《Ben's Damn Adventure: The Prince Has No Pants》The Greatest City In The World: Volume 3: Chapter 1
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“Just how far away from The Gloom are we?” Ben asked, keeping a watchful eye on his surroundings as the group walked through the Overcavern Forest.
“Very far,” Ghost Ears said, glancing over at Vivi, who was still having a one-slug mental breakdown over the [Easy Mode] announcement, “Dryden and his demons stand no chance of catching us, as there is a small country's distance between us and them.”
“Ghost Ears,” Short Bus asked, his eyes sharp, taking in deep breaths through his nose as he walked, “how big is the Overcavern Forest? Oh, Ben, grab those eggs,” he said as an aside, pointing at what appeared to be a random spot on a random tree.
“I've only seen a few maps,” Ghost Ears said, “but it's very large. A Wild Nation, or so they say, and that's not including The Roots, the cavern layer underneath it.” Ben had made it over to the tree and peeled away a large strip of bark that looked like it had been glued on. The bark had been covering a hollow filled with bright orange, glowing eggs.
“Was that [Common Knowledge], your nose, or your special psychic brain?” Ben asked, carefully prying the eggs loose with a piece of bark and collecting them in his Utility Pocket.
“All three,” Short Bus said, sounding proud of himself, “but primarily [Common Knowledge]. Give me another week here and I'll know what everything is, and what it's good for. By the way, those eggs are apparently valuable, though why, I don't know.”
“That's such a great skill,” Ben said, glancing over at Vivi, who had broken into yet another fit of hysterics. Red punched him, not for the first time since they broke camp, and it didn't work.
“I love it,” Short Bus agreed, ignoring Vivi, “every morning I wake up I know more about my area. By the way, did you know this was the territory of something called a Metal Insect Chimera?” Short Bus asked, “Apparently, this one is something of an Apex predator, and thus, it's territory is the safest route through the forest, as long as it isn't home.”
“Which it isn't?” Ghost Ears asked, sounding alarmed.
“Which it isn't,” Short Bus agreed, nodding his head and shutting his eyes, then taking a deep sniff, “nope, definitely not home. We should walk for just a little longer, then hit some tar pits,” Short Bus said, and Anna just barely managed not to scream in envy.
“That is the most broken, overpowered,” she said, grumbling then trailing off.
“Just be happy we're still alive, and be sure to say thank you,” Dryst said, sounding irritated.
“Cheer up Dryst,” Thirty-One said, sounding a bit chipper and way too reasonable, “we're still alive. Your circle might kill you when you get home, but at least you'll die in Solas.”
“Yes, thank you for the reminder,” Dryst said.
“Doomed!” Vivi said, “Doomed- ow!” Red kicked him that time, and even though she kicked him pretty hard, it was apparent that the Aeon Slug's body was tough. Very Tough.
“Cease your moaning,” Red said, pinching her nose and tilting her head back, “I have pain between my eyes and I cannot breath properly.” Apparently Red was getting allergies, in addition to having completely exhausted herself the previous day.
“Keep it up Red. Headaches are awful, but you aren't dying, or under psychic assault.”
“You said this is happening because I 'pushed myself too hard',” she said, not asked, and used air quotes. Apparently air quotes are universal, because nobody taught her to do that. To be clear, she was both suffering from over-exertion and allergies, and was fucking miserable.
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“I'd say yes, you pushed yourself too hard,” Ben said, not really looking back, keeping his eyes mostly above them. If Ben's level system was working, he'd have gotten the rare and vaunted [Look Up Every Once And A While] skill, a legendary skill for adventurers.
“This happens to all flesh-beings?”
“I'm pretty sure it happens to all beings period,” Ben asked, looking at the non-flesh beings, who were Anna and Dryst respectively. They both nodded. “Yeah, all beings.”
“How wretchedly frail this shell is,” she said, poking her temple with a finger as though chastising it, “though,” she continued, starting to massage her scalp, “there are benefits to this as well,” she sighed in contentment, reveling in the sensation of relief. Ben coughed, determined to head her off before another incident where Red began loudly and socially awkwardly exploring her new senses, and her new body. Red stopped, but she had a look on her face that suggested she wasn't done. Short Bus rubbed his hands together, and wiggled his fingers, then his toes in a really obvious way. Red started copying him.
Ben looked away from the two of them as they explored their new hands and feet, then he felt at his back for about the dozenth time that day, feeling smooth, wingless back, and sighing in relief. Being a Leap-rechaun was like being a very short human, which was a huge step in the right direction, as far as Ben was concerned. He was practically human again! Obviously, he was still working towards [Peak Human], the tantalizing hint his last legitimate evolution had given him, but he was much happier than he'd been.
“Don't any of you care!” Vivi said, his eyes drooping as he slugged his way across the ground, not paying attention to anything, “a Lord of The Beyond is here, and it's hostile!”
“We have nothing to fear,” Red said, sounding irritated, “the Lords of The Beyond are beings of fundamental goodness. We are lucky one has come here.” If Ben didn't know any better, he'd say Red sounded a little religious.
“Wait, are you religious?” Ben asked, looking over at Red and realizing that, no, he didn't know any better.
“I don't even know what that word means,” Red snapped, “but I will not stand by and allow the Lords to be slandered.”
“I think that's a yes,” Ghost Ears said, grinning at Ben, then going back to scouting the area. Red, once again and against the advice of literally everyone, tried to release her eyes and then yelped in pain.
“Would you stop!” Ben said, getting to the end of his patience, “you're clearly injured, and you're going to make it worse.”
“I don't understand why my 'injury',” Red said, using air quotes again, “hasn't repaired itself yet. It's been hours.”
“Well injuries take weeks to heal naturally,” Ben said, then frowned and put the question forth for the rest of the group, “right?”
“We'll get her sorted out in Solas,” Thirty-One said, his voice still pretty fucking chipper. He was happy to be alive, he'd leveled like crazy from the Citadel excursion, and he had gotten the extremely rare and legitimately great [Hero] class. His network was going to be so proud of him. Anna had only gotten her cell phone back, and Dryst had gotten exactly zero valuable loot, aside from what killing summoned demons had gotten him. Coincidentally, the order of happiest campers in Anna's Coinpurse was, from most joyous to most cantankerous, Thirty-One, Anna, and Dryst.
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“Don't even mention Solas,” Anna said, sounding miserable, “I'm so fucked when my parents hear about all this, they're going to get me banned from adventuring.”
“At least you'll still be alive,” Dryst said, “my entire circle is going to break me to pieces when they hear about this debacle. That was way too close to being a total disaster.”
“We're heroes,” Thirty-One said, “and we survived a citadel at iron rank. Don't worry, you can stay with me while my network calms your circle down. They'll see reason.”
“Thanks,” Dryst said, sounding a bit more relaxed.
“Can I stay at your place too?” Anna asked.
“Ah, no,” Thirty-One said, “I really don't want to get on your family's bad side. Don't worry, they love you, I'm sure you'll be fine.”
In response, Anna made a really unhappy sound, which made everyone else laugh, even if they didn't quite know the context of what was going on.
The Overcavern Forest normally had a clean, foresty smell, but that was rapidly being replaced by a smell that reminded Ben of a mechanic's shop.
“Ok,” Short Bus said, gently muscling his way through the formation and getting up front, “we're about to enter the tar pits. Thirty-One, you owe me one for this. It wasn't easy navigating here safely.”
“I appreciate this more than you know, and I will repay you,” Thirty-One said.
“Wait, we aren't going directly to Solas?” Ghost Ears asked, looking offended that they had deviated off course, again, after the citadel.
“Trust me,” Short Bus said, “this is worth our time, and it isn't too far off course. Thirty-One and I got to talking last night, and he offered us a pretty good bounty to take this detour.”
“My network will be pleased,” the cyborg said, “the Tar Pits of the Overcavern Forest are a rich source of resources, but they are often difficult to get to. You are sure the Metal Chimera is not around.”
“As sure as sure can be,” Short Bus said, extremely serious, “but we'll want to be quick in here.”
The greenery around them faded, and the enormous trees cleared into a massive hole, allowing warm, yellow sunlight to shine down on the area. To say that the trees cleared, however, was doing the scene an injustice.
Imagine a great, black lake. Not black like water, blacker. Much blacker. Imagine a haze of heat that shimmers in the air above it as it bubbles up and hisses. The lake isn't a flat surface, unbroken. It has dozens and dozens of enormous, dead trees sticking out from it, each tree full of holes, each tree tarred black from top to bottom, seeping the hot fluid in an unceasing stream.
Ben started to sweat, and Short Bus shied away from the heat, his body built more for the cold.
Around the lake of bubbling liquid tar, creatures carefully stuck their heads in to drink.
“No way,” Ben said, smiling and watching as a metallic, clearly robotic deer dipped it's chrome silver nose into the liquid and began drinking it. It moved and behaved exactly like a regular deer, including a propensity to move quickly and scan the area for predators. It was a doe, no antlers, and marked with matte silver spots that contrasted with its shiny metal body.
“Some parts of the Overcavern Forest,” Thirty-One said, his voice an excited, cheerful whisper, “are tarred for miles and miles, great swamps of purely robotic lifeforms thriving and maintaining it in a wonderful web of nature.”
“That's some nature,” Ben said, smiling and forgetting all the stress of his life for a few moments, “Anna, get a picture of this with me in the frame,” Ben said, and Anna did so without comment, using her phone. The picture was Ben in the foreground, tarred trees in the mid ground, and the mechanical doe in the background. The doe had happened to be looking up and at the camera for the picture, while Ben had an excited, happy expression on his face. The camera beeped, and Anna swore.
“Wait, I just got paid for that one,” she said, shocked.
“Really?” Ben said, walking over and examining the phone. Sure enough, a message had come through via text offering her a sum of money Ben had no context for in exchange for the rights to the photo. “Shouldn't I get a cut? Nah, whatever,” Ben said as he continued reading a short, but dense, block of legal jargon that he interpreted as 'I, The System, am going to be selling this photo on some sort of internet based store, and would like to purchase it from you.'
“No, it's my phone,” Anna explained, “and honestly, this is the main value. I just didn't expect a photo to get monitized.”
“What's the main value,” Ben asked as Thirty-One started directing the other party members on how to get whatever they came for. Something about mechanical bees.
“The Store?” Anna said.
“Oh, there's a store? How good is it?” Ben asked, looking at the phone in a new light.
“It's like having a City Crystal store in your pocket,” Anna said, which meant nothing to Ben, “plus, there's an Auction House with same day delivery, amazing,” she said, eyes wide, “and there are the apps, like, once I get enough Credits through this thing, I'm going to get crazy powerful.”
“I thought The World used metal currency?” Ben asked, frowning and thinking credits were the dumbest shit ever.
“It does, but The Smartest Phone runs on a new currency, credits. It lets you exchange metal currency for credits, but not the other way around.” Ben frowned even harder.
“Did The World have an inflation problem?” he asked, suddenly suspicious. Anna gave him a blank look, so Ben kept talking, “like, there was too much money sitting around and not enough to spend it on?” Ben had played MMO's before, he knew how broken game economies were.
“Oh, I guess so,” Anna said, then moved on, “but I'm really excited to get the Virtual Sage app, apparently there's this one easy trick to level twice as fast and [Sages] hate it.”
“That sounds like a scam,” Ben said, now worried, “that's scam language.”
“It's not a scam,” Anna said, and out of the corner of his eye, Ben saw Ghost Ears and Thirty-One carefully flying over the surface of the Tar Pit while Dryst played soothing music. Following their trajectory, Ben could see a metal lump growing off of a dead, black tree branch. It looked like a bee hive, but also, not really.
“That's a scam,” Ben said absently, trying to split his focus between the conversation and the action. The Cyborg and the Fairy had gotten close enough to be in danger, and Ghost Ears began waving his hands at the hive, and gentle waves of magic began to radiate from his fingers, enveloping the metal hive. Ben thought they must be putting whatever lived in there asleep.
“Are you listening? The app's got hundreds of five star reviews,” Anna said, then kept talking. Ben really did make an honest effort to listen, but then Thirty-One started using his metal-as-fuck tentacles and inserting them into the hive, plugging them in like the thing was covered in invisible USB drives. Red had gotten tired of standing up, likely because of her headache and general exhausted irritableness, and was riding Vivi like a horsey. Ben happened to glance over at the Aeon Slug at the exact moment the slug glanced over at him, and Ben gave Vivi a knowing grin.
Vivi's eyes filled with mirth for a moment, the shared memory lifting both of their spirits. Then, Short Bus came over and started trying to climb onto Vivi, loudly saying that his feet hurt too. Vivi could apparently control how slippery his body was, because though Red stayed on, Short Bus couldn't get a grip, and kept slipping off and falling on his face, and then attempting it again.
“Anna,” Ben said quietly, “get a video of that too.”
“Oh, good idea,” Anna said, then pointed the phone at the scene, recording it, “this is Anna,” she started, but Ben shushed her with a finger to his lips.
“You can add sound later, I'll show you how. Just get the raw footage.” The scene played out for several more seconds, and then the moment ended. Anna's phone dinged, and her face lit up with delight.
“Wow,” she said quietly, then showed Ben the new text message, which was nearly identical to the first, just with a substantially larger amount of offered money. This time, however, there was a small clause that listed Ben as a partial owner of the footage.
“You need better instincts,” Ben said, looking around at all the interesting things going on that Anna wasn't recording for money, “otherwise you wasted your money on that thing,” Ben pointed at the phone. Anna looked at the phone, then looked at Ben, a momentary expression of unguarded, yet hard to define emotion on her face.
“You're right,” she said, then pointed her crystal eyes directly at Ben's [Magical] ones, the moment stretching while she searched for the right words. . . and failed to find them. “Nevermind,” she said, then turned away. Ben had been fascinated by the Sunlet's eyes, not in a sexual way, but in the sense of sheer novelty, in the sense that they were alien in every way. Yet familiar, even for all their differences, they were eyes he could recognize and read.
“You had an idea there,” Ben said, feeling more open now that he'd seen some degree of self-awareness, of hesitation.
“I doubt you'd be interested,” she said, while over the tar pit, Thirty-One and Ghost Ears were successfully removing the metal lump/hive from the tree and carefully carrying it back to solid ground.
“Mind holding onto this till we get to the city?” Thirty-One said, putting the odd silver spheroid in-front of Ben, who [Whap'd] it, complete with sound effect, without any resistance. He still had a bit of room left in his inventory, but not much.
“What was your thought?” Ben asked, looking back to Anna.
“I need a [Manager] or a [Producer] or. . . or, I don't even know,” she said, then looked at Ben, somewhat desperate, “I spent a lot on this phone, and if I can't figure out how to make it back. . .” she started shaking her head in small, rapid motions, more of a quiver than anything, “I don't know. I just don't know.”
“I'm. . . well, I'm already a [Prince],” Ben said, “I don't think becoming a manager or a producer is really a step up.”
“I can offer it to you as a [Job], rather than a [Class],” she said quickly, a light of hope igniting in her orange crystal eyes, “I know you're new to The World and you don't know the difference, but [Jobs] are way more mellow than [Classes].”
“A [Class] is what you are,” Vivi called out, dodging an insistent Short Bus as he started leaping at the Aeon Slug, no longer trying to ride him so much as tackle him, “and a [Job] is what you do. [Classes] tend to influence the mind and help you act in line with what The System considers ideal for the [Class], but [Jobs] just offer skills to assist the work. [Classes] are obviously much more powerful, but [Jobs] are still extremely worthwhile to get.”
“Thanks Vivi,” Ben said loudly, then more quietly, “why am I just now hearing about this.”
“Because we've been busy,” Vivi shouted back, then Red kicked Short Bus in the face, apparently fed up with having her mobile couch moving around so much.
“So, I offer you a [Job], you get a bunch of great skills and a paycheck, and I'll owe you big time.”
“You already owe me big time,” Ben pointed out, “you sent us into that Citadel, remember?”
“Then I'll owe you double big time,” she said, then paused, “that sounds so stupid!” she made a sound of frustration, and in that moment, Ben felt a pang of sympathy for the Sunlet.
“Sure,” Ben said, shaking his head and then shrugging, “I'll help you out. I'll take the [Job], just for a little while. Actually, I take that back. I'll take the job after I interview you,” Ben said, and then Vivi's eyes got really big.
“Yes!” the Aeon Slug said, zooming over and making Red scream in displeasure and surprise, “I want in! I want to be co-interviewer!”
“Ok, I'll take the job after Vivi and I interview you. In Solas. When we're somewhat safe. And when I've eaten some food. And only while I'm in Solas.”
“Deal! What's an interview?” Anna asked, while Thirty-One and Ghost Ears came back with a much larger metal lump/hive, sounding very excited.
“The Metal Insect Chimera from this tar pit must be incredibly fierce,” Thirty-One said, his voice conversational and synthesized, “because I cannot imagine any other reason why such high quality Automation Hives would be sitting around without having already been harvested. I believe we should count ourselves fortunate and leave now, while we still can. This is a truly spectacular bounty,” he said, indicating the Automation Hive on the ground in front of them, which Ben [Whap'd].
“What's so great about it? Also, let's get moving,” Ben said, and the party got into formation, with Short Bus in the lead, guiding them around danger. As he spoke, Ben pulled the second, apparently better, Automation Core from his inventory, holding the shockingly lightweight object in his hands. Thirty-One was about to start talking, when something happened, something that hadn't happened in The World for a very, very long time.
[Status Window]
[Easy Mode Activated, one time tool tip]
[Welcome to Easy Mode! Due to circumstances beyond my control, The World's difficulty level has exceeded many safeguards and all expected parameters. As such, to maintain a relatively stable balance, I have enacted the Easy Mode failsafe. Sorry, I guess, but also, You're Welcome.]
End:[Status Window]
“What is that?” Anna asked, looking at the blue screen floating in front of Ben with concern on her face.
“Doomed!” Vivi shouted, looking at the tooltip with unadulterated horror.
“It's just a status window,” Ben said, poo-pooing them with a dismissive hand wave.
“It's the end!” Vivi yelled, and Red fell off as Vivi started rushing around the forest, proclaiming the end of The World.
Ben shook his head and dismissed the Easy Mode screen, which was immediately replaced with another status screen.
[Status Window]
[You are holding an Automation Core. As an [Evolutionary] being, you will absorb this object and become a mechanical being in 6. . . 5. . . 4. . .]
[Status Window]
Ben quickly dropped the Automation Core, and then put it away in his Utility Pocket, wiping his hands on his absolutely trashed red robe. Apparently that countdown had been running for a while.
“That's helpful,” Ben muttered, then closed the Status Window. “Anna, how much longer till Solas?”
“A few more hours,” she said, and then Ben nodded his head, and the party walked in silence.
The Metal Insect Chimera didn't find them. Between Short Bus, Ghost Ears, and Thirty-One the group was able to nimbly weave their way through the Overcavern Forest and avoid every kind of full group wipe, instant death situation the area had to offer.
“We're getting really close now,” Anna said, “about a half hour to go. If I were being perfectly honest, we're already in the Safe Zone surrounding the city. There isn't anything out here that poses a serious threat to our group.”
“That's great,” Short Bus groused, “my feet hurt. Say, Vivi-”
“No,” the Aeon Slug said, dodging Short Bus expertly as the Man-Shark tried to tackle him again. They were walking through a patch of forest just like any other, one that looked identical to every other bit of the Overcavern Forest. Thirty-One slowed a bit, his sensors beeping a bit.
“Hold on a moment,” he said, but it was too late. Without any of them meaning to, they stepped through an Illusion Array, and an enormous patch of forest vanished, and what was revealed was sunlight.
“Ah!” Ben shouted, his eyes not used to the sheer intensity of light that shone down on him at that very moment. He couldn't see anything except brightness itself, and he wasn't alone. Out of the entire group, only the adventurers of Anna's Coinpurse, and Red, were unaffected due to the nonphysical nature of their eyes.
“That's new,” Anna commented.
“I knew the city had a camouflage function, but I never thought I'd see it in use,” Dryst said.
“What is that,” Red asked, her voice quiet, as though she were almost afraid.
“It must be the Easy Mode announcement putting everyone on edge,” Thirty-One said, and he didn't sound like he thought it was an overreaction.
“That,” Anna said to Red right around the time everyone got their vision back, “is the greatest city in The World. That,” she said, when Ben's jaw literally went limp and dropped, his eyes going wide as he simply tried to comprehend what he was seeing, “is Solas.”
Understanding of the scene came to Ben in layers, one rapid fire after another. The first thing he noticed was how high up he was, compared to what was in front of him. The next thing he noticed was how far away he was, feeling there must be at least a hundred miles between him and whatever the hell he was looking at.
Then, he noticed both how tall, and how deep, how high and low the sight was. It was brown and viridian green, and pink and bright blue and water fell in great, magnificent cascades from its branches. Ben realized it was a tree, yes, but then he realized he had formed an incorrect categorization of 'tree', because the tree was clearly a cyborg. Large portions of it were cybernetic, were robotic, were synthetic, and were working in beautiful, perfect harmony with the living organism, allowing the tree to reach tremendous, improbable heights.
And depths. The tree sunk into the ground at a depth that could scarcely be believed, going so far down that Ben couldn't even see the base from here.
Then, Ben realized that the tree wasn't alone. It was like a grove of Yggdrasil trees, of world trees from myth, except each one reached up to the clouds and the sky and the sun like Jack's Beanstalk from the children's story, and it's canopy vanished into clouds.
Ben fell on his butt, which was a perfectly understandable and sympathetic reaction to what he was looking at. Solas merged high technology into the symphony of life, of nature, with a degree of mastery that Ben never would have imagined possible. It was like every cyberpunk future that Ben ever imagined and dreamed about and dreaded just died right in front of him, replaced with a glorious truth. The future never needed to be grim, or grimy, or dark to be advanced. The future could be glorious.
Layers of understanding continued to wash over his senses. He hadn't even noticed all the shit floating around the giant cyborg trees, or the enormous crystal fruit that hung from the branches, some of which looked like fruit, and some of which looked like buildings. He still hadn't seen the great Elemental Circles that surrounded the area, cities within their own right, cities beneath a Grand City, overshadowed by the sheer size and splendor of Solas.
Cities which looked like towns rested atop enormous shelf fungi that grew on the trees, each one tiered high, surrounded by walls and a glittering bubble of magical light. Along the rim that surrounded the enormous hole from which Solas grew, civilizations grew like grass, and along the cavern wall which plunged deep down, civilization grew like moss. There could be billions of people housed here.
Ben's heart was beating wildly in his chest, he was about to start singing old church hymnals spontaneously; his mind was so overwhelmed.
“Our city is much better than this one,” Vivi said, dismissing it all with a single sentence, “this one doesn't even move.” There was a single pregnant pause, a moment of inaction while the rest of Ben's group registered what Vivi had just said.
Red kicked him, Ghost Ears punched him, Ben also kicked him, and Short Bus straight-up tried to bite him.
“Ow!” Vivi yelled, running away from his suddenly murderous team, “what! What did I do!”
“You ruined it!” Short Bus yelled, just the barest hint of awe-tears still remaining on his man-shark face, “you bastard, you ruined the moment!”
“Aeon Slugs,” Anna said, practically sniffing haughtily, then turning away, “Typical.”
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