《Ben's Damn Adventure: The Prince Has No Pants》The Beyond: Chapter 16

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Ben and Vivi stood over the reliquary, which was arranged like a Colosseum or a gladiator's pit. It glowed with bright green light, the wood especially luminescent here. They were at the edge, looking down the long fall at the restless, flightless, Relic Guardian.

“That's a big bee,” Ben said, blinking several times, looking down at the enormous bright red and orange monster.

“I don't care if I swore fealty to you, I'm not going down there and fighting that thing,” Vivi said, with conviction.

“Aren't you in charge of this dungeon?” Ben asked the dungeon boss.

“Do I look like I'm in charge?” Vivi asked back, then yelled down at the bee, “hey, stop guarding the treasure!”

It hissed and buzzed at him, looking at the walls with frighteningly intelligent, compound eyes, and apparently deciding it wasn't worth the effort of climbing out.

“I'm not in charge, I just live here,” Vivi said, “I struck a deal with The System to manage this little hole of a dungeon in exchange for a safe place to live and grow.”

“Why would The System want you to manage a dungeon for it?”

“So he wouldn't have to, obviously. He's real big on delegating as much work as he can possibly manage,” Vivi said, slowly backing up towards the ramp that led back to his study.

Ben had to admit he was having trouble getting his blood up to fight something that was probably about thirty times his size; hell, even if he'd been normal-sized he wouldn't want to mess with that thing, just based on how mean it looked. He considered going down there and trying to solo it, but then consulted the nope sense.

Nope.

“What's it guarding?" Ben asked, following after Vivi. The Aeon Slug rotated an eyeball to look completely backwards, and kept the other eye facing forward. It was the sort of eye control that would make a chameleon feel either nauseous or jealous, possibly both.

“I've never gone down to look. It was about two years after I took this place over that The System offered me a good deal if I accepted the Reliquary in my dungeon; I took it because it required zero effort or management on my part and it practically quadrupled the mana density in the dungeon. This place has been a wonderful home,” Vivi said, his long body expanding as he took a deep breath.

“You've got to have a guess though,” Ben said, walking up from the darkness of the Reliquary room and into the warm light of Vivi's study.

“Reliquaries are tricky. It could contain a selection of greater magical objects, it could contain one of the many varieties of Wishes, it could even contain an artifact or a rare ability.”

“That sounds really good,” Ben said, “are they much better than treasure rooms?” Ben had been wondering about this since he'd gotten his Plus Player notification when he'd entered the dungeon.

“Treasure Rooms don't have enormous, raid class monsters guarding them, they're usually guarded by elites. A good rule of thumb is that the stronger the guard, the better the treasure.”

“That seems obvious,” Ben said, then sat down on the pillow Vivi had gotten out for him.

“You would be surprised,” Vivi commented, and Ben didn't pursue it.

Ben looked over his shoulder, looking down at the pit. He. . . might be able to survive. He might be able to sneak down there and simply steal the relic. He might be able to kill the proportionally gigantic bee, or sedate it with honey, or. . . die. Ben felt where the deep bruise in his side had been, the memory of his flesh peeled right off his ribs surfacing making him feel sick.

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If Vivi had turned out to be a monster, and Ben had killed the Aeon Slug, he might have had the morale to throw himself into another life-or-death struggle. Right after doing a fucking job interview, though? Ben shook his head and left the reliquary behind, prioritizing his own survival over loot.

His inner gamer screamed at him for leaving loot on the table, but Ben didn’t want to die, at all. He lied to himself and said he’d come back someday and get the treasure, just like how he’d go back to that random reef out in the middle of the ocean and loot that weird coral formation he’d found his shells in.

“Game plan,” Ben said, looking away from the Reliquary and getting down to business. A utility pocket opened in the air in front of them and three chests fell out, all of them without locks. Frankie was resting on top of the most valuable chest, standing proud, like he owned the thing.

“Forewarning, I have no idea what's in those,” Vivi said, “The System will periodically replace the chests if they were previously looted. I'm glad though, because I'd like to ask you about. . . him?” Vivi asked, pointing with an eyestalk at Frankie.

“Oh yeah, I doubt it matters, but go with “he”. His name is Frankie. What do you want to know?”

“What is it?” Vivi asked, sounding a little bit. . . Ben wasn't sure what Vivi was feeling. He'd taken a few moments to rest before checking out the Reliquary, and leveled up more than he had after fighting the Ax Beetle; apparently the [Prince] class got more experience from evaluating talent and gaining subjects than it did from raw combat. He was level seven now, and had a whole handful of new skills to try out.

Ben activated [Sense Emotion].

It became obvious that Vivi wasn't sure if he was supposed to be very excited, or very nervous about Frankie. Ben ended the skill because it was an enormous mana hog, far worse than his utility pocket.

“Ben?” Vivi asked, “hello?”

“Sorry, I was a little spaced out there. I used a perk lottery ticket,” Ben said, and Vivi groaned.

“Those are dangerous,” Vivi complained, “do not use another one until you have a [Sage] nearby. They can seriously skew those things in your favor, or at least keep you from ending up with something truly horrifying.”

“Trust me, I know. My options for the last one were a legendary perk called [Worm Blood] and an extremely common perk, [Create Minor Elemental]. Guess which one I picked?”

“Well, you aren't writhing around in horror, so I imagine you picked your only real option. [Worm Blood] is an insanely powerful regenerative ability, possibly the most powerful. Nobody has ever made it work, even demons can't handle it.”

“What about something like [Mind Horror]?” Ben asked, mostly to test how much Vivi knew.

“Oh, any demon would be pleased to get that one. Not many could handle it, the horror is. . . cruel to its host, but it is a powerful ability. There have been so many petitions to The System to remove the demonic perks from the lottery and make a separate system, but they've all been flatly refused. Are you telling me that came from [Create Minor Elemental], because if so, that's insane. That perk is famously useless. The requirements of an elemental that weak are an absurd time sink, and they're so fragile it's practically a joke.”

“Well, Frankie is a Utility Pocket Elemental, and he lives in my utility pocket, so I'm pretty sure he's going to be alright,” Ben said.

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“I think so, yes. What made you pick the utility pocket as opposed to say. . . The Ever Piercing Eye?”

“It just spoke to me. The Eye seemed more geared towards someone who could Min-Max like crazy,” Ben said, “you know about all the Plus Perks?”

“Naturally,” Vivi said, settling down on his fancy slug couch, telekinetically opened a cabinet and floated out a hookah. “Aeon Slugs are one of the three signatory races of The World. We were the native races that lived here before The System arrived; back when this place was called 'The Plane of Endless Wild Magic',” Vivi paused, and a flame appeared over the coal on top of the hookah, which sparked as it lit, and one of the arms gently floated over to Vivi's mouth. He took a puff, and exhaled sweet smelling smoke.

“He wanted to purchase it from us outright, the entire plane that is, but settled for an indefinite lease. The agreement we signed gave us a massive advantage over all others in The World, and one of those advantages was access to information about the rules that would normally be hidden. The new game plus system was part of that, and is a popular subject of discussion among the signatory races.”

“What are the other two? Signatory races I mean,” Ben asked.

“The Enelim and the Sunlets,” Vivi said, blowing out another cloud of smoke, then offering Ben an arm of the hookah.

Ben looked at it, then looked at Vivi, and felt something like the ghost of the professional adult he'd been only days ago rise up.

“Vivi, I think it's time I went over some professional expectations I have of you, and anyone working for me. Tell me, do you have a clock?”

Vivi was not happy. He did not enjoy the idea of 'Work Hours'. He was not, in general, a very disciplined being, and found the idea of being sober and focused for eight hours minimum every day offensive.

Indeed, the general rules of 'Professionalism', which Ben had repeatedly assured Vivi was not pronounced [Professionalism], were simply tyrannical.

“[Tyrant],” Vivi said under his breath, clearing out a room he'd used for storage to create a 'workspace', which Ben had again assured him wasn't pronounced [Workspace].

“We need a space to work in that you've never gotten high in before Vivi. Your lounge isn't going to promote a productive attitude, and besides, you're finally starting to sober up a bit,” Ben said, closing his eyes and trying to remember everything he was going to need.

“I know, it's horrible,” Vivi muttered, but continued working.

“Paper, pencils, a map, file cabinet;” Ben was listing random elements of the old world like a wizard quietly chanting a spell, “computer, computer? Vivi, are there computers around here?”

“The grays are the only ones who bother with them,” Vivi said, lifting a surprisingly large assortment of weird, fantasy looking junk with his magic. He opened a bright pink portal with fuzzy, cotton candy like edges that swirled in a two-dimensional vortex. The junk was dumped into it without ceremony and the air filled with a brief sharp sizzle and the smell of ozone.

“Oh,” Ben said, watching the portal close and having trouble focusing on what he'd been about to say, “right, uh. What was that?”

“[Vortex of Annihilation],” Vivi said absently, “I'd been meaning to clean up around here anyways. This is a little fun, look at all this space!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ben said, “I thought you couldn't level?”

“I can't, but I can still get skills and learn spells. It's really nice because The System calculates it out as if I'm only level one; you can guess what that means I'm sure.”

“You'd be wrong,” Ben said. Staring at the Aeon Slug he wondered for the first time how difficult of a fight it would have been if he hadn't sat down and heard Vivi out.

“Oh, well it's simple; at lower levels, it's easier to turn regular actions into free [Skills]. A [Warrior] might get [Power Strike] when he reaches level three, but if he were smart, he'd try and earn as many common skills as he could before he leveled. That way when The System generates new skills on his level up, he's more likely to get something rare or unusual; at a minimum, his common skill will advance in power, which is always nice.”

“Well, how many skills do you have?” Ben asked.

“Lots. Before I was. . . exiled,” Vivi said carefully, looking to Ben for his reaction, then continued, “I had dreams of being a [Sage], so I collected as many rare and interesting skills as I could.”

“Sorry you got exiled,” Ben said, “From what it sounds like, you got a raw deal Vivi. What happened to the others, the ones who pressured you into it?”

“Obliterated,” Vivi said, “it's hard to lecture someone who's been probabilistically rendered Impossible.”

Vivi sighed.

“My punishment was well warranted. The System set up The World and all its rules, concentrating all the magic of an entire Plane, to safely do what we were attempting. We're fortunate we only hooked an Impossible, we could have brought an Inevitable into the world.”

Ben got goosebumps, something about the way Vivi said it made him extremely nervous.

“Yes, I bet you're unfamiliar with the term, but you can guess, can't you? The Beyond is the great ocean of chaos that is beyond all reality. It exists at the bottom and the top and all the sides of reality; beyond the furthest past, farther than the farthest future; the furthest point outside, and the center of everything. Everything which is Possible, Impossible, and Inevitable can be found there, and with some skill, it can be hooked, fished out, and dragged into reality. We actually did have the [Greater Wish], and if I'd kept the portal open. . . I couldn't have saved them, there's no wish that can make the Impossible, Possible. And there's no wish that can stop Inevitability.”

“What would have happened, if you'd gotten an Inevitable?”

Vivi shuddered.

“It would have crossed over Ben. Then, it would have existed; gone outside of time to the beginning of all things, and re-written reality to ensure its existence everywhere, forever. It would have come into conflict with the other Inevitables. . . I'm lucky, we're all lucky.”

“That sounds really. . . big. The System messes with The Beyond, that's what you said? That all of this exists so he can do it safely? Just what the hell is it? The System, I mean.”

“The System? That's easy Ben. He's the greatest [Wizard] in existence. I've heard he's got a palace with [Absolute Wishes] set into the walls like torches, with Inevitables as servants and guards; filled with treasure that should be Impossible. Sometimes, a young Aeon Slug or Enelim or Sunlet will ask 'Why did we give up so much power, why don't we try and take it all back?' Do you know what The System does?”

“What?”

“He lets them gaze upon [The Infinite Fortress], from a distance, for as long as they like.”

“Did you do that?”

“No,” Vivi said, practically hissing the word, “no, I don't want to see it. They come back changed, frightened, and all they will say is that the three signatory races were extremely wise to have cut a deal.”

Silence followed after that.

“So, what did you want a computer for?” Vivi asked, apparently not bothered by everything he'd just been talking about.

“Uh, I just wanted to see if I could get a spreadsheet or a word processor,” Ben said. When he'd said the word 'Computer', he thought he'd stumbled onto something amazing, like he would revolutionize the world with humanity's genius, its greatest invention.

Now it just sounded really stupid and lame.

“Ok, sure, I could probably get one imported,” Vivi said, then looked at the cleared room with critical eyes, “you said you wanted a big work table right in the center of the room?”

Ben and Vivi finished creating their temporary work space, and when Ben looked at it, he felt a comforting wave of the familiar come over him. No computers, but they didn't really need them, Ben realized. The work table was a rectangle, Ben and Vivi were seated on opposite ends of the long sides of it. Ben pushed over a handwritten sheet of paper, the words were in black ink.

“Your handwriting is atrocious,” Vivi said absently, his large eyes scanning down the memo absurdly fast.

“That's why I wanted a computer and a printer,” Ben countered then continued, “Those are just the ideas I have off the top of my head, but here's the main point; Strange Town has a couple of major issues that plague potential cities everywhere; traffic, infrastructure, utilities, and civil disorder. They built their town as they went along without any long term plan, which worked perfectly well when their population was small; but now that they're approaching tens of thousands of individuals,” Ben said, looking at Vivi for confirmation, and the Aeon Slug nodded with his eyes, “their layout is working against them completely. Luckily, humans on Earth have been building cities from the ground up since forever, and we've gotten pretty good at it.

“What we need is to convince them to do is this,” Ben continued, “set up lanes of traffic, implement zoning, and codify a basic system of law and order along with an enforcement system. However they solve disputes in a small village isn't going to work in a city, it's too big and the conflicts are going to be too numerous.”

“Before I got sent over here,” Ben said, “I worked for a city, and I got shuffled all around the various crews and departments for years. As a result, I'm familiar at least in principle, with what needs to be done. Further, I had ambitions to be a City Engineer-”

“Do you mean a [City Engineer]?” Vivi interrupted.

“No, shut up,” Ben said, “we didn't have that sort of thing on Earth-”

“Really? As far as I can tell, everybody had that sort of thing. Every time a new world gets integrated they don't seem surprised. They lose their classes and levels when they come here, but they had something like it on their planet.”

“Well, lucky them, we didn't. We're fortunate with Strange Town, they're already almost a city. They have the population and the skilled labor a city needs, as well as a basic framework that can be improved.”

Ben's eyes took on a greedy, royal glint.

“Vivi, we're going to be able to walk right in and take over. From what I've gathered, a City Crystal is incredibly powerful, rare, and we're going to have one in our clutches by the end of the month. I know what to do, and with you at my side, we're going to make it happen.”

“You know,” Vivi said, his eye-stalks wiggling a bit with excitement, “I think you're right Ben. These proposals make a lot of sense,” he said, indicating the papers Ben had given him, “and they won't be that hard to implement. Plus, you're a fairy sub-type, so they'll actually listen to you if you start making some sense. And. . .” he said, sounding self-important, “who wouldn't listen to a [Prince] with an Aeon Slug working for him?”

Ben and Vivi shared a look, the kind of look two college graduates shared in a garage at their parent’s house as they looked at the plan. The business plan, the schematics, whatever it was that they'd come up with that meant one thing; they were going to be rich, and all they had to do was do it.

The look they shared was one of naked, raw ambition.

“I'm getting goosebumps Vivi,” Ben said, rubbing his arms.

“I don't know what that is, but me too,” Vivi said, practically vibrating with excitement, “why didn't I think of this? It's brilliant!”

“A wise man once said 'Opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated,' and I don't even think Strange Town realizes what they aren't doing. If we go in there with some city planning, even if it's really bad, they'll start to see positive results immediately. All we have to do is solve one big problem, and then they'll just give it all to us.”

“You're going to be a [City State Prince] Ben,” Vivi said, his eyes starting to flail around in a hilarious, excited way, “and I'm going to be the first Aeon Slug [Royal Sage]!”

“Fuck it!” Ben shouted, swiping his hand across the table hard and scattering everything on the ground, making a huge mess, “Work's over, bust out the hookah Vivi! We're going to be [Kings]!”

“I'm going to be a [Royal Sage]!” Vivi crowed, and the hookah flew from the other room and sat between them, the arms long enough for both of them to start smoking.

They partied long and hard, whatever it was Vivi had in that pipe putting their memories into an excited, pleasant haze. Ben declared himself the [Emperor of The World], and Vivi declared himself [The High Royal Arch-Sage of Legend], and in that night, they formed a bond that would last as long as they lived.

At some point, they even remembered to open the treasure chests, which were empty, because Vivi, the dungeon manager, had been the one to open them, but they were too inebriated to even care. After all, they were about to take ownership of an entire city's worth of loot! At least, that was how Vivi put it, when Ben started sobbing over lost treasure, and lost opportunity.

Ben and Vivi stood atop the gargantuan glowing broccoli tree in whose dense solid foliage all their adventures had taken place. Before them was Strange Town in all its badly planned out glory. Buildings were built atop of buildings, like a South American favela. There were no construction standards or regards for general architectural soundness. It was cramped, built tall rather than wide, and Ben was nervous about even stepping foot into it for fear of something toppling over and crushing him.

There were no walls, and everything looked to be made of dirt and sticks that had been glued together somehow.

It was also completely, absolutely, silent.

“Hey, Vivi?” Ben asked, looking over at the Aeon Slug, who turned his spherical eyes to look at Ben.

“Yes, Ben?” Vivi responded.

“Where is everyone?”

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