars connected by large, flexible joints to let it snake around bends and curves.

Just as the name ‘mag-rail’ implied, this vehicle moved by employing magically-generated magnetic fields that not only propelled it forwards, but also made it levitate ever-so-slightly above its single rail. This allowed the mag-rail to ignore much of the friction it would suffer otherwise, resulting in a significantly higher top speed than one might expect.

As for the long strip of steel this marvelous invention traveled over, although technically a ‘rail,’ certainly didn’t look like one. It was only 20 centimeters tall, but over half as wide as the train cars it guided. Indeed, calling it a path would be a far more accurate description, but ‘mag-path’ didn’t have the same ring to it as ‘mag-rail.’

And while the outer shell of each mag-rail car was rather uniform, its interior was anything but, as there were four different types of cars all hooked up to one another.

The very front car was typically referred to as the engine. It housed the main drive core of the mag-rail that distributed power to the vehicle’s undercarriage, and also served both driver cabin and crew quarter. The onboard technicians and maintenance crews were surprisingly vital, as the long distances these machines traveled meant much of their route took them over vast swathes of nothing. So if something were to go wrong and cause them to suddenly break down and stop, they would find themselves stranded in the wilderness unless repairs could be made on the spot.

The next six cars were where the passengers were actually seated. Each of them was divided up into 10 compartments that were 2 meters long and about 2 and a half meters wide. They were lined up end-to-end, with a somewhat narrow hallway on the right side of the carriage providing access to each individual ‘room,’ via sliding doors. Inside each compartment were a pair of blue sofa-like cushions designed to allow four people to sit comfortably on either side of a large window. The cushions were designed to fold out into full-sized beds affording people a place to sleep during their long journeys, although doing so would eliminate any semblance of leg room.

Overall, the setup was a little too intimate for full-sized races like humans or elves, but the mag-rail’s main clientele - namely dwarves and gnomes - found the arrangements quite comfortable. But the seating wasn’t even the best part, as simply riding aboard a mag-rail was an experience in and of itself. The way this vehicle silently and smoothly glided towards its destination gave travelers the distinct impression that they were floating on a cloud of magic.

Which was pretty much the case to begin with.

The next car in the link was the dining car, a mobile restaurant that provided food and drink to its customers at reasonable rates. It didn’t have the capacity to feed all 240 of the train’s potential passengers at once, but that was very rarely a problem. Mostly because regular commuters usually brought their own food with them and only ever visited the dining car to get themselves a fresh pint or five.

The last two carriages were designated freight wagons, and were almost always filled to the brim with cargo. It wasn’t all that rare to see a train attach a third or even fourth freight wagon at certain stations if there was enough demand for it. Unlike the other cars, however, these ones were basically reinforced steel coffins, and passengers were barred from entering them. They even had armed guards posted to ward people off.

Inside one of these end-segments was where Fizzy would normally have been deposited once she and Moss had boarded the train. And although it seemed rude, ‘cargo’ was indeed what Fizzy had been classified as. Moss even had to pay a 60 GP haulage fee in addition to this 120 GP one-way ticket. The psychotic Paladin had turned out to be a bit too heavy to count as carry-on luggage, so while this fee was somewhat unexpected, it was hardly unreasonable.

At the very least Fizzy was spared from having to stare at the inside of a steel box for three whole days. Moss felt bad for her and tried to convince the train attendants to let him bring her with him onto the passenger car. He fed the officials some made-up story about how he absolutely had to keep an eye on his immensely valuable cargo at all times. His request was initially denied as the employees weren’t supposed to allow that sort of thing. Otherwise they wouldn’t have separate cars for cargo and passengers.

In the end, Moss’s pleas had won out and Fizzy was allowed to go with him, for which she was quietly grateful. She thought she’d go even more nuts if she was cooped up in those overgrown sardine cans with nothing to do for three whole days. At least this way she would be able to distract and entertain herself until they arrived at Gun Tarum.

Her ‘freedom’ still came at the price of three conditions, however. Firstly, Moss had to sign a waiver absolving the Gnomish Rail Guild from any fault should something go wrong with his cargo. This part was a bit awkward, as he had to reveal his name in front of Fizzy and a couple of GRG employees. He didn’t like his given name much since it was exceptionally silly, even by gnomish standards. That was partly why he was content with being called ‘Moss’ all the time, and also why he was actually glad that Fizzy didn’t actually care enough to ask him about it.

Yet she still snickered quietly when she heard the words ‘Dingleflonk Thistlebonk’ come out of the boy’s lips. And he wasn’t going to lie, that hurt his feelings a little bit.

The second condition he was given had to do with the other passengers. Namely, how he was to keep the golem from disturbing them. This, at least, was not going to be a problem, as the mag-rail that the gnome-golem pair boarded was only about half full, at least for the moment. They’d probably pick up more people on other stops, but for the time being they had ended up in a mostly deserted car. In fact, only two of the ten compartments seemed to be occupied when Moss and Fizzy were looking for a place to sit, and both of them were near the front of the carriage. That being said, the two of them picked the rear-most one as their temporary dwelling space, as they seriously did not want to be disturbed.

The third and final thing that Moss had to promise was to keep an eye on Fizzy at all times, and to never leave her unattended. This was also not going to be a problem in the slightest, as he had every intention of sticking to her like glue anyway. Overall, the whole boarding process had been a bit more involved than originally anticipated, but those two definitely had a good deal of luck.

To begin with, it was quite fortunate that they were able to catch the mag-rail heading out of Steelhead less than an hour before it departed. The cross-country route they were looking to take took a full 8-9 days for a round trip, and there were only 3 trains running it, which meant there was an average wait of 3 days between departures.

One could argue that the Gnomish Rail Guild could simply use more trains to reduce this wait time, but doing so was not a smart decision from an economical point of view. Maintaining and staffing those steel behemoths was not cheap, and there simply wasn’t enough demand to warrant a fourth train. In fact, judging from how empty this particular mag-rail was, it wouldn’t be surprising if they decided to cut that number down to two.

Not that Fizzy or Moss cared about any of that, of course. They were just glad for the extra privacy, and the unstable Paladin had actually more or less forced Moss to join her in a prayer to the God of Chance. It was the first real stroke of luck she’d had since coming to Horkensaft, and she wasn’t going to forget to give credit where credit was due.

As for her gnomish companion, while he wasn’t particularly pious, he went along with it. Seeing Fizzy’s praying face was strangely refreshing, so he would pray as many times as he needed to in order to gaze upon that serene smile for a second longer.

Unfortunately, it was a bit hard for him to recall that divine countenance of hers right now-

“Man, you suck at this!”

-as that same golem was currently gloating over how thoroughly she was kicking his ass.

“Seriously! How are you so bad?! I mean, this was your idea!”

The small chess set he had brought with him was set up on a little fold-out table that sprang out of the wall beneath the window, and the golem had just scored her 6th consecutive victory.

“I swear, it’s like you’re not even trying!”

This outcome was after she had said chess was ‘not her thing,’ too, so her taunts and showboating were particularly effective against Moss, who considered himself pretty good at it.

“You just have a lot more INT and WIS than I do!” he grumbled back in dissatisfaction.

Truthfully speaking though, the real reason he kept losing was that it was hard for him to focus on the game. He was actually pretty good at chess under normal circumstances, which was why he offered to play a few games of it in the first place. However, his ‘normal circumstances’ didn’t include having the fully developed body of an adult woman less than a meter from his face. A problem that was only exasperated by Fizzy herself, who not only flat out ignored his requests that she cover up, but was ever-so-subtly flaunting her stuff.

“That shouldn’t factor into it, Moss. Not when you’ve obviously played this game over and over with your elven dad.”

The gnome was suddenly taken aback by this reference to his past

“… How did you find out about that?”

“It became obvious once I saw the chess set. It wouldn’t be this worn out unless it had seen thousands of games, and since you’re the one who brought it-”

“Not that! I mean about my dad!” he raised his voice. “I never told you anything about him! Or myself!”

That wasn’t only because Fizzy never asked, but also due to Moss himself did not wish to bring up his emotional baggage. He was actually kind of glad they’d avoided the topic for as long as they have, but it was inevitable it would come around to it. After all, a dwarf or a gnome was oftentimes judged based on their lineage first, and their individual accomplishments second, so the topic of one’s family roots was often brought up quite rapidly in Horkensaft culture.

“It became obvious once I saw the chess set,” repeated Fizzy with a smirk. “It’s wooden, and so are the pieces. Horkensaft-made board games are made out of metal or stone and aren’t nearly as colorful as yours, so that one was definitely imported. It was probably a souvenir of some kind, judging by the size and quality of it. Also, the fact that you bothered to bring it with you tells me it means a lot to you. Same as that old wand you used as a prop back at the station.”

The item in question was a silver rod about 15 centimeters in length that was tipped off with a green crystal of some kind. The magical charge it once held had long been spent, leaving it as nothing but a fancy stick. Which was fortunate, as it was just fancy enough to pass as Fizzy’s control rod and make people think that Moss was her owner without asking too many questions.

“That model’s definitely of elven make,” she continued. “I should know, I used one of those myself for spot-welds a while back. And the fact that you haven’t pawned it off despite being obviously strapped for money is indicative of sentimental value. Throw in your stereotypically elven hair color and it all just clicks together.”

“Wow… That’s… amazing! You could tell that much just from the stuff I carry?!”

“Yup. I can also make some assumptions on your family situation, but you probably don’t wanna talk about it. Which is fine, because I don’t really want to hear it.”

“Ah… Yeah. Thanks.”

Although his face didn’t show it, he was quite glad that he didn’t have to awkwardly explain for the upteempth time how his father disappeared suddenly about 10 years ago. Or why he and his gnomish mother bickered and argued all the time. He even took a bunch of of her stuff without her permission, including her coat, so he had a feeling Fizzy had more or less guessed he had essentially run away from home. Whether that was the case or not, the fact that he didn’t have to talk about it was probably for the best.

“Still, that’s pretty impressive,” he continued, trying to shift the conversation to another topic. “I never would’ve guessed you can determine so much about someone based on their luggage.”

“It’s nothing all that special really,” said Fizzy in an exceedingly rare show of modesty. “Items don’t lie, you know. Every scratch, every dent, every chip, every splinter - they all weave together a tale of their owner’s history and personality. Any artisan of my caliber should be able to read between the lines like I did.”

“An artisan? You?!”

“What? Is it really that surprising?” responded the golem in an almost insulted tone.

“I just- I thought you said you were a Paladin with a funky religion! Not some manual laborer!”

“I can be both! Heck, I’ve been an Artificer longer than I’ve been a Paladin, you know!”

“Oh… An Artificer… I see…”

It was a strangely dispirited, almost disappointed response that had none of the energy of his previous outbursts. Not to mention that, judging from how he gripped those chess pieces while cleaning them up, he was also quite tense. He clearly had some sort of personal gripe with Artificers, probably connected to those oil stains on his coat. Or rather, the coat that he’d stolen from his guardian or elder sibling.

“Look, Fizzy, it’s been a long day and it’s pretty late, so I’m going to go to sleep, okay?”

He lied down on the wide seat and turned to face towards the wall, away from the shining mithril golem.

“Whatever.”

Fizzy’s uninterested response made him look over his shoulder, but the golem was just sitting there with her eyes closed and her hand on the gray metal wall of the compartment. He momentarily wondered if she was really going to sleep like that, but decided it was best he not disturb her. Besides, it really had been one hell of a day, so he ended up drifting off in a manner of minutes.

He woke the next morning when the sun peeking over the mountain tops in the distance shone through the window and onto his grassy head. He stood up from his seat yawning, feeling strangely refreshed but also stiff at the same time. He moved to stretch his arms and back in an attempt to limber up, but was then suddenly reminded of the void where his left arm used to be. He caressed the spot where it had been hacked off just above the elbow with a grim expression on his face.

He was overcome with a sense of loss and regret, both of which were somehow made worse by how frighteningly painless the amputation itself had been. That copper failing to hack it off should’ve hurt like hell, but he didn’t feel a thing. His eyes saw the sights and his ears heard the sounds, but his body barely even registered the impacts. It was almost as if it was someone else’s limb being severed in front of his eyes.

This was a complicated feeling he hadn’t experienced before, one he couldn’t quite understand. In some ways, he probably wished it had hurt. At least that way he’d have something to remember his lost limb by. It probably sounded stupid, but he couldn’t help it. The complete and total lack of pain almost made him feel as if this was his natural state - as if he never had a left arm to begin with. And frankly speaking, that scared him a little bit.

One thing was for sure - his short-handedness would take a lot more getting used to than he originally anticipated.

“It’s not the end of the world, you know,” spoke up Fizzy.

The golem had opened up one of her eyes to look at Moss, but closed it back up once she had his attention.

“Just gotta get yourself a Rejuvenation Potion and it’ll grow back in no time,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, as if I’d ever be able to afford something like that. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to loan me 700 GP, would you?”

“Not in a million years.”

“Yeah, thought so. By the way, good morning to you too, Fizzy!” he said in a failed attempt to sound more chipper. “Didn’t realize you were awake.”

She was sitting in the exact same posture she had when he fell asleep the night before, so he could hardly be blamed for assuming she was still sleeping.

“I’m always awake.”

“... Come again?”

“Golems don’t sleep, idiot.”

“Oh. Right. Of course. I, uh, I knew that… What are you doing, then?”

The golem had been at it all night by the look of things, so it was undoubtedly important in some way.

The long explanation was that she had been using her Metallopathy to spread her awareness through the walls of the train car, thoroughly inspecting the construction of the undercarriage. She had even managed to ‘see’ all the way to the front-most engine car, and was currently remotely viewing its drive core. She had never attempted Metallopathy on this sort of scale before, so it had taken her hours to ‘reach out’ halfway across the train. As a side effect, she had not only gained a huge amount of Metallopathy Proficiency, but had also acquired a Level 3 Meditation Skill in the process.

It was funny, really. No matter how much she tried to unlock the Meditation Skill before, she just couldn’t do it. Come to think of it, that might have been because she was always running around doing something or other to appease Boxxy. But now she was free. For perhaps the first time since her golemification, she felt like she had all the time in the world to just sit there and think.

“Studying.”

However, explaining all that was a pain, so she just summarized her actions in one word.

“Uh-huh. Okay, if you say so,” responded Moss in a doubtful tone of voice. “Did you, ah, learn anything good?”

“Plenty, actually!”

A smile born out of pure enthusiasm dawned on her face. The way the morning sunlight reflected off her features seemed to fill the cabin with a sense of warmth and life. It was yet another smile that was both figuratively and literally dazzling.

“These guys, they’re actually using a self-regulating oxisteel oscillation circuit!” she declared excitedly. “It doesn’t produce as strong a polarization field as a thorium impulse array, but it’s way more efficient! It also reduces the risk of a catastrophic cascade event should a rogue phase-shifted saturation emitter discharge upset the connection between the aft injection port and the magnatomic wave compensator! I mean, they wouldn’t need to worry about it if they used mithril instead of gold for the power couplings and… you’re not getting any of this, are you?”

“… Oh! No, no, I definitely know some of these words.”

The vast majority of them sounded like some arcane incantation or alien language, but he didn’t want to say that out loud. This sort of behavior was partly why he hated Artificers on principle, but seeing Fizzy so passionate about something was a treat in and of itself. He hadn’t seen that side of hers,which left him momentarily awestruck. In fact, he had been so engrossed in letting her words wash over him, that he didn’t even once ogle her mithril breasts and managed to avoid getting another awkward-

Aaaaand there it was.

“Okay!” he said while standing up. “I’ll go get us some breakfast from the dining car, shall I?! What would you like, Fizzy?!”

“Chill, Moss. I already saw your… morning… wood…”

The fact she actually said those words out loud combined with the weird way her voice seemed to disappear towards the end only served to unnerve Moss even further.

“Oh, right! Golems don’t eat! Silly me! But I do since I’m a meatbag, so I’m just going to go now! Hahahahaha!”

He spat words out like a machine gun, gave off a forced laugh and went out the compartment with all due haste. Or at least he attempted to, but had momentarily forgotten that the wooden door had to be slid open, not pushed or pulled on. Eventually he figured it out and slammed it shut on his way out, only to return a few seconds later to fetch his coat while trying (and failing) to hide his beet-red face before practically running outside again.

“I’m starting to like this guy,” commented Plus. “The reactions he gives are the best!”

I guess.

“He’s also kind of cute when he’s flustered! You know, I bet we could give him some wet dreams if we gave him a kiss on the lips!

Plus, do you mind?! Mentally mapping out an entire mag-rail over here!

“Right. Sorry.”

The golem resumed her quiet remote exploration of the technologically advanced vessel in both mental and physical silence. She was sure she could have the schematic for the whole thing in her head in a matter of hours, but it would appear that the chaotic whims of fate had other plans for her.

“I’m telling you, you got it wrong, Sally! This won’t end well for you!”

She heard Moss’s muffled and clearly distressed noise just outside the compartment. Fizzy couldn’t actually see him since the only window in the room was the one showing the outside world-

“We’ll see about that, laddie!”

-but he was clearly not alone, judging from the sound of things. The golem regretfully gave up on trying to wrap her head around the train for the moment and turned her attention towards the sliding door, which opened to reveal a trio of unsavory-looking individuals.

One of those was Moss, as expected. The other two were dwarves - one male, one female. The male had a bald head, a thick black beard that was long enough to cover his chest, and an X-shaped scar on his shaved scalp. The woman had ginger hair that was tied in a pair of long braids, lively green eyes and a spattering of freckles on her plump cheeks and around her nose. As for their clothes, the most noticeable thing about them were their padded leather jackets, dark red in color, which hung down to their knees. The woman wore dark green pants while her companion wore gray ones.

They seemed to be Moss’s acquaintances, though if the arm-lock that the bald guy had him in was any indication, they weren’t exactly friends of his.

“Hey shiny, how you doin’?” asked the ginger-haired woman with a toothy grin on her face. “Lookie what I got here!”

She waved around Moss’s old silver wand. The boy had been carrying it around in his coat pocket since he promised to have it on him at all times, so this sally must’ve taken it from him just now. Without his consent, by the look of things. Fizzy was able to almost instantly ascertain what her motives were thanks to the way this ginger dwarf was triumphantly waving that thing around.

“Is she really doing what I think she’s doing?” asked Plus in an incredulous tone.

Yup. She’s trying to steal us by targeting the ‘control rod.’

This ‘Sally’ clearly didn’t know who she was messing with. Otherwise she wouldn’t have just attempted suicide via pissed-off golem proxy.

Man, what a pain, grumbled the golem inwardly. I had to stop my Metallopathy for this?

“Let’s just kill them and be done with it,” suggested Plus.

I dunno. They’d probably throw us off the mag-rail if things get too messy. I guess I’ll help Moss out first and figure out how to deal with those mooks later.

The mithril construct rose up from her seat and took slow, deliberate steps towards the intruder, whose cocky grin vanished at an alarmingly rapid pace.

“Oi! She’s comin’ this way!” blurted out Sally’s bald-headed companion.

“… Oh! Right!” exclaimed the dwarven woman while pointing the wand at Fizzy’s face. “Reset and reboot!”

“Hahaha! As if that’d ever work on-”

Plus’s gloating was cut off mid-sentence as Fizzy’s frame suddenly froze in place mid-step. A few tense moments passed before she repositioned herself to stand in a neutral stance with a blank look on her face.

“… What? The heck are you doing boss?”

I got an idea for a bit of fun. Watch this, right. Ahem!

“Operator input received,” said Fizzy in a deliberately monotone voice. “Resetting configurations to factory conditions. Standby.”

The two dwarves breathed a sigh of relief while Moss was left with a look of utter confusion on his face. It didn’t last long though. Gnomes were inherently sharp individuals, so he was able to quickly pick up on what his new traveling companion was doing. He gave her a stealthy wink to show he understood and began playing along.

“What’ve you done?!” he shouted in mock fright. “I was supposed to deliver her intact! They’ll have my head for this!”

“Well, tough shit, Thistlebonk!” said Sally while throwing him a mean glare. “It’s what you get for trying to skip town on me like that. You think I’d let you off that easy, eh? After what you and your shiny pal here did to Mole?!”

She was probably referring to Moss’s accomplice, the dwarf that Fizzy had ‘befriended’ the day before.

“Y’know, I thought something fishy was up when I heard you were hanging around the station with this thing in tow,” continued the dwarf. “I’d have never believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes! And I was so sure you didn’t have the balls to actually sell us out! I even tried to stand up for you in front of the lads!”

She leaned in closer to Moss’s face, clearly trying to intimidate him. Objectively speaking, this whole thing seemed like two grown dwarves bullying a teenager, which was pathetic in its own, special way.

“Yet here you are,” hissed Sally. “I guess I misjudged you, laddie.”

“Ugh,” groaned Moss in response. “And I guess I misjudged how much you hate breath mints. Bleh! I swear, your morning breath could kill a goblin from 30 paces!”

“… Cute. Ollie, throw this twat in the corner and keep an eye on him.”

“Sure thing boss,” responded the bald one. “But, uh… No offense, but the kid has a point. You should probably see an apothecary about that.”

“Ollie.”

“I know, I know. I’m just saying…”

The bald thug roughly tossed Moss onto the seat on the left side of the window. The boy immediately made a small show of trying to escape, but gave up for real when Ollie pulled a serrated dagger on him. The gnome put his hands up in the air and slinked back peacefully into the corner while Sally’s watchdog sat next to him. As for the boss-lady herself, she sat on the opposite cushion, next to the door and in front of Fizzy, crossing both her legs and her arms as if in triumph.

“Reset complete,” stated the golem. “Initializing new operator setup.”

“Oh, now we’re getting somewhere!” exclaimed Sally.

“Please state your name.”

“Sally Redrock!”

“Acknowledged. New operator Sally Redcock registered.”

“No! The hell’s a Redcock!? I said Rock, not cock, you stupid machine!”

“Acknowledged. New operator Sally Rockcock registered.”

Moss let out a snort of laughter despite himself. It naturally attracted the attention of Sally, who wasn’t none too pleased with his attitude. Or the golem’s for that matter.

“You! Mosshead! The hell’s wrong with this thing?!”

“Don’t look at me!” replied the gnome. “You’re the one who reset her!”

“Prolly battle-damaged,” chimed in Ollie. “I mean that arm looks like it’s been bitten off by a dragon or something. Bet she has more than a few screws loose.”

“Congratulations, Sally Rockcock,” butted in Fizzy with her metallic monotone. “You are now the proud owner of a model FLC-153-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B *KHRRT!* golem, manufactured by CREATOR NAME HERE.”

“… Alright, I see your point.”

“Would operator Sally Rockcock like to enable a personality matrix?”

“Just call me Sally, damnit!”

“Acknowledged. Would operator Sally-damnit like to enable a personality matrix?”

“GGRH!”

The would-be golem thief looked like she was about to rip her hair out in frustration.

“This fucking thing is totally doing it on purpose! The hell’s a personality matrix anyway?!” she shouted.

“It’s a thing some of them fancier golems have,” spoke up Ollie. “Makes them sound and act more like people. ‘Facilitates communication’ and all that. I think you should try it out, boss.”

“Yes! Alright! I want to turn on a personality whatsit!”

“Acknowledged. For ‘cheerful and energetic,’ press one. For ‘strict, but fair,’ press two. “For ‘ultimate friendship’ press three. For ‘I’ve been a bad girl, daddy,’ press four. For ‘kill all humans’ press five.”

Sally looked demandingly at Moss as if to say ‘What the fuck, man?’ The gnome responded by shrugging his shoulders in a ‘don’t ask me’ sort of way.

“Uh, one?” blurted out the female dwarf.

“Acknowledged. Standby.”

Fizzy released her stiff expression, twisting into a wide, joyful smile and turning down the corner of her eyes slightly.

“Heya, Mistress Sally-damnit!” she squealed in her best Plus impression. “How may I be of service?!”

“For starters, get my name right! It’s Sally!”

“Oh, I’m so sorry for the mixup! Alright, I’ll call you Sally from now on!”

“Finally! Sweet Goroth’s tits that took forever!”

The ginger dwarf leaned back in her seat with a tired sigh.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know where to find Goroth’s tits,” said Fizzy in a fittingly apologetic tone. “But if you’re looking for something sweet, then I may be able to help out!”

“… Actually yeah. Why not? I’ve not had breakfast yet, so go get me something to eat, will you?”

“Right away, Sally!”

The golem turned towards where Ollie was sitting and smiled vigorously at him. The bald dwarf looked back at her with a puzzled expression. Before he or his boss could question her about her behavior, the serrated steel dagger in his hand suddenly leaped out of his grasp, courtesy of Fizzy’s Magnetize Skill. She grabbed it out of the air and slashed at the befuddled dwarf’s neck, cutting off nearly half of his marvelous beard in a single swing but leaving him otherwise unharmed. She then reversed her grip on the dagger and stabbed it into the plywood wall he had instinctively backed up against, just a few millimeters from his left ear.

All while maintaining both eye contact and the stupidest, goofiest grin she could manage, of course.

Without skipping a beat, she then let go of the handle, snatched the clump of black beard hair off the ground and presented it to her new ‘owner’ with a truly psychotic smile.

“Here you go, Sally! ‘Something’ to eat!”

“What the actual fuck?!” screamed Sally in disbelief. Her companion, on the other hand, seemed to have soiled himself after his sudden shave. As for Moss-

“Hair is technically edible, you know.”

-he was having the time of his life.

“Screw this!” shouted the ginger-haired dwarf as she scrambled to her feet. “I’ll just scrap your ass for parts after all!”

It was what she was more or less planning to do since the start, anyway, but was having second thoughts about it until a few seconds ago. After all, having a high-performance golem to do her bidding definitely sounded good on paper. A soulless doll who never questioned orders and could take a beating in a fight was certainly appealing. In fact, the three big criminal cartels all used golems as enforcers and muscle, and Sally wanted in on that. So while a functioning golem was more useful and valuable than a molten pile of mithril, the latter had a 100% less chance of stabbing people in the face because of a malfunction.

However, while certainly sound, Sally’s reasoning had one major flaw in it.

Fizzy wasn’t a witless doll.

“Self-preservation protocol activated,” she spoke in a monotone voice. “Entering combat mode.”

Her hand shot out and grabbed the uppity dwarf woman by her throat, threatening to crush her windpipe. She struggled and fought back against Fizzy in a futile manner to get away while Ollie demonstrated that notorious ‘honor among thieves’ by bolting out of the compartment. The golem then threw her victim through the open door, slamming her against the outer shell of the mag-rail carriage. She took menacing steps towards her while repeating ‘Exterminate! Exterminate!’ in a high-pitched voice.

It had the intended effect, and Sally ran for her life down the hall.

About a minute later, a trio of armed guards in black uniforms and bell shaped helmets arrived at the scene and threw open the compartment doors in a rush. They were met with a scene where Moss was lazily staring out the window while Fizzy was peacefully sitting on the opposite side with her eyes closed.

“Is something the matter, officer?” asked the gnome when he noticed the men’s arrival.

“We’re investigating claims that there was a golem going berserk in this car,” said the one in front in an authoritative voice.

“Whaaaat?!” he said in mock fright. “That can happen?!”

“… I’m afraid so, kid,” said the copper while visibly lowering his guard. “The magnetic interference from the mag-rail can very rarely cause some golems to go haywire. Weren’t you warned about this when you brought yours on board?”

“Ah! So that’s what the ticket lady was talking about!” exclaimed Moss with a snap of his fingers. “Well, there’s certainly none of that going on around here, officer!”

“Yeah, I can see that. Sorry for disturbing you.”

“No worries, officer! I just hope whoever spread that lie around doesn’t cause any more trouble.”

“Oh, we’ll make sure of that, don’t you worry,” said the copper with a slightly menacing tone. “As you were.”

He then tipped his hat and left the compartment while grumbling something about ‘that damned ginger’ under his breath. Fizzy opened her eyes and exchanged mischievous smirks with Moss before celebrating the success of their prank with a celebratory high-five.

She then had to heal Moss’s broken arm since she got a bit too into it, but overall, it was a good start to both of their days.