Greetings reader,

I am Grug, the Philosogre. (See what I did there? Ogres can smash words together too, not just heads!)

In this book, I hope to smash the racial bias and cultural preconceptions that people hold about my proud and ancient race, the ogres. I have compiled historical information passed down through oral tradition and passages recorded in ogre magi spell books. I also interviewed numerous influential ogres, such as Lurg the Smasher and Thunk the Smasher and Krog the Smasher. Unfortunately, Murg the Smasher refused my interview; he thought I would somehow steal his strength by taking down his words.

Now sure, I’m certain that some of you are like ‘Grug’s not a real ogre! He’s only eight feet tall and 350 pounds! He’s practically human sized!’

And to those who say that, I would be thankful if you came here to say so in person so that I can smash your self-esteem with vile words and terrible imprecations. Then I’ll smash your face if you’re also smaller than me.

I am proud of my cultural heritage as an ogre, even if I am rather scrawny and short and overly wordy. In this volume I have smashed together hundreds of disparate accounts into a cohesive whole and bashed it a bit further with my own commentary to provide context for those of you not in a smash-centric culture.

I will also explore the ethics of our culture and how we don’t actually enslave people of other races; rather, we protect them by smashing them into service around a central authoritarian caste.

Now, I’m sure some of the more academic folks out there are crying foul at this point. “Ogres can’t write like this! They can barely wipe their own asses!” Well, it is unfortunately true. My hands are far too large and clumsy to operate a pen in anything resembling a legible manner. However, I do have my pal Leopold to transcribe my musings for me, and he is totally not a slave and absolutely free to go anytime he wants to leave.

(I’m not free, he’s lying, oh shit, he can read this)

Like I was saying, I have my pal Harold to transcribe my musings, totally free of coercion via the implied threat of smashing.

I do hope you enjoy my book, and that you end up enlightened by the concepts which my words will smash into your psyche.

Smashing Regards,

Grug the Word Smasher, Philosogre Extraordinaire