Chapter 82

The Pugly Tribe is a great and ancient group of Subterranean Goblins.

Formed long ago by the ancestors of the cast-aways who lived in the grounds overhead, these Goblins have since used their wits and ingenuity to carve out a living in the underground of the Dungeon. Together, they have survived in a zone beneath the Great Forest, rallying together to defeat the beasts and creatures which once threatened them. It seems that the solution for maintaining a dungeon-zone's difficulty is adding goblins, and waiting a few generations.

Of course, after a few generations, you're bound to have a feud or two. There's likely going to be a bit of bad blood. One goblin taking another goblin's favorite rock, or eating the last fried snake-sandwich.

This sort of thing leads to fractures, which leads to tribes splitting, which in turn leads to Goblins not only worrying about other types of monsters: but also their own kind.

Still, through constant vigilance, the Pugly Tribe has apparently defended its odd borders and homeland, since growing in population, fractured off, and growing again. Eight times, if I'm supposed to believe what I'm hearing.

They've even got some cave-doodles.

Seems likely that all Goblins found in the great Dungeon Networks of the Labyrinthian Region, or even the Deep-Dungeon, have originated from this very place.

Ah: How do I know all of this?

Well...

[Goblin Language* - Comprehension]

1,000 Points.

Ha...

Ah, well. It wasn't actually called [Goblin Language – Comprehension] but that's a lot easier to pronouce. It was [Lukra-blah-blah-something-something] but that wasn't hard to figure out when they kept repeating it over and over while pointing to themselves. I'm wise to [Voice of Gaia's] tricks by now.

You're shaking your head. I know you are- hey. Just because I talk to myself all day in an effort to maintain sanity doesn't mean I can't tell.

Hey.

Listen.

Before you judge me, by all means, please let me know the last time an entire species started praising you as god.

Anyone?

Anyone at all?

Yeah? That's what I thought.

Hiss...

Well, if you're wondering: it's awesome.

I'm living the dream here, and I've still got a ton of points, I can find a way to get about 3,000 or so. I'll use the Goblins to help me find bigger monsters, and then I'll get to work.

No problem. Spending those points was totally worth it.

No regrets.

Hiss....

A little regret.

See, the Goblins in the Pugly Tribe are probably smarter than the average Goblin, they can talk and use some sentences and such- though that's not really saying much in the grand-scheme of things.

They're like Tarzan when he tries to speak with Jane, but midway through the movie- where it's basic sentences at best.

So yes, you got me. A tiny-little-itty-bitty portion of regret for spending those points.

But it's still convenient.

And it was a lot cheaper than the Human languages.

I mean, it was totally half-off. Like [Voice of Gaia] wanted me to buy it.

So of course I would.

Of course.

Anyways, most of the knowledge I've gathered so far came from a mix of talking to [Voice of Gaia] and looking at the cool cave-drawings that the Elders of the Pugly Tribe were very proud of. There is a detailed history there, if a little bit confusing and scatter-brained, I can put the pieces together with a bit of help.

The Elders, they're like wizards almost: but more adorable and a little harder to take seriously. They have cute little staffs, they smile- but they're missing a lot of teeth.

They laugh a lot, cackling sort of like you might expect. Adorable.

I think they're harmless. No way something so cute could be dangerous, right?

Right?

I'm completely right, but that's not really the best part! You might right now be asking: Why Pugly? Has he finally lost it?

No- maybe, doesn't matter.

You're right to ask both those things, no judgement. I mean, the Goblin tribe's formal tribe title is Lukra'Dotreka'Mahabitu, which means Tribe of the Shadows: Lessers to the great ones above the root and stone... or whatever.

And they're totally goblins, exactly how one might imagine them to look...

Only with pug faces.

Pugs.

Like the dog, pug. Scrunched in, wrinkled, sort of adorable disproportionate eyes and nose. They sniff everything, and if they run around, they do a funny "panting" thing after it.

Just "Woof" y'Know?

Thus "Pugly." Pugly Goblins.

I remember when I was a human: pugs were great! Of the little canine variations, they were far superior to their competitors, such as- but not limited to that evil little chihuahua I used to have to dog-watch all the damn time.

It's not like I can talk anyways, so I'll think about them however I want.

Pugly, woofly: They're adorable little guys, every last one of them. I never owned a Pug when I was alive as a human, but I always thought they were funny dogs. Friendly too, when they weren't adamantly barking at some perceived threat:

Mail-men, joggers, cars, unlucky guys taking their mother's pet-Chihuahua for a walk at night before then abruptly getting robbed and murdered.

Hissss...

Bad memories there. Push those down, way to the back- wayyy back there.

No, the Goblins of the Pugly Tribe don't bark, they talk a lot like grunts and guttural sort of noises that form up into almost-like sentences. Even the smartest of the elders seem to speak that way, but if I could find a way to specifically demand it- I'm sure they would try to bark.

The closest I've heard is the sound/word for "Danger." That comes out a lot like "Worf" or "Wort" depending on if it's a bad, or really bad.

Wort Wort Wort.

But yeah... Goblins.

Goblins, Goblins, Goblins.

I'm sitting on a throne in a half-dome auditorium sort of cavern where they set me up. There's an attendant feeding me as many glowing mushrooms as I can eat, and there are a couple "Guard" Goblins with clubs and bows looking at me with great respect, and there are about three hundred others just cheering for me.

It's gotten pretty loud, and all their words are overlapping, but I think they're saying things like "Divine Beast!" and "Benevolent Savior" and "Champion of our people!" Fists in the air, jumping about, excited adorable little faces.

The weird Elders are even making cool magic swirls and such with their weird root-staffs and crystal pieces. I feel like they're showing off a bit... though I'm kind of getting the sense they might be holding back.

Meh, whatever.

It's nothing to worry about. I'm a gosh-darn deity. I've never felt better about things: This is the kind of reincarnated life I would have been hoping for.

It's nice.

Seriously, what could go wrong with this?

Snake Report - Blatant Foreshadowing: "Everything."