In truth, being accompanied by silence could be as relaxing as enjoying the shade while on top of a demon tortoise meant for wreaking havoc among peasant levies and destroying pitiful fortifications. That may be specific, however, I am making a point here.

“And then if I find a princess elf, I will woo her with my long-trained white knight skills! I have read multiple novels, played multiple games and seen the guides on how to get a girlfriend. I will impress all those long-lived beauties with my charm!” Lard boasted while I attempted to mute his voice in my head.

“Why are you even telling me this, tubby?” I layed down on my side and looked at him with extreme displeasure.

“To warn you not to get in my way! I swear, someday, I will lean onto a girl and she would confess to me but then you or some other background character would interfere, leaving the awkwardness for an entire story arc!” Though he seemed to proclaim that with confidence, I couldn’t understand what he was saying properly. Was my Commons messing up again?

“In the first place, it’d be hard to find someone or something attracted to you.” I stretched my back and yawned. This ride to the portal would be nice if not for the seemingly immortal chatterbox that I have to entrust the heroes’ party to.

“Hmpfh! You shall see! Then you shall rue the day you mocked me, Vakasa of the Darkness Empire!” He grunted then sat on the side of the platform, quietly munching on a piece of bread.

What was this? He had finally shut his damned mouth? Quickly, drone off to pseudo-sleep! I had a bad feeling that someone would disturb my sleep and…

“Teacher.”

No. Goddess damn it. Why?!

“Yeeesss?” I groaned at whoever was rude enough to disturb me. I looked up and saw that it was the blonde-haired daughter of Duke Lancel, Aera.

“Is it true that we’re going to Sayitsi?” She asked.

“Oh dear me, we aren’t. We’re going to a magical candyland.” I decided to humor myself since everything else just wanted to make me cry.

“Don’t be such a smart ass. I meant to ask if you had ever been to Sayitsi.” Aera walked up in front of me and I noticed that she was carrying her new mithril rapier by her waist. In addition, she was also wearing an armored coat with a plate cuirass with the Lancel’s family crest.

“Not really. I’ve been to other elven places a long time ago, if you’re wondering. Will this be the first time you’re leaving Angolia?”

“While I must admit that, as a daughter of a prestigious Duke, I had not set foot outside of Angolia, I am still excited like a little girl and I am not ashamed to say that.”

“Well, no shame in that.” I decided to shrug her off. Maybe if I act colder to her, she’d leave me in peace.

“But still…To send us as diplomatic ambassadors without an actual ambassador…” She covered her mouth as she voiced out a complaint.

“What? We don’t need an ambassador when you’ve got me. I am a master of diplomacy through fists.” I thrusted a fist out and nodded at my self-proclamation, “Lucia, you can testify to this, right?”

“Of course, your lordship is extremely well-versed in coercion and threats.”

“No no no. Those terms sound barbaric. I like the term ‘making friends through force’ more,” I sat up and corrected my maid. She bowed in apology.

“Ignoring that, I’d like to know where you keep getting all these oddballs from.” Aera pointed at Lucia then to Lard, “Even now, you have a mysterious hooded butler.”

Horatio silently bowed as a greeting when Aera called out to him. In return, she only shook her head in disapproval, “Ah well. As long as you keep your distance from me, it’s all fine. As daughter of Duke Lancel, I need to keep an appearance so you would do well to keep your plebeians far from me.”

“Plebeian? I, Vakasa of the Dark-“

“That is very funny, Lady Aera, as your lordship would be far more lordly than your ladyship or your father,” Lucia coldly told Aera with her usual maid tone, though with an underlying tone. Aera opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. Both the dwarf and the human stared at each other for a while. In the end, Aera decided to get off Alph’s back without arguing.

“Well done. Now I could sleep,” I commended Lucia for shutting two mouths at the same time. Truly a respectable skill.

“Your lordship’s praises are wasted on this one.”

With this, I could shut off my vision and doze off to pseudo-sleep. I fixed my sleeping position and felt something lying down next to me.

“Daggerless. Why the hell are you lying down here with me?” I looked at the soon-to-be-dead-man who was lying next to me on my sun chair.

“Well, Boss. Scouts have returned and they’d like you to see what they found,” Daggerless reported while snuggling next to me.

“…” I started gathering mana and placed my hand on Daggerless’ chest.

“WAIT, WAIT! I’M GETTING OFF!” He quickly rolled off to the side and kissed the platform ground.

“So? What was this thing they found?” Giving up on my sleep, I decided to just sit up straight and paid attention to whatever this freak had to say.

“They found some kind of huge arch blocking the path. It’s like a gate or something. They tried going around but there was a magic shield blocking them from going any further. It could be an ancient trap so they decided to just stop and report back,” Daggerless explained.

“…I thought your demoness girlfriend showed you the portals. Wouldn’t you know what those arches are for?”

“No. Haven’t seen that before. It could be something new, which is why I’d like you to check it out.”

Well, if there was something like an arch in the middle of a forest, then we should be close. My companions and I had been travelling from Follis to the middle of a forest, following a dirt path as instructed by Daggerless. I do hope we were close since I didn’t want to stick around Angolia any longer.

I jumped off Alph and followed Daggerless. The heroes except for Lard gathered around me waiting for their next instruction but I’d like to bring some combat experts with me instead.

“Blackhair, you and the others stay here. Maven, gather half of the companions and come with me.”

“My name is Raym-…” I heard some needless noise coming from Blackhair so I ignored that and started walking ahead with Daggerless along the dirt path. A few minutes of walking later, the dirt path changed to old stone roads. My scouts were waiting for me so I listened to their report while I wait for Maven to catch up with me.

According to them, when they tried approaching the arch, they felt a strong presence so they decided to keep a low profile and avoid the arch. They also determined that the magic shield which blocked them could be of otherworldly origins.

Well, whatever that ‘strong presence’ was, it wouldn’t be able to handle the full brunt of my tourist group. When Maven and a few others arrived, we went towards the arch.

It was tall enough to fit two Alphs stacked on top of each other, made of stone and it looked like it was going to crumble at any moment’s notice. The pillars holding the arch was corroded and chipped away, indicating it was made from limestone, marble or something similar and was ancient.

The arch was out of place in the middle of the forest. Why would anyone build this here in the middle of nowhere if not to defend a teleporter capable of instant long-distance travel?

As I approached it, a figure rose from the top of the arch. A deep voice thundered, “Who dares step forward to challenge me?!”

The cloud blocked the sun which darkened the figure, making his silhouette a bit intimidating. Once the sun shone again, the figure could be clearly seen. Standing upright on two bull’s legs, with chest and arms of a man, boasting a large bull’s head, it was a minotaur.

He had a full-plated helmet and his metal shoulder pads were spiked with high steel tips. On his hand was a large axe, chipped from the endless meatbags it had slaughtered. The minotaur’s chest laid bare, proudly showing off the uncountable number of scars obtained from battle.

“If you wish to enter, you must challenge me, the guardian of this place!” The minotaur jumped off from the arch and landed in front of us. The ground cracked, creating a small shockwave which rustled the nearby trees and cleared the dust from the area.

“But beware, none had ever survived facing me. Not a being is allowed to refuse my fight. If you dare run, I shall cut you down without a chance to honor yourself by falling in combat. With that said, which of you is willing to die first?” He raised his axe and pointed at us.

Oh bother. I just wanted to relax today. Luckily for me, I noticed that Sarjay was standing to the right of me so I bumped him with my elbow.

“Sarjay, you go,” I ordered. He groaned and complained that he had been working on his kingdom so he decided to elbow the guy next to him. The person said that his legs hurt so he bumped the knight to his right. My companions ended up making a train of bumps, making it all the way to Maven.

She grunted in annoyance and bumped Daggerless who was to her immediate right. Daggerless sneered and jabbed the guy to his right with his elbow…except there was no one there.

“Eh..?” He thrusted his elbow a few times at the air before he looked to his right. There was no one there.

“Keke. Looks like you have to go fight him, Brainless.” Maven snickered at Daggerless’ misfortune.

“Oh, yeah?” Daggerless struck Maven’s arm with his elbow.

“You did not just…” Maven threw her elbow at Daggerless but he skillfully dodged it by jumping back. Not allowing the chance to let him recover, Maven immediately charged forward, thrusting her elbow repeatedly at Daggerless.

Daggerless responded quickly to every single attack, moving his body quickly to avoid being hit by her elbow. Maven started to emphasis more power in her strikes as every time she thrusted her elbow, the air near Daggerless exploded.

Being quicker than Maven, Daggerless laughed at her only to be caught by something on his foot. He looked down and saw a root coming out of the ground strangling his foot.

“Elven power, bitch!” Maven bent her arm and elbowed Daggerless to the face. She rolled away to give herself space from Daggerless.

“You son of a…” Recovering from the elbow jab, Daggerless used raw power to tear through the root, charging towards Maven. Daggerless used quicker jabs as his initial combo. He quickly jumped after his combo and got behind Maven.

“Got you!” Daggerless thrusted his elbow forward but Maven twisted her body downwards. Being undead and mostly skeletal, my companions and I could dodge and twist our bodies without restricted by pain, muscle and other burdens.

An earth wall rose in front of Maven, immediately shattering upon impact with Daggerless’ elbow. Using his superior agility, he dashed towards Maven’s left side. He used his left arm to grab his right arm. With a yank, he ripped his arm off and swung his arm at Maven.

Vine roots shot out from the floor, redirecting and parrying away Daggerless’ arm. Maven directed the vines to grab and strangle Daggerless but his nimbleness caused the vines to grab the air. He kicked off the ground and reached Maven’s flank.

He pulled back his arm-weapon and threw his strength towards his swing. Maven couldn’t even react as her body was thrown towards a nearby boulder, crashing into it and hitting the floor. That’ll leave a dent…

“Cough…cough…damn you bastard. I give up,” Maven groaned as she got up.

“Ha! That’s another win for me!” Daggerless cheered as he reconnected his arm.

“Yeah, yeah. But your number of losses against me is still higher. Tsk.” Maven was clearly not happy with this result but she still walked towards the minotaur. She unsheathed her heavenium knife from her hip and faced the half-bull half-man.

“Well, haven’t had beef in a while…Let’s get this over with, future steak.” Maven directed her anger and rage towards the minotaur.

“I…ugh…er….Actually, I’m only paid by the hour so…look at the time! It’s my lunch break! So…yeah…This isn’t my problem anymore!” The minotaur shrugged and ran into the forest.

“…That’s it?” Maven sighed as she placed her knife back into her sheathe.

“Well, look at the bright side, our task here is finished in no time.” I patted Maven’s back and quickly sent my scouts through the gate. After confirming there was nothing beyond the gate but a huge stone structure, we had the rest of the travel group moving.

The stone structure that my scouts reported looked like a hollow dome or a pavilion. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how this thing would work. I couldn’t even trace any presence of magic.

“You sure this is the portal and not some kind of failed art project?” I asked Daggerless as I kicked the stone structure.

“I know how this work. It uses mana from the otherworld,” Daggerless answered. Well, that would work, assuming the Abyss doesn’t pop out of nowhere. For now, we gathered everyone. Alph tried getting into the dome but it wasn’t big enough. My companions cried in vain as we had to leave both our demon tortoise and baggage behind. It was decided that we would just send Alph through the normal way into Sayitsi.

“I’ll send word to the elves that Alph is to be treated as a national ambassador, as well,” Sarjay noted as he rode on his horse. He tagged along with Asha until we reach the portal for so-called ‘protection’ but I was sure he just wanted to spend more time with us. D’awww.

“AWGH?! WHY’D YOU HIT ME WITH YOUR SWORD?!” I shouted as I grabbed my head in pain.

“Hmm…I felt like you were thinking of something annoying,” Sarjay answered.

“I need about half of you to accompany Alph. The path to Sayitsi is long and hard. I’d love to give our demon tortoise some company,” Sarjay ordered the companions. Luckily, we had quite a number of volunteers since they wanted to travel the old fashioned way.

Asha approached me as I rubbed my head. Looking at her, she looked very weird without her bandana and smithy apron. She was wearing a flaming crown along with an expensive noble dress.

“Well, Your Majesty. This is where we part.” I sneered as I bowed. Asha raised her hand towards Sarjay who wordlessly passed his greatsword to her. I didn’t expect her to attack me so I didn’t dodge when she slammed her ancestor’s sword at my face.

“Geugh…like ancestor, like descendant…” As I rubbed my mask in pain.

“Boss, I’ve finished setting up the portal. Anyone who wants a quick trip to Sayitsi better get into the dome now,” Daggerless called out to me.

Half of the tour group, the heroes’ party and I stepped into the dome as instructed by Daggerless. He tinkered with walls, carving runes and imbuing mana into them as we walked inside the dome. I was the last one to get in.

“Well, this is it.” I stopped and turned to Sarjay, who was standing outside of the dome entrance.

“It’ll only be temporary. For Asha’s sake, I’ll only stay here until I am sure she’s safe.” Sarjay shrugged off my concerns.

“I’ll take care of grandpa for you, ‘Boss’.” Asha giggled and gave me one final grin.

“Well. Stay safe, Asha and Sarjay. I do hope to see you soon, Sarjay. I’d hate to record everything into my crystal orbs just because your ass was too lazy to drop by.” I left them and gave a backwards wave as I turned around.

“Tsk, tsk, teacher. That’s not good.” Lard shook his head as I approached.

“What are you talking about, tubby?”

“If you say things like ‘See you soon’ or ‘Stay Safe’, something terrible will happen,” Lard answered. Oh no…That meant…I quickly turned and called out to Sarjay.

“Oi, you bastard! Write me a postcard from hell!” I shouted.

“Yeah, yeah!”

With that, I was satisfied.

.

.

.

“Everyone ready? Last check,” Daggerless told us. Everyone nodded and Daggerless snapped his finger. The dome started rotating and the ground shook. I started to feel the presence of mana building up all over the structure. The stone structure shook and rotated until it formed an arch with lightning bolts firing from its inner edge.

“Get ready! We’re about to teleport! Make sure to check if you’re still fully intact after we teleport!” Daggerless’ warning caused me to have second doubts but it was too late to voice my complaints as my vision was blinded with a white light.

I was blinded, but didn’t feel like anything changed. No, wait. I was also deafened. I had to make sure that I was still in one piece so I first patted my upper body. Next, I moved my feet around and was happy that it was still touching the snow.

Wait…snow?

My hearing was slowly coming back and I was hearing this weird…patriotic music. What was this?

My vision slowly returned and what enveloped my sight was a sea of white. Snowflakes fell from the sky endlessly from the dull, gray sky. It would’ve been beautiful, if not for the surprised lines of coated people.

Elves, I presumed, were marching in a line along the ‘streets’ and was taken by surprise by our spontaneous arrival. In a hurry, they formed lines in both of our flanks and pointed what I could identify as ‘halberd-staves’ towards us.

The elves all wore the same uniform – Brown coat, leather boots, brown or black gloves and a red tree-shaped pin attached to their fur cap. Their halberd blades were thin, but I could tell that the mana crystal at their end could be used to cast spells.

The elves didn’t attack us, but my group didn’t either. The first one to move was the elf in our group, Arrowsky.

“Vzra etsei Sayitsin stu heroes!” Arrowsky shouted as he raised his sicklebow towards the air. The uniformed elves saw the sicklebow and relaxed their halberd-staves upon seeing Arrowksky’s weapon. While our left and right was covered with elves ready to kill us, straight at us, I noticed something moving towards us.

That ‘something’ was an amazing sight. A large brown bear with antlers with an elf riding on it moved towards us. The bear stopped in front of us and his rider pointed his sickle at us. Compared to the other elves, this elf had a peaked cap with the same red tree-shaped pin.

“K’vzra etski Arrowsky?” The bear-mounted elf lowered his sickle when he saw Arrowsky.

“Vah. I am Arrowsky.” Arrowsky saluted at the other elf. Wait a minute. I get it. It was spelled ‘Arrowski’, not ‘Arrowsky’…Damn it, Commons! The entire time, I was spelling it wrongly!

What the hell was this place? Are we even in the Great Elven Forests? I looked around and saw prodigious ancient trees with most of the top shaped like a teardrop. The forest was blanketed with snow, yet the trees still had leaves. The elves didn’t seem bothered by the cold but the heroes party was shivering.

“Vos…Sayitsi skatutska.” The elf nodded his head towards us and his bear stood up.

Sayitsi…My Commons was terrible, but that doesn’t mean my elven was crap. It sounded so familiar, but since Commons threw me off, I thought Sayitsi was a Commons word. Sayitsi. Union. Elves. I only looked with my mouth wide open at the bear-mounted elf as he welcomed us.

“Greetings, comrades. Welcome to the Great Elven Forests, or in my tongue…The Great Elven Union.”

…Fuck.