“How is it?” Maven, who was still silently grumbling, asked me. If it weren’t for her cooking I wouldn’t have let her bully me as much! Alas, woe is me. I was holding a half-eaten pastry made from ingredients grown using druid magic.

Cass still had the defiance to return to me after knowing the coast was clear. ‘Defiance’ because she pecked the other half of the pastry off. Not only that, she also started lovingly nudging Maven! Damned bird, I’ll have baked oversized cassowary tonight for sure.

“You grew this with roots grown with your magic, huh? I always wondered how you always seemed to have a limitless supply of ingredients even though we were stuck in an underground stronghold.”

“You never bothered to check. I had the stronghold kitchen floors cracked to reach dirt. Old elven magic allowed us to grow nature wherever we pleased as long as there was dirt.”

“Tsk. This explains why you elves don’t have an agricultural society. Wait, didn’t I know this already?”

“Well, to be honest, I also needed Rhylla. See how useful she is!” Maven pushed Rhylla forward. I leaned forward and took note of her features…through her mask. What am I? A magician?

“…How was she even part of my companions?”

“We were at that one desert we couldn’t get out and you found her.”

“Ah, right. What was that called again? The Eternal Desert? Pfft. More like ‘Eternal Deleted’, ha ha ha!”

“That was her home.”

“Right, never mind…She’s a desert elf?” As I said that, Rhylla nervously looked to her side. I started digging into my memories but couldn’t find much.

“She’s a desert druidess, but not only that, she also knows how to grow exotic spices which I couldn’t. See the mix here? I grow the foodstuff, she grows the spices! The thing is we have to show the elves what being a druid really means!”

“Protecting the forests?”

“No! Fuck that! It’s growing delicious ingredients...” Maven wiped her mouth by habit, even though she wasn’t drooling. In fact, she was incapable of doing so.

“Yeah, yeah. I get it, so quit it before I catch your weirdness. What do you need?”

“I need some manpower and some money. The vampire’s shadow walking ability would help us, so it’ll be nice if we could get one of them.”

Shadow walking is a vampire’s ability to swim through the shadows. I suggested the ability to be named to ‘shadow swimming’ but my companions protested that it sounded weird. From my study of the two vampires, although vampires eventually start taking different branches of magic, they usually start with this essential skill.

“Take Horatio. Lucia would stand out too much and she’s my essential vampire.”

“Your lordship, this humble one thanks you for your praise!” Lucia’s voice mumbled out of my shadow like she was buried underground.

“I told you to stop talking when you’re in my shadow! It’s creepy! Come on up, Horatio. You’ve got some chefs to help.”

“My lord, I am skilled in blood-related dishes that would certainly be savored by the foolish masses and…”

“Right, I don’t want to hear it. I’d like to hear your plans first, Maven.”

“My idea is to start from the beginning. You know, testing my recipes and eventually subtly spreading it. I’m now a citizen so I could in theory start my own shop somewhere, as long as the government approves it.”

“Starting from step one is always a good choice.” I paused at my own paused and rubbed my chin. I muttered to myself, “Starting from step one…”

I promptly left the comfort of the grass field and made my way back to my quarters. There, my spymaster was busy conjuring some spells.

“Any luck on getting those shadowlings?” I asked as I locked the room and formed an anti-sound barrier.

“No such luck, Boss. I’m unable to pinpoint the reason so I’m afraid we’re running in the dark.”

“Then you’ll have to do your my dirty work yourself. Get your lazy ass up and get moving, my spy master. I need you to find out why Rookie is locked up, and trace their movement back.”

“What’re you planning on doing?”

“I plan to play with the system, of course. This system of justice is so hilarious that I just want to show the so-called Union how much of a joke it is by breaking Rookie out legally. The fact that the elves forced me to ‘think’ is already a crime.”

“Obviously, Boss. It’s quite a horrid thing making you use your imaginary brain. You shall hear from me again, soon.” With that, Beor flickered away from my sight and his presence left the building.

I tapped my mask, formulating every possibility. One plan wasn’t enough and murder couldn’t be one of them. It’ll be easy to pin the blame on the new arrivals which had little reason to stay.

Which reminded me, on the surface, the heroes’ party came here to visit and inform the elves about the whole situation of Angolia. Argo had already told me in detail that the Angolian ambassador had to be recalled so we were sent in as replacement.

The whole situation was sketchy at best. Why send in the heroes’ party to be ambassadors? Why hasn’t the elves suspected us already? Why hadn’t they sent anyone to spy on us?

…

I have a bunch of slaves to find it out for me. I got other things to worry about which was more important than stopping an inter-species war.

“Lucia, get the heroes and have them meet with the elven ambassador or whoever is in charge. Get them to do whatever they were supposed to be doing in the first place.”

Lucia rose from my shadow, bowed and promptly left. With this, I was left in my own room in silence. The anti-sound barrier was still active and with both vampires gone, I was finally alone. I could truly enjoy this peace and quiet.

Except…

Peace and quiet wasn’t a normal thing for me. Where did the voices go? I lied down on my bed and shut everything off for a moment to enjoy the surrealism of the situation. As I slowly dozed off, the constant white noise which filled me was no longer with me.

Memories flooded my now-empty mind. The last time the voices disappeared, that happened.

Oh well. What was the use of worrying about it anyway? The annoying little shits are gone! There was no way I would pass this opportunity for a good nap! I will leave the worrying to the future me.

*

*

*

“My head hurts. My back hurts. My joints hurt. Even in the afterlife, I still want to die,” I groaned as I scratched my back after getting up from my sleep.

“Quit complaining, Boss. You still got a family to save so any more time spent on crying would just be time wasted.” Beor laid down a bag onto a table. Inside was an assortment of items, from papers to chisels. It was just everyday materials that anyone could buy off most stores. There wasn’t even any weapon amongst his things.

“What are these supposed to be? Arts and craft materials? Unfortunately for you, Beor, our artisan is not in our tour group so I don’t know what the use of bringing this to me is.”

“No, Boss. Look closely,” He said as he passed me some papers.

I studied the documents he gave me and noticed that these were all related to Rookie. From his travel pass to his identification, it was all here.

“I found these buried in the evidence room within the prison. I doubt the elves would even miss them. Or could it be that the elves intentionally buried them? Nevertheless, it seems anyone could defend any of the guilty so you could just present yourself at the court on the day of the trial.”

“So I’ll have to fight an entire mob of peasants who would probably be controlled by whoever was running the court?”

“I also heard that the judge changed day-by-day. So you’ll have to convince each of the judges differently.”

I looked over Rookie’s papers. First was his identity. His basic details from name, age and race was written in neat order with a stamp from the Vallen Empire.

‘Non-citizen student’. Apparently the Vallenians had such a good education system that a lot of countries would send their best to the empire to study thus requiring a new definition for non-citizens. Only notable thing here was that it listed him as an ‘apeman’ here. Heh heh. That’s hilarious.

Next was his border pass. Reason for entry appeared to be ‘study-related project’. Stuck onto the pass was a note from the commissariat – ‘A scholar. Potential enemy of the state.’ It would’ve appeared that Rookie was already a target by the higher up from the beginning. Poor Rookie.

His written report related to his project was also bundled with the documents. I studied over it and gave a quick yawn. I wish I could sleep, however I noticed that the voices in my head had come back.

“I’ve also investigated everyone who had witnessed Rookie moving around. I have the details written out here.” Beor passed me another bundle of paper and I sighed as I had to do boring work.

“Where is my head administrator?”

“He’s in another tour group. He went far north, last time I remembered.”

I couldn’t pass the job to Sarjay who was an expert on boring paperwork since he was in Angolia taking care of his grandest daughter. I should teach Replacement Sarjay to read and write, but could magical cassowary monsters even do so? I will have to experiment on this later. I’ve yet to teach her how to handle a two-handed sword.

“Couldn’t you defend Rookie for me?” I turned to Beor who seemed proud of his work.

“I work in the shadows, Boss. Put me on the spotlight and I’d be useless.”

“Tsk. What an elegant way of saying ‘No way, bro.’ Witnesses are nice and all, but why is Rookie locked up for anyway?”

“Grand theft, I heard.”

“GRAND THEFT?!” I unintentionally raised my voice and slammed the table in surprise.

“Yes, Rookie is in for attempting to break into the Union’s most important and sacred citadel, the Kreylin and tried to steal one of the highest quality mana crystals.”

Those mana crystals were the mass produced elf-made objects used for absorbing mana, in order to replace groves. I tried to wrap my head as to why in the name of the Abyss would that oversized rotted food with legs try to steal a mana crystal.

His project report wasn’t even completed so it doesn’t give me a good picture. Great, I had to defend someone that broke capital crimes. Fear not, my abomination, for your lawyer is one of the greatest undead to ever un-live, an Archlich!