《Ben's Damn Adventure: The Prince Has No Pants》Let's Just Leave: Chapter 18
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Ben was yelling at Vivi and Red. Thoughts ran through his head while he chewed them out. The pack of twisted demonic dogs had their ears down and their scaly tails between their legs while Ben blasted his royal authority at full power without a crown. His entire body had turned bright red like he was in a sauna, and waves and waves of heat poured off him, blackening and cracking the ground around them.
Though all that was happening, Ben found himself thinking about other things. Things like, 'For a jail, there sure aren't very many guards,' and then, 'are there any guards around here at all? I'm yelling pretty loud.'
Ben paused to take a breath, suddenly feeling exhausted, like a man who just ran out of energy in a sauna and was gasping for air, weakly walking to the door. He was displeased to see that Vivi and Red weren't even remotely remorseful. Vivi's eyes were still bright, and Red was just doing that thing where someone would nod their head like they were agreeing.
Ben took another deep breath and then spared a moment to check in on Thirty-One and the rest of Anna's party. The cyborg was diligently and wholeheartedly focusing on the lock of Short Bus's cell, deliberately ignoring Ben's group. Anna and Dryst had both taken one look at Vivi, Red, and their pack of summoned beings from The Beyond, and then turned away out of sheer embarrassment. Ben had overheard the word 'guilty' thrown around several times.
Ben had already brought up how Vivi was going to look pretty fucking guilty showing up to a trial for summoning, with a bunch of summoned beings.
The worst part had been Ghost Ears, that dirty traitor. He'd taken one look at Vivi and Red coming out of their jail cell, all super excited, with their pile of suspiciously bloody treasure and a bunch of Beyond monsters, and he'd just lost his shit laughing. He was doubled over, floating around like an astronaut in zero-g, proving once and for all that fairies didn't give a shit about how flying and gravity were supposed to work, and nearly pissed himself from laughing. Must be nice not to be in charge right now, Ben had thought.
The worst part was, what they'd done was probably going to save all their asses. Due to the morally dubious technique they'd come up with, namely summoning some monster or being Red had a grudge against, killing them, and then looting their body, they'd amassed enough equipment to equip the entire party. Not fully, RPG Min/Max, ten magic rings, five enchanted amulets, ten magic toe rings, relic-grade codpiece, ect ect, equipped. But. Much better than nothing.
Everybody got about three pieces of random armor and a weapon. [System Looting] had turned out to be a shockingly intelligent skill, and though the results were random, it had prioritized equipment that was appropriately sized for every member of their large group.
Short Bus had gotten the best of it in terms of completeness; a red and black leather chest piece, a red and orange set of leather pants, and a pair of comfortable looking black metal boots. The entire outfit just screamed 'we got this stuff from The Beyond,' what with its excessive depictions of a great hellish eternal war. It all had a hazy, insubstantial quality, and Ben supposed that it made the shark more stealthy. Short Bus said the outfit kept trying to talk to him, but he was blocking it out with his amazing psychic powers. Nobody really liked that, but free loot was free loot.
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He'd also gotten an extremely sinister looking bow. The bow itself was, again, black and red. It seemed to consume the man-shark's mana and create arrows out of it, but nobody really knew anything about any of this equipment. It also screamed in agony whenever Short Bust pulled the string back. It was super unfortunate that Short Bus was a predator type creature, because he was like a dog with a squeaky toy. If Ben hadn't been sure there weren't any monsters around before, he was definitely sure now.
Where were they?
Ghost Ears had, in Ben's opinion, gotten the worst of it. He got a pair of [Extremely Tiny] gauntlets that ended in sharp points, an [Extremely Tiny] metal helmet with demon horns on the front, and an [Extremely Tiny] black cape that had tried to strangle the True-Elf Fairy when he put it on, but now sat quietly.
He also held, reluctantly, a new pair of swords. They were suspiciously normal, but they were also extremely sharp and possibly enchanted, which was a step up from his old swords.
Red had gotten a sky blue cloth cloak that covered her nakedness, a pair of comfortable looking cloth shoes, and a helmet that requires some description. Normal helmets have eye-holes, this one didn't. This one was matte, dull silver, un-decorated, and wrapped around her entire skull, and fitted around the antlers. It had an arch-shaped opening that started just above her nose and revealed her nose and mouth. If Ben were being completely honest, he would have said she looked like something straight out of a horror game, or one of those really over-sexualized Japanese horror games. Her energy eyes blazed over the top of the helmet, full of a mocking humor, and she seemed very comfortable with how she looked.
She was holding a glass bottle filled with shadows, and she claimed that it was a weapon, and that she knew how to use it. She occasionally stroked the glass with a thumb and smirked, like a cat that had gotten the mouse.
Vivi had gotten a leather… something. It was pure white leather, but spotted in places like it had been sprayed with blood from a distance. Ben did not like the look, at all, but Vivi loved it. If Ben were really pushed to try and describe the Aeon Slug's leather armor, he would say it looked like a fitted blanket of white leather, and then say something like 'I'm not a fucking gastropod clothing expert, what the fuck do you want from me anyways,' and storm off and try and find out what the outfit was called.
As for weapons, well, the Aeon Slug was surrounded by a pack of extremely frightening looking summoned Canid Abominations. That's a pretty good weapon.
Ben sighed and looked at his equipment.
“This thing is going to chop my dick off,” he finally said, staring at the sharp plate pants, and the sharp plate chest piece, “and my nipples. It's straight up going to cut me to pieces,” Ben said, once again looking inside the armor and wincing at the sight of all the pinch points. It would be great armor, if he'd had all the appropriate underwear that went along with it, all the padding that was needed to keep him safe from his armor. With a sigh, he stowed it away, and put on the only piece of armor he could use, the cloak. He felt like a flasher, one of those perverts who ran around naked in a trench coat, but he was noticeably less naked than he'd been, so it was a win.
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The cloak itself was pretty great, red cloth with white trim, the classic royal look. It fit, and even better, it clasped shut, so he wasn't going to accidentally flash anyone. It was a little disturbing that he left little drops of blood in his wake, like the seemingly dry cloak was dripping crimson, but a win was a win, and Ben was happy not to have his dick out. He'd had his fucking dick out for nearly a week straight, and it had been driving him crazy on the inside. 'Sinister magical blood dripping cloak?' Ben might have thought, 'Whatever, at least nobody's staring at my bare ass anymore.'
The thing he was the most happy about, and his class was absolutely ecstatic about, was the scepter. It wasn't gold, which was unfortunate, but it was an extremely golden looking brass; small victory. Yes, it was a simple brass rod with a hunk of raw ruby fused to the end of it. Yes, it lacked the kind of processed elegance most royal scepters should have. . . But when Ben held it, it was like the heat, the royal authority, the whatever he called the magic of his class, was suddenly under his command. It felt good, to say the least.
Ben fashioned a few green twigs, a bunch of moss, and a couple of his shinier 'gems' into yet another shitty crown and put it on. Even with his absolute garbage equipment, he felt the effects of his [Royal Requirements] lift immediately, and finally, the influence was purged from his mind.
For the first time since he'd gotten this asshole of a class, his mind felt completely at peace. A royal cloak, a royal scepter, and a royal crown. Ben was in-costume, so to speak, and it felt good, and for a single moment, Ben was absolutely consumed by it.
Then, Ben thought about how he must actually look, and felt himself go red with embarrassment. He got over it, and nobody saw, but Ben was a normal person under all the crazy shit The World had heaped on top of his identity, and he felt like a homeless person about to crash a Halloween party.
“Are you OK?” Anna had asked after she'd glanced over and seen Ben scowling.
“I'm fucking perfect,” Ben said, glad to see the teenage girl wasn't naked anymore. Her new armor was also leather, looked like some super expensive shit from Hot Topic, and best of all covered her orange crystal titties. Ben was extremely grateful for that, and now that he wasn't naked anymore, he felt entitled to judge everyone else on how much skin they were showing.
He cracked a smile and started chuckling, then got himself under control.
Anna had also gotten a set of knuckles, which were sinister as fuck. It looked like she was wearing two evil carp on her arms, there really wasn't any other way to describe it. Her palms were free, but her knuckles were covered, so whatever she punched with them would get punched by the metal head of the carp.
Ben shrugged, it wasn't nearly the weirdest shit he'd seen in the last week. At least they weren't alive, that's all he had to say about it. She'd also gotten an unremarkable set of leather shoes that looked sturdy, and nothing else. If Ben were a betting man, and he sometimes was, he'd bet those shoes were the only bit of all this equipment that wasn't cursed in some way or another.
Thirty-One had hit the coolness jackpot and was slotted into a larger robotic shell that protected him. It doubled his size, had holes for his sick-ass mechanical tentacles, and two grasping robotic arms. He retained the same shape, but now he looked a bit like Dr. Robotknic's flying egg thing. Ben couldn't help but keep looking over and thinking 'that's some premium sci-fi shit right there' and feeling better about being abducted to another world.
Dryst had gotten some weird looking cubes of energy that he was really excited about, but Ben had a hard time getting enthusiastic about the psychedelic snow-cone and his non-visible loot upgrades.
There had also been a small pile of gemstones, trinkets and various other novelties. Ben would have been excited about it, were it not for the fact that every object in the pile of miscellaneous loot was so obviously cursed that it practically hurt his eyes to look at it. He had immediately quarantined the items into his utility pouch, which felt about five times larger in his current [Magical] state.
There had also been a leather bag full of money, mostly copper coins, a few silver, and a single gold piece, which Ben had taken without comment.
Ben finished inspecting the group, then looked around one final time, confirming that there were indeed no fucking monsters around guarding them.
“This is some shady bullshit,” Ben said, “where are all the bugs.”
“If you hadn't said anything, I would have,” Ghost Ears commented, flying over and landing on Ben's shoulder, “this is extremely irregular.”
“I know where the monsters are,” Red said, still with a sly smile on her face, “walls and cloaks and armor and flesh are no obstacles to my vision,” she continued, and she succeeded in making literally everyone but Vivi uncomfortable.
“It's really a shame I don't have the [Sage] class,” Vivi said, “if I did, I'd have been able to start [Identifying] all this stuff so we knew if it was dangerous or not. I'll need to get to a City Crystal to take that class,” he said, and Ben fixed him with a look.
“Yes, thank you Vivi, but let’s focus on the task at hand. Red, you know what's going on?”
“I know all the monsters are gathered in the heart of the Citadel,” she said, her cloud eyes telescoped and pointing behind her, moving around like she was tracking things nobody else could see, “listening to that ugly insect rant and rave about something. They seem quite excited, but I don't know what they're talking about.”
Ben felt like someone had just smacked his brain, he saw white for a moment.
“Are. . . are you saying there's a free and clear path out of this fucking place? All the monsters,” he said, fixing her with an intense stare, “we could potentially just walk the fuck out of here?” Red's eyes, in response, started moving around wildly, looking around.
“Yes,” she finally said, and Ben wasted no time.
“Pack it up people, we're getting the fuck out of here!”
The group got into formation. Red was in the lead, Short Bus was rear-guard, and Vivi's Canid Abominations silently followed Red, ready to die to give her time to retreat from any threat. The rest of the group was loosely sandwiched between, and they were moving quickly.
All Ben needed from them was for them to keep their mouths shut and not say something stupid like 'wow, that was easy!' or, 'guess we didn't have anything to worry about after all,' or:
“I'm really glad we don't have to fight out way out of here,” Vivi said, sounding relieved, and he got a couple of agreement chuckles for his comment.
“Goddammit Vivi,” Ben said quietly, and let Red lead them towards the exit.
The citadel around them was eerily quiet, but an enormous, distant buzzing could be heard. It was dark inside the Citadel of Horrors, just enough light to see, but the shadows were deep enough they could hold secrets.
Ben tried to reach out with his [Secret Sense] skill, but only found a broken mess of impulses in its place, fallout from his unorthodox way of using his [Evolution] skill.
“Be very quiet,” Red whispered, then put her finger to her lips for Short Bus, who hadn't heard the whisper, but understood the gesture, “they're just up ahead. There is only a token guard at the entrance, and a few more around the Pocket of Sanctuary. Once we are safely inside it, we make will haste out of this awful place. Agreed?”
Everybody nodded, nobody wanted to be here anymore, and everybody agreed that it had been a terrible idea in the first place.
They rounded a corner, and what Ben glimpsed was pure nightmare fuel; thousands and thousands of gigantic, humanoid insects, assembled in formation, giving off a frenzied, excited buzz. It was only then that Ben realized how similar, how eerily similar his new [Magical] body was to his old, physical one. The buzz cut right through him and tickled the soft tissues of his body, making his lips tingle and his teeth feel like they were vibrating.
The buzz, though loud, was unfortunately, very unfortunately, not loud enough to drown out what the Citadel Fly was screaming about at that very moment. Ben heard it, and he couldn't unhear it, and he wished he hadn't heard it.
“. . . A new era for our hive,” he said. His voice was sharp and sliced through all other sound, easily distinguished and understood, “I have spoken with the Monster of Monsters, the great Lord of The World and discovered our purpose. I have discovered our path to greatness!” The buzz increased in volume. “Out there,” he said, and gestured with his still bloody arm, “are humans. Many, many humans. And to kill them grants the sweetest of rewards, power! We will go forth and capture them, and kill them! We will imprison their immortal bodies till they are mundane once more, and kill them again! We will force them to breed!” he screamed, bits of acid flying from his mouth, “and kill their children! We will build a dungeon to rival dungeons, and the endless corpses of humanity will be our foundation! Prepare yourselves my swarm, for on this day, we go forth to hunt!”
Ben felt nauseous, and he was rooted in place.
“I wish I hadn't heard that,” he said, and Anna snuck over to him and began frantically tugging on one of his arms, reaching down to do so.
“Let's get the fuck out of here,” she hissed, “hurry up!”
Ben looked at her, the horror fresh in his mind. In a single instant, he'd seen himself as an innocent baby born into this nightmare, killed ten thousand times before dying as an old man, living in a cage. He'd seen himself as a mother, watching her babies be killed. He'd seen himself as a father, powerless to defend, and as children, resenting their useless parents. He felt himself looking at a woman, forced to breed in the darkest of nightmares, the death of all love and hope.
He could hear the echoes of screams like it was really happening.
He felt it deep in his racial memory, and his skin erupted in stiff, ridgid goosebumps as the words 'never again' were whispered from his blood, suffusing every cell of his being. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew it had happened before. He knew humanity had once suffered such an indignity, and that if he turned away, they might suffer it again.
It was one of those moments that he knew would be seared forever in his mind, in his soul. No matter what he did, he would remember it. No amount of drink or distraction would ever heal the psychological wound that walking away right now would carve into his psyche, into the heart of his very being.
Short Bus looked at Ben, and his eyes got wide.
“Oh shit,” he said, then looked down at the assembled swarm of high level, extremely dangerous monsters. Vivi was next on the uptake, and he flinched, because he'd also heard the Citadel Fly's speech, but he'd been determined to ignore it. Ben would never blame Vivi for that or hold it against him. Ghost Ears had a grave expression on his face because he knew he'd sworn loyalty, and he knew he would follow Ben no matter where he led.
Red. . . she'd never stopped watching Ben, from the moment he'd died and been transformed. She'd watched as the bugs desecrated his corpse, ripped its eyes out and nailed it to a stick, parading it around in dark glee, raising it high into the air. She watched Ben so closely, from the moment he'd frozen in place, to the moment he'd decided without deciding, watching as his mind caught up with his soul.
She judged and weighed and measured and found him worthy once again in her eyes, and whispered:
“Lord of the Beyond, your will be done,” and walked away from the entrance, towards her party.
Anna and her party were at an impasse. She'd heard the speech, and it was sad, but ultimately she was looking out for herself. She thought the same could be said of Thirty-One and Dryst, but the dilemma was Ben's group, and more importantly, Ben's Pocket of Sanctuary was their ticket out of this nightmare.
So, what to do? They could brave the forest by themselves, without an escort, and hope they got lucky and ran into the suppression force that had no doubt been mobilized as a result of their emergency message.
Or, they could try and conquer a high leveled citadel with an untested group that hadn't even been in five group fights together. A group they did not understand, full of individuals who all struck them as partially insane.
“Guys, I don't say this very often, but I was totally wrong about this whole job,” Anna muttered, “and I'm sorry.”
“I don't think I want to be an adventurer anymore,” Dryst said. Thirty-One said nothing, his camera eyes feeding him an image he'd never seen before. He felt something inside, something that had always been there, but that he'd never noticed before.
A smoldering ember in his soul, suddenly catching fire. He felt then, what Aldus Divine had felt when he gazed upon humanity. He felt that rush of intensity, at seeing Ben choose to selflessly throw his life away rather than let evil exist a single moment longer. Thirty-One did not react as Aldus had, with bitterness and hatred.
He just watched, entranced and focused in a way he'd never been before, knowing he would never be able to unsee what had just happened. Knowing that what he did now would be carved into his psyche forever.
So, Thirty-One just watched, and then Anna started to walk away.
“Wait,” he said, his voice oddly synthesized.
“You can't be serious,” she said.
“I,” he said, his voice purely robotic in sound and purely alive in content, “I can't turn away from this,” he said, “I can't run. I,” he continued, his mechanical body stock still, unable to shake or quake, shiver, quiver, or twitch, “I cannot run. I will die, somehow inside, I will die and nothing will save me. Even if I die here, I think I would rather die, than live, and have run from this. I have never felt this way before,” the sound of mechanical whirring, the sound of computerized parts working beyond their factory recommended settings, came from his body. “Please,” he said, and his voice broke into a synthesized sob, “you cannot see it, but you will die too!”
His voice was practically a scream, but the sound was stolen away by the evil ardor and fervor of the Swarm of the Citadel of Horrors.
“You will die a long death, every day a corpse that even the Enelim would be horrified to see! I Can See It All,” if he'd been a purely biological being, if he'd had a body that was human, he would be on his knees, begging. His voice would be hoarse, and his chest would be tight, and his body would be covered in sweat, and his teeth would be clenched to almost the point of shattering.
All that could be heard was the mechanical whirring, but anyone who heard him would have felt it.
Anna looked at him, and the future turned on that moment. She looked at Ben, the absolute horror in his eyes, an echo of The Beyond visible there, and for a moment, for a single fleeting moment, she caught a glimpse of it and looked away. She did not want Ben to kindle glory into her soul, yet a smoldering ember had been planted, a spark that could not be extinguished. Smoke like incense, a thin line of grey-blue, a touch of the eternal contained in the pneuma, the breath.
“Fuck!” she, very quietly, said with great force, putting her whole body into the curse. Dryst was watching the whole scene, feeling the music of it all and shuddering at the intensity. He understood the song, even if he didn’t know it, and he feared the chaotic madness that spread from Ben, the breakdown of harmony disrupting the natural flow of the universe. In that moment, he realized he really, really didn’t like humans very much.
“We're all going to die here, aren't we,” Dryst said, and nobody disagreed with him or gave him comfort. Yet against all good sense, he was at peace with it.
The three of them walked over to Ben's party, and together they went to find an advantageous position, somewhere to hide and figure out a way to pull off the impossible.
In a beige room, Aldus Divine watched the whole scene, his eyes wide and excitement running through his blood. Now this, this was what he was talking about. That stupid moron was going to try and solo a fucking Citadel! He was going to die! Aldus Divine, the elected leader of the most powerful galactic empire anybody knew about, the most powerful man in the universe, felt really, really invested in what was going to happen next.
His eyebrows were all the way up, and he had a stupid smile on his face. He looked left, then right, and then forgot to snap his fingers and order a servant to get him a drink. He got up and prepared it himself, then sat down with the Space Elf equivalent of a beer and popcorn, and watched the show unfold.
“Now this is entertainment,” he said absently, and The System, watching the same scene, had to agree. Then, The System got back to work on the next update to balance the Inevitable that had just joined the side of the monsters.
He was going to call it, Easy Mode.
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