“So, how are we gonna do this?” The one with the cat-ears asked.

“I could goop them?” the one in the white robes said. She was tapping a finger against her chin and eyeing them as if they were sides of beef left to hang.

The one that looked like a ninja just ran her thumb along the length of her knife.

Rachel wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. First Lisa and Regent barged in complaining about a cat going wild, then they took one of her doggy carry cases and brought in a hissing, screaming cat that had all of her dogs barking and growling. She wanted it out of her house right away, and expected Brian to kick it out soon enough.

Instead the four of them were arguing, screaming over the dog’s barking when a little girl appeared in the middle of the living room and punched Brian out. Then another one moved through the wall and a third walked in from the door while they were still panicking.

That’s how the entire team ended up tied on the loft floor, handcuffs in place and tape stretched out between all of them in great big circles.

Bitch glared at the girls but kept her mouth shut. It was the best thing to do. The one in the robes was patting Angelica on the head and rubbing Brutus behind the ear, both dogs lapping up the attention like happy little traitors.

“Tattletale,” Brian said, low enough that only the ninja girl turned towards them. “If that biotinker melts me, I’m going to fucking haunt you.”

“Seconded,” Regent said. “I’m gonna go full Stay Puft Marshmallow Man on you.”

Rachel felt Lisa move and Alec groaned as an elbow hit him in the kidneys. “Asshole, you were there with me the entire time,” she said.

“I’m haunting you too, Regent,” Brian said.

The three girls pulled out of their huddle, the one with the cat ears nodding seriously before she stepped up to them with the same kind of swagger Rachel saw in tomcats all the time, tail flicks and all. “Okay, villains,” she said as she placed her hands on her hips and thrust out her chest. “Time for y’er recoining.”

“Reckoning, moron,” the one in robes said.

“Fuck off, Remedy! Stop ruining my triplelogue!” the cat-girl said.

“What’s a triplelogue?” Alec asked.

The girl rolled her eyes. “It’s like a monologue, but there’s three of us. Obviously.”

“Oh my god, we’re going to die,” Brian whispered.

“Shut up black guy,” the cat-girl said. She glared at Brian. The two of them really didn’t get along, Rachel noticed.

“That’s racist,” Alec said.

“You’re racist,” she spat back.

“For the love of Onee-sama,” the ninja-girl said. “Let me do the talking, baka neko.” She moved closer to them, then crouched to be at their height, a hand on the handle of her knife and her eyes narrowed. “We have decided not to kill you because that would annoy our Onee-sama. Be grateful that Onee-sama does not want the hands of her imouto dirtied with your filthy gaijin blood.”

“So you’re not gonna kill us?” Alec asked. He didn’t seem all that bothered by the idea.

Ninja girl shook her head.

“We still haven’t decided whether or not I should biotinker your brains to make you better people,” Remedy said. She wiggled her fingers in their direction and Lisa pulled way back.

“Fuck no,” Lisa said. “Don’t touch me!.”

“Lisa, calm down,” Brian ordered.

“Shut up Brian, you don’t know what I know. She’s a waking nightmare.”

“Hey,” Remedy said, her brows pulling together like an angry pit bull. “I didn’t do anything mean to no one.”

“Well,” cat-girl started.

“Shut up Cheshire,” Remedy shot back. “If you don’t stop talking shit I’m going to give you cancer.”

“What kind?” Alec asked.

The girl blinked. “All of them?”

“You did not,” a cold, dangerous voice snapped across the room. “Just threaten to give your sister cancer.”

All three girls flinched, looking like dogs that had just peed on the mattress. They turned at the same time as all of the Undersiders craned their necks to see who was talking.

A tall dark-haired girl stood in the doorway with another little girl by her side. She looked plain, with big glasses and a sweater over jeans. Still, her arms were crossed and her mouth was set in a thin line. Even Rachel could tell that she was pissed off.

“I come back home to find that not only have three of my sisters disappeared, they left to run after a cat that was accidentally kidnapped by, and I quote, ‘big doo-doo head supervillains.’ Do you have any idea how much trouble finding this place was? I should be at home doing homework right now. And all three of you left the house without doing your chores.”

“Wow, they didn’t do their chores. How awful,” Alec said.

“Alec, shut up,” Lisa hissed. She was looking at the scary girl as if she was Lung himself.

“At least Crochet didn’t participate in... whatever this is,” she said before placing a hand on the head of the girl next to her and giving it a fond pat. The girl smiled at her sisters, full of smug satisfaction.

“She tattled on us!” Cheshire screamed.

“She isn’t the one that’s in trouble here.”

“Hey, mom jeans, these brats yours?” Alec asked.

This time it was Rachel who hit him. She could see the way all the girls bowed to her. The new girl was the alpha of her pack, and her pack was stronger than Rachel’s.

“They are,” the girl said with a sigh. “Did you guys really kidnap our cat?” she asked.

Rachel heard Lisa clearing her throat. “Look, I can explain everything if you just give me a minute to talk. It’s all one big misunderstanding.”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” the girl said. “And the supervillain costumes and guns just left lying around are a misunderstanding too, right?” she asked.

Lisa laughed. “Just one big misunderstanding.”

The girl moved over to them and leaned forwards until she was right in front of Lisa, eyes level with her and glare in place. Lisa shrank away, and if she was a dog her tail would be between her legs. “I don’t know what you’re playing at, but if I find out that any of you tried to hurt my sisters I will make you regret it, got it?” she said before poking Lisa in the chest.

Lisa’s head bobbed up and down. “Yup, got it!”

The girl’s face twisted and she stared at Lisa for a long time before standing back up. “Alright girls, let’s go,” she said.

“Aww, but sis, we were about to beat them up,” Cheshire said.

“Don’t make me repeat myself,” she said as she started towards the door. “Remedy, leave the dogs alone. Pop, I don’t know where you’re hiding, but if you’re not next to me in the next ten seconds we’ll be having words.”

And just like that, the entire gang of girls stampeded out of the loft, Rachel’s dogs almost following them until the Remedy girl shooed them back in and closed the door.

“Lisa,” Brian began. “Could you kindly explain what the fuck just happened?”

***

“And so that’s what happened.”

Coil stared across his desk at Lisa.

Lisa stared right back.

The cat in the doggy carrier next to kept chewing at the locks of its cage.

He sighed. “I see. We learned some valuable things, at the very least. You’re dismissed.”

“Uh, right,” Lisa said. She looked around, then shuffled off and out of the room while Coil’s gaze followed her back.

When the door snapped shut, he leaned his head back into his throne-like seat and growled under his breath. His eyes snapped open when a soft weight pressed up against his hand.

Coil stared as the cat Lisa had brought in squirmed under his fingers. It was a far tabby, fur coloured an unnatural black-grey-white pattern. Shrugging to himself, he began to pat it on the head.

“I’ll get you next time, Hebert.”