"Now we have a deal, what do you want from me? What do you want me to do?" It's an honest question from me to Ara. "I have a lot more experience being told to kill things than I have had to protect things."

It's silent for a while, except for the deep and steady breathing of Ine and the shallow and irregular breathing of Ara. I can tell Ara is tired and in pain, but her mood feels a bit lighter. The silence stretches on, which is fine by me.

"I'm not sure I care to be called a 'thing' so callously, but I think that is the most I've ever hear you say at once. Why don't you usually speak more?" Ara asks me.

I shrug, then realize Ara can't see me in her current position. "You summon me to train, to teach me or to show me to people." There is no accusation in my voice. It's a better way to spend my time than many of the other things I get summoned to do. "You don't ask me questions, you tell me what to do. The only question you ask is 'do you understand'."

"That is true," comes the hesitant answer. "The guidelines for training a battle familiar say you should not get too, hah, familiar with your familiar. You'll get hurt and I will send you into situations where you'll 'die'. If I come to care about you, that would make it difficult."

Something about her answer sounds weird to me. "Humans care about things when they talk with them?" I ask her.

Once again there is a long silence.

"Demons don't?" comes the question in return. "Don't you have some friends or allies back home you'd help if they were in danger?"

The answer comes to me easily. "No." It's something I've come to realize over the last few months, but from a different perspective. "I don't feel like I care for anyone I know. Swarmlings have a colony and queens. They die to protect them. I am no longer like that."

Saying it out loud does leave me feeling morose. It's like I've lost something I never knew I had. I still hang out with the swarmlings. I still am one, physically. My mind is no longer that of a swarmling, though. It has given me another layer of understanding why the older demons are so passive. They don't see themselves as part of a swarm, so why should they act like it?

Ara interrupts my musings. "I guess even a demon needs a place to belong. Surely there are some you interact with in a good way?"

I nod. "Yes, but I would not risk myself to help them." Helping without risking myself is something else entirely. It costs me nothing except some effort. "And you?"

"What do you mean, and me? Do I have people I care about?" It's Ara's turn to become somber. "My little brother, though the skirt-chasing moron doesn't deserve it. Not an impressive list either."

It's silent again. Ara shifts a little on the bed. I can sense her discomfort like an itch in the back of my mind. Talking with me is taxing on her, but distracts from the pain.

"As to what I expect of you? Next time someone aims a crossbow at me, stop them before they shoot or jump in front of the shot. I know how much it will hurt," she grimaces and I'm reminded that, yes, she knows. "But you're the one who won't actually die."

Despite how much I wish to deny it, I have to admit she's right. It is also true that I've jumped into the faces of beasts and have gotten myself killed on a variety of weapons on purpose a few times. I can't say this would be something new to me, it just never occurred to me to do it for any other reason than to have the summon end.

"What else?" I ask when Ara falls silent.

It's as if my question broke a dam and unleashed a flood. A slew of emotions wash through our bond. Despair and fear are the strongest. Loneliness and sadness create a tangible undertone. Yet when she speaks, her voice sounds mostly normal.

"How should I know? I'm just doing what I think is best. Anyone I could ask for advice died with my father. I dare not hire someone for fear of betrayal. I can't even fully trust the people already around me!" Her voice lowers to a whisper, though still easily audible to me. "The assassins were waiting for me. Maybe they had been following me, or maybe someone told them where I would be. Right now, I leave the house as little as I can. Any less and my suitability as duchess will be questioned. The academy at least is a safe place. No-one would dare order an assassination there."

There is too much information I'm missing for a suitable reply. I don't truly understand the reason for the assassination thing either, so that's nothing new. I can work with what I do understand.

"I can't do this as your pet," I tell Ara. "When I stay close to you, all I see is legs, not humans."

Ara takes a few seconds to think about this before she replies. "That's fair. I never thought of it that way, it seemed best to me to keep you as close as possible." There is a short 'tsk' from Ara. "I will admit I was wrong."

The flood of emotions I could sense from Ara has receded again. I need to learn how to show as little of what I feel and think as Ara does. It was impressive to see the difference in how she acts and what goes on inside. Most of the time it's so well hidden, even she doesn't seem to realize what she feels. Perhaps that is it? To trick others is easier if I first trick myself?

"Next, the stupid sheaths have to go, they are too clumsy." If I'm to be able to fight at any time, taking them off takes too long.

"You look less threatening with them on, so they'll stay on most of the time," Ara says, "but you're right. If we are ambushed like this again, there won't be time to take them off." Ara settles back, preparing to rest. "I know what you want, you want to learn how I make your claws harmless. Why? What's in it for you?"

That she needs to ask shows me how we differ in the way we think. "I make too much noise when I move and leave tracks that are too easy to find."

"I see."

I can feel Ara doing some kind of magic. It's not magic I recognize, but she's mostly used offense, defense, healing or repair spells around me. Curious, I observe her with all my senses.

Ara must have noticed my curiosity and answers my question without my asking. "A little something to dull the pain and help me sleep. I feel so tired, but even breathing brings me back to wakefulness."

That grabs my interest. "You can stop pain?"

"Not stop it, just make it less." Her voice is fainter already. "I'll try and teach you. After I wake up. And Gal? I'm glad we got to talk a bit."

With those last words, no amount of prodding from me gets a reaction. In the end, I move back to my spot near the window to look outside. It's almost stopped snowing, sadly.

Later, Ine wakes and checks on Ara. She doesn't react when I try to tell her Ara is fine, just asleep. When Ine confirms that Ara is asleep, she moves to leave the room. Before she leaves, she throws me a stern look and gestures at me to be quiet. With that I'm alone with a sleeping Ara. The snowing has stopped and I'm already very familiar with the view from the window. It's a small inner garden. Ine once explained to me that none of the bedrooms are on the outer side of the building so people can't throw things or climb through the window. Since it still has the same trees, bushes and grass, I'm getting bored. I might as well take a nap too.

A change in Ara's breathing brings me out of my doze. It's not enough for me to decide to rouse myself. The tinkling of a bell startles me before I remember that Ara uses it to call for a maid. Stretching my limbs and back I open my eyes. Ara feels more alert than before she went to sleep. The pain is still there, but she's not showing it. A moment later, a soft knock on the door heralds the arrival of Ine. The door opens and she moves a small cart into the room.

I know she's been waiting outside the room for a while now as I could smell the food. Bread, not as freshly baked anymore but still having the smell around it. Meat cuts, cheese, fruit, two pots with different teas and a small bowl of cold soup. It's more than any one person can eat. Ara will make a selection and what is left over is taken away. Usually breakfast is had in a small room downstairs. That is, a small room for this house. It's still bigger than her room at the academy. While I'm wondering how she's going to eat in bed, Ine puts a fold-out tray over Ara's lap.

With breakfast or lunch over, whatever the time is, it is time to pester Ara some more. I want to know about magic. Ara calls her gloves and her staff relays, while the crystal parts are a focus. None of them are required for magic, but they make it easier. Magic is all around us. In the food, the air and thus also in our bodies. Some people call it mana, but in the end they mean the same thing. It's intricately linked with your body, so using magic will exhaust you the same as doing hard labor does. A mage can manipulate the magic in the environment or in their body or, usually, both by using the magic inside their body to interact with the environment. This is where I hit the first snag.

"Can you feel the magic around you?"

Eyes closed, I nod at Ara's question.

"And you can feel it when I do this?"

I nod again.

"When I cast through you, you sense it flowing through you?"

Holding back a soft growl, I nod once more. The problem occurs when I try to sense my own magical energy. According to my senses, I'm all magic. Solid, even and unmoving magic, which can't be right according to Ara. Since I'm supposed to focus on how my own magic flows through my body and where it pools and collects, I'm not making any progress.

"I think it's got to do with you being summoned here. It's not your real body, right? It's a construct you inhabit made by the magic involved, however that works."

Ara is tapping the tray on her lap. The plates and cups have long been cleared away and a book has taken its place. It's about summoning and familiars and Ara has been using it to find out why the training she went through when she was younger isn't working for me.

"It says here that this training does provide results, even when it's not immediate, yet here," using one hand Ara flips through the pages, "it says it didn't produce any results. Why can't one person even agree with himself? There is no consistency! What kind of research is this? Such a sloppy piece, I can't believe great grandfather actually paid money for this." With a snap Ara closes the book.

"We're just going to have to figure it out as we go. You're well ahead on a human child, since you can already sense magic. If I read through the hogwash written here, you'll have to practice this in your actual body. I can only give you the exercises." The tapping stops. "The hardest part is to start moving your magic around your body. Usually, parents or teachers guide the children. Since I won't be there, you'll have to figure it out for yourself. Next time you're here you can tell me how it went and I can try to guide you further."

The frustration I feel is mirrored by what I feel from Ara. She doesn't like it when a project of hers is blocked by something she can't do anything about.

"Don't you have someone who can teach you back there?" Ara asks me.

This again? Tarvinder said something similar. I don't know anyone who can use actual magic who also would be willing to teach me. I'm sure some of the older demons can, but there are none I can ask. In my mind I re-arrange my plans for every day to include these exercises. Yet again a realization hits me. When I'm working on this it will look like I'm lazing about, barely paying attention to anything. Which is exactly what Torn and the other older demons were doing. Did I interrupt his training back then? He didn't seem upset, at least.

Ara teaches me the first exercises for manipulating and directing magic inside the body. It's not supposed to do anything, just train the 'magic muscles' at moving magic to where you need it to cast your spells. Otherwise, you're subject to how fast your body replenishes by itself, which may be very slow indeed.

Ine is doing something with a needle and thread in the corner while Ara instructs me. The room is comfortable, I'm learning something new and I'm safe. All in all, this is one of the more enjoyable summon I've had in a while.