《Ben's Damn Adventure: The Prince Has No Pants》Side Chapter 6

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Nemo was a smart man, which is why he'd started running away the second he could get away with it. His opportunity had come almost immediately after the Elder Gremlins had fixed him, at that moment they expected him to express his gratitude for the help and fight for them.

He wasn't imagining the look of both rage and approval when he immediately betrayed them, created a massive distraction with his utility pocket and ran away. Gremlins, particularly Elder Gremlins, respected the instinct for self-preservation as sacred, and each and every one of them had performed the same kind of maneuver many times in their long lives.

Why had he run?

Well, first and foremost, he was a human being and he recognized a heroic last stand when he saw one. Fuck that noise, humans were absolutely nuts when they were cornered.

Second, he'd returned to consciousness without meaning to, and he suspected his contact with the fairy dude was the reason. He did not need to experience any of his existence right now, especially with the [Worm Blood] perk he'd gotten.

The worms keened, sensing that Nemo was thinking about them.

Nemo didn't give a shit, he didn't have any consciousness to experience the horrifying sensation with and he was extremely happy about that.

Third, he was totally bored of Gremlins and didn't want to be around when the giant blade demon was born. He had the feeling that it was going to kill its creators, then everyone else for as long as it could. Nemo intended to be out of the path of carnage.

He ran like a video game character, heedless of exhaustion or physical pain, monitoring only an intangible stamina bar which determined the 'can' and 'cannot' run ability of the body. In many ways, being a Void Soul was an absolute bargain of an ability, which is why Jameson had chosen it. It was total efficiency of action and behavior, divorced from any kind of feelings about what was being done. His 'not mind' considered for a moment the void souls who had selected the [Ever Piercing Eye] as their Plus Perk and he suppressed a thrill that could have woken him up.

Oh, the things they would do.

Being a void soul was like being in a dream, like being in a completely vivid solid dream. It was like all the parts of a dream a person remembered, all the context for the dream that they didn't actually remember. Just like a dream, he could and did wake up occasionally, and right now, reality was a nightmare.

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He fully intended to stop being a Void Soul at some point, The System had assured him over and over that it was possible. He was just waiting for the right moment, for the right power and advantage to fall in his lap, then--

“Hello!” Nemo called out, seeing a group of weird looking magical aliens moving through the forest. There was a woman made of orange glass, something that was obviously a floating robot of some kind, a trippy thing, and a big man partially made out of solid gold blocks. The big man had a little party hat on and was holding a small present box. Nemo, characteristic of all void souls everywhere, couldn't possibly give less of a shit about their well-being.

“Who goes there,” the robot asked, its voice surprisingly non-synthesized.

“I'm Nemo, it means nobody and meaningless, hey, are you guys monsters?”

“No, we kill the monsters,” it was the crystal girl this time, and she sounded. . . like a teenage girl. Bratty was a strong word, and so was self-absorbed, or-

She sounded very much like a teenage girl, and I'll leave it at that.

“That's great, there's a bunch of monsters back there,” Nemo pointed with his thumb, “you should distract them so I can get away. They're little brown furry dudes, six hundred and thirty six of them, as well as-” Nemo then amazed everyone but the robot by giving an exact force composition of the gremlins, including the Bladed Slayer. His numbers, I might add, were exactly correct.

Void Souls had perfect memory, a big selling point for that lifestyle.

“Anna,” the trippy double ice-cream cone being whispered, his voice sounded like a synthesized electric guitar, like how they did in the sixties and seventies, “that's a lot of gremlins.”

“No shit it's a lot of gremlins,” Anna snapped, “you, nobody or whatever, was that all the monsters?”

“No!” Nemo helpfully said, then started listing all the monsters he'd personally witnessed being pulled from the beyond. None of the adventuring party had any blood to drain from their faces, but boy oh boy did the blood drain from their faces.

“You're saying fucking gremlins are opening Beyond Gates?” Anna asked, her mouth foul, her attitude toxic, and her adventurer cred impeccable, “What about an Aeon Slug, a big slug, you know? Have you seen one of those around?”

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“Oh yeah, he's trying to stop the gremlins from opening a big boing boing gate with a Quasar Class Soul Gem.”

Nemo had been goofing around, sounding playful when he said a big boing boing gate, but abruptly shifted his body language and tone to dead serious when he mentioned the Soul Gem. Even in his fallen state, he recognized the sheer danger of what the Gremlins had been trying to do and would have put a stop to it himself. If he could have done so without taking on any risk to himself.

“Thirty-One,” Anna said, talking to the robot, “is this creep lying?”

“No,” Thirty-One said, his voice sounding terrified, “he's telling the truth. I'm sending out a priority one emergency message now, do you authorize the cost-”

“Yes I authorize the fucking cost! Are you fucking high? Hurry!” Anna snapped.

“Great,” Nemo said, then in his twisted morally empty mind he came upon an idea, “oh, also, that giant slug you mentioned is in the middle of the gremlin camp, along with a bunch of other heroic types. They're fighting for their lives right now and probably need some help. Bye!”

Then, before Anna could grab him, Nemo set off running, humming to himself.

Never hurt to try and rebuild some burned bridges. Ben looked like the stupid forgiving type, and Nemo didn't need enemies like that right now. He was headed to Solas and he suspected Ben was as well.

The System in charge of Ben replayed the logs of him entering a state of pseudo-divinity and interacting directly with The World's magic. The System sniffed, snorted up a bit of snot, then spat it on the ground.

“I need a drink,” he declared, and got up from his desk. At that exact moment, the version of The System in charge of Frankie got a message that the Utility Pocket Elemental had succeeded in modifying his Pocket of Sanctuary skill, and then that version of The System also needed a drink.

Every instance of The System was separated. They each occupied a cube of space, and that was perfectly fine. Ben's version of The System approached the wall of his cubicle and waved a hand. Immediately a hallway formed which led to a newly created room which all instances of The System had access to.

It was a break room, like the many that could be found in any office building all over the Earth. There was a water cooler, couches, a full bar, massage chairs-

Ok, it was way nicer than most break rooms. It was like an executive break room.

Behind the bar was an instance of The System, who looked like the devil, but who wasn't the devil. The bartender was dressed sharply, and was cleaning a glass. He hadn't existed five minutes ago, but that was perfectly fine with him.

Ben's System sat down and put his horned head on the bar, face down.

“Something strong,” he said, and the bartender nodded and started mixing something up. Ben's System heard a heavy thud next to him, and then met Frankie's System.

“I'll have what he's having,” Frankie's System said.

There was another heavy thud, and another exhausted System sat at the bar.

“I'll have what they're having,” he said.

The process repeated until the bar was full. Everything was quiet, except for the clinking of glasses and the sounds of drinks being mixed.

Finally, one of them broke the silence.

“Humans,” he muttered, and the flood-gates opened.

Somewhere else, far away from the breakroom, The System began responding to needs that had just been created, and an ironically named Human Relations appeared from nowhere, filled with highly trained staff prepared to deal with issues as they came up.

Such as two instances of The System getting in a fist fight in the break-room.

Somewhere else, a new office formed, and a System Executive was born. He immediately groaned, and realized he'd made a terrible mistake in emulating the human design of an office building. He tried to take it back, but all his other instances were having too much fun, and he needed a unanimous vote to reverse the increasingly chaotic cascade of changes that were occurring.

“Humans,” The Executive said, then ordered a drink. The same drink everyone else was having I might add.

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