Vanessa Minnows

Everyone was going to die someday.

Vanessa Minnows knew that.

Everyone knew that. But everyone would like to think it wasn’t going to happen to them soon. The same with her; she wasn’t ready to die. She didn’t know how it was for others, but for her, it was mere wishful thinking.

She was supposed to die young.

She was weak and frail for as long she could remember, weaker than her older brother and younger sister, weaker than her classmates and friends. Muscle problems...among others. Lots of other problems with her body, but the deteriorating muscles was the main concern. Yes, including the heart and lungs—most people forgot those were muscles too.

She wasn’t going to last long. Tough luck.

The life expectancy of people with her condition was around the late teens. Lucky to get to the early twenties. Guess what? She was in her early twenties.

Everyone told her she should feel lucky.

She didn’t.

Her family was ready to do whatever it took to save her; they had the money for it. But there was a limit on how many of her organs could be replaced with machines, there was a limit on how far medicine could extend her life. Her body wouldn't survive bioaugmentronic operations. She was simply too weak to continue on living.

The doctors gave a very generous estimate of two more years. In that two years, she was going to suffer for every moment she was living on borrowed time.

And she was willing to accept it.

That was when her doting godfather stepped in with an offer. Become an Adumbrae. There was no need to worry, her godfather had said, she would be able to control her body. Her mind would be hers alone. She would get to enjoy a healthy body, and so much more. And she trusted him for he had been there for her and her family since she was a child. She even used to call him ‘Rob’ after a character in her favorite cartoon show; his actual name was nowhere near ‘Rob’.

However, there was a cost. The life of others for hers to cheat death.

Despite knowing this, without a moment’s hesitation, she accepted Rob’s offer.

Because she didn’t want to die.

Rob caught up with them carrying scrap metal in his arms. He slightly bent down to fit the large stature of his transformed body in the small corridor they were in. “Parts of the Skitter,” he explained. “I used my other shoe to insulate myself and rip out what I could before other Skitters came.”

No one responded. The others didn’t say anything about Fred. Vanessa eyed what remained of Rob’s clothes. Were they bloodier now? She couldn’t tell if he had Fred’s blood on him. His blood from several encounters with Skitters completely soaked his tattered shirt and pants in red.

He noticed her stare. “Essa…” he began to say.

She looked away, purposefully staring down at the floor while Rachel supported her with an arm around her waist. Their roles were reversed now.

“Essa, are you okay? Are you feeling unwell?”

She shook her head, her lips pursed. There was no problem with her. I wanted to be unwell. Because if she wasn’t, then it meant she could’ve broken free of Dominic’s and Rachel’s hold and stopped Rob. With her mouth familiars, she could incapacitate the two of them if she really wanted to. She didn’t.

“That’s good. I know you’re angry with me right now, but I did what’s the best for all of us.”

It wasn’t the best for Fred, she wanted to say, but what came out of her mouth was, “I know.” Her voice cracked, surprising herself. She only then realized she was close to crying.

They all slowed to a walk. “Vanessa…” Dominic said. He reached out to her, noticed Rob’s gaze, and stopped.

Rachel rubbed her back. “There, there, Vanessa. Rob had to do…um…do what he did to save us. To save you.”

Vanessa was sure Rachel meant well, but her words only hurt her. She knew Rob had no qualms killing people to keep her safe. Rob undoubtedly felt her life was his responsibility since he was the reason she was here tonight.

“Greaves girl, thanks for taking Essa away.” Rob said. “Essa, if you’re angry with me, that’s alright.”

Vanessa shook her head. She wasn’t angry with him. She was angry with herself. At the back of her mind, she agreed with Rob. To escape, they had to abandon Fred. It was too much of a risk to gamble that Fred didn’t have a tracker in him when Skitters hounded them nonstop, her familiars dying left and right. She wanted to believe Fred didn’t have a tracker, but in the end she didn’t. She wasn’t able to keep her promise of helping every other person she met as penance for the lives of the innocent needed to sustain her control over her body.

“Save your anger for when we get out. We’re nearly there,” Dominic handed the phone with the map back to Rob, but he refused, gesturing for Dominic to keep it. “Rob wouldn’t care what you think of him as long as you’re safe.”

Pangs in her chest. Dominic repeating Rachel’s sentiments drove stakes of guilt deeper in her. How many people had to die for her to live? But she also didn’t want to die.

“You can call back your familiars trailing us, Essa,” Rob said, snapping her out of her wallowing thoughts.

“They’re coming,” Vanessa said. She blinked once. A wide path with pipes running on the ceiling. This one was left, left, straight, then enter the tunnel where they fought the Skitter and abandoned Fred. Another blink. The other was hiding in the vents in a different tunnel running parallel to them. While peering through the grates, she tried to recall where this one was supposed to go.

“Have you already sent one to scout ahead?”

“My remaining one, yes. It left just before you rejoined us.” She checked the view of her last familiar. The walls were different, as if this corridor wasn’t made at the same time as the rest of the underground network. “Nothing here. Just go straight?”

“Follow the path. Your familiar will soon come upon a metal door. Past that is our goal.”

“How near are we to the exit?”

“Five minutes of running.”

“That near, huh?” Shut up, Vanessa. Just shut up! She couldn’t bear the guilt, couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Pretending to have the moral high ground was her refuge. “We could’ve saved—”

“Vanessa!” Rachel said. “It’s four people for the life of one. This may sound too utilitarian, and yeah, every life is precious, blah, blah, blah, but would you rather have all of us die?”

She made a mental thank you to Rachel for justifying what her heart truly felt. She should say ‘sorry’ to Rob, but couldn’t get the words out. I could’ve saved Fred—that was what she was sticking with. Otherwise she wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. She didn’t know how many people already died to maintain her treatment to keep the Adumbrae from taking over her body, but they were all faceless. Fred was a person she actually got to know, even if briefly. After they escaped and everything calmed down, she resolved to find his family and help them anyway she could.

“Essa,” Rob said. “Is your familiar near the tunnel where we last fought a Skitter?”

“Yes, why—?”

“Can you…er…” Rob mumbled something incomprehensible.

Rachel said, “I think Rob wants you to, I dunno, disconnect or something from your familiar passing through there.”

“I don’t get it.”

“On behalf of Rob, I’m going to guess he doesn’t want you to look at Fred’s body.

“I see,” Vanessa whispered. “I understand.” Rob didn’t meet her gaze, only nodding in agreement with Rachel’s statement. She was about to check her familiar in that area specifically to find out what happened to Fred. They were right, it would be better if she didn’t. It would only fracture her relationship with Rob.

“You can do that, right?” Rachel said. “It’s not like your familiars can’t do anything unless you connect to them, if that’s the right term.”

“They each have their own miniscule consciousness and could independently act based on general instructions, or even just feelings from me. But it’s faster—Ow!” She pressed a hand to her left arm. A sharp pain, as if a hot blade stabbed deep, reaching her bone. A pain she was all too familiar with, having experienced it several times tonight. Which one was it? The familiar ahead. No. Air ducts? Not that.

“Where did it die?” The others asked each time this happened.

“The one that passed by Fre-uh, the tunnel where Rob took parts from a Skitter.”

“Did you see?” Rob said, unclear whether he meant Fred or the Skitter that killed the familiar.

“I didn’t see the Skitter.”

“See, they’re really tracking us,” Rachel said.

“No disrespect,” Dominic said, “but I hope the Skitter stops to examine Fred.”

“Dominic…” Rob said.

Should she say something? Inwardly, Vanessa agreed with what Dominic was implying. But she wanted to show them differently. Fortunately, Rachel spoke up before she could say something stupid.

“Let’s hurry up before they catch us!” Rachel said, pulling her as she ran faster. “Vanessa, has your familiar found the exit?”

“Uh…yes! It reached a steel door. It’s like a door of a safe from a bank.”

“That’s it!” Rob said. “Go! Go! Go!”

Her heart was pounding even faster than her bare feet pounded on the ground. Finally, the end to this nightmare was near. To the Mother Core, to whichever god was real, to any interdimensional being that would listen, even the Adumbrae, if she got out of here, she would find out exactly how many people died for her sake and she would help a hundred people for each one of them. Set up a charity? A foundation? Soup kitchens? She’ll figure something out. That’s a promise!

“The door!” Dominic said. Vanessa’s familiar was waiting for them in front of it, excitedly tapping its legs.

“Is it locked?”

“Not locked, but welded shut,” Rob said. “I didn’t want anyone opening this if they found it.”

They reached the door. “Do we force it open?” Rachel said. “Looks sturdy.”

“It’s easy, Greaves girl.” Rob put his hands on the place where the metal frame melted with the edge of the door and started absorbing it. “Raphie also has a way of opening these welded doors.”

“Look!” Dominic pointed behind them.

In the other end of the corridor, two red dots popped up. The others might not see well in the dimly lit area, but Vanessa, with her vision that pierced through the darkness, saw the killer machine behind those two red specks. Bright searchlights pointing at them turned on, nearly blinding them.

With a powerful kick, Rob opened the door.

Vanessa was swept off her feet. “Wha—? Rob!” He threw her inside. Then he jumped in after her with Rachel and Dominic under both of his arms. He already started coating his body with Skitter armor.

The barrage started.

“Aaahhh!” she screamed, barely hearing herself over the deafening rumble of gunfire. She curled up on the floor underneath Rob and covered her head.

“Close the door!” Rob roared. “I can’t move away.” For the umpteenth time, he protected them. Vanessa could barely distinguish the individual sounds of bullets pinging off his metal covered back.

“I got it!” Dominic waved his glowing blue hands. He rolled to the side to get a view of the door. His tendrils tried pulling the door shut. The Skitter switched its aim to destroying the tendrils. “Rob!”

The door had closed halfway, just enough to cover them. Rob rushed to the door and finally closed it all the way. The pounding of the bullets on the metal door didn’t stop. The door was gradually getting deformed by the impact of the bullets. Rob held the door in place, supporting it with his entire body, planting his feet firm on the ground. Chunks of the armor on his back were torn away, revealing bloody shredded flesh that was slowly healing.

Pain shot up Vanessa’s arm. Was she hit? No. A familiar died. The one by the door wasn’t able to get in.

“What now?” Rachel said.

They found themselves in a cramped room with roughly finished walls. There was barely any space for the four of them, especially with the hulking Rob. If the door and Rob weren’t there, they would all be dead. “There’s the way!” Vanessa said. On the wall directly opposite the door was a ladder, similar to a fire escape ladder, running upwards to freedom.

“Go up, Vanessa,” Rachel said.

“No! You go up first.” If she went ahead, Rob might leave the others behind. Maybe not Dominic because they were acquaintances of some sort, but how about Rachel? They barely knew her. Rob wouldn’t care about her once Vanessa was safe.

“Don’t do this cheesy movie bullshit now.” Rachel pushed her to the ladder.

A large explosion behind them made Vanessa grab the ladder. Smoke filled the room. The door was nearly blown off the entrance. Some bullets hit the wall right beside her.

“Hurry, Essa!” Rob said while he scrambled to put the door back in place. Dominic helped out closing the entrance, using the tendrils from his blue circles, and sucking the edges of the door into the sides of the opening with his red circles.

She started to climb up. The metal rungs were cold but welcoming on the skin of her bare feet. This was what she wanted. She wanted to live. No need to lie to herself. She was getting out of here first. The others would follow her, for sure, and they’d all escape.

“Rachel, go up too,” Dominic said. “Your gun is not going to help here.”

Vanessa reached the ceiling. It was a hatch with a lock. “What do I do?” she stammered.

Rachel, who was below her, shouted, “Pull it! You can just destroy it.”

She pulled the lock open with all her strength. The gunfire made her nervous, she couldn’t think properly. It easily broke. Another explosion rocked the tiny room. She nearly lost her grip on the ladder. She looked back down to check what happened.

The upper part of the door was blown away. Rob and Dominic were ducking behind what remained of the door. The Skitter’s shots reached inside the room, hitting the bottom of the ladder.

“How many bullets does it have?” Dominic said.

“Another Skitter arrived!”

“Vanessa, open it and go!” Rachel said.

“Something went inside!” she said, ignoring Rachel. “Rob, look out. Rob!”

Another bug-like drone the size of a chihuahua slipped through the opening and jumped on Rob. It glowed blue and exploded into a cloud of sparks. Rob’s body twisted, his muscles contracting uncontrollably as the massive shock course through his body. His body started to smoke. Despite this, he held on to the door which was slowly broken down by the unrelenting gunfire from the Skitter outside.

“Go away, you fuck!” Dominic, blinded with rage and fear, swung a broken piece of the metal door at the small drone. Fortunately, Dominic missed or else he would have been electrocuted too.

What do I do?! If Rob remained with his metal armor on, he would die from electrocution. She could throw her sandals for him to absorb; there might be some material that was an insulator in them, but the Skitters outside would tear through Rob and then Dominic. Either way, Rob was going to die.

Just go up and leave them, a small voice told her. Save yourself. She didn’t want to die. There was nothing to do here. She opened the hatch.

“The diamond bracelet!” Rachel shouted. “Throw it down to me!”

Diamond! It was both an insulator and the hardest material in the world. That meant it would be a good armor! She dropped the bracelet to Rachel’s waiting palm. With it, Rob could survive the electric shocks and guns of the Skitters.

Rachel descended the ladder, just above the big Skitter’s line of fire, and threw the bracelet to Rob. “Catch this!”

In Vanessa’s view, the world slowed to a crawl as the bracelet arched through the air. She could hear her own heartbeat. Weird. The bracelet glinted differently, like it was made of a golden material rather than diamond stones.

Rob stood up and stretched his arms to catch it. Without the protection of the door, bullets impacted his body. His Skitter armor was still mostly there. The small drone glowed blue once again, charging another massive electric shock.

“Absorb it!” she screamed. Rob’s fists closed on the bracelet and their eyes met. He caught it. Yes!

Where was the diamond armor?

Was I too late?

As the mini Skitter zapped Rob, Vanessa saw in his eyes he lost consciousness. His body was about to fall to the ground, but was stopped by the incessant shots by who knows how many Skitters in the corridor. The powerful gunfire pinned him to the wall just below Rachel, his body slowly ground like minced meat by waves upon waves of bullets hitting it.

Dominic, who partially sunk himself on the floor to avoid getting hit, stared up in horror as Rob’s blood, flesh and bones rained on him.

“ROB!” Vanessa’s right arm shuddered. A chorus of chattering. Menacing laughter. Gnashing teeth. Red filled her vision. Another person died for her. Were they going to die next? She didn’t want to die. I’m not going to die! “NOOOOOO!!”

“Rob!” Vanessa jerked awake. Rachel was over her with a concerned face, her head was on her lap. “Wha—what happened? Where are we?” she groaned as she sat up.

“At last you’re awake,” Dominic said in a low voice. “We were thinking of shaking you, but we were worried they would attack us.”

“Wha—? Where’s Rob?”

“Can you get them away first?”

“Huh? Why are they out?” Vanessa said, noticing what made Dominic so afraid. Surrounding them were her mouth familiars, about a dozen of them. They weren’t incoherently babbling or laughing like they usually did when she opened their sockets. They bared rows of sharp teeth at them, quivering with anger like a rabid dog ready to pounce.

“I was about to use my power to try and stop them but I didn’t want to look like a threat. I know what they can do.”

“Call them off, Vanessa,” Rachel said. “You can do that right?”

“Ye—yes! Of course.” She closed her eyes and connected to all the mouth familiars, telling them to calm down, quelling their rage. There was a disgusting taste in her mouth upon directly controlling them. She gagged at the taste, quickly closing her mind to them before she vomited. “That should do it.” They shut their mouths, retracted their legs and sat still on the ground, looking like gigantic roasted almonds. “Where are we?” she said, looking at the old machines covered in dust and cobwebs surrounding them. There were parts of the frame of a car lining the wall. Mufflers on a work table. “An abandoned mechanic’s shop? We made it out? Where’s Rob?”

“Err…”

“And what did you mean by that Dominic? You said you know what my familiars can do. You've never seen them out of my arm before.”

Rachel and Dominic looked at each other with hesitation. “For your first question,” Rachel answered, “yes, this is the garage Rob mentioned. We got out, thanks to you and your mouth familiars.”

Vanessa couldn’t remember controlling her mouth familiars. She might’ve blacked out from using all of them at the same time. Her familiars took out all the Skitters? However, the more important question was, “And Rob?”

Rachel took a deep breath. “He didn’t make it.”

Vanessa’s lips trembled. She knew what the answer was going to be. She remembered now…his last moments. He was clearly dead by then.

What would she tell Aunty Marie about her husband? What would she tell Rob’s children? That she wasn’t able to save him? That she was too stupid to think fast and give him the diamond bracelet? “I should’ve given him the diamond bracelet from the start!” she said, punching the dusty floor of the garage with each word. “I should’ve forced him to take it!”

“Vanessa, this is not the time to blame yourself. We’re not yet in the clear. Move away now so that Dominic can detonate the bomb to close the tunnel below us.”

“We couldn’t do it as soon as we got out because your familiars followed and surrounded us. They must’ve made short work of the Skitters and chased us. Or you. Chased after you.”

“They really did it? They destroyed the Skitters…wait...”

“Don’t!” Rachel hugged her. “Don’t think that.”

“I…I could’ve saved him…even without the diamond.”

“Vanessa. Stop. Just don’t think about that for now.” Rachel pulled her up and dragged her away. “If we don’t leave now, other Skitters will come. Maybe even police or the BID will come.”

“We’re already above ground,” Dominic said. “Don’t let Rob’s sacrifice be in vain.”

“He didn't even need to sacrifice himself if I wasn't such a coward!” she retorted.

“He wouldn’t want you to get caught here after all we’ve been through.”

Her shoulders dropped. She stood up and followed them in resignation. “Wait! Rob’s body! He said…that thing with Raphie. We should do that.”

“You’ve seen what happened to his body. There's no need. Move your familiars away and let’s go.”

“We have to make sure. You weren’t able to check because you quickly escaped, right?”

“Vanessa there’s no point doing that. The Skitters...uh…they blew everything up.”

“No, they didn’t. What’re you talking about, Dominic?”

“The police wouldn’t be able to identify anything,” Rachel said.

“How can you be sure?” There was something about their expressions. They were keeping a secret from her. “Oh god…No…”

“Rachel...”

“No... Please no. No, no, no!” That taste when she connected to her mouth familiars. It wasn’t a metallic taste. She tasted something like it before. When she first used her mouth familiars, they went berserk and ate her dog in seconds. She vowed never to use them again after that. But that taste…that texture… “Did I? Did I eat him?”

Rachel and Dominic didn’t answer.

They didn’t need to. She could see the answer on their faces.

Bile rose from her stomach. The bitter taste crept at the back of her tongue. She knelt on the ground and vomited. “I must’ve…I must’ve been thinking of removing all traces of identification from his body when I controlled the familiars.” Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. At the ultimate moment of desperation, her true self was revealed. In the end, all she was thinking about was saving herself. Making sure the authorities couldn’t find out who Rob was so they wouldn’t eventually find her too. What a disgusting person she was.

Rachel helped her up. “Get your familiars out of the way.”

“No."

"Don't be unreasonable."

"Bury them.”

"What?"

"Bury them all!"

“Are you sure?” Dominic said.

“Yes. I don’t want to control them.” The taste. She didn’t want to experience it again. “Rob is inside them. Bury them here.” She allowed herself to be led away by Rachel.

Dominic said that according to Rob’s notes on the phone the explosion would be small enough to just collapse the floor, so they only needed to move to the room where the detonator was located and they’d be safe. Vanessa didn’t care anymore. She blanked her mind, following Rachel like a zombie while they went to a different room to retrieve the control for the small bomb.

No more thoughts.

Don’t try to remember anything about Rob.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to carry on. She would break down and vomit.

She stood expressionless while the shop shook from the explosion. She watched Rachel and Dominic find the key for the car. Dominic checked the car to see if it was okay to drive.

This was it. They were going.

She survived.

“Vanessa, Rachel, get in the car. I’m going to open the garage door.”

“Let me,” Vanessa said.

“It’s alright, Vanessa. I’ll do it. You can rest with Rachel.”

“No. This is not ending with me moping.”

“If that’s what you want.”

Vanessa pushed up the rusted garage door, feeling the slight thump as each slat of the door fed into the compartment above.

Was this entire night her penalty for becoming an Adumbrae? For not caring about the cost of keeping on living? Rob assured her they were homeless people, those with no family and friends, people society didn’t care about. No one would miss them. That shouldn’t have made her feel better if she was a decent person.

But it did.

She was revolted with herself for shutting her ears and heart to the screams of the people dying in the arena while she dined and socialized with the friends of Rob as if a massacre wasn’t happening in front of them.

This is my life now.

Her godfather was dead. The city was in turmoil. And they were being hunted down. She couldn’t shake off the sinister feeling this was only the start of her penalty.

“Vanessa,” Dominic called out, “get in the car.” He tapped the windshield to get her attention.

“Coming!” She wasn’t going to waste Rob’s sacrifice. She would live her life to the fullest. Whatever the future may bring, she wouldn’t give up.

“Sit here beside me,” Rachel said from the backseat.

Vanessa smiled. A good thing that came out of the worst night of her life was a new friend her age who could relate to her peculiar situation. She bent down and entered the side of the car opposite Rachel. “Ra-Rachel?” She couldn’t understand what she was seeing.

“Urgh…urck,” Dominic gasped from the front of the car. Blood came out of his mouth. A long piece of metal stuck out from the front of his neck. The metal end of a screwdriver. He tried to pull it out but Rachel held fast on the handle behind his seat.

“What are you—”

Rachel pointed her gun at the back of the headrest of Dominic’s seat, aligned the barrel with his head, and pulled the trigger before Vanessa could process what was happening. Dominic’s head slumped down, blood flowing out of the hole in his forehead.

Vanessa tried to back out of the car but Rachel grabbed her arm and pressed the hot end of the gun between her eyes.

I don’t understand.

She stared into Rachel’s eyes expecting malice, anger, maniacal glee, or even cold empty eyes. But it was neither of those. Rachel had a neutral expression, as if they were waiting in line for an order of coffee, as if she wasn't about to murder another person.

Just like when Rachel threw the diamond bracelet at Rob, the world slowed to a crawl for Vanessa. In that split-second Rachel’s finger was about to pull the trigger, many questions raced through Vanessa’s mind, every one of them vying for the position to be her last words before she left this world. Who was Rachel? Did she lie to them about the tracker in Fred? Did she really throw the diamond bracelet to Rob? Why was she doing this? The words that won in the end were…

“I don’t want to die.”