The Dark City Circus, The Black Caravan that rose from the southern lands when the Dark Cities had something they wished to trade for souls. Their wagons were covered in tarp coated with pitch and tack, the wood and wheels coated in the same substance. They were pulled along by slaves, covered from head to foot in rags, making them look like mummies.

In the blackest wagon, pulled by the most wretched slaves, sat their Priest of the Lowest Depths, and his acolytes. Their bodies were covered from head to foot in skin tight black cloth, and red religious clothing over that. Their Priest spoke, and they listened.

“Beware their charity, beware their mercy, beware their sorrow; these things will pull you from the path of sin.”

“Yes father,” the assembled acolytes, who were all young women, said in a soft, collective murmur.

“This is your first mission!” the priest said with some passion, and a bit of worry, “Your whole lives you have lived in the correct way, the ways of the Dark City Abomination, may it fester forever;”

“May it fester forever,” they murmured, sounding a little bored.

“You will find the ways of unstained to be. . . strange. Attractive even! They will tempt you with their ways, with their ideas, with their weak morality. See them not for their virtues, but for their vices, and you will not falter. You,” he said, pointing to one of his nameless acolytes, “what is the meaning of forgiveness?”

“Forgiveness,” she began, “is the failure of an individual to perpetuate and amplify the evil which has been entrusted to them through the evil actions of another.”

“Very good! Forgive nothing, and let no forgiveness be given to you! You are all young yet, and you still have the taint of innocence upon you. Despite this, you are missionaries of the Eternal Fall! Wash your innocence away and leave Solas Black in your wake!”

“Yes father,” the assembled acolytes said, sounding exactly like what they were: A group of teenagers who had been sort-of pressured to go on a religious mission by their parents, and who weren’t that excited to go to what they considered a backwards shithole full of primitive people.

“Very good! Girls, when we arrive, I’d like you all to be in charge of chaining up the clowns in their humiliation booths and running them. Ensure that everyone who uses them is given a short sermon on the nature of power and it’s proper application.”

“Yes father,” they said, and one of them had the audacity to pull out a Smartest Phone and start messing around. The Priest of the Lowest Depths scowled, but couldn’t fault her for doing the wrong thing. He just wanted her to be a little more zealous, that was all.

He left the wagon to seek some isolation to brood in, which was the evil equivalent of prayer. He’d hyped Solas up as some kind of bastion of light and goodness, but in reality, it was a very morally neutral city, leaning a bit more dark than anything else. It was for this reason, and this reason alone that he felt confident in bringing the future of Abomination, their most important young people and heirs, along on this particular trip.

He had it all planned out in his head. They’d get to Solas and the kids would get a little bit of culture shock, ‘Father! Nobody is taking advantage of that person’s weakness over there! Oh by the darkness, they’re assisting him!’

The Priest of the Lowest Depths chuckled, er, darkly chuckled, remembering his first mission trip to Solas. Yes, Solas was a good first impression of the outside world. They’d get to see a little bit of light, but not enough to really tempt them. Just enough to. . . vaccinate them against it.

The Priest of the Lower Depths then laughed, evily. After all, it’s not like they were going to see anything holy!

“Ahahahaha!” he crowed to the darkening evening sky, “Our victory is eternal! Darkness forever! Ahahahahaha!”

His acolytes heard him as he devolved into manical, manic laughter and rolled their collective teenage eyes. Then, when they were sure nobody was looking, they huddled around the girl with the Smartest Phone and re-watched the video titled Ben’s Ascension, Part 1&2.

“I don’t know who this Anna girl is,” one of them said, “but she’s a fucking badass.”

Nods all around. Anna was a Bad Girl, and they all totally wanted to meet her, and her walking hot blasphemous hunk of a friend.

The Dark Cities weren’t hip to it yet, but the internet was doing to their religious structures what it did to the religious structures of Earth; dissolving the fuck out of them.

Chapter 14

It started with the sound of a lone trumpet, playing a single loud, clear note. It cut through all sound, all physical and magical obstacles and demanded to be heard. It demanded all, great and small, rich and poor, good and evil, to look to the west and see what had come from the Overcavern Forest. The lone trumpet was accompanied by two more in harmony, then two again, then two again, each new pair playing a higher note.

The distant sound of drums banging, flashes of gold and white like an uncoiling chinese dragon making it’s slow way down the sloped hillside into the Outer Ring of Solas.

System Custodians left their assigned posts and began to carefully and effectively clear the roads of people and obstacles, setting up traffic control and gently explaining to everyone who was listening, and everyone was listening, that the recently wished for [Parade of Wonders] was about to begin. Explaining that it was something they had never seen before, and recommending in their pleasant, powerful way that they go and tell everyone to come.

People asked why? Why? Why! The response was only thus;

“Make way for the [Prince of Wonders], the Son of Sacrifice. Conqueror of Citadel and Dungeon. Questor. Human at long last. Make way for Prince Ben.”

--

Earlier

[Congratulations! You have advanced to level 1!]

[Congratulations! Your class has specialized!]

[You have gained the class: Prince of Wonders]

[You have gained the skill: Parade of Wonders!]

[You have gained the skill: Wish Sense]

[This Parade of Wonders has the following themes: Holy Energy, Celebration, Generosity, Joy, Life, Hope and Humanity!]

[The Start and End locations of the Parade have been set! Your Parade of Wonders is under the persistent effect of Time Dilation! You have as long as you need!]

[This Parade of Wonders was cast using an Honest Wish, Holy Energy and Heavenly Emanations! Ride the tiger, Yee-Haw!]

[The Parade will begin in fifteen minutes! Please select as many individuals as you wish to accompany you!]

“Oh,” The Royal Sage of Solas said, “I haven’t seen that one before. Prince of Wonders,” he said, noticing that Ben didn’t quite understand what he was talking about.

“You can see my notifications?” Ben asked, barely able to focus over the feeling of his various resource pools being ‘greatly enhanced’ by his new class. Somehow, he knew he was under the effect of a skill called [Boom].

“Of course I can, I see everybody’s notifications, I’m a [Royal Sage]. If you invite me on this Parade of Wonders, I’ll give you a class readout.”

“Pfft,” Ben blew a raspberry, “I was already going to invite everyone, including you. Deal.”

“Hmm,” the Royal Sage said, then he extended his staff out and said, “[Analyze].” A status window appeared in front of him, and an identical status window appeared in front of Ben.

[Prince of Wonders]

[The Prince of Wonders is a Wish Specialist with the following core mechanics. [Split Wish], [Wish Growth], [Skilled Wish] and [Boom or Bust!].

[Split Wish: Whenever you cast a Wish, any leftover or unused power from that is reorganized into smaller wishes, which are stored in the nearest soulbound Wishing Vessel. This ability will always seek to fill the maximum number of available wishing slots.]

[Wish Growth: Your excess Mana, Health and Stamina regeneration are channeled towards any wishes in your possession, causing them to grow more powerful over time. Half of all experience points you gain will be devoted towards Wish Growth. All wishes in your possession will grow at the same rate.]

[Skilled Wish: All skills, abilities and items which utilize wishes as a catalyst are sixty percent more efficient.]

[Boom or Bust! While you hold one or more wishes, you are under the persistent effect of Boom. If you hold no wishes, you are under the effect of Bust!]

[Boom: Your mana, health and stamina regeneration are greatly increased. Your mana, health and stamina pools are greatly increased. For ever wish over the first, you receive a smaller buff.]

[Bust! Your mana, health and stamina regeneration are greatly diminished. Your mana, health and stamina pools are greatly diminished. Your natural charisma is greatly diminished.]

[The Prince of Wonders class requires you to use wishes to level, in addition to the enhanced experience requirements.]

The Royal Sage started laughing at Ben.

“What?” Ben asked.

“I don’t know if The System is trying to help you, or mess with you,” he said. “This class might be worse than the Staff of Ultimate Aeons,” he chuckled, and Vivi visibly bristled.

“Don’t,” Vivi said, annoyed.

“Long ago, the Aeon Slugs got ahold of a Grand Wish,” The Royal Sage said, clearly relishing the story, “and they wished for a staff of ultimate power. It was a complicated, long wish, but what they wanted was a staff of ultimate power that gave them absolute mastery over magic. They got it, the Staff of Ultimate Aeons. By the sun,” he said, his eyes going wide and far away, “that is a terrifying weapon. So, they go to use it, right?” he says, looking at Anna, who is smirking, “and then they find out the staff requires Grand Wishes to function. It’s literally charged by Grand Wishes, which makes it functionally unusable.”

“Or the Supreme Sword,” Anna said.

“Or the Amulet of All Knowledge,” Vivi muttered, clearly suffering some species wide embaressment.

“That was an Aeon Slug wish too, wasn’t it?” Anna said, without malice, and Vivi nodded with his eye-stalks, “what is it with Aeon Slugs and these over the top wishes?”

“My people are prone to flights of passion and megalomania,” Vivi said dismissively, “which are hallmarks of genius.”

“So all these powerful items require wishes to use properly?” Ben asked, putting the pieces together.

“That’s usually what The System does to people who ask for too much with a wish,” he said, “it’s sort of like a joke, we think. I don’t know if your class is like that or not, but be careful. That [Bust!] looks properly nasty. [Split Wish] and [Wish Growth] are both completely original, or at least I’ve never seen anything close to them. [Skilled Wish] is. . . well, rare is the word that comes to mind. With a class like this, you could just retire right now at level 1. You wouldn’t have any trouble finding work at any of the banks, that’s for sure.”

“No thank you,” Ben said, then mentally selected everyone around him to be included in the Parade of Wonders. Frankie portaled his way into reality, waving his stubby arms emphatically, rolling around and generally drawing as much attention to himself as possible. Ben looked at Frankie and grinned, “Ok, Frankie, ok! I’m officially declaring you the Grand Marshall of the parade.”

Instantly, Frankie was wearing a golden white Grand Marshall outfit, one of the ones with the really cylindrical hats, all those buttons and decorative ropes on it. It fit him perfectly, and stretched and adapted with him. The Raiment of Power appeared around Frankie’s ‘neck’ and floated there, completing the outfit.

“Hey!” Short Bus said, “I just got offered the position of Clown Marshall! Accepted!” Instantly, Short Bus was redressed in the most absurd outfit anyone, anywhere could imagine a gigantic, muscular man-shark in; he was dressed like a clown, complete with a red honk-nose, the body paint, and an orange, green and yellow mohawk that looked more rock-and-roll than anything else.

“Head of Security,” Red said, “Accepted.” She was redressed in a sharp black suit and solid black sunglasses over her face, which were pointless, as she had no eyes on her face. They still looked good. Red was armed with an AK-47, which she looked at in confusion, then shrugged and accepted it.

“Hype-Man?” Vivi said questioningly, then shrugged his eye-stalks, “Accepted.” The words ‘Hype Man!’ appeared on both of Vivi’s flanks in bold, black letters. Ben did not like the look of sly mischief in Vivi’s eyes.

“Swag-Master,” Ghost Ears said, his eyes crossed as his brain tried in vain to reject the understanding of the job he was being offered, “I accept.” Ghost Ears was suddenly dressed head to toe in ‘Prince Ben’ themed swag. “I think I just leveled my [Royal Vizier] class,” Ghost Ears muttered, looking at his outfit, then experimental extending a hand, “[Swag Cannon]!” A large explosion of confetti, Prince Ben T-shirts and other memorabilia, along with a bunch of money and consumable items, blasted forth in a wide arc from his outstretched palm.

“That looks kind of dangerous,” Ben commented, feeling completely fulfilled in life from just having seen the magical skill called [Swag Cannon], and knowing the swag was of him.

“I’m a Guest of Honor,” The Royal Sage said after a moment of reading his notifications, looking highly amused by, well, everything. He had already gathered up an armful of Prince Ben swag and was on the verge of guffawing as he sorted through it.

“I’m a Parade Commentator!” Anna said, looking excited. She was, fucking hell, she was already out of her own clothes and wearing the swag. She got a minor achievement for being the first person ever in the history of the world to wear swag of any kind, which she immediately began bragging about on social media, taking about a thousand selfies-

“Be sure to say you’re ‘behind the scenes’,” Ben yelled at Anna, resigned to at least put forth a token effort at being her [Producer].

“This is Anna, behind the scenes,” she effortlessly began saying, recording herself immediately, “in what will no doubt be a history changing event. The Parade of Wonders, the wish of a human. . .” Ben stopped listening.

“It says I’m a Special Guest,” Thirty-One said, looking around for help, “do I have a job, or. . .?”

“Buddy,” Ben said, “it’s your job to enjoy the parade and make sure we eventually get to that bar we’re supposed to go to.”

“I just feel like this is-”

From somewhere, conjured by the confluence of powers that had been initiated by Ben’s Honest Wish, a trumpet appeared in Frankies arms. He blew it, then, much to everyone’s surprise, two minor Utility Pocket elementals appeared, dressed in a lesser version of Frankie’s outfit. They blew their trumpets, then another two appeared, and two more after that. They were arranged in a rough chevron, with Frankie taking point.

The Utility Pocket Elemental rushed off ahead, while all around them, pops and crackles of magic could be heard.

“Better look the part,” Ben said, then found the skill [Magnificent Raiment], which he had gotten long ago and hadn’t used yet. He activated it, and immediately, Ben himself clothed in white and gold. He had a set of fine boots, like the ten thousand dollar version of the boots he would have worn as a laborer. A cloak with the appearance of liquid ruby settled around his shoulders, red like the red of the citadel core. In his hand a white scepter appeared, decorated with images of all the foes he had defeated, gremlins and the monsters of the Citadel of Horrors. Upon his brow, a simple golden ring of a crown decorated with a single glowing red gem, the citadel core shrunk down to size.

His power, his class, always unruly, snapped into focus. He felt more a [Prince] than he ever had. He also felt that he was going to get his ass Cindarella’ed back to nude poverty in a few hours. It was a temporary skill. A buff, to be technical.

“Excuse me,” a female voice called out from the Overcavern Forest behind them, “but we received a notification there would be a parade?” Ben turned around and got his first glimpse of just what exactly all the children of Earth had been getting up to without parental supervision.

It was a herd of elephants, or more specifically, a herd of badass looking elephants. On Earth, Elephants had a sort of slow, playful joy to them. These guys had that, but they also had a sharpness to their eyes that stated in no uncertain terms that they could fuck you up, and they knew just how big they really were.

“Hey,” Short Bus said, still dressed like a clown, “I think I like these guys! Hey, any of you want to be clowns?” he yelled, running at some of the Elephants, who didn’t dismiss the idea out of hand.

Ben, however, was focused on the two year old [Princess] in the pink Tutu, standing atop the head of the single largest elephant he’d ever seen, with her scepter outstretched.

“Hi!” she yelled, but declined to get down, or say anything further.

“Hi!” Ben yelled back, then looked at the elephant.

“This is Princess Clara,” the elephant said, in a telepathic way, “and no, she will not be getting down. I am her adopted mother, Moo-Moo.” There was a short pause. “Clara named me, and she didn’t know the difference between elephants and cows at the time.

“Ah, that makes total sense,” Ben said, doing the patented ‘I have no idea what’s going on’ Short Bus nod.

“We were given an invitation to walk in the Parade of Wonders, and we decided to accept.”

From the woods, Ben heard a startlingly loud boom, then the laughter of a small child, and the sounds of many different kinds of animals.

“Parade goes Boom-Boom!” a midget in full plate armor ran from the woods, holding a really nasty looking club. He was surrounded by animals, about thirty of them, each looking properly dangerous and protective. The midget took his helmet off and stored it in an inventory bag. It was not a midget, it was a three year old boy with a big, manic energy.

“Oh no,” Ben said, and a bunch of the animals in the area, including Short Bus, started laughing.

“I’m Charlie!” Charlie said telepathically, and it was like getting hit with a blast of hot wind, mentally. He’d clearly taken The Bright Spark, and it clearly had a more powerful effect on humans than it did animals. Or, it possibly just raised them the same distance mentally from animal to human, so from human to. . . ? “You think too much!” Charlie yelled telepathically again, and then he started laughing and hitting the ground with his club. It. . . very easily penetrated the ground like it was foam, and he was tearing up the ground and launching it like a bad golf swing, just slice and launch.

“Hi Charlie, I’m Prince Ben,” Ben said, then looked, really looked in the woods.

There were alot of kids, and alot of animals. Another boy came from the woods, only he looked to be about eight, and had a pack of Jaguars around him, all silent danger and twinkling mischief in their eyes. The boy looked at Ben.

“Parade?” he asked. Ben nodded.

“Hey, uh, kid,” Ben said, walking over to the kid while the rest of his party looked at Charlie and Clara in a mixture of horror and fascination, “what’s your name?”

“Aarav,” he said, his voice peaceful and calm.

“Aarav right,” Ben said, “How, um, how many of you all are out there in the woods?” Aarav grinned, and his jaguar friends all started chuffing, the big cat equivalent of laughter.

“See for yourself,” one of the jaguars said, “we’re just here to walk in your parade.”

Ben walked alone into the canopy and brush of the Overcavern Forest and his eyes went wide.

“Oh my fuck,” he said, because in addition to all the apparently high level children and their extremely dangerous animal entourages, there were other things Ben reconized from Earth. A tall, hooded being in a black cloak holding a scythe walked forth from the group of glowing, deific beings, some of whom looked quite evil, some of whom looked quite good. The Reaper walked at a pace between brisk and slow, and Ben felt his heart start to pound at a frenetic pace. He-

He pulled up his hood, which had previously cast his head in impenetrable shadows. No skull there, only the single most. . . there was no way to say it, he was handsome! A boyish face with bright green eyes and curly blonde hair, but more than that was the joy and openness in that face. A perpetual smile that banished all fear.

“Prince Ben,” Death said, reaching out and shaking his hand. Ben didn’t instantly die, so that was good.

“D-death,” Ben said, shaking the hand and trembling, not from fear just from, uh, what the fuck was going on.

“You made a very large wish, with a very powerful wish,” Death said, winking, “so we are here to march in the parade. I must say, you have a refreshingly mature take on what I look like!”

“Subconscious projection, right,” Ben said, not really getting it at all, but following along, “do you look like that to everyone?”

“Yes. It’s your parade, Ben. I was just having a fascination conversation with Flu, would you like to meet him?”

“Oh, yeah, no. So all the bacteria and microorganisms of Earth got combined into singular super beings?” Ben didn’t just pull that one out of a hat, he was looking over at the crowd of glowing ‘singular super beings’ and saw it quite plainly. “Why are so many of them cute anime girls?” Death laughed and patted Ben on the back.

“I’m sure the internet had something to do with that. Nice to meet you Ben, we’re all looking forward to this. Shame the Big Guy isn’t here- oh well.” Death walked away and began warmly greeting a group of what looked like glowing, ghostly memes.

Ben did not want to meet living personifications of memes, and he was frankly terrified that it was even a possible thing, let alone an actual thing. The kids were all clumped together in one group, mingling with one another and basically mobbing the kids with Smartest Phones. The God-Squad was also clumped together and treating the whole thing like an impromptu family reunion.

Then, off in another part of the woods nearby, Ben saw The System’s contribution to the Parade of Wonders. A System Custodian floated forward, fun fact, the same system custodian who’d made everyone wear party hats. Ben knew it was him, because he was still wearing one.

“Hey, I think I know you,” Ben said, not sure how to greet the giant golden being.

“Indeed you do. Greetings again, Prince Ben. I am pleased to report that the Grand Elemental Manifestations of Prosperity, Treasure, Wealth, Magic and Enchantment are all in position and ready to begin. None who come to watch this parade will walk away empty handed,” The System Custodian said, sounding extremely proud of that fact. “Further, The System has prepared a suitable selection of monsters to march in the parade, and would be quite pleased if you would allow them join in.”

“Oh,” Ben said, gulping.

“Some of them will wish to express their gratitude personally for this opportunity to leave the Final Fortress,” The System Custodian said, “despite its endless distractions, they are quite excited to get out and do something exciting. If you will follow me?”

Ben followed, and soon found himself in a Berserk-esque situation. All around him, towering over him, were gigantic monsters. Big boys. Nasty boys. Powerful boys. Shit straight out of nightmares, each one looking like one of the guys who auditioned for the book of revelations and didn’t quite make the cut.

They were mostly quiet, but not in a creepy way. They were quiet and still in the way of a creature who knows exactly how terrifying they were, and were doing their best to minimize that terror. A few murmured words or saluted with their arms or tentacles or swords or whatever-the-fucks, mostly ‘thank you’ and ‘greetings’. A few of the truly most terrifying creatures even decided to be fucking comedians and say ‘Fresh meat!’ which scared the shit out of Ben.

“Be nice,” The System Custodian said, and the growing excitement died down. Then, the custodian utilized a skill, and brought Ben back into emotional equilibrium.

“The System wants me to include these guys in the parade?”

“Correct.”

“Well,” Ben said, then shrugged and looked around, “Sure. Why not?”

The monsters started cheering, and then, the Parade of Wonders finally began.