《Ben's Damn Adventure: The Prince Has No Pants》Reunion: Chapter 2

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Ben and Vivi had awoken in Strange Town to find it still, sadly, completely abandoned and useless to them. Ben considered absolutely pillaging the place, rampaging through the streets, stealing everything of value, and smashing some windows in the process. . . but he didn’t. Some instinct, some prompting from the Ring of Sacrifice that protected him from making truly disastrous decisions, helped guide him away from a thievery rampage. The most they took were some basic supplies, food and water. Then?

They left. They were headed in the direction of Solas, and at Vivi’s insistence, they kept to the treetops. The groundlike canopy provided them an easy and safe way to travel. . . as long as they avoided Treetop Canopy Mimics. Which, thanks to Vivi’s detailed descriptions, Ben had already spotted twelve of, and had calmly guided them around.

Ghost Ears trailed far behind them, unnoticed, still unsure if he was really going to approach them or break off and go back to Strange Town to sob. Both options had their own unique sense of appeal.

“Ben, I think something is following us,” Vivi said abruptly, keeping easy pace with Ben's fast flight. He slid across the tops of the trees like he was levitating, even matching Ben when he used a flight ring to accelerate.

“Why's that?” Ben asked, yawning and feeling like stopping to take a piss.

“It's just a feeling, but I'm usually right.”

“Well, I don't have that feeling. Hang on and slow down, I need to take a leak,” Ben said, then flew off to the distance and took care of his business; it was so easy without pants!

“Better,” Ben said when he returned “so what do you want to do about it?”

“How about, I don't know, be at the ready?” Vivi said, shaking in outrage a bit as he spoke. “Shouldn't that be obvious, Your Highness? You do realize the Overcavern Forest is infested with monsters, right? It is extremely dangerous?”

Ben rolled his eyes and the broken antique sword appeared in his left hand in a black flash, his utility pocket equipping it in less than a moment. He began to channel a huge amount of mana into the sword, activating his skill [Royal Antique Restoration: Left Hand]. The other half of the broken blade appeared in a contained black burst. It flew towards the hilt as though magnetized, clicking into place and holding firm.

Little black flashes appeared near the crack, and metal fragments, pieces of the puzzle, went to their places in the same way. Soon Ben was holding a. . . it wasn't new, or durable, or pretty, or particularly sharp, but it was solid and whole.

It was a short-sword, and Ben had [Short Sword Proficiency: Apprentice], so it was better than nothing. Ben frowned, suddenly unable to pump any more mana into the sword to repair it.

“What happened? Why'd my skill turn off?”

“It's on cooldown Ben,” Vivi said, “You didn't think you could use active skills indefinitely did you?”

“I've never really come up on the limit,” Ben said, then eyed the sword with a measure of distaste. He shrugged, if it came to a fight, it came to a fight and he'd figure it out.

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A utility pocket appeared in front of Ben, and Frankie poked his head out looking fierce. He jabbed a spear out of his body and retracted it, as if to say, 'I'm ready to fight'.

“Oh, Frankie,” Ben said, reaching out to scratch the Utility Pocket Elemental, “what would I-”

Ben heard something in the forest under him, beneath the canopy. Frankie retreated back into the utility pocket, ready to strike wherever it would hurt the enemy the most.

“Do you hear that?” Ben asked, and Vivi looked a little pale; for some reason Ben was reminded of how an octopus looked when it changed color to camouflage itself.

“It's. Right. Under. Us.” Vivi whispered, “Be. Quiet.”

“'the impossible creature. . . dripping from the leaves. . . the moment has arrived. . .the hunt reaches its climax. . .”

Ben could only make out fragments of whatever insane babble was going on under him, but it made him nervous. The voice. . .

Out of nowhere a frustratingly handsome fairy with long blond hair and no ears flew up to them, holding two silver swords, a serious expression on his face.

“I'm on your side,” he said looking down, “there is a terrible monster here, and we will not be able to outrun it. It is fast. Our odds are slim, and I wish we had more time to speak. Are you prepared to die?” The stranger, who Ben didn’t know was Ghost Ears, asked.

“Uh, no?” Ben said, looking between Vivi and the new fairy, and suddenly feeling like he should be doing something other than feel awkward. For some reason he just couldn't get worried, and that worried him more than anything.

“Wait,” Ben said frowning, listening in as he heard the sound of something, somewhere below them crashing noisily into a tree and starting to climb it. The canopy far in front of them shook, indicating where the monster would appear.

'Dun. . .dun dun. . .'

“Wait!” Ben said, his heart suddenly beating fast, his eyes wide.

Ghost Ears knew this was a worst case scenario. The crashing reached a crescendo and something huge and gray snapped its way through the thick foliage, an enormous fin appeared.

What followed was something out of a nightmare; a shark's face, but flexible, with expression and intelligence. The eyes were black, but if one looked carefully they could see an iris as well as a pupil. A huge fin rose from its back, somewhere along the spine of the neck.

Yes, this was clearly a shark, but a shark somehow transformed into a humanoid shape with arms and legs. The monster was thick, enormous with muscle, and its skin looked tough, very tough.

The worst part was the smile and the rows and rows of razor sharp teeth. Its mouth hung slightly open, giving Ghost Ears a good view of a space big enough to fit all three of them with room for half a dozen more.

“I found you,” the monster said, rising further while Ben's party was paralyzed in shock and fear. The monster had thick shoulders with powerful arms. The monster continued to rise and gray hands were soon pushing against the top of the canopy.

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“Attack!” Ghost Ears shouted. Vivi was roused from his stupor, letting loose a high pitched scream as bright green arrows of magic began to form around him; so great was his battle frenzy his eyes were flailing about and practically striking his body. The most impressive part to Ben was that even with all the movement, somehow it was obvious the eyes attached to the stalks were perfectly tracking the monster, keeping it in view.

Ghost Ears was momentarily distracted by Vivi, but once he got his bearings back he took a step to charge, ready to cut the beast's eyes.

But in their moments of hesitation Ben was already walking forward, calmly; and the monster wasn't attacking, just watching with an insane expression on its face.

Ben got close enough for the thing to smash him with its hands. It did not. Instead it took a deep breath in through its nose, as though savoring something.

“Short Bus,” Ben whispered, “you're alive,” Ghost Ears and Vivi halted their charge.

“Ben,” the shark monster said, its voice an extremely loud whisper, “I found you. I thought you were dead.”

“Man, I thought you were dead. What the hell happened to you? Oh God,” Ben said, suddenly overcome by emotion and running over to his friend, looking for a place to hug. Short Bus lowered a hand, and Ben ended up hugging a couple of his fingers. “Dude, you’re fucking alive. And you’ve got falanges. How?”

“I thought I was going to die,” Short Bus said quietly, “I should have. But there was a path, a trail of sparkling light that showed me the way through the wave.”

“Dude, you’re like a dude now,” Ben said, smiling hard.

“I know. It’s horrible,” Short Bus said with a sigh, “I could have been something, you know? Something great. I chose the evolution that would let me survive, not the one that would let me live.”

“Man I thought I was going to be alone out here!” Ben said, laughing with sheer relief, “I almost died out there, I had to fight for my life! You found me! How did you find me?” Ben finally asked.

“ I tracked you by the scent of your fear-pee Ben.”

“What?” Ben said suddenly, looking up.

“You are reliable, you always pee when you get scared, and I was able to find you like that. It's a very smart strategy, you really know how to think ahead. I'm going to start copying you, so everyone can find me too.”

“No, seriously don't do that.”

“I've already been doing it every fight; my scent trail is unmistakable Ben.”

Ghost Ears stood there, swords in hand, breathing hard, heart pounding, waiting for any indication that the fight was about to start.

Vivi started laughing. His laughter grew in intensity and the [Magic Arrows] vanished, winking out one by one. He kept trying to say something, but then he would just start laughing again.

“You,” Vivi was forcing it out, “you piss yourself every fight?” Once he'd said it Ben realized two things; that he really had pissed himself at the start of every major fight he'd had, and that Vivi was never going to let him live this down.

Ben sighed, trying to ignore Vivi.

Short Bus did not ignore Vivi. Short Bus turned his enormous head to look at Vivi with his near totally black eyes.

Vivi stopped laughing.

Silence reigned between them and Short Bus' eyes got wider and wider. His eyebrows rose; though there was no hair on them they were obvious. He looked critically at Vivi, then critically at Ben. The smile vanished.

“Oh no,” Short Bus said. He began to lean away from Vivi and looked down at Ben in abject horror. “Ben, who is that?”

“That's Vivi?” Ben answered, his tone of voice a question.

“Vivi,” Short Bus said, “my worst fears are confirmed, that's a girl's name. The way she jumped to your defense, but humiliated you the moment the danger was passed. . .” Short Bus sucked in some air through his razor sharp teeth, “Ben I respect you and your choices, but that is the ugliest female I've ever seen, I'm sorry I have to say it; you can do better, and I'm ashamed I wasn't here to steer you towards the right course.”

Ben put his face in his hands and said 'oh my god'. Vivi choked and said 'Girl?'

The Aeon Slug, one of the dignified and honored creatures of The World, a member of the three signatory races, raced over and immediately began arguing with the naked man shark and very naked human fairy.

Ghost Ears stood with his swords out, which suddenly felt a little heavy, looking from human, to slug, to shark; then repeated the cycle. With a sudden spark of dread he realized what he was seeing was completely familiar to him. It was the same thing he'd seen day in and day out as a village chief. The only difference was, he wasn't sure he could just beat the three of them up to get them to stop bickering.

“They're worse than regular fairies,” he said under his breath.

“Ben, I need you to play along,” the giant man-shark said, “I'm helping establish your position of dominance in the hierarchy. The slug is surly, but we can trick him because he looks easy to trick; like an orca. We need to make him think we think he is your girlfriend Ben, that will keep him in line,”

“I can hear you!” Vivi yelled. Ben and Short Bus ignored him.

“Hey, babe, the adults are trying to talk over here,” Ben said casually, and Vivi began to burble in an angry, sluggy way.

“By the forest, I've finally done it. I've finally found a worse job than being a village chief.”

Then he sheathed his swords, steeled his resolve, took a second to bask in the glory of the [Dream], and walked over to the three to introduce himself.

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