《Headpats》Chapter Forty

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Remedy kept her arms crossed and her brow pinched. She even puckered her lips a little.

Tattletail wiggled her butt on the seat and tried to make herself comfortable. It was hard, because no one ever accounted for things like tails when making chairs. Not that she deserved to be comfortable, the fat meanie. “I’m not fat.”

Oh course, none of this would have happened if Tattletail just knew how to respect other people’s boundaries. It was all an unfortunate accident born from Remedy’s newest sister’s lack of common sense.

Maybe she could accidentally give her butt cancer so that she’d leave her chair alone. “If you give me butt cancer,” Tattletail said. “I’m going to tell Big Sis.”

“Tattletale,” Remedy hissed.

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out,” Tattletail said, her mouth twisting into the smuggest grin.

Remedy wanted to wipe the grin away. And the mouth too. Leave her youngest sister all ‘I have no mouth yet I must snitch.’ “Why are you taking my computer time away?” she asked.

“We both know you would just use it to look at racy pictures of Glory Girl.”

“Well yeah, that’s what computer time is for,” Remedy said. And all pictures of Glory Girl were racey. She was the fastest, after all.

Tattletail’s eyes narrowed and her tail swished. “You really shouldn’t be on the internet. You’re too innocent.”

Remedy raised a hand. “Left or right cheek?”

Tattletail raised both hands in surrender. “Okay, okay, sheesh. Look, I need to look some things up for Big Sis. It’s important. No joke. Cross my heart and all.”

She huffed and looked away before recrossing her arms. “You should have just started with that. What do you need to look up?”

Tattletail shifted around and faced the computer screen. She glared at the password prompt for a few seconds before rolling her eyes and typing ‘password.’ “Big Sis needs money because we’re all very expensive. That and she thinks we need to go to school.”

“We don’t,” Remedy said.

“We know that, but Big Sis wants the best for us. Don’t worry, you can give all the kids measles or something and we’ll have to stay home, then Pop can stab all the bus tires, and Cheshire can spook the staff. We just need to keep doing things so that the school stays closed.”

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Tattletail clicked on the browser then waited a few moments. It opened to the Glory Girl fanclub frontpage. They stared at each other for a moment.

“Whatever,” Tattletail said as she clicked on the favourites tab and found Parahumans Online.

Welcome to the Parahumans Online message boards.

You are currently logged in, xXxBarbieCowgirl11xXx

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Tattletail stared at the name for a while, then turned to Remedy, her mouth agape. “Seriously?”

“What’s wrong with my screen name?” Remedy asked.

“Everything.” She shook her head, ears flip-flopping around. “Nevermind. It’ll work.”

She clicked around a little, then went to the pages where people could ask questions to the general public.

“You need to be thirteen or have Big Sis’ permission to actually post,” Remedy said.

“Sure you do,” Tattletail said.

“You’re not even thirteen hours old! You’re breaking the Terms of Service!”

“You’re not supposed to read those!” Tattletail said. “And we’re posting to ask something for Big Sis, so it’s okay.”

“That’s not what the rules say.”

Tattletail snorted. “Gosh, you really like rules, huh? Stop being so uncool.”

“I’m totally cool!” Remedy shouted.

“Girls, is everything okay?” came a voice from deeper in the house. It was dad, and he only sounded a little concerned.

“We’re okay, daddy!” Remedy called back.

“Be nice to each other,” he said.

“Okay!” the two sisters chorused as one a moment before they returned to glaring at each other. “Fine,” Tattletail said. “I’ll just do my thing and get off, okay?”

Remedy huffed and looked away. This was her happy alone private time, which was the best time except for the times she spent with Big Sis. Still, if Tattletail really needed the computer then she’d allow it as long as it was for a good cause.

Topic: Hello! Questions about wards and stuff

In: Boards ► Information ► Wards and Protectorate

xXxBarbieCowgirl11xXx (Original Poster)(Glory Girl Fanatic)

Posted on February 14th 2011:

Okay so someone I know has superpowers and we totally need a lot of money to buy stuff and we are kind of under 18 for now. We dont want to do patrols and stuff because thats lame and all the costumes the wards wear look super stupid so we wanted to know how much money we could make for just not messing up the city?

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Remedy read the message even as Tattletail clicked ‘send.’ “That’s never going to work,” she said.

“Yeah, it totally will,” Tattletail said. “But not at first. We’ll need to make a huge mess of things first. Like, scare the locals into thinking we’re a lot more trouble than they want to mess with. Then we can ask them for money and make Big Sis happy by getting a house with more rooms.”

“I’d like my own room,” Remedy said somewhat wistfully. It would be nice to have a door, and a lock, and her own computer. She frowned as she reached the logical conclusion of what having her own room would mean. “But I wouldn’t get to sleep on Big Sis’ bed anymore.”

“We get to sleep on Big Sis’ bed?” Tattletail asked, eyes wide, then her face shifted into a huge, toothy grin. “I’m going to wrap her in my tail so she wants to sleep next to me the most.”

“Nuh-uh,” Remedy said. “There’s a pecking order, and you’re at the bottom now. You only get to skip up the list if you’re having a nightmare. And not a fake one, I’d know.”

Tattletail sniffed. “We’ll see,” she said before clicking on the refresh button. It took a minute for all the things on the screen to disappear and come back, and by the time it was done there were a few comments.

(Showing page 01 of 01)

► BrightFlare87

Replied on February 14th, 2011:

Yikes, that grammar alone screams ‘Wards age.’ That or you’re a boomer.

► NegativeHumility

Replied on February 14th, 2011:

Not in it for the heroics huh? That’s alright, I guess. You might want to look into the more corporate side of things, they tend to pay out a lot more. Lower risk too, usually. Not as morally righteous, but if you don’t care for idealism then it’s the way to go.

► I_Lost_My_Acog (PRT Trooper)

Replied on February 14th, 2011:

If you’re contemplating joining the local Wards, then the best move would be to phone the local PRT headquarters (the number is the same in every city) and ask for an admission interview. You should get the opportunity to talk to someone who will be able to guide you through the process.

► SanestSith

Replied on February 14th, 2011:

Hey Op,

Don’t forget that if you want to join the Wards and keep any semblance of control over your identity, it might be best to go out and do something public before joining up, otherwise they’ll railroad your identity.

► Off-Centre-GG (Glory Girl Fanatic)

Replied on February 14th, 2011:

Join New Wave! You’ll have to unmask, but you’ll get to spend time with Glory Girl (and the others too)

► Sam_Minimum

Replied on February 14th, 2011:

@ SanestSith

The Protectorate wouldn’t do that.

► BlackWizard (verified technomancer)

Replied on February 14th, 2011:

Just be careful, OP. A lawyer might be a bit pricey, but it’s worth having one while discussing any sort of contract, especially one with Satan’s minions a government agency like the PRT. Once you’re in, it’s damned near impossible to get out.

Tattletail hummed as she read all the comments that had already appeared. “I think I have an idea. A genius idea. We’re going to make so much money.”

Remedy had a bad feeling in the pit of her tummy. “What kind of idea?”

“The best kind,” Tattetail said as her face twisted into a grin that Remedy didn’t have the words to describe. It was very smug. “Actually, I do need to look up one more thing.”

She tabbed out of the PHO page, then, as soon as she got to the browser’s homepage (which was of course the Glory Girl fanclub homepage) she sighed and typed into the url box. A moment later the browser opened up onto the SuperVillain wikia, specifically the Undersiders’ page. She started flipping through every member’s page, even if some were nearly empty.

“Oh yeah,” Tattletail said as she scrolled down. “This will most definitely probably work. I need a phone.”

“Don’t use the home phone, or they’ll know where Big Sis lives,” Remedy said.

“I know that.” Tattletail stood up. “You can go back to looking at pictures of Glory Girl’s legs now,” she said before walking towards the kitchen. “Pop! I need you to steal someone’s phone. It’s for Onee-sama!”

Remedy huffed. She could worry about all that later. For now, she had her internet back, and that was all that mattered.

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