《Doing God's Work》36. Emergency Media Relations
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The tips of my fingers shook, almost resulting in me dropping the phone. Setting it down, I took a moment to expel a guffaw from the depths of my belly hearty enough to cause Yun-Qi’s head to snap my way in consternation and Parvati to raise her hackles anew. Seeing as Tez’ foresight was still functioning with no further degradation, I had to assume the tyrant hadn’t found out about the news yet. Shitface was going to get it big time for this when he did, and it served him right. Not that anyone knew where he was at the moment.
I laughed until my cheeks hurt, while Tez waved at the other two to continue. He wasn’t checking his phone, but he didn’t need to – he was probably already back to cheating via prophecy.
[There’s footage of the angel,] Mayari’s report continued, [and Grace is claiming to have developed holy stigmata as further evidence. How do you think he's pulling that one off?]
As quickly as it had come, the smile waned from my face. He must have cleaned off the resin. In the chaos, I hadn’t gotten around to warning the pope to conceal his rune. Even so, I had assumed he would have been able to put two and two together to at least some extent. Reframing it as part of his own religion was both clever and gutsy, but the moment images started circulating in the public eye, people were going to pick up on the discrepancy. If Odin saw it, and he would, we were going to have a serious problem, pact or no pact.
Maybe we could still catch it in time. I typed a response to Mayari. [Any footage of the stigmata?]
She replied in a matter of seconds. [Nothing's been released.]
[Good,] I responded, not committing too much to writing, and stilled myself, searching out with my senses for the rune. There were two of them now; a little more indistinct thanks to the power drain, but still accessible. The fehu rune hadn’t changed; a small distant island floating off by itself in isolation, but naudhiz overlapped on the same trajectory as one of the pact threads, identifying the connection belonging to Pope Grace in a wash of brilliant green.
I prodded at naudhiz and felt it respond, acknowledging my attention in a way that was both familiar and strange; runic magic remodeled to fit a purpose it hadn’t been intended for in the original brief. Pulsing with power, it had the feeling of a conduit of sorts. I leant on it a little, indulging my curiosity, and felt a trickle of energy siphon through and into me, softening the impact of the power drain.
Lucy, you genius, I thought. Power reserves. He’d built it in a way to counteract the greatest liability of the pact, before he’d even known there would be one. Or maybe this had always been part of his plan. Was this normal? No wonder he liked to surround himself with demons.
I scooped a bit more energy off the top, revelling in the sudden restoration, then refocused on the rune. Doing so made it feel as if its wielder was present in the same room.
Grace? I tried. It’s Loki. Do you read me?
For a few moments there was nothing, but then I received a faint sense of uncertainty from him. It was enough.
Good. I’ve got you, I said. Has anyone other than you seen the rune?
Why? he responded, clearer this time.
This can’t get back to the executive suite, I explained. My bad. I should have mentioned it earlier. Love the stigmata line, by the way. But that symbol you’re carrying is a dead giveaway I’m involved, and we can’t have that. Did you show anyone?
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I received a hazy image of a man dressed in the uniform of a police officer. That was bad. Just him? No footage taken?
Just him, he confirmed. He’d been smart enough not to show it around at the media conference, at least.
Okay, I said, relieved. This was manageable. Don’t show the rune to anyone else outside the pact. Cover your hand with something to hide the glow. Bandages will work with your story. When they ask, feed them the line that no one can behold the mark of God without burning up in his almighty glory. That should satisfy Yahweh’s ego, and sufficiently intimidate most mortals into avoiding the risk. I was banking on the C-suite taking much less of an interest if they thought Grace was making a power grab rather than there being any actual magic involved. Even better if they took it for retaliation against the boss. Is the officer still around?
Affirmative again.
Good, I said. You’re doing well. I’ll take care of him. You focus on concealing your scar.
I drew my senses back to the immediate vicinity and rose to my feet. If anyone had noticed I’d zoned out for a bit, it didn’t show. Yun-Qi had managed to convince Parvati to perch on the edge of one of the chairs and was nattering away in Sanskrit faster than I could follow. She didn’t seem to be on the verge of escape anymore, so I assumed whatever tactic he was using was effective. With luck, it would stay that way.
“Taking care of something urgent,” I informed Tez. “I’ll be back soon. Don’t let either of them leave your sight.”
“Looks smooth from here,” he said, giving me a thumbs-up.
I stepped outside into the dingy corridor, waited for a neighbouring family to finish carrying their groceries indoors, then shifted into mosquito form and followed the naudhiz rune back to Italy, emerging into a sumptuous hotel suite, all marble and vaulted arches, with large flower pots stationed around the room every couple of metres showering pink blossoms in all directions. Grace, hand firmly concealed in his robes, was accompanied by a familiar Vatican guard assignment comprised of Waif and Potato Face, a police officer, and an older woman in plain clothes I didn’t recognise. From the way she dressed and comported herself, I estimated she was some sort of high-ranking official.
The officer was the one Grace had identified as having seen the rune first-hand, and was copying down notes onto a laptop as the woman observed. It looked like the pope was giving a formal statement.
I set down on the rim of one of the flower pots and settled in for the show.
Hey, you, I called out, singling out the witness.
He peered around the room in a way that made it obvious he was trying to be surreptitious. Telepathy was an odd experience for anyone who wasn't yet used to it.
Don’t be alarmed, I told him, pushing through the kind of sappy peacefulness Marketing was always trying to convince everyone Providence stood for in their brand campaigns. In defiance of my request, he looked very alarmed. Still kept typing, though. Time for something a little bolder.
This is God. Today is a day of miracles, and I’ve chosen you from among many for a holy purpose. I need you to leave the room and go downstairs.
Fumbling the transcript, he nearly knocked the computer into his lap. I watched as he paused, drew in a deep breath, then reached out with a shaky hand to grab a swig from a glass of water before valiantly returning to his job.
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I wouldn’t have faced this level of resistance centuries ago before I'd lost the use of my powers. Much of it was due to Providence and its moratorium on high-profile miracles, but plenty of culpability could also be traced back to the modern world’s understanding of mental illness. On the whole, people just weren’t as gullible as they used to be. Regardless, I was providing an actual voice of god here, if not quite the one he thought it was, and there was only so far most people could mistake that for a hallucination.
Stop typing and pay attention, I ordered, putting some weight of authority behind it. Do you think I’m joking? The fate of the world is at stake here.
This time he finally stopped, fingers hovering above the keyboard and eyes not moving from the screen. Over his chest, he made a very small, very discreet sign of the cross.
Next to him, the senior official inclined her head and stared down curiously, but didn’t comment straightaway.
Wise choice, I approved. You have limited time to complete this task, or all will be lost for humankind. I suggest you hurry.
Looking very unhappy about it, the officer pushed his laptop away, closing the lid with an audible click and shaking fingers. “Excuse me,” he apologised. “I have to make an urgent phone call. I’ll just be a minute.”
The senior’s brow furrowed. “It will have to wait.”
Many people will die if you don’t do this, I prompted him. I need you to take this on faith.
He shook his head. “It can’t wait. I’m sorry. It will only take a minute.”
“Out of line, Ricci,” the woman warned, folding her arms. “I’m saying no.”
With a helpless noise, he turned tail and walked out, leaving his superior gaping in outrage and disbelief, and the guards more puzzled than anything. I didn’t stick around to watch as the official fished around in her coat; instead following Ricci out into the main hotel. More officers were posted at the door and let him pass without comment, not appearing to notice his forced stroll and stressed features, and the occasional other well-dressed guest passed by in the halls.
You’re doing the right thing, I reassured him, catching up and resting under the rim of his shirt collar. Everything will be alright. Take the lift.
The elevator was vacant. Even as the doors were closing on him, I was already biting down into the side of his neck, injecting a combination of numbing anesthetic and deadly venom. It would dissolve without trace minutes after taking effect. As peaceful an end as I could make it. The security camera would pick this up, but that was fine. He was dead before he even hit the floor, soul winking out with a small, inextricable ‘pop’ at the edge of my awareness as it was sucked into the void. I tried to ignore the pang of guilt I felt at the loss, telling myself he would have ended up there eventually anyway in a few decades, but it was difficult.
I was doing this so that one day I’d no longer have to, I reminded myself, transitioning back to the pope’s hotel room, where the official was whispering angrily down her phone while pacing back and forth across the far side of the room. Faint traces of emerald light still radiated out from the folds of Grace’s robes, although you would have had to be examining closely to notice.
Bandages, Grace, I reminded him. People are going to spot that rune a mile away. The pact won’t protect you from everything.
His eyes swept across the room until they landed on my approximate position, but failed to find what he was expecting to see there. You’re here?
Not for much longer. You know how to reach me now anyway. Just make sure no one sees the mark. If the excuse I gave you isn’t sufficient to scare people off, let me know and we can implement Plan B.
What’s Plan B?
Best avoided. If it came down to it, I could swap in for Grace and show off something less incriminating, but it was best left as a last resort. That trick was less effective the more often it was used, and if it happened to be someone like Odin I was up against, I didn’t want to have to be there a second longer than necessary. Shitface’s bangle was also on the same arm, which made the idea of close scrutiny an even riskier prospect.
Grace waved over Waif and whispered into his ear, and the guard left the room, no doubt to track down some medical supplies of the white fluffy variety.
Another thing, I mentioned. You’re a demon now, don’t forget. You have powers. Related to desire, I expect. You may want to use them in the near future when shit hits the fan.
He frowned. Wait a minute –
But I was off, laughing to myself as I landed back outside the Singapore apartment in human form. Grace could figure it out himself, I was sure. Probably.
Tez opened the door for me and I bit back the urge to make a butler joke. “Taken care of?”
“More or less.”
“I’ll let you know if you’re about to get any unexpected callouts,” he offered. “It feels like the, uh, difficulties are still easing off, so thanks for that.”
“Not sure I had anything to do with it,” I responded with a shrug. “Prevented things from getting worse, maybe.”
“Still.” He nodded towards Yun-Qi, who hadn’t moved since I’d left. “Small wins.”
The hospital worker trailed off in conversation with Parvati and nodded to us both. “Good news,” he said. “I’ve convinced her not to destroy Durga. Or at least to hold off.”
“Nice job. How did you manage to do that?”
“By appealing to her better nature,” he replied evenly. It was a non-answer and he knew it.
“Don’t look at me,” said Tez, shrugging. “I couldn’t understand a word of it.”
“Hmph,” I said. “Well, hospital boy, looks like you can be useful, after all. I hope you like work. I’d like you to keep Parvati company here for the next couple of days while we sort out her problem. Teach her a few useful phrases and go sightseeing together or something. If you drop her in the deep end with a rollercoaster, I imagine she’ll take everything in stride after that.”
“She will flatten you like a pancake,” said Tez, a bit too cheerfully for my liking.
“No rollercoasters,” confirmed Yun-Qi. “Understood.” He glanced between Tez and I. “Do I get a chance to pack a travel bag, at least? Where are we?” No resistance or reluctance whatsoever, just acceptance. Unusual, refreshing, and deeply fishy.
“Dodgiest neighbourhood in Singapore. It’s basically this as far as the eye can see.”
The dynamic in the room had turned on its head since I’d been gone. Instead of Yun-Qi translating Parvati’s language for us, it was clear we were now the ones being translated for her benefit. Well, whatever worked.
I wasn’t done, though. As much as I valued the help with translation, we were still doing Yun-Qi an immense favour. His skills, while rare, were replaceable. Uninterrupted access to a deity was less so, and Yun-Qi wanted it badly.
“We can arrange something for you. But first I want answers,” I continued, not caring that the others were present for the discussion. “Truthful ones. How did you know it was me, yesterday?”
“I went looking,” he answered. “I told you, I’ve been searching for a long time.”
“For me?”
He nodded.
I paced past the chairs into the narrow strip of decomposing vinyl and chipboard that amounted to the kitchen, poured a glass of water and passed it to him, whereby he accepted it with the semblance of someone expecting a cup full of maggots. “You seem to be having trouble answering a simple question,” I said, indicating for him to drink. “There are twenty-four thousand gods working at Providence, and you just happened to be in the right place at the right time to find the right one. How convenient for you.” I tapped the edge of the sink with my finger.
Tez leaned back in one of the chairs and ran a hand through his hair. “Spoilers,” he announced. “Your friend here is part of a secret organisation run by mortals, of all people, who want to, as he puts it, ‘understand the universe’. But they really want godhood.”
“As they should,” I agreed. And then: “You just told us all that? What kind of lousy spy are you? Keep that up and you’re going to tarnish the reputation of the industry and ruin it for everyone.”
“I haven’t told you anything,” Yun-Qi protested in an irritated tone. “And I’m not a spy.”
“He is one hundred per cent a spy,” Tez insisted.
“Was a spy,” Yun-Qi corrected, and I found myself making a slight double-take to the accompaniment of Tez cracking up in the background, a sound I was becoming increasingly familiar with. “Although it’s not a descriptor I would use to categorise it.”
“Well, I can see why they kicked you out,” I said, recovering. “But it’s starting to make sense. You pissed off some powerful people, they’re out for your blood, and now you’re hoping to worm your way into sanctuary with someone more powerful than they are. Not a bad plan.”
“On the contrary, we’re on very good terms,” said Yun-Qi, with a polite smile.
“Hathor’s udders,” I groaned, as Tez burst into a fresh round of cackles. “I’m normally better at this, I swear. But while this is all well and good, and you can be assured I’ll be following up in detail -” I paused, letting the moment hang on a little past its welcome, “- I can’t help but notice that this is all a lovely distraction from the fact you still haven’t answered my original question.”
Tez’s laughter stopped short, his face serious. Had he not seen this coming? That would mean either seer interference, renewed pressure on the pact, or… something else. The pact was at least easy to test, and even without the demons’ reserves to siphon from, it wasn’t looking too bad from where I was sitting.
“No interference,” Tez pre-empted, before I could ask the question. "We're alone for now."
Then that just left ‘something else’.
Parvati was watching the exchange between the three of us with barely-disguised curiosity as Yun-Qi avoided eye contact and failed to volunteer any further information. “Do you know something about this?” I asked her, just on the off-chance, but she shook her head.
“So, Lien Yun-Qi who goes looking for trouble, I’m going to ask you for the third time. How did you know it was me?”
“I didn’t,” he said. “I guessed.”
“Not even close to convincing. The real answer, please. How did you know it was me?”
He sighed. “It was Eris. She told me she could set up a meeting with you.”
Tez and I glanced at each other. “That one I could almost believe, if it hadn’t been such a slog dragging it out of you,” I proclaimed. Not to mention certain additional information that had come to light since our last meeting. At best it was a partial truth, and I doubted it was even that. “How about a deal, then? I’ll grant you a whole day of my time in return for a straight answer. How did you know it was me? I can keep asking this all day.”
“Conversely,” suggested Tez, “I could always bring out a hot poker.”
“I’d rather you didn’t,” said Yun-Qi, growing tense.
“Then answer the question.”
“I -” he stumbled over his words, “- had a trinket. To discern reality. I found it in a university collection -”
Another lie. Did he really think the tyrant would let universities keep magical artifacts lying around from before the mergers? Hah. Providence confiscated all of the old magic and sealed it away. Poor Prometheus would have had a fit.
Yun-Qi's claims were all over the place, not even remotely consistent. Any spy, ex or not, would know the necessity of keeping their story straight, and Yun-Qi wasn’t stupid. It was like he wanted me to see through his pathetic excuse for a ruse.
Which he did, I realised. Of course he did. He’d practically begged for me not to go the last time, only I’d been giving him too little credit – and perhaps borne down too hard on the cynicism - to see through the facade for what it was.
When I saw the moisture pooling around his eyes, I knew for certain what I was dealing with. Stepping in close, I reached up with a finger and wiped it away before it had a chance to dribble down his cheek. He didn’t stop me, and his face was calmer than it had a right to be.
“Are you seeing this, Tez?” I murmured, turning away and holding my finger aloft so that the dull apartment light reflected off what remained of the tear.
Redundant question, of course. He met my eyes with a somber countenance, all traces of levity now long gone. Neither of us wanted to say it aloud, and for good reason. Doing so could be dangerous.
Because we’d just caught ourselves a wild geas, and Yun-Qi, it was suddenly, blindingly clear, had come to me for help.
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