Tez gave me a nudge with his foot during the awkward silence that followed.

“Yaaay,” I said, raising my voice at the end just enough to make people wonder if it was a question or not.

The overall reaction to Apollo’s announcement was underwhelming. Durga was making a valiant attempt to pretend she knew what was going on without committing to either the possibility that Apollo had set up some kind of undercover sting operation to catch us all committing treason, or the less likely option that her boss had lost it and gone rogue.

Mayari broke the tension first. “Is this a joke?”

“I’m glad you asked,” said Apollo, pacing across the stage as if he was giving a stakeholder presentation. “No. Next question, from anyone except Loki.”

Pope Grace I craned around on his seat to fix Apollo with a stare conveying the cantankerous type of incredulity common among people who weren’t used to being crossed. “I have several,” he said, raising the hand holding the crosier. He brought it down like a walking stick and eased himself out of the throne, then shook the tip of the staff at the god of bullshit like he was scolding a naughty puppy. “Who are you, who are all these people, and why are you here? Judging by your lack of basic regard for doors, I’m going to assume you’re all associated with Providence. Your chaotic organisation of this motley ensemble would seem to back this up, since it’s the sort of gross incompetence I would expect from your establishment.”

All that time defending Providence against naysayers was too well-ingrained. The insult seemed to make Apollo forget he was here to support a revolt, and his lips set in a thin line. “Our establishment is also your establishment,” he reminded him. “Being mortal doesn’t grant you an exemption from responsibility.”

Technically-speaking, the pope was higher up the company food chain than Shitface; the only mortal alive who could lay claim to that particular honour. I was ninety per cent sure he didn’t realise it, however, and was insulting Apollo mainly in response to the latter’s ever-present air of pretentiousness.

I glanced across at Lucy during their exchange and found him paying closer attention to the ritual circle than the drama up on stage. I followed his gaze and noticed one of the symbols change before my eyes in a subtle shifting motion. As far as I knew, I was the only other person present who knew he still had his powers, so using them in front of anyone else was a substantial risk on his part. Or had he decided to give up the act?

Clearing my throat, I hopped up off the pew and waved to get everyone’s attention. “Time for introductions. May I present the Holy Father, Pope Grace I. He has recently discovered what we all knew – that current leadership is to global prosperity as sweatshops are to the hopes and dreams of underprivileged factory workers. He wants – and I quote – out. Or to deliver the baby Antichrist; it’s not a hundred per cent clear.”

“Not happening,” Lucy interjected.

“Thank god for that,” muttered Apollo, reaching out a hand and pushing the pope’s crosier away from himself in an unconscious motion.

Mayari rose to her feet, one hand on a hip and the other at rest by her side. In the dim lighting of the secret chamber, she emitted a more obvious glow than the candles. With Shitface present, she couldn’t afford to turn it off. “Well,” she said, with a distrustful look in Apollo’s direction, “Pope Grace – or would you prefer Matteo? My name is Mayari. If it’s a revolution you’re after, you’ve mostly come to the right people. And your timing couldn’t be better.”

“Hold on,” I butted in. “Before we go any further, let’s clear up the elephant in the room.”

I didn’t need to elaborate further. With the exception of the pope, everyone present turned to look at Apollo. Hostile crowd or no, he stared back with an air of practiced nonchalance.

“I came to him,” said Grace, pointing at Lucy. “That one, with the hair. Is it standard practice for the rest of you to show up like some kind of security delegation?”

“No, but the blonde one is the head of Providence’s Security department, so in a way you’ve identified the problem,” explained Lucy.

“Ah,” said the pope. “Well, someone here’s up shit creek, aren’t they? Question is, who?”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out.”

Surrounded by unfriendly underlings, Apollo was putting himself in a precarious position by coming here. Even with all of us - with the probable exception of Durga - pitted against him, he still had the advantage. Tez being in the vicinity was neutralising his prophetic abilities somewhat, but Apollo was one of those gods who had the good fortune to be blessed with multiple unfair abilities.

Then again, I expected it had been a while since he’d been in a room containing this much concentrated resentment against him.

He didn’t seem concerned. “We’re all on the same side here,” he declared, making shushing motions at his audience even though nobody was interrupting. “Trust me. I’ve come here in good faith at great personal risk, as I’m sure you can all relate. Yahweh’s had a good run, but it’s time for him to go.”

“Awfully late to the party, aren’t you?” Mayari observed. “One might be forgiven for being suspicious.”

“It doesn’t matter what you think,” Apollo retorted, erasing any trace amounts of goodwill he might have been accumulating in one swift gaffe. “We all know you can’t do it without me. I’m the critical linchpin on which this whole endeavour rests.”

I hated to admit it, but he was probably right. He was just too good at what he did. The tyrant had gotten him on board early, and no small part of Providence’s meteoric rise to dominance had been because of that fact.

Tez sighed and raised a hand. “I can vouch for the douche. Can’t make any promises, but from what I can tell, he seems legitimate.”

“Hmph,” said Mayari, unconvinced.

“Very good. That’s cleared up,” said Apollo. “Now to -”

Durga cleared her throat, a quiet sound that nonetheless managed to grab everyone’s attention. It was the first time she’d spoken since her unexpected entrance. “He can’t lie,” she announced, addressing the room, while looking everywhere but at Shitface. “You want to be sure? Ask direct yes or no questions. Word them carefully.”

“Durga,” Apollo said, sounding wounded.

Ouch. Betrayed by one of his own. That had to hurt.

“Sorry, boss,” she mumbled. “They’re never going to trust you otherwise.”

“We don’t trust you, either,” Mayari admonished. “How do we know you aren’t staging a ruse together?”

“Smart,” I gave her, “but we don’t need to worry about Durga. I can vouch for her.”

The warrior goddess shot me a grateful look.

“Let’s get it over with,” said Shitface, tapping an impatient foot.

“Are you going to try and twist any of the answers you give us so that we get the wrong idea?” Mayari asked immediately.

“No. And I wouldn’t, anyway.”

“Forget try,” Lucy said. “Will you twist them?”

Apollo gave him an appraising stare. “You think so little of me. No.”

He met my eyes, waiting. I wasn’t going to disappoint. “Have you,” I began, folding my arms, “knowingly deceived another person in this room in the last 24 hours?”

“Yes,” he answered. “You. As you well know.” He addressed the room. “For those who weren’t already aware, Loki, Mayari and Tezcatlipoca broke into a secure facility and committed treason. Not very competently. I was aware, but chose not to stop them.”

“Ah, but that could have just been to win our trust.” Although I didn’t actually believe it. Mainly I was just pushing it because of the bangle.

“It wasn’t.”

“He’s not clever enough,” added Tez.

“Coming from the Nobel Laureate himself,” Apollo sniffed.

I wasn't about to let it go that easily. “Did you plan all of this, or something like it, in order to win our trust?”

“No,” he emphasised, looking irritated.

“People,” said Tez, sounding tired, “this isn’t one of those cut-and-dry situations. The future has flip-flopped back and forth dozens of times since then. I say if we get handed an extra ally on a silver platter, it would be a mistake to turn them down.”

“Hear, hear,” said Grace. Leaning on his staff, he made his way down off the stage to join the rest of us. “Just to be clear, though, I assume we’re talking about a revolt against God, and not, say, the congregation. Because I would take umbrage with that.”

Durga tensed and leaned forward as if to say something, then clamped her mouth shut.

“Almost nobody works for Yahweh because they like him,” Apollo said, taking the floor back. “People put up with him because of what he stands for, not the man himself. Hope. Love. Forgiveness. All worthy ideals uniting people the world over.”

“Uniting?” exclaimed Grace. “You’re out of your mind. Do you know how many formal schisms there are in the church? Ideals are responsible for most of them. You want people to get along, you have to get people to put aside their ideals and start focusing on tolerating difference. It isn’t going anywhere any time soon.”

Interesting observation. Coming from an interesting person. I wanted to offer him a job now more than ever, and not just because it would be funny. Not to mention that if we got the pope on board, I could introduce him to Rap Boy, and that was going to be a show worth attending.

“It’s not my fault people won’t act in their own best interests,” said Apollo. “All I can do is try.”

“Well, it’s not enough,” said Mayari. “I get that you want to save them from themselves. I do too. But we can’t do that within Yahweh’s tight little box of restrictions. You’ve been trying to bail the water out of a leaky ship with a teaspoon far past the point where the rest of us realised it was never going to work. If we want to see any measure of success, we have to try something radically different, and that is not going to happen under current management.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here. I don’t need you to rub it in my face.”

Aw, diddums, I thought. Because that was something he’d never do to me. I’d never get tired of seeing the tables turned.

“No, you do,” said Lucy. “Because you helped drag this disaster out for well over a millennium, and if we’re not going to hold you accountable for it, then the least you can do is listen. Luckily for you, we’re a lot more forgiving than my dad.”

“I was wondering where Sir Security’s ideal of forgiveness came from,” said Grace, wiping at the corner of his eye. “The holy book contains some doozies in that regard. Like the time our beloved employer wiped out most of the world because too many people were having the wrong kinds of sex.”

Which was funny, because Apollo had been one of those people, and to my knowledge still was, albeit on the down-low. I wondered if he would have made it even further up the corporate hierarchy if he hadn’t been.

“If only it was just ancient history,” Lucy muttered. “Last year he put a temporary ban on Floor C because someone there called him names to his face, and no one’s seen it since. HR are still trying to get them back. I’ve also seen the look on his face after a few board meetings and I’m fairly sure he’s responsible for some of the Armageddon events Security prevent.”

“That’s confidential information… but you’re not wrong,” said Apollo, looking somewhat mollified.

“He was behind at least one of the office burnings,” Lucy continued. “And he’s been blaming women for his problems ever since Eve decided she was a fan of critical thinking.”

“To be fair,” Mayari said, smiling, “Being the source of Yahweh’s problems is high praise. I’ll take it.”

Hand on my chest, I looked at her aghast. “That is appallingly sexist, Mayari. Men are just as good at being problems.”

“Tell it to Yahweh when you stick it to him,” she said, and grinned, showing a perfect set of pearly white teeth. “Assuming I don’t get there first.”

“Revenge is not a race,” I professed sagely. “It is a noble, esteemed calling where points are awarded for finesse and impact.”

“Well, I’d bet on myself,” said Durga. She had four arms out; two folded politely in her lap and the upper set resting along the top of the pew. When we all turned to look at her in varying degrees of surprise, the ones on the pew came off in an awkward reaction and started fiddling with the fabric of her sari. “I’m in this too, now, I assume.”

“Do you want to be?” asked Lucy. “You’re the best warrior here, and we could really use you. But it would be preferable if no one was involved under duress.”

She glanced at Apollo.

So did I, with a subtle joggle of the bangle in his direction. Not under duress, eh?

Fine, he said, not looking at me. Don’t mess this up. My powers returned again like a breath of fresh air, even as he gave Durga the nod.

“I’m in,” she said, some of the nervousness melting away to be replaced with a genuine smile.

“Well, then. Do you intend to betray us?” Mayari asked, recovering from the temporary sidetrack as she turned back to Apollo.

“No.”

She gave him a long stare. “All right, then.”