“You know, I've never even been in jail before,” Ben said with a scowl on his face, “I've never even been close to being sent jail before. Sure, I used to clean jail cells for Bio-Scrub, but that's not the same thing.”

“Yes Ben,” Ghost Ears said, his eyes closed, leaning his [Extremely Tiny] body against the hard, cold, chitinous wall.

“Now I'm in jail. I'm,” he placed special emphasis on who was in jail, “in jail! This entire world sucks, no offense Ghost Ears.”

“None taken, your world sounds like a paradise,” Ghost Ears said, sounding like he was only half in the conversation.

“I mean, I saw my own dead body back there man, that was like. . . Fuck!” Ben shouted, running a [Magical] hand through his [Magical] hair. The tactile feeling of his own body completely freaked him out, it was dry and smooth like silk, or smooth like two magnetic fields pressing against one another. Bouncy, and completely without any moisture of any kind.

“I can't stand this!” Ben said, making a face and trying not to press any part of his body against any other part. Sitting felt. . . completely bizarre.

“I can't believe he had you executed like that,” Ghost Ears said, “I thought for sure he would at least allow you to have some final words.”

“I know!” Ben said, trying to ignore how fucking weird his ass felt, “my class is telling me that was a major no-no, and that now I've got a [Royal Vendetta] against him, both for not executing me properly, and for botching my execution. Apparently they're both major insults, and I get a substantial buff applied to all my actions against him.”

“He didn't even wait for you to stop walking, just as soon as you got close he ran down and just,” Ghost Ear's eyes went wide, and he blew out his cheeks, “that was terrifying.”

“If you say so, it happened so fast I didn't even have a chance to be scared.”

“Still,” Ghost Ears said, doing his best not to stare at Ben, “It's fortunate you are [Magical]. I had no idea, I've never heard of anyone other than Sunlets having it. Are you sure your entire race has it?”

“Apparently we got it in exchange for not being able to poop,” Ben said, casually misrepresenting the truth while remembering the nightmare sensation of the Citadel Fly's arm as it tore into his stomach, up through his diaphragm, and ripped out his heart. Yeah, gross Ben, stop thinking about that!

Ben had been spaced out, reliving his recent death, so he completely missed the rare look of disbelief and outrage that graced Ghost Ear's [True-Elf Fairy] face. It was a classic, the whole 'You got the ability to survive dying in exchange for not being able to poop' expression that was just all the rage in the System Office these days.

“So what exactly does this perk do again?” Ben asked.

“No idea,” Ghost Ears said, now ignoring Ben and pondering if there was an inherent fairness to the universe, or not, “ask Vivi.”

Ben, surprisingly, took the hint and leaned back against the wall, then jumped away when his entirely too smooth and friction-less skin pressed against it. He felt like he was covered in soap, and everything was made of smooth plastic. He wasn't slipping around, but every human instinct he had told him he ought to be.

Ben remembered dying, how could he forget. It hadn't even hurt because he'd died so fast he never had a chance. He remembered falling on the ground and being unable to move.

The Citadel Fly had eaten his heart, then, with Ben's life blood running down his body he'd ordered the execution of the entire group. The [Tyrant] had been speaking English, albeit with a heavy buzz accent.

Ben had laid there and thought, 'Oh Shit, I'm dead!' and watched as the army of insects slowly menaced their way towards the party, who had formed a defensive ring around his body. Ben would never forget that little detail, they'd tried to guard his body, not because they knew he was coming back, but. . . Ben hoped he loved them as much as they loved him.

He'd never forget the sounds they'd made when he died. He didn't want to remember, but he'd never forget.

So, he'd been laying there, his eyes open, watching the touching scene, expecting the blackness to come and take him. Then he distinctly remembered thinking 'This is really taking a while,' and then he'd. . . moved something. It had surprised him because he was dead, but he'd just clenched his foot.

Ben started wiggling and then, like a man escaping from under a pile of about a hundred soaking wet towels, pulled himself out of his dead body. For some reason Don't Fear the Reaper, by the Blue Oyster Cult, played when he emerged, which was sort of cool, but also really awkward. It had put an end to the fighting, that was for sure.

The Citadel Fly had charged Ben and attacked, but his attacks just passed right through Ben's new [Magical] body and did no apparent damage. Ben could attest to the fact that the strikes were merely uncomfortable, but not painful.

It had gazed at him with malevolent red compound eyes, then turned around briskly, its wings fanning out like a cape as it pivoted, walking back to his throne. He sat, and then said only two words;

"Imprison them."

And imprisoned they were. Ben had, for a few glorious seconds, thought he was invincible and had been fully prepared to go ape-shit crazy and burn the entire citadel to the ground. It's worth noting that in his new form, his mana pool, regeneration, and density had all drastically increased, which made sense, seeing as how he was now a being of pure magic. A [Magical] being, freed from his fleshy prison.

Ben had been prepared to beat everyone, but quickly learned he was only immune to conventional weaponry and that magic could and would hurt him just fine. He had been menaced into his jail cell by spider centaurs armed with magic staves tipped with burning white light. Ben rubbed his side, then flinched away from the contact.

“So weird,” he said, then became aware of his tongue moving around his completely dry, friction-less mouth, and felt like puking. He wasn't producing saliva he realized, and spent about a minute straight moving his tongue around trying to get some to come out of that little gland under his tongue.

“Are you alright Prince Ben?” Ghost Ears asked. He'd been watching Ben uncomfortably move around for a little while now, but when he saw Ben working his jaw and making all sorts of weird faces, he was no longer able to keep silent.

“Yeah,” Ben said, then stopped messing around and started looking at their prison. The cell they were in was, surprise, surprise, made of the same black chitin as the rest of the walls of the Citadel. It was smooth and dry, but managed to looked a little oily, the way certain gross insects looked oily even if they weren't. “Well,” Ben continued, “be honest with me, I can take it; do I suck at fighting?”

Ghost Ears's silence was deafening. Ben sighed.

“That's what I thought.”

I should mention that it wasn't quiet in their cell, not even close. The Citadel of Horrors buzzed with activity. It sat on the forest floor like a skyscraper sized wasp nest. From the brief time he'd walked through it, Ben realized something;

They'd never stood a chance.

“I'm such a fucking idiot,” the prince said, hanging his head.

“I'm starting to realize that myself,” Ghost Ears said, and Ben's head shot up, his eyes hurt. Then, he saw the smirk on the True-Elf Fairy's face.

“You're a fucking asshole,” Ben said, smiling and shaking his head.

“And you're twenty-nine,” Ghost Ears countered, “and I'm nearly three hundred years old,” he said, then paused for significance, “a young man, for my kind.” Ben gave him the stink eye.

“So?”

“So, how were you supposed to know that Anna's suggestion was a terrible idea? I've been following your lead because, well, you've got an Aeon Slug working for you. You've got that giant man-shark as a friend. That frightening woman with the antlers has practically sworn her soul to you. You have the appearance of competence Ben; but I think it's just an appearance. I think, under that crown, you're a baby who's been in my world for less than a week, and you just died for your ignorance. Worse, so much worse, Vivi is also a child, practically speaking. The shark, I can tell he's just as ignorant as you. The demon, or whatever she is, is more ignorant than all of you, a terrifying thought. A truly terrifying thought. . .”

Ben was many things, he knew when to keep his fucking mouth shut when someone else was talking. No matter how much he'd like to object and defend himself.

“Babies, each and every one of you. That Anna and her party? I should have said something, they looked and acted too young. All confidence, and no fear of death; a fast way to die in the Overcavern Forest. I doubt she's been adventuring for more than a year, and I doubt she's done anything remotely dangerous. I see them, sometimes, when I go to the edge of the forest; the young adventurers, not Anna and her party,” Ghost Ears continued, and Ben realized he'd never heard this guy really talk before now.

“Go on,” Ben said, scooting forward a bit to hear the tiny man speak.

“They fall into two types, the parties with members of the signatory races, and the parties without them. The ones without the young, rich, powerful, well-protected Sunlets. . . well, they die more often, but they're serious about what they're doing. They take on risky, dangerous jobs and succeed as much as they fail. The other groups, ha, I'd be lucky to see them clear out the nest of a juvenile shelled-lurker. They're usually armed to the teeth and surrounded by their friends, who are also armed to the teeth.”

“Anna's group didn't have anything,” Ben commented.

“No, they came out here apparently unarmed. I thought they must be competent, or strong, or have skills or something, but it turns out they were just extremely stupid.” Ghost Ears delivered his verdict without passion or ill-will, just a man delivering the news. “I think she must have sold all their equipment to afford that ridiculous cell phone you stole, excellent move by the way,” Ghost Ears said, fixing Ben with twinkling eyes, “should we get out of this, don't give it back. Demand it as payment, that would be quite funny.

“No, I should have put a stop to this as soon as it started. We should have gone straight to Solas, but I too was enamored by the invincibility of the Pocket of Sanctuary. There are places in this forest we could have gone, we should have gone, but I kept my mouth shut. That was my sin, you are a twenty-nine year old baby, I let this happen and didn't say a word.”

“You should be in charge,” Ben said, nodding his head and sighing, “You're the oldest, and you know this world better than any of us, except Vivi, and he's never going to be in charge.”

“No, Lord Vivi excels at many things, and leadership is not one of them. It is however, something I have great experience with. Practically since the day I was born and showed even the slightest interest in taking responsibility, responsibility was piled onto me till I collapsed, and then it buried me. Then, I rose to meet the challenge. First, I was a [Village Chief], and then, I was a [Town Leader]. Strange Town was my dream, my [Dream],” he repeated, “and do you know why it was a dream for me, what I wanted so badly?”

Ben shook his head.

“I wanted to not be in charge anymore. I wanted to live somewhere where I could relax a little bit, somewhere I didn’t have to worry so much. Let someone else make the decisions and be confident that they were making the best decisions. I wanted to be one of the ones in the crowd hurling insults, rather than being the one insulted. I wanted to be important enough to matter, but not so important that everything was my fault.” Ghost Ears laughed, and it was such an honest laugh, so incredibly humble. “I never even knew it till right now Ben. I didn't know any of that until you said I ought to be in charge, and all I could think was, 'I'd rather die', and it wasn't even surprising. No, I think I'll just train you to be in charge, let you deal with all the problems. Who knows, you might even get better at it than I was; by the forest, but I hope so. I gave Strange Town everything I had, and it all fell apart right at the end.”

Ben looked at Ghost Ears, feeling a warmth in his chest that spread and burned in a good way.

“So Prince Ben, how was that for a job interview?” he said, the extremely tiny man had a confident, no-fucks given grin on his face. Ben felt he was seeing the real Ghost Ears, and that it was a sight very few ever had.

“You are so fucking hired,” Ben said, “and thank God, because I have no idea what I'm doing.”

“Sure you do,” Ghost Ears said, sounding a little lazy, “what needs to get done, right now?”

“We need to get out of this cell,” Ben said, “we need to find Short Bus, Vivi, and Red,” he continued, “possibly Anna and her group as well, but I don't know about that. They kind of suck. Then, we need to get out of here, just cut our losses and leave.”

“But first, we need to get out of this cell,” Ghost Ears said, looking at Ben like he was expecting him to have an answer.

“Why do you think I would know how to get out of here?” Ben asked, feeling a flash of irritation.

“Because you're in charge Prince Ben,” Ghost Ears said, and it was plain to see how much he enjoyed not being in charge any longer.

“Shit,” Ben said, “Can you pick the lock? You know, like lock pick it?”

“No, it's a dungeon lock; only a silver key or someone with the appropriate skills can get it open. If you'll remember, Thirty-” Ghost Ears had been about to point out that the Cyborg from Anna's Coinpurse was a rogue, and that Ben could probably coordinate with him and develop a plan. But Ben interrupted him.

“Of course!” Ben said, and a silver key with a stylized Aeon Slug eye at the handle appeared in his hand in a black flash. Engraved on the key was the number two. He walked over to the door, and as soon as he got close with the silver key, a silver lock appeared. The lock was shaped like an angry fly's face.

“Where did you get that?” Ghost Ears asked, a frown on his face.

“Vivi's dungeon,” Ben said as he looked at the key and shut his eyes, saying a silent prayer to RNGesus, “I used a perk lottery ticket and got an ability called [Key Key-per]. It gives me a chance to keep silver keys that I use.”

“Well, I'm officially jealous,” Ghost Ears said, “let me guess, you got one of the most sought after dungeon perks on your first try, right?”

“Uh, no?” Ben lied, but he was having trouble remembering, so he didn't internally classify it as a lie.

“People risk their lives on those dangerous fucking tickets-,” he took a deep breath, “Sure, right, that's fine, ok, moving on,” Ghost Ears said, “but before you-” Ben put the key in the lock and turned it, “open the door we should come up with a plan,” Ghost Ears finished, then sighed.

The lock dissolved, and a voice called out, like a game show announcer “Key Key-per!”

“Yes!” Ben said, “Old lucky strikes again!” he looked down fondly at the key, which now had the number three engraved on it. Ben kissed the key and put it away in his utility pouch.

“What now, quickly, before the guards come back?” Ghost Ears asked, jumping into the air and flying near Ben's head.

“Simple, we go free Thirty-One, because he's a [Rogue], and have him bust out the rest of the group. In order, I want Short Bus, so he can tank while we work. Then Red, so she can keep us healed up. Then, Vivi, because he can bring the pain. After that, Dryst, because he's really cool to look at even if he is useless and a little stuck up. Anna's last, because this was all her stupid idea anyways, even if it's all my fault we're here.”

“That was fast,” Ghost Ears commented.

“There's really not a whole lot of time right now for sitting around and wondering if I'm making the right decisions or not,” Ben said, silently hopping up and down so he could look through the bars at the top of the door. The way he moved was fluid and perfect, his [Kinetic Leap] ability on full display. “See if you can get through here now that it's unlocked,” Ben said, landing silently and steadying himself, even though he hadn't been in danger of slipping. “This fucking body is slippery, I swear it,” Ben muttered to himself.

Ghost Ears had, naturally and obviously, tried to get through the gaps in the top of the door when they'd first been imprisoned. The gaps had been protected by some sort of force field, but now that the door was unlocked the True-Elf Fairy was able to silently and stealthily get through. Ben waited, his heart pounding in his chest.

“Jailbreak,” he said under his breath, “I'm in the middle of a jailbreak. Just have a damn adventure. This is so fucking cool,” he asserted, trying to convince himself, trying to psyche himself up, “This is just like Shawshank Redemption. . . wait, no, hopefully this goes better than Shawshank, that took a really long time. Poor Andy. Well, I did already get my heart ripped out, so I guess that's sort of like getting prison rap-” Ben shook his head and slapped his face a few times.

“I've been slapping myself too much lately,” he continued, “just gotta keep it together. Just gotta get out of here, get a hundred thousand points in the Pocket of Sanctuary, get the Map of Wish, get to Solas, prove Vivi's innocence, go back to this fucking devil of a forest and kill those fucking devil-ewoks, gather up the forest fairies, and start a new Kingdom with the Map of Wish. Also, at some point, go back and loot the Reliquary in Vivi's dungeon, which hopefully won't be empty.”

When Ben said it all out loud, it really helped him feel much more stressed and under pressure than he'd felt moments ago.

“Fuck, wish rehersal. What am I going to wish for with the Map of Wish? How about, ‘I wish for a pre-made kingdom full of treasure and legendary buildings and genius infrastructure and a free ethical labor pool that’s mysteriously empty and all I have to do is walk in and take it and it’s mine and all the progression is laid out so even a child could rebuild the place to legendary heights without a whole lot of effort, but just enough to be satisfying and not embarrassing.” Ben said it all in one breath. “Yeah, that’s cool. Then I’ve just got to get there, build a kingdom, defend it from monsters and invading armies and build diplomatic relationships and actually get people to come live there and-”

Ben was normally a lot better at self-soothing behavior.

“Shit, forget about all that, just gotta get out of here alive. Fuck being royalty, being alive is better. Here's the plan, stay alive, steal everything, give nothing back.”

Ben nodded and immediately set about his cell looking for anything he could pocket. He started probing along the walls with his fingers, feeling the ridges and trying to pry them up.

“Ok, new addition to the plan,” he said, realizing he wasn't getting anything out of his jail cell, “Stay alive, fuck royals, steal everything, give nothing back, and obtain a hammer and chisel as soon as possible. Yeah,” he said, dreaming of the day when he could steal even the things that were bolted down, “hammer and chisel. And a pry bar,” he said, and suddenly it was like he was a laborer again, “and some power tools. A drill definitely, a saw-zal, a circular saw, a breaker bar. . . Wrenches, big pipe wrenches. A welding torch, fucking love those things,” Ben said, now basically just remembering all the tools that had been on his old work truck, “A good shovel, flat head and spade. Shame I don't have a Vactor. . . fuck, I bet I don't even need one!”

Ben at that point realized his Utility Pocket could be used to dig holes by blasting the ground with water and then sucking up the mud and debris without much cost to himself, and the thought made him absurdly happy. He needed a win, even if that win was realizing he could do the job of a half a million dollar piece of heavy equipment that was completely obsolete in his new world.

What else was obsolete? He definitely needed a drill. Right? Ben thought about it. All a drill really was, was something that spun a drill bit, and he couldn't-

Could he?

“Oh my God,” Ben said, “Do I even,” he stopped talking and made a utility pocket, a very small one. Then, he pushed a stick halfway out of it. “Moment of truth,” he said, and with an effort of will, made the stick spin. It cost basically nothing, mana wise, so Ben started to make it spin faster. Then faster. Then faster.

There started to be a mana cost that he could feel, so Ben attached the utility pocket to his finger, and felt the cost dramatically decrease. The stick spun so fast that it started to break apart from the centrifugal force it was being subjected to, pieces of bark flying off.

“That's. . . Ben said, watching as he spun the stick as fast as it would go, and then he turned his head away and gave the Utility Pocket a massive surge of mana. There was a ripping sound, and splinters of wood flew everywhere as the stick was pushed well past its limit.

Ben stopped the spinning and examined what was left. Just a tiny, thin wire sized bit of wood, wet and steaming from the forces it'd just been subjected to. It started to droop, then broke under its own weight.

“That barely cost anything,” Ben said, a frown on his face, his eyes wide, “that barely cost anything, and I could have spun that even faster,” he said, the realization of what his Utility Pocket was, and what it could really do settling into his mind.

The dao of Ben: the basis of all technology and magic is the ability to spin in a circle. The Utility Pocket was. . . quite possibly the most advanced object in the known universe when it came to spinning things in a circle. Frankie, who was anxiously monitoring Ben’s soul, felt the dao descend and latched onto it, letting its truth suffuse him and merge with his own knowledge of spatial manipulation.

Ben produced another stick, this time making it move in and out, like a saw-zal blade. As long as it was attached to his body, it was basically free. Then, using a slightly round paint chip, Ben spun it like a circular saw blade, successfully.

The more he experimented, the more excited he got.

“This is the ultimate power tool! I'm the ultimate power tool!”

That was, of course, the exact moment Ghost Ears came back into the cell. He looked around, saw that everything was covered in wood pulp, including Ben, who was currently drawing way too much attention to himself for someone who was in the middle of a jailbreak.

Ghost Ears shook his head and gave Ben the same ashamed look that the True Elf Fairy had received many times from many a village elder.

Ben turned red, coughed, and started acting like an adult again.

Ghost Ears was laughing on the inside. This was just way too much fun. Then Ghost Ears sniffed the air and frowned.

“Do you smell sulfur?”

-

In the distance, sitting outside of the Citadel of Horrors, the Pocket of Sanctuary sat silent surrounded by spiders. Frankie was in command, his two underlings ready to receive his orders. The Utility Pocket Elemental waited, feeling Ben's realization and celebration through their bond. Frankie couldn't shake his head, or roll his eyes, yet he still managed to convey the emotion such actions would have elicited from a viewer.

Of course the Utility Pocket was the ultimate power tool Ben, Frankie might have said. Wasn't it obvious?

Then, Frankie calmed himself, and allowed Ben's mental progress to flow into him. Ben’s understanding of what technology was, both from practical experience and from reading way too much Science-Fiction, merged with Frankie. For a moment, he entered a state that could be likened to sleep.

[System Update]

[You have gained the class Sub-Space Engineer!]

[You have gained the skill Sub-Space Engineering!]

[You have gained the skill Blueprint!]

[You are Level 1 in this class]

Frankie came back to awareness and felt his new class and skill. He looked around the Pocket of Sanctuary, which only had an hour and a half left before it was gone forever. The Lesser Utility Pocket Elemental knew it was a one-time use skill, that they'd never get a chance to use it again.

He ordered his underlings to hold steady and wait for further orders, then left to examine the workings of the skill again, his new [Blueprint] ability driving him forward, telling him to try.

There must be a way, he thought to himself.

There must be a way to replicate this.