Chapter 46

Snake Report Day Whatever/Captured by Humans Report: Official Day 1

Death. It stares at me, toys with me, surrounds me by dozens of slithers distance in every direction.

I am imprisoned by a case of magic air and glass, floating over death. Like a super-hero trapped in their evil nemesis's lair, chained suspended above a giant bubbling pit of molten lava- Only in my case it's not lava, it's that scary floor. The same scary floor that turns monsters into roasted meat: and instead of some cackling evil nemesis, there are two Fantasy-set human adventurers staring at me with looks of pure confusion.

It's like they've never seen a snake before, or heard of English for that matter.

I have no idea what they're saying. It's like if you threw me into the rural country-side of East Asia, and then had the natives speak with heavy German accents.

I can't understand at all.

Not really, or at least not the words, anyways. At best, I can guess at least some of what is being said is about me though.

They point, they look in my direction, they make gestures. I'm inferring here, and it's a bit of a pseudo-science to be real, but I'm working it out a bit. For all I know they're talking about adventuring mumbo-jumbo, or their next scouting expedition. I feel like I'm a topic of discussion, but maybe they're just talking about what they'll be having for dinner.

On that subject: It better not be me.

If they try to eat me, I hope they realize I'm a beautiful flavor of toxic death.

Actually, if they really do try to eat me, I hope they don't realize it- in fact I hope they choke on me too, while they're at it.

Eating me is like a messed-up version of cannibalism. Whether they realize it or not, that's extra evil. The Tiny-Snake-God would curse them, I think.

Maybe the human god too. Who knows, I've jumped camp on this one.

Whatever. They can shoot down their own bats. I'm really not exactly thrilled with this, but truthfully, as of this moment, I don't think snake-meat is on the menu. Actually, right now I think that the Paladin is actually arguing a case for me. She's really going at it too, the mace is waving around, her fist is shaking. She's sort of scary.

I'm basing some of this off the angry finger pointing in my direction, and the louder tone of voice from Young-Gandolf. The Wizard hasn't really been too thrilled with me since he tried some weird magic with Miss Paladin and then almost hurled.

No idea what that was about, but whatever. Serves them right.

Hmm... They're getting up. Man, I am tiny. Humans are pretty big. Not Giant-Skeleton big, but I forgot how tall people can be.

Oh.

I guess this magic-barrier shoebox of mine can be picked up.

Ah... I don't know how I should feel about this actually.

I'm... I'm a backpack. The Paladin just wrapped me in a blanket and slung me over her shoulders. Magic can work like this? They can just box me up with barriers and carry me around?

What the hell.

Hisss...

I think I'm being kidnapped.