Chapter 8

“For your crimes against the city of Solas-” the [City Official] said as Ben and his party were once again crucified upside down.

“We sentence you to death, fucking hell I get it already!” Ben said in sheer, terrified exasperation, interrupting the official, “hey, did you know that I set my Utility Pocket up so that if I die it automatically disgorges all its contents?” Ben didn’t have time for a follow up comment before he was instantly murdered, sparing him the sight of his extremely loyal party being slaughtered right before his eyes again. Ben no longer had to question if he loved his party, because now he knew what it would feel like to grieve for them.

The world faded to black, but unlike the last dozen or so times Ben had died in the loop, he felt himself moving. He looked around and saw a black robed figure holding a scythe calmly walking with him through the strange darkness of the timestream. Death felt him staring and turned his head, revealing. . . there was no other way to say it, he was handsome! Not a skull, but a charming, handsome young man with brilliant green eyes and curly blonde hair! He had an archetypal joy to him, radiant, infectious and free.

“Fancy seeing you here again,” Death said, eyes twinkling. Then, Ben was back in the church, looking at Short Bus.

“Did it work? Oh no, Ben!” Short Bus said, his face once again slumping in disappointment when he scanned the contents of Ben’s mind after another failed timeloop.

“So this goes without saying,” Ben said, skipping all preamble and explanation, “but I think it’s time for desperate measures.”

“No Ben, don’t do it!”

“We’ve already done all the sensible stuff! We ran away, we did the court room, we fought the law-”

“And the law won,” Short Bus interjected.

“And even with perfect foreknowledge, it didn’t do jack shit! When I tried to wish our way out of the court ruling, they had a ‘counter wish’ ready to block me! The cops didn’t even bother trying to stop me, and by the way, we have the magical equivalent of ankle bracelets on and they can teleport us back into the city if we try and leave. Read my mind, tell me it isn’t time for bad ideas.”

Short Bus stared at Ben a long time, his once beady black shark eyes now expressive, but still dark. Slowly, as the man shark carefully parsed through both Ben’s memories, and the memory packages he’d been leaving there for his own sake, Short Bus realized the truth of the matter. He grinned, and Ben couldn’t recall ever seeing a look quite like this one on his friends face before.

“Well,” Short Bus said, “if it’s going to be like that, do you mind if I take first crack at it?”

“Pff, I was just going to put Red and Vivi alone in a room together and tell them they had my blessings to do whatever came naturally to them. Go ahead, I’ve still got a few loops left before we’re totally screwed.”

In response, Short Bus nodded his head curtly, then let loose the psychic equivalent of a two finger whistle. A sharp noise that cut through everything, heard only in the mind, stilled the church. The numerous psychic animals around them stilled, and then began converging on Ben and Short Bus in a tide of fur, feathers, and scales. The silent psychic cacophony was deafening, so loud Ben couldn’t hear himself think.

“Oi!” Short Bus barked, and brought silence to the scene. Through the silence, there was an almost imperceptible ringing, a slight fry to the air as an intensely telepathic exchange of information took place. The animals began to get excited, and several of them obviously looked over at Ben, and then at the watch tucked away in his pants pocket. A small macac began obviously laughing, falling over, and heaving his small body with the force of his mirth. Several squirrels gave each other the side eye. A crow came over and landed on Ben’s shoulder, looked him straight in the eye, gave him a quick peck to the side of the head that felt like more of a smack, then flew off.

“Everybody up to speed?” Short Bus said, “Good. On the count of three, two, one; No Consequences!”

“No Consequences!” all the animals shouted, before total chaos erupted. The birds began forming a gigantic flock and rushing out of the building. All the rodent types swarmed, led by a gigantic grey squirrel decked out in a full army uniform, Ben hadn’t noticed that before, and rushed out the door. The canines packed up, rushed over to their people, gave them a good lick, and then left. The felines began to slink away, one at a time, yowling the entire time, purposefully making that awful noise as they left the church. Ben didn’t even see all the reptiles leave, so he assumed they’d all slipped out during the chaos.

“What was that?” Ben asked, not out of complete ignorance, but just to make sure he understood.

“Told them we were in a time loop,” Short Bus said, nodding his head and agreeing with himself, “shared our memories and all that to prove it. They’re going to rampage through the city and report back to us in three days time, after they’ve loaded up on secrets.”

“Secrets?”

“Secrets,” Short Bus repeated, “the kind you can’t get without putting yourself in mortal danger, or killing yourself in the long run.”

“Like the kinds of things you can’t learn without royally pissing someone off or making a dangerous enemy?”

“Right, the sort of information you can only get from really bad ideas. They’re all mostly looking out for themselves, but they promised they’ll be looking for a way to help us out too. This is going to take about three loops, I think, when it’s all said and done. Come on, let’s go track down Thirty-One and see about getting that drink while we wait.”

“Man fuck that,” Ben said, “I’ve got lots of bad ideas, and if we’re going to just burn three loops anyways. . . let’s rampage a little.”

--

Ben and Short Bus stared in chrono-logically justified satisfaction at the upside down Sunlet [City Official] who they had just been beating on like a piñata with metal baseball bats. Red, who was also there and had helped apprehend the man, had no idea why they were doing this, but approved based on sheer savage principal. Vivi and Ghost Ears had wisely been left out of the loop, so to speak. It was the end of the final day of their loop and all the surviving animals had already met up with Short Bus and deposited the memories they wanted to pass on when the loop repeated itself.

“You must be completely insane!” The [City Official] shouted, though his voice would reach no sympathetic ears, as they were in an improbably abandoned warehouse that had been located by one of the animal members of ‘Team No Consequences’. Red was mostly along for the ride because of both her high tolerance and taste for violence, as well as her peerless ability to see things with her gigantic magical cloud eyes.

“From my perspective,” Short Bus said in a dark voice, “you’re the crazy one for even thinking of standing in our way.” To be fair, Short Bus did look like a complete lunatic, what with him wearing the [City Official]’s clothes, which had been completely destroyed by virtue of being way too small for the gigantic man shark.

“I still say we snap his-”

“We’re not snapping his dick off, oh my God Red,” Ben said for what felt like the fifth time.

“I think it’s the fastest way to get him to cooperate,” Red countered, “he still hasn’t answered any of your questions.” Ben glanced at the [City Official], who was once again staring at Red in undisguised horror, then at Red, who was literally some kind of demonoid from beyond conventional reality.

“Ok buddy,” Ben said, looking at the [City Official], “it’s been like five minutes now that you’ve been defiant, and I have a pretty fucking short attention span. Start talking, or I’m just going to let Red over there do whatever she wants. No more questions, just a messy, dick snapping death. Red, sweetheart, could you please whisper what you are going to do to our upside down piñata friend so I can’t hear or remember it?”

Red, with a smirk, sashayed over to the man and started whispering in his ear, holding up a hand so Ben couldn’t even read her lips. With each passing moment, the color started to drain from the orange crystal man’s body, until he was completely transparent, like a sheet of glass or a perfect piece of quartz.

“Now,” Ben said, “last time I ask this. What do I have to do to get out of this bullshit trial and get you people off my back?”

“There’s nothing you can do,” he finally said, eyes wide, “sweet blazing stars above, there’s nothing you can do! Even if you were to drop the corpse of the Purebeast, which you are illegally withholding from Solas, right in front of the council it wouldn’t make a difference. You know about it, and if that’s not enough of a reason to have you killed. . . you’re one of the dangerous humans. One of the ones actually going around and doing things, not at all like the domesticated ones we’re cultivating to sit around and cower while we farm them.”

“Excuse me?” Ben asked, feeling a sensation that resonated with his memories of the Citadel of Horrors.

“You creatures are little better than animals, than monsters,” he said, looking at Ben, not Red, but Ben, in horror. “We’ve been browsing the histories and speaking with the elders about you humans, and you creatures are like something spawned out of a nightmare of The Beyond. But you lot are nothing like your ancestors. The council decreed a short, thousand year plan to integrate you into Solas, to execute all the rogue elements of your species, and create a domesticated, farmable version of humanity. Some of you will fight our wars, some of you will be burned for magic, but all of you will be enslaved, in chains both physical and mental, where you belong! You things are just a dangerous, ancient relic, a leftover weapon from a war so old even we immortals don’t remember it, and I will take personal pleasure in owning your ignorant, empty headed children, generation after generation!”

“Prince Ben,” Red said, her voice cool, “there are police officers approaching our location. They don’t know where we are yet-”

“Help me!” the [City Official] screamed, probably as loudly as he could.

“But they will soon. If we want to get away, we need to leave now.”

“Ha,” Ben said without much emotion, “Red, just kill this guy. We aren’t trying to get away,” Red took Ben’s metal bat and got to work on the screaming Sunlet. “Short Bus, you got all this recorded, all packaged up nicely in my head?” Ben tapped the side of his skull.

“Yep,” Short Bus said in a low growl, “I’ll get all of this when we loop back.”

“Loop, oh stars we’re in a time loop?” the Sunlet, still in the process of being executed by Red, exclaimed, “I need to activate, I just need to sound the, AH, the alarm!”

“Make it fast Red,” Ben said, “I don’t want him tipping off the cops.” Red gave a savage roar and stopped playing around, focusing on brutal, full strength strikes to the face. The man must have been high leveled or something, because he just wouldn’t die. Short Bus, without a word, joined in and between the two of them, the [City Official] finally died.

“Blaze of glory,” Ben said to Short Bus and Red, who both nodded, ready to fight to the end. They were woefully under leveled for the fight, and were crushed without mercy.

--

“Did it work?” Short Bus asked, eyes shining with excitement. Ben looked into those eyes and imagined what it must have looked like to the man shark. One moment, he was excited and full of energy, then the very instant he pushed the button, his entire body must have sagged. His face drained of energy, his eyes going grim and flat. Ben felt Short Bus immediately dive into his mind, felt the concern, the psychic impression that the [Pocketwatch of Time Loop] must have been broken and was hurting him. Then, Short Bus found the psychic package of memories he’d been using to piggyback on the Time Loop with Ben and opened it.

Ben watched Short Bus. . . remain completely unchanged. If anything, he looked even more enthusiastic than he had moments earlier.

“Cheer up little buddy!” Short Bus said, slapping Ben on the back, “we’ll find a way out of this!”

“I guess,” Ben said, letting Short Bus cheer him, “learn anything good from team no consequences?”

“Nothing actionable, not yet,” Short Bus said, then repeated his performance from the previous time loop, gathering up the animals in the church. This time, however, he transferred their various memory packages to them, bringing them up to speed with their actions in the last loop. They, like Short Bus, seemed emotionally unaffected by what they experienced.

“Well you all seem chipper,” Ben said, looking at the group of animals strangely.

“None of these bad things really happened Prince Ben,” it was a macac who psychically spoke to Ben, but he might as well have whispered because he had jumped on Ben’s back and was picking though his hair. Ben, likely through a subperceptual psychic channel of understanding, didn’t mind it at all, because the macac was apparently being really nice by doing it. “We can only get as upset about these memories as someone watching a movie or reading a book, starring ourselves as the main character.”

“Lucky you,” Ben said, resisting the urge to rub at all the various spots he’d suffered a lethal injury in the last. . . it had been several weeks of loop time, now that he thought about it. Most of it had been terribly boring, and Ben was starting to understand why the main character from the movie Groundhog Day had ended up so nuts by the end of it. Plus, Frankie had been gone the entire time! Ben knew he was OK, him and Frankie had a special bond, but the second the time loop had started, Frankie had straight up vanished on his own highly secret mission.

There was no reason to be concerned. Ben trusted Frankie’s judgement completely.

“Everyone,” Ben said, snapping out of his thoughts. He noted with some degree of sourness that literally every animal in Team No Consequences had been shamelessly reading his mind. One of the squirrels chirped to another rodent about how ‘Frankie sounds like a good dude’, and the rat nodded his head in agreement. “Ok, everyone seriously, there was an important development in the last loop you all need to be aware of. The [City Official] we were interrogating figured out we were in a time loop, and he tried to raise some kind of alarm about it. I don’t know what that’s about, but it didn’t sound good. Keep the time loop stuff secret while you all are out doing your business. Ok?”

Every animal solemnly nodded their heads as one and in that moment Ben knew they would not succeed. A small rat raised his paw to be called on, which was completely adorable, and Ben didn’t even bother to let him explain.

“You told people about the loop last time didn’t you.” It wasn’t a question, and the rat lowered his paw as a huge majority of the animals started shifting uncomfortably and nodding their heads. “Ok, that’s fine. Just. . . just keep it secret this time, OK?” After the animals left, Ben ran his hands through his hair and then looked over and up at Short Bus. “We’re fucked. Operation Fire and Gas is a go, get Vivi and Red together in a room and give them as much encouragement as you’re capable of-”

“That’s a lot of encouragement.”

“Then just leave. Don’t let Ghost Ears in there, he might try and talk some sense into them.”

“Well what are you going to be doing?” Short Bus asked, already mentally poking at Red in the confessional booth and telling her that Prince Ben needed her non-sexually. Ben started rifling through his Utility Pocket, examining all the loot. Mostly, it was dead bodies, and Ben was relieved to see that they weren’t rotting.

“What am I going to be doing?” Ben repeated the question to himself, ran through several different scenarios, and then shook his head. “I’m running down the isekai and fantasy world checklist.”

“Are you just making up words now?” Short Bus asked in a somewhat low, slow tone. Cautious even, and Ben felt confusion through their normally subtle psychic link.

“I just need to figure out what genre of reality we’re in, you know? See what I can find out. And the first thing you need to check when transported to another world, provided you’re safe enough to do it, the very first thing? You need to ask yourself if you’re in a musical or not.”

“Oh I see what’s going on, ok, yeah I’ll just follow along-”

But Ben wasn’t listening to Short Bus anymore, no, he’d turned his senses outward, to see if he could catch a glimpse of music, to see if there was a tune or chord or melody he could grasp. . . and there was. “Oh shit,” Ben said, feeling the music tugging at him the same way magnetic north pulled on an earth compass, “I’m feeling it.”

“My feet!” Short Bus said in alarm, looking down at his dinosarous style shark feet as they started tapping, “this is disturbing!”

“We aren’t anywhere close to it though, it’s. . .” Ben frowned hard and closed his eyes, willing himself to block out everything that wasn’t music. “That way, come on man, let’s see what’s going on.”

“Why do we care if we’re in a musical!” Short Bus said, trying to follow Ben and block out the subtle, infectious beat that was flowing into him telepathically. He was failing miserably.

“I’m not entirely sure actually, I wasn’t expecting this to pan out!” Ben was running now, and as he got closer, he found his pace and breathing and rhythm began to match with the song he was hearing. Time seemed to melt away as he and Short Bus ran, following a route through Solas that utilized public transportation, guided by Short Bus’s timeloop enhanced [Common Knowledge], and the steady compass pull of the music.

Ben was blind to the world around him, pulled along by the music, subsumed into a grand metapattern of reality, his form and ego and existence finally melting and melding away into-

“Ben!” Short Bus shouted, grabbing him by the back of the shirt and keeping him from diving off the utterly gigantic cliff of metal and technology they had reached. Ben startled out of it and felt his [Magical] heart pounding, pumping not-blood though his not-body as he drank in the sight before him. It was a tremendous and vast pit, like a godly cylinder had plunged into the world and removed a section of it clean. The pit was not empty, but full of light and movement. Layers and layers of elemental manifestations sat in town and city sized clumps; gigantic storm clouds crackling with lightning; huge fires burned suspended in air, filled with dancing shapes; from the sides and bottom grew shelves of stone and crystal, covered in life; spheres of water and ice gracefully floated motionless. Huge circles of magic were everywhere, gigantic two dimensional arrangements of runes and symbols and lines that gushed forth great rivers of magical power like heat distortions in the air, a catastrophe of color and brightness.

Hovering in the air in front of them was a somewhat large guide sign, which simply read ‘Welcome to the Elemental District of Solas.’ A smaller sign directly under it read ‘You are fully liable for any injuries you sustain during your visit, up to and including death.’

Ben’s eyes went up, then up higher and higher until he saw something familiar. Near the top, though not quite at the top, was an elemental circle made of psychedelic, melting color, mostly white and gold, with splotches and splashes of everything else appearing in a pattern that couldn’t be discerned, except to say that it was following a beat. And from that great, giant mass of color, came sound, came music.

“Oh shit,” Ben said, slapping his forehead, “I think that’s where Dryst lives! Come on, let’s pay him a house call.”

Side Chapter: Dryst

“It’s quite beautiful up here,” the human woman commented as she reclined on a sofa made from clouds, the leather collar which marked her as a bearer of the Infinite Whip Plus Perk comfortably rested on her neck. She clearly held a legal class by her sharp outfit and briefcase.

“Music Elementals have always had a connection to the higher planes of The Beyond. As elemental beings, we will always end up beautiful. ” Dryst said, his psychedelic sno-cone body resting in what could uncharitably be called a gigantic cup holder made from clouds. The two of them were outside the open, golden gates of the Elemental Circle of Music, in a roofless, wall-less guest hall specifically meant to keep outsiders from entering. It was a building without the building, finished floor and furniture sitting right out in the open. The weird thing was, it totally worked as a concept.

“Oh?” the woman, Clara, held herself with a level of poise and confidence that was foreign to the modern humans of Earth. “I admit, my master hasn’t taught me of the higher places. On Earth, we assumed it was heaven.” She took a moment to look around at the land of golden clouds that surrounded her, a place bursting with rainbows and song. “And this is certainly like a vision of heaven.” She stared beyond the golden gate into a hazy, impenetrable mist of golden light.

“The Beyond is infinite,” Dryst said dismissively, “and I would like to conclude our meeting as quickly as possible. Nobody is to know about this, you understand?”

“I understand,” Clara said as she adjusted her posture, “Dryst-la-la-la, I am here representing the City of Solas to collect Testimony for use against the adventuring team ‘Anna’s Coinpurse’ and the unlicensed, unnamed adventuring party consisting of Prince Ben’s fledgling court. Please do not interrupt me, as I am required to make the following statements.”

“I know what Testimony is and what it’s used for,” Dryst said, and Clara just smiled and continued talking.

“In order for Testimony to be a valid energy source, you must be informed as to what it is and how it will be used. As you know, Testimony is the fuel which allows all [Lawyer] and other legal class skills to function, much in the same way mana is the fuel for a [Wizard’s] spells, and stamina is the fuel for [Warrior] techniques. Testimony is a potent energy that, when used by a skill, can bind individuals against their will to a legal judgement. The Testimony I collect here today will be used in pursuit of the following outcomes:”

“One, the seizure of all physical assets currently in the possession of Prince Ben and his court.”

“Two, the seizure of all mental assets currently in the possession of Prince Ben and his court.”

“Three, the imprisonment of Prince Ben and all members of his court.”

“Four, the execution of Prince Ben and all members of his court.”

Dryst felt a buzz of energy pass through him as the peculiar method [Lawyers] empowered themselves with activated around him. Clara opened her briefcase and pulled out a stack of specially prepared legal paper, which could store the energies of Testimony for later use.

“I understand, and am ready to begin,” Dryst said, a bit of venom in his voice.

“Excellent. I’m going to use a skill on you now, just something to help get you talking.” She leaned forward and pointed her hand at him, “[Start Talking],” she said, with all the force and inflection of a skill activating. Dryst felt something inside of him loosen up, and he began.

“Ben and his group are harboring a dangerous Aeon Slug summoner,” Dryst spoke, and one of the legal papers flashed and was set off to the side. “They are fugitives from the law,” another page, “a group of incompetent and dangerous thugs with no regard for the conventions of civilization,” another page, “Prince Ben is a fool, and a disgrace to royal classes.” Another page. “He is in possession of skills and abilities which are clearly illegal. He is currently in possession of a dangerous dimensional assault vehicle, which he operated without sanction or permission in the Overcavern Forest. He is a brazen nudist, an uneducated savage, and has no understanding of the hierarchy of elemental beings.”

“Please go on,” Clara said, eyes closed as she felt the energy pouring off of Dryst and empowering her as well as filling the pages.

“He is directly responsible for a tribe of gremlins gaining access to summoning magic. He is directly responsible for gremlins gaining access to a Quasar class soul gem. He is directly responsible for the creation of a Giant-Class gremlin aberration, as well as the creation of a passage to the second layer spontaneously erupting in the Overcavern Forest.”

“Tell me about the citadel,” Clara quietly demanded.

“He recklessly charged in and was immediately captured. Rather than doing the only legally correct thing and killing us all and then killing himself, he chose to employ dozens upon dozens of highly illegal and banned tactics and techniques inside a Citadel! His pet Aeon Slug, the criminal summoner, actually used summoning magic, in a Citadel! It was madness! I told everyone to leave, to abandon the place, but they kept pushing forward, going deeper, until we had to confront the boss monster itself. Then, through only pure dumb luck and the low level of the Citadel itself, Ben was able to cluelessly bumble his way through the boss fight and claim the core. I can guarantee you that he is still in possession of that Citadel Core, as well as all the other loot he isn’t legally entitled to. He’s not paying any taxes, he’s beholden to no one, he has no respect for his place in the hierarchy of The World, he’s a menace and an outlaw and-”

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Clara said with a laugh, “but I’m out of paper!” she chuckled again and began packing up, “this will be more than enough to win any legal battle. Thank you Dryst, we couldn’t get any other direct witnesses to provide the Testimony we needed crush Prince Ben in a legal battle. Without you, he might have had a chance.”

“So I’m in the clear?” Dryst asked, “Solas will keep the adventuring guild off my back?”

“Well. . .” Clara said, weighing things with her mind, “most likely, yes. You and your friends, Anna and Thirty-One should be able to dodge most of the charges against you, especially considering all the witnesses to your crimes will have been executed before anyone can talk to them about what you did, or didn’t do. The official position of the adventuring guild is that even if you were kidnapped, which you claim is what happened, you still should have made every effort to murder your captors upon entry into a Citadel, or at least killed your friends. If you three get your stories straight and claim that you did try and kill Ben, or at least kill each other, the odds are very good you’ll get out of this with a very light sentence.”

“A light. . . I understand,” Dryst said, his voice sagging with relief.

“Of course, if you’d all kept your mouths shut, I doubt there would have been any sentence at all. Oh well, people like you keep people like me in business.” She gave him a broad smile and touched the collar around her neck. “Do you know what this is?” she asked, changing the subject abruptly in a non sequitur.

“The Infinite Whip,” Dryst replied cautiously, “it’s a plus perk, though I confess I only know the name.”

“Very good!” she said, sounding delighted, “You got the name right,” she tugged on the collar, and from it, a whip appeared by magic. It was long and made of what appeared to be simple brown leather. “This whip inflicts True Damage on anything it strikes, with the aspect of True Pain. It matters not who you are, or how high your level is, if you are made of flesh or stone or energy. . . a strike from this whip will inflict agony all the same. That is only one part of the perk, you see. The most important bit was that to get the whip, I had to sell myself into slavery to a being from The Beyond, one who was perfectly suited for me. A being who represented the possibility of someone who could fully see my potential, and longed to transform me into the greatest version of myself possible, and own me as a servant.” She chuckled, “It was an obvious choice for me. An immortal and neigh indestructible entity who would jealously guard me as its property? Please and thank you.” She got a sly grin on her face, “But I never expected that my task would be to obtain more slaves for my master, nor that he would teach me so many secrets. Dryst, you seem like a smart, self-interested sort. If you ever find yourself in trouble, real trouble,” she said, and coiled the whip up, where it transformed into a collar, “find a way to put this on, will you? It won’t steal your will, it won’t control your mind, it won’t infringe on you in any way. All it will do is help me and my master understand you well enough to help you. Please, take it. It’s a gift, a real gift. A blessing even.”

She meant it, and left the collar for him, before getting up and leaving. Dryst stared at the collar, some part of him seeing the appeal, when he heard Clara exclaim from the distance. ‘Oh, speak of the devil! Prince Ben! Are you looking for Dryst?” She gave a full throated laugh, “he’s right over there dear boy. I’ll see you in a few days!”