The main arterial road of the Outer Ring of Solas was currently completely clear, with barricades and System Custodians calmly and politely telling everyone to keep the road clear until the Parade of Wonders had passed. The sidewalks, the enormous sidewalks, were packed with curious people. The airspace was thick with messenger drones, and in every part of the Outer Ring, [Messengers] and [Criers] had a blank check quest from The System to tell everyone. This was an opportunity to level that came once in a thousand lifetimes, and they were not going to be shy about it.

They barged into businesses, into homes, into public spaces. They banged on doors and wrote it on walls in enormous letters. They screamed and hollered and set off fireworks. They resisted arrest and ganged up on the police, dragging them to the Parade. The really brave or desperate ones even made it all the way down to The Roots and Solas Proper.

They didn’t need to have bothered. Those in the highest rings and tiers of power had already noticed something was going on. Quite a few of them were really pissed about it too, because it was the alien-equivalent of a friday, and suddenly they were going to be expected to stay late over some silly human nonsense. Again.

It was only when they saw the System Custodians that they realized this bit of human nonsense was not like the others. All hands on deck, something weird was going on.

The main road was clear, and the parade route was packed with the people of the Outer Ring and Solas and The Roots in all their diverse alien forms. Strangers standing next to one another conversing over a shared experience of strangeness, made equals and friends for this single event, and probably not again after. Only during.

They would then, during The Murmuring Phase, hear the first hints of sound. Like metal rings melodically marching, sching-sching-sching. Then the drums, banging away in the distance. A young elemental dressed in an outrageous semi-military uniform, accompanied by what was clearly the beginnings of an Elemental Circle, his minions, also dressed in the same way. The elemental was rushing this way and that in a chaotic, frantic way, blowing a chaotic, frantic tune on the trumpet that extended out from his face. The other elementals also had trumpets, and were playing along.

He would carelessly breach the barricades separating the crowd from the Parade, delighting young children and beautiful women, making men grin and aliens feel an alien joy. He destroyed the one defense these poor people had for what was coming next, the illusion of the barricades.

After Frankie, came rows upon rows of shining mechanical beings, wild things from the Overcavern Forest, a slow motion stampede of metal and chrome. Birds and deer and living construction equipment like backhoes and loaders all rumbled and roared and honked as they followed, ensuring the road was well and truly clear.

“Make way!” was the shout from the next group, “Make way for the Parade of Wonders! Make way for Prince Ben!” Rows upon rows of undead with golden blazing eyes, dressed in the dress uniform of a military that never was, holding each holding banners with Ben’s face on it. It wasn’t a great picture, but it wasn’t bad either. The System had pulled it from his drivers license.

Then, like a tsunami of color and sound and light, the Parade of Wonders arrived. It extended to the sky and moved along all available surfaces, walls of buildings, the street, the underside of bridges, everything that could be covered. Great ethereal winged serpents dashed and looped through the air, passing through solid objects without consequence. Blazing elemental beings of tremendous intensity floated along, harming no-one. Rows and rows of pallets piled high with treasure were carried along, spilling coin and gem and loot like an overfilled wine glass.

The God-Squad came in the next wave. They baffled the mind and mystified the senses, granting boons and blessings to any who could touch them, or any they found deserving. Winged Archangels, gigantic elephant men, deceitful looking Djinn, Transcendent looking so-called ‘heavenly masters’; from every culture on earth, myth and legend walked The World, all brought together to the City of Solas for a time. The boons and blessings were not temporary either, they were life-changing.

The next wave was of the highest leveled humans, of which about ninety-eight percent of them were children under the age of nine. Of everyone, including Ben, they were having the most fun. They ran about and danced and yelled and cheered and their animals trumpeted and howled and yowled and growled and yipped. They pulled priceless treasure from their pockets and gave it away to other children, giggling and pulling them into the parade, the parents rushing after. Birds, flocks and flocks of hyper-intelligent birds of every feather and stripe sang a song never heard before, a song of crow and eagle and finch and gull and vulture and rooster and lyre and kookaburra and sparrow. Joined together for the first time in song since the fabled days of Eden, before good and evil. They told the story of Earth, as seen by the birds, in a harmony coordinated by telepathic union. Of an everchanging world below and of the neverchanging sky.

Each wave lasted exactly as long as it needed to, the intelligent time dilation effect stretching moments and warping seconds into minutes. After that day, some swore they listened to the birds sing for days upon days, and others said they talked with a god for an hour. Nobody got tired during the Parade of Wonders, nobody could get tired.

After the children and animals of Earth, came the Monsters of The System. They moved and crawled and belched and leered, singing their chorus, bawling out their arrogant pride and disdain.

“Come oh come, ye men of skill and strength! Where have you gone? Long have we awaited your challenge in the Final Fortress, and long have you cowered in fear! Gaze upon the faces of fear and tremble! You will never be free, because you will never FACE ME!”

It was less of a song, and more of a barbaric shout. There was no unity to them, no harmony. Each monster was an island of power unto themselves, and each monster took the time to leer and jeer at any high leveled individual who’d come to the parade. To cast shame and cast shade, to laugh at them and remind them that they never truly strove for greatness. Merely to be great enough.

Some ran in fear, some bowed their heads, some burned with impotent rage. . . and some met the eyes of those terrible monsters without fear, without shame, without impotent rage. Written in those eyes, many of whom were human, was an unspoken challenge. ‘I’m a monster too, and I’m coming FOR YOU.’

Upon those who dared to meet the eyes of the most terrible and tremendous monsters of The World, did those terrible and tremendous monsters grant their boons and blessings. Only to they who would come and slay them in the Final Fortress, or at least, those who would try.

As the wave of monsters left, they laughed at the adventurers of the world, taunting them. Leaving the planted seeds of heroes in their wake.

And then, positioned squarely in the middle of the Parade of Wonders, in the position of greatest honor and excitement, Prince Ben himself.

By the time Ben arrived at any given location, he could have been buck naked, scruffy and being ferried about in an overflowing garbage can, and still have the crowd go wild. The hype was real.

The reality was less gross and smelly, and more shiny and fragrant. Before and behind Ben were the System Custodians and the Treasure, Wealth, Prosperity, and all the various kinds of Elemental Manifestations The System had contributed to Ben’s wish. Picture them like this: Gigantic humanoid tornados of gold, silver and gemstone; of rare potion, elixir and pill; of sought after enchantment, stone and crystal; of wondrous food, drink and song. Not just one, but many of every kind, spilling forth their bounty on the crowd, who had already been showered by blessings and boons of many kinds.

After them came the children, who were eagerly and shamelessly picking up treasure and swag. The children played and frolicked and pranked and made friends, and their animal companions watched and kept them safe. More than once, a sobbing pair of human parents in various stages of [Evolution] charged out from behind the barricades and were reunited with their child. Elemental manifestations of Love were born, and made the air thick with positive energy.

Ben sat in a one bedroom apartment sized Parade Castle with no walls, only luxurious red drapes near the top, watching it all with a heart full to bursting. This was what he had wanted before the end. He sat on a comfortable looking throne, with Red at his side, all while he chucked endlessly conjured treasure at people, enjoying every moment. Thirty-One was there trying to hide as his sudden psychological realization of stage-fright asserted itself in a really inconvenient way. Ben waved and smiled at people and just took it all in, feeling very fucking content that he used his wish appropriately.

“Retirement,” Ben said behind a smile and a wave, “bah-humbug.”

Past the Manifestations and children, Ben was surrounded by clowns, led by Short Bus, clowns that grew in number with every passing moment. Anyone could join them, and be magically transformed for a while.

“[Fist of Joy]!” Short Bus shouted, knuckle busting a random person watching the Parade of Wonders right between the eyes. They went flying back and tumbled over.

They were also completely unharmed, and laughing their asses off.

“Ben!” Short Bus yelled, “I love being the [Clown Marshall]! [Fist of Joy]!” Short Bus yelled again, boofing someone right in the mouth, leaving them giggling uncontrollably.

Ghost Ears accompanied the manifestations, blasting his [Swag Cannon] and watching with amused confusion as the crowd reacted to the t-shirts and various bits of swag with the same level of enthusiasm as they did literal treasure. [Swag Cannon] had no cooldown, so Ghost Ears entertained himself by shooting as many people as he possibly could, and hear them say things like ‘Woohoo!’ and ‘Thank You’. Some quirk of the Parade of Wonders prevented anyone from getting actually hurt while it was going on, so Ghost Ears would get really close and shoot people in the face, knocking them over.

“Parades are weird,” Ghost Ears said, laughing and blasting another random stranger in the chest.

Vivi, as the [Hype Man], had an ability Ben wished he didn’t have, called [Verified Boast]. It allowed him to make a boast on Ben’s behalf, which Ben was immediately empowered to make good on, only for a moment.

“He can shoot lasers from his eyes!” Vivi yelled, and Ben shot lasers from his eyes into the sky.

“Vivi, stop!” Ben yelled, and Vivi continued to ignore him, as he’d been doing.

“He’s able to change size at will!” Vivi boasted, and Ben immediately began to change size at ‘will’.

“Stop!” Ben yelled again, because Vivi’s boasts were getting more and more absurd.

“His reproductive organs are-”

“Shoot him,” Ben ordered Red, who immediately leveled her AK-47 at Vivi and barraged him with bullets. The Aeon Slug yelped in pain, the bullets bouncing off his side like it was armored, glared at Ben and Red, then coughed. The crowd started howling with laughter.

“His smile is radiant and wonderful!” Vivi said, and Ben smiled. Literal light came off of his white teeth. More laughter from the crowd.

“Better!” Ben shouted, grinning, “Good shot Red,” Ben said, giving Red a friendly punch to the arm.

Anna was all over the place. As a [Parade Commentator] she’d gotten the temporary skill [In The Thick Of It], which allowed her to always be wherever the most interesting part of the Parade was at any given time. Her skill heavily relied on the twisty time dilation effect of the Parade of Wonders, giving her time to cover everything at her leisure. She’d also gained the [Tireless] skill, and was secretly pouting that it would go away once the Parade was over. Other than that small detail, Anna was having the single greatest time of her entire life. She was also rapidly becoming one of the single biggest content producers on the Smartest Phone Internet. The entire world, at least the portion of it that had access to a phone, was watching.

People hung out of windows, up high, high high up in the sky, watching. Time was warped, and space as well, so that all who wanted to stand below and watch were able to. A stretch of a hundred yards became ten thousand, and it seemed as though all of Solas, all the millions and millions and billions of them, were standing along the parade route. Any attempts to get an accurate number of actual attendees was thwarted by the mischievous whims of space-time. Around the world, rich young people rushed to break open family vaults to find a Scroll of Greater Teleport or something, anything that would let them actually be there. Stranger still through the curved looking glass of distorted space, they always arrived, just on time, right where they needed to be.

Trailing behind Ben, the Main Event so to speak, was a repeat of what came before him, but a bit more subdued. A wind down, so to speak, letting people know that the Parade was over, and that it was time to go about their lives.

To Ben, it was all a wonderful, triumphant blur. He gazed upon the joyous faces of the people of Solas and watched as the Parade of Wonders enriched and empowered all, and first among them, empowered his fellow humans. Ben sat proud and straight on his throne, a celebration of life, a final blaze to enrich the soil and let new life grow and thrive.

“It is good,” Ben said, echoing ancient words, then adding his own, “it is enough.”

But then. . . the memories. Oh, the memories they always come. His time in the loop, the endless injustice, the constant persecution. . . the many, many executions, no, the many, many murders he had suffered at the hands of these people. There was something inside of him, a deeply offended arrogance with a crown atop it’s head, a broken class, a shattered [Prince] ill-contented to merely leave flowers and new growth in his wake. Not without blood and justice to water the soil, and fertilize the earth. For just a moment, Ben saw as only an imaginary representation, a mere illusion of the mind, his destroyed and buried body staring at him atop a grim throne, a gleaming and terrible crown atop his head and from them flowed the higher energy of vengeance, hot and violent.

“You know,” Ben said, his mood having taken a sudden and drastic turn, “these people are trying to kill us.” The Parade of Wonders was arranged around him, a beautiful and perfect thing, innocent and pure in it’s intention. In his hands, his human hands, anything could become a weapon, such was mankind and Ben almost couldn’t help but desire to transform this good thing into a spear and see it covered in blood.

‘Look and see’ the Corpse King atop his terrible throne, that mere figment of his imagination seemed to say, waving a dead hand and showing him, and he saw. The Parade picking up speed, faster and faster at his will, the assembled wonders howling in service to death, the citizens of Solas under some terrible spell as they charged forward, compelled by promise of wealth and power. The Courthouse activating it’s defenses, drawing directly from the power of Solas, vaporizing all with violent intentions, but the number charging was endless. . . Ben could see the deaths of the prosecutors so clearly and the red night that followed; all mounted heads and screams as his spirit of resentment feasted on woe, as the downtrodden of Solas joined him to burn everything, everything to the ground. The vision ended oddly, like a dream as he watched himself command Vivi to open The Beyond, his own eyes glowing golden as bright shafts of light burned down from-

Ben heard a grinding sound and looked down to see his Pocketwatch of Time Loop furiously ticking, as if it were starting to malfunction. He shook his head and wondered if what he saw was prophecy or mere illusion. . . but it wasn’t the way. No, that wasn’t the way at all. Ben breathed and with his breath the dark specter of his mind was laid to rest in peace, and the peace spread. Though he would not end this night in terror and brutality, none-the-less, Ben would not willingly walk to his death without a fight.

“Anna,” Ben said aloud, and as if summoned by his thought, she heard him and wandered in from the crowd, climbing the steps of the gigantic palanquin with an excited spring in her walk.

“Oh my stars,” she started excitedly, “my [Brawler] class just evolved to [Field Reporter], I didn’t even know that was possible! Ben! You are the best!” she rushed over to give him a kiss on the cheek, and Ben stopped her. Good thing he did, because her kiss would have badly burned him.

“Anna, you are broadcasting to everyone here, correct?”

“Uh, yeah.” She looked at him like he was stupid, “I’ve got the biggest stream on the internet right now, I’m the biggest streamer of all time. Hash-tag bitch squad!” she made a silly streamer face.

“Good, I’d like you to get a message out. The Parade will be over soon, and I will head to court to meet my death. Here’s what I’d like for you to do.” Ben relayed his message, and Anna went forth to do his will. “I’m missing something here. . .” Ben said, then felt at his forehead, “of course,” he said with a smile, opening his Utility Pocket and gathering up a collection of sticks and moss, small shiny pebbles, then rigged them up together to make a magnificent, shitty crown. Ben chuckled as he put it on his head, and though he had no class compelling him to do so, he found he enjoyed it anyways.

He closed his eyes with a sigh, and when he opened them again, the courthouse loomed high in the battlefield of the Legal District. The Parade and all it’s wonders loomed back, two forces of implacable will, neither able to bend. Ben stood up, and the music stopped. The rattling of metal and the clangs and the bangs, everything came to a stillness like the surface of a pond on a windless, silent winter night, cold air undisturbed by the passage of life as the full moon stared down on a sleeping world. All felt that chill now, and Ben walked carefree and naked down the steps of his palanquin, accepting of his fate.

“This is it, isn’t it?” Vivi asked, his eyes atop stalks hard and clear, slugging his way forward. “This is the end.” Ben nodded, and Vivi shut his eyes for just a moment. “I always knew it would end like this,” he finally said, “that it should end like this, for me anyways. I’ve been waiting for it, I think, ever since I ripped open The Beyond and watched as something Impossible reached out and took my friends. Exile was always too light of a sentence. Thank you for getting me out of that tree, Ben. That wasn’t a life.”

“Vivi?” Ben asked, and Vivi gave his attention, “Summon us some lawyers. We aren’t going down easy.”

Vivi got to work.

“I was dead when I found you,” Ghost Ears said suddenly, surprising everyone, “I’d lost everything, my life’s work in ruins. I never expected to live as long as I have, not really. Fairies in the Overcavern Forest don’t usually last. Still, I enjoyed my life, and I lived it the way I wanted to. I did it my way. Just a shame, really, that it’s all come to this. Just a shame this is what gets us. I have no regrets.”

“Don’t give up hope yet,” Ben said, his eyes burning with something beyond logic. He could feel the pattern of the universe now, but he’d never be pretentious enough to say it. “Help Vivi, please.” Ghost Ears nodded and went over to the summoning Aeon Slug.

“Hm,” Red said dismissively, “I don’t care what anyone says, I’m going to take as many of these people with me to the grave as I can. Don’t try and stop me.”

“I beg you,” Ben said, “follow my lead. This isn’t the end for us. Help them, I’ll join shortly.” Red sashayed to the growing summoning circle, her glowing eyes watching everything from inside her antlers.

“Well,” Short Bus said, and once again, it was just the two of them, “this is it.”

“This is it,” Ben said, not bothering to hide his thoughts at all. “Think this is going to work?”

“At the very least, it’ll make this a colossal pain in the ass. They’re really out to get us, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Come on, we need the lawyer demons for this to work.”

“Why are they always demons?” Short Bus asked as the two walked to join the rest of the party, “if we die here, that’s always going to bug me. Why demons?”

“Bug you? It’ll drive me crazy! I’ve gotta know!”

One by one, the group bled and Vivi began his chant.

“Fragment of injustice, embodiment of lawful evil, I call you forth from The Beyond, I pull your essence from the great pattern, now never to be repeated again. Be embodied here, a servant to my will, and a protector of those who’s blood now binds you to this world.”

The blood began to bubble and light began to fade around them.

“Gather thy essence in multitude, gather thy strength in number, let many become one! Know that I have called you into a body which matches your nature, a form for which you shall be greatly pleased. Formless evil be clothed in flesh, be summoned, [Noble Law Demon]!”

The blood burst like a pimple on reality, spilling forth in a tide of black fluid, a terrible being conjured from the depths of hell. It was humanoid, about seven feet tall and covered in acid green skin mottled with black spots. It had an arrogant, demonic face, condemned horns on his forehead and eyes that shone with malevolence. It sniffed the air and relaxed, the malevolence not directed at them.

“Ah,” his voice was identical to the Legal Fiend Vivi had summoned before. “My kin. Thou art they who summoned the lessers from my court, have they died?”

“Yes,” Vivi said formally, “they are dead and gone, killed in our service, as you will likely be.”

“What a pity, the hells are lesser for it,” the demon seemed to have. . . some regret about it, but more excitement about his form. “I smell injustice in this land, what a fragrance,” he said, sniffing the air deeply, “tell me our pact.”

“Serve as our legal defense and then be bound to our service in this ‘Legal District’,” Vivi said, “free to do as you wish in this eternal battlefield, bound to our will whenever we return here.”

“A fine arrangement, done.” A burning symbol appeared on the forehead of the Demon, and Ben felt it added to his court, it’s power at his disposal, it’s will completely subverted to his own. Ben didn’t like the Demon, but he knew it was on a leash. Vivi knew his shit, it seemed.

“This one seems stronger,” Ben commented, and Vivi didn’t break eye contact with the demon.

“That’s because I’ve leveled,” Vivi said, “and you’ve gotten stronger somehow. I’m a [Royal Summoner], my power is as much tied to your kingdom as it is to my levels.”

“Will you summon another?” Ben asked, remembering how Vivi had gone for quantity over quality the last time.

“No,” Vivi said, “he is all I can safely control. The difference between a fiend and a demon is substantial. He will have to be enough.”

“Then we’re ready,” Ben said. The Noble Law Demon held up a long, gremlin-esque finger with a chuckle.

“A moment, wicked sire.” He rushed from the group with a sickening yell, entering the Legal District and vanishing from sight. When he returned, he was no longer naked, instead clothed in a fine black suit and pants. Polished shoes, white gloves, and a black briefcase completed the outfit, which was extra completed by the blood of the previous owner the Demon had murdered. “Ah, no finer attire can grace a hall of injustice. Please, allow me to lead the way, you are young yet, and not instructed in the ways of real law.”

“Then. . . we’re ready?” Ben said, looking around for any last minute interruptions.

“Ready as we’ll ever be,” Ghost Ears said, almost singing it. He was feeling what Ben was feeling, as much a [Dreamer] as he was a [Royal Vizier]. There was just something in the air, some unknown feeling like they were. . . Ghost Ears knew not to boast, even in his own mind. There was no faster way to fail.

They entered the Courthouse. The ramshackle construction surrounded them and the three lawyers of Solas awaited them, sitting on the right side of the courtroom while a sad looking Dwarven Hammer presided as [Judge].

“Court is now in session,” [Judge] Urth said, and was immediately interrupted by the Sunlet [Prosecutor].

“[Force Verdict],” he said, opening a briefcase and allowing page after page of testimony to rise up from it, burning as it was consumed, “I demand an immediate declaration of guilt, in addition to binding these criminals to divest themselves of their possessions.” He glanced over at Ben’s hand, noting the lack of wishes. “Unless the defense has anything at all?”

“Oh, I object quite strongly,” the Noble Law Demon said, slithering a forked tongue as he spoke at the prosecution. “After all, we have witnesses to gather our Testimony from, do we not? Come in, please, you good, gentle folk of this fine city.” Every word from the demon was half ironic and half sarcastic, but delivered with a liars touch, obfuscating meaning until no truth could ever be discerned.

“Testimony? Who could testify on your behalf? We’ve interviewed everyone you’ve ever met! . . .” the prosecutor trailed off as a single random citizen of Solas entered the room, escorted by Anna.

“Hi, I’ve never been in court before,” the alien said. He was some sort of stunted beast man, a bit like a mole if Ben were making Earth analogs, about the height of a Leap-rechaun. He was nervous, but speaking freely and visibly festooned with magical amulets and bracelets, party favors from the Parade of Wonders. “I don’t know much about the case, but Prince Ben and his people all seem pretty fantastic to me. I really like them, and I don’t think they would have done anything wrong.”

Silence reigned, the prosecution staring dumbfounded at the brave little alien, and then a sheet of legal paper formed in the air and floated towards the Noble Law Demon, who expertly caught it and smelled it deeply.

“Ah. . . this is power, is it not?” he laughed darkly, his evil gaze relishing in the shock of the prosecution. “Next witness.”

“[Objection]! Stop this farce immediately!”

“Oh, I misspoke, what skillsss,” he hissed, “were implanted in this body when it was made? Ah, [Call Witness],” he said, and the single sheet of testimony went to [Judge] Urth, then another sheet from the [Prosecution].

“Obviously,” she said with some clear enjoyment, “I side with the defense. Call your witnesses.”

One by one, witnesses with nothing to do with the trial, who saw nothing and knew nothing about anything that had happened in the Overcavern Forest, were called to the stand. All they had to say was that they liked Ben, and thought his party was innocent, and that was enough to produce single sheets of Testimony. It was not powerful Testimony, not high quality, but there was a quantity to it that was impossible to ignore. The Testimony was used to fuel skills the Noble Law Demon cast to styme the [Prosecution], an echo of Ben’s previous attempt after he’d married Anna, true. But different in many substantial ways, because the trial dragged on and on.

Then, the first of the beasts from the Final Fortress entered the courtroom, and everyone was completely still in it’s terrifying presence.

“I am. . . Testifying on behalf of the System designated Prince known as Ben,” the giant hulking amalgamation of beasts said out of many mouths, “take my Testimony, and the Testimony of the Final Fortress. We will remember the verdict of this trial,” he softly threatened, and a single blood red sheet of paper appeared in the air, floating towards the ecstatically shocked still Noble Law Demon, who gazed at the monster with something close to worship in his eyes.

“Truly you are kin,” he whispered, glancing at Ben and taking the Testimony.

“We,” the Prosecutor was shaking, “we strongly object to this display,” he reached for his briefcase, and to his shock, found it empty. “How dare you fools defy Solas,” he said, his composure coming back in a moment, “fine, you want it like this? We’ll spend the money,” he sneered, and pulled out a small glass cube, with a single bright spark of light inside of it. Ben recognized it as a wish, and felt his heart drop.

“[Objection]!” the Law Demon shouted, “do not use that wish!” but the Prosecution didn’t listen, the wish granting him the strength to resist.

“Fools, all of you, fools! We are the Sunlets, one of the Signatory Races! We have been around since the dawn of The World and accumulated every wealth and treasure to our possession! Throw a thousand petty parades, gather as much Testimony as you like, summon forth legions from the hells or the heavens, it doesn’t matter! We have decided you are to die, and you will die! I WISH-”

“What’s all this then?” a distinctly blustery, British bulldog kind of voice bellowed forth. It came from a gigantic Aeon Slug, somewhere in size between a standard school bus and a sixteen wheeler, who had pushed his head in through the double doors of the building. “I say,” he blustered, “now this is a surprise. There’s that dear boy Vivi,” he rumbled as he slugged his massive body forward, exhibiting the casual kind of magical prowess Aeon Slugs of his age possessed as the world literally warped around him to accommodate his size. The doors, far too small, transformed and upgraded in quality to accommodate the gigantic being, stretching in size, along with the entire building as he slugged his way in.

“Uncle?” Vivi said, an expression of shock on his face, “Uncle Sluggington?”

“Dear boy,” he said, “in this formal setting, you must refer to me as [Duke] Sluggington. Mind your manners and politics.” His body was clad in military finery, festooned with medals and awards of merit. His face was adorned with the first moustache ever to grace the face of an Aeon Slug, a beautiful Robotnik that swooped out far and bushy above his sluggy mouth. He had a distinctly crazed, manic energy in his eyes, every part of him extended and taunt with confident go-gettedness.

“[Objection]!” the Sunlet [Prosecutor] yelled, clearly in a panic, “leave this courtroom immediately or-”

“Oh [Shut Up],” Duke Sluggington said, silencing him with a skill, one of his eyestalks reaching way, way down to fully intimidate the man, the eyeball at the end of the stalk roughly the same size as the large Sunlet man, “surely you don’t intend to threaten a diplomat of Frazzrazzle Mountain,” he said, referring to the capitol city of the Aeon Slugs all the way down on the seventh layer, “do you?”

“Of. . . of course not,” the [Prosecutor] said, “but this is a matter between us and them. You have no right to interfere. Please leave, I’m sure Solas’s council is desperately trying to find suitable accommodations for someone of your. . .” he gazed at the giant, “stature.”

“Between ‘us and them’? I guffaw,” he guffawed, “my precious, dear, favorite nephew,”

“Aw uncle slug,” Vivi said in genuine emotion.

“Is an Aeon Slug! What is he doing here in this, this,” he gestured to the shitty courthouse with his eyes, “building?”

“He is legally bonded in service to a being classified as a monster through The Quest,” the prosecutor started to speak quickly, “therefore we have no obligation to treat him as a member of the signatory-”

“That sort of slime might pass when nobody important is watching,” Duke Sluggington enunciated, “and none of us have ever engaged in illegal wrongdoing when nobody was watching,” he sneered, “but exiled or not, I am watching this court case. I was content to merely watch the fine showing, fine showing on display here, until you crossed the line. We have laws about the use of wishes against one another, do we not? To use a hostile wish against another member of the Signatory Races is an act of WAR!” he bellowed the last word, his eyes bulging.

“Oh slime and shells,” Vivi said, sagging, “we’re saved.”

“I can smell the Pure Lands on you boy,” Duke Sluggington said, a cold aside, “if you’ve done what it looks like you’ve done, I’ll see you executed myself. ‘Breach not the heavens’, I taught you how to summon, and that is the very first lesson.”

“Didn’t do it!” Vivi said happily, “Oh this is such a relief. Ben, that’s my uncle!”

“That’s a big moustache,” Ben said, staring at the gargantuan slug in a military uniform.

“Didn’t do it?” Duke Sluggington examined the statement, seeming to roll it around in his mouth, “Good enough for me.”

At that moment, a screaming Sunlet burst into the courtroom, holding a formal looking scroll.

“Urgent message from the council of Solas!” he gasped, “cease this trial immediately, stop right now, stop!” he was waving his arms around at the [Prosecution], “this matter is to be settled in the high court of Solas under a proper legal framework, with the use of truth spells and evidence.” He paused, then looked at Ben, “and a message for you, from the [Council Leader]. ‘Well played’. Everyone please follow me, we’re going to sort this all out right now. No need for war.”

--

It was all so anti-climatic after that. The whole group was ushered onto a giant flying platform and rushed to the High Court of Solas, the same white building Ben had been at in his last time loop. There, him and his party were asked a series of questions while under the effects of a truth spell, which would reveal if they had lied about anything. Their innocence was both obvious, and undeniable after that. The sat behind their table, waiting for the Sunlet judge to make his verdict.

“Well, this has been quite the commotion,” he began, banging his gavel on the stand a few times in annoyance. “You lot should be ashamed of yourselves, [Shame],” he said, and everyone withered from the casual skill use, “[Shame] again on all of you. One more [Shame], really feel it this time. Throwing the whole city into such a tumult over your lives, honestly it makes me sick seeing you struggle so hard.” He nodded hard and agreed with himself.

“Right then, you’re all guilty.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Ben started to say.

“Not of your original charges, but of some very serious misdemeanors. Invading a Citadel without authorization, misdemeanor summoning without a class or license, failure to report the presence of a Beyonder,”

Red sniffed and looked away from the judge, clearly unaffected by his bullshit.

“And inciting a riot with your parade nonsense. Accept the charges, accept them right now or there’s going to be a war.”

“Accept the charges,” Duke Sluggington rumbled softly, whispering better than Short Bus could despite being the size of a sixteen wheeler.

“Fine,” Ben said, glaring.

“Good, you’ve accepted, that’s sorted. [Shame] again,” they all withered, “just for good measure you little brats. Right, well here’s what’s going to happen. You lot are sentenced to six months of community service. Additionally, that human-monster thing,” he pointed at Ben, “has the additional punishment of The Mines for the duration of his community service. You,” he pointed at Vivi, “you’re going to be doing menial work in the Summoners tower. You,” he pointed at Ghost Ears, “scribe work in City Hall. You,” he pointed at Red, “guard duty, patrol the sewers. And you,” he pointed at Short Bus, who interrupted.

“Can I pick!” he was genuinely excited.

“What do you pick?” the judge asked.

“Uh, I don’t know. Can I keep being a clown? Clowning is a well-respected profession on my planet.” The truth spell did not activate, because Short Bus had instantly convinced himself what he said was true.

“Fine, but just because I can’t stand the sight of you and I want you gone. I sentence you to six months of professional clowning, whatever the abyss that is. You have a week, then your sentence starts. Now get out of my sight! [Shame!] Get out! More [Shame!]”

The group ran from the courtroom and the withering attacks of the clearly furious judge.

“Holy Shit!” Ben shouted once they were out of range, “we won!”