《What's A Koopa To Do? (My Hero Academia/Bowser Self-Insert Story)》Chapter 5: UA Entrance Exam
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I wasn’t kidding when I said the written exam was hard. Mostly because it was all in Japanese, so I had to keep doing that thing where every once in a while I would mentally translate words just to make sure I was understanding the context of the questions.
At one point I looked over at Pony. The students were separated out into their schools, so she was seated closer to me than I’d expected. She’d been biting her pen thoughtfully, eyes narrowed in thought, sometimes letting out little ‘ah!’ noises before scribbling things down. My eyes very briefly panned over the rest of the room.
With all the recognizable characters in the room, it felt like I was at an anime convention where all the cosplayers had been given an impossible budget. I could see Mina Ashido further down in front of me, her pink skin and hair super recognizable, yellow horns bobbing up and down as she wrote energetically. A black crow diligently and calmly writing his own answers had to be Tokoyami. I could recognize most everyone. I tried finding Kirishima. Back home, he’d been one of my favorites of the class 1-A crew. But for some reason I couldn’t find his distinct head of red spiky hair. Weird.
I noticed Vlad King, one of the homeroom teachers, eyeing me as he walked down the steps that split up the students. I nodded seriously to him, then went back to my work. He kept an eye on me, but once he realized I wasn’t looking around to cheat he seemed to drift away.
I got my paper done as I thought to myself about what was next. The practical. AKA, as I’d been calling it for the last few months, Operation: Let Loose the Dragon of War.
Somewhere inside me, I felt my blood almost boil. I’d get to fight. To really fight. To blaze in and feel my claws break something, feel something hit me. Fighting Tauren and Pony wasn’t like that. Tauren was way too skilled for me to have any chance of beating her, and Pony was my sparring partner. We could never really try to hurt each other. And believe me, while I could hurt Pony, she could also do some real damage to me if she was smart about her powers.
But in the practical exam? We could actually just… BREAK shit.
Wonder what part of me was so excited for that? The Bowser part, or the sheer wonderful joy of breaking things without consequences?
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After everyone was done with the test, it was time for the Presentation for the practical exam. So I got to see yet another pro hero in the flesh.
“For all you examinee listeners tuning in, welcome to my show today!” A man with a MASSIVE blonde hairdo and the sweetest shades this side of Kamina, grinned on stage as he snapped his arms out. “Everybody say HEY!”
He turned, holding a hand up to his ear excitedly.
“Hey!” I barked out with a wide grin of my own, ignoring the students giving Present Mic and myself aghast looks.
“Hoho, a lonely yet passionate response!” Present Mic pointed in my direction proudly before continuing. “Then it’s time for the rundown on the practical exam! Are you ready!”
I made sure I said it at the same time as the Voice Hero. “YEAAAH!”
I could hear Pony giggling while the rest of the students seemed just as aghast at us as before. One kid in the corner groaned, placing his head in his hands.
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Well, they were nervous. Understandable.
The rest of it went as it had in the anime, with Present Mic explaining the points system, using images of Link fighting Zelda villains and getting points. I listened with a half-ear. After so long waiting for this day, I’d replayed the exam’s point system a thousand times over.
So I wasn’t surprised when Tenya Ida got up and started telling off Present Mic for the Arena Trap being worth zero points. Nor was I surprised when he turned to lambast Izuku for the horrific crime of mumbling to himself. But I was surprised when he then turned his attention to me.
“And you,” Ida’s eyes narrowed at me.
“Me?” I asked, leaning forward curiously.
“Yelling like that is just as distracting as mumbling!” he said with the air of a man laying down the judgment of God. “If you have time to do something so-”
“I was responding to the presenter’s call,” I snapped, cutting him off. “And if you want to complain about being loud, then talk to a mirror, goggles. Or let the teacher answer your question instead of yelling at everyone around you.”
“Wha-” Ida seemed aghast. “You rude-”
I tuned him out immediately. I liked Ida, I really did. But the man really needed to work on his self-awareness.
Present Mic cut in before Ida could continue his sputter of anger. “Well, there is an answer, listeners! Keep your ears open!”
The rest of it went as expected, with Present Mic explaining the Arena Traps being considered obstacles, rather than actual villains. The presentation ended in Present Mic’s little
“The great hero Napoleon Bonaparte once said... 'True heroism consists of being superior to the ills of life.' Plus Ultra!! Break a leg, everyone!!”
...Wait, was Napoleon technically a hero? Then again, that might have been my American perspective on history talking. Maybe a hero in the traditional sense of being one, where it meant just being a famous badass. Like Gilgamesh’s smug ass...
Then we left that room and entered the buses to head out to the testing sites. And if my bus was leaning real heavily on the side I was sitting on, I was definitely not to blame...
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We came to a stop in front of Battle Center B. And when I got out to see Izuku standing there nervously in his workout suit, it felt oddly like destiny. Then again, Pony had gone to Battle Center A, so more likely they were trying to break up the kids who went to the same schools.
I looked around. I didn’t recognize most of the kids. Wow. Were so many kids really going to fail this exam? That was kinda crazy to realize in retrospect. Some of them looked like real badasses too.
While I was distracted, Hurricane Ida struck again. Izuku had started to walk forward, heading towards Ochaco, when Ida came forward and gripped his shoulder to stop him, startling the kid. I walked over to them.
“That girl appears to be trying to focus,” Ida pointed out seriously. A good point, in his defense. Ochaco was fanning her face and taking deep breaths to calm herself. Then he jumped to conclusions. “What are you doing here? Are you taking the entrance exam to interfere with everyone else?”
“N-N-No, of course not!” Izuku jumped back, waving his arms frantically. That’s how he bumped into my chest. He stopped, startled, and glanced up at me. “B-Bowsa-san?”
“Hey,” I grinned down at the much smaller green-haired kid, then looked up at Ida, frowning. “Tenya Ida, right? You mind toning it back? He’s nervous, not an asshole. Besides, who the fuck would take a whole entrance exam just to mess with people. Are you that lacking in self-awareness?”
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“You again,” Ida glared at me. “And such language. Are you really trying to be a hero?”
“Now more than ever,” I said with a smirk, which only seemed to anger him. Weirdly, the fact he was so annoyed by me only made me like him more. Context, I suppose. “Oh, and we better run in now! Izuku, come on!”
“W-What?” Izuku gaped as I started running, booking it for the doors.
“H-Hey, we aren’t done!”
“Out of the way you fucks!” I shouted as I rushed towards the group of kids, who had been watching Ida, Izuku, and I talk.
“Whoa, what’re you-” one dude yelled, before a far louder voice echoed.
“OKAY, START!” Present Mic called.
I didn’t hear the rest of the speech. I was already running my ass into the arena.
The place within looked like a city. Like a full city! It even had street signs and glass windows and shit. How much money did UA have?
A wall smashed to my right. A green machine came flying out in a spray of concrete and glass. On one panel was a big number ‘1’. It’s red eyes glared at me as it reached for me menacingly. “Target Acquir-”
“YEEEESSS!” I roared, smashing into the robot with my claws. I felt steel bend and twist under my strength, wires snap, the entire thing breaking beneath my power! “YEESSSS!”
The robot was turned into scrap behind me as I continued running. Another robot, this time with a number three. “Target-”
“NOM!” I bit down into its head as my full bulk hit the guy like a damn truck. I slashed outward with my claws, ripping through the robot’s chest, it’s arms bouncing off my shell when it hit me back. I pulled my head up, my jaws ripping off the robot's head. Two robots with the number ‘2’ rushed me.
I blasted one with fire, pouring on the flames, when the other got hit by a burst of motion. Ida, moving at lightning speed, his jet boosters blazing, kicked the other like a damn rocket in flight.
“Nice job!” I barked at him before he could say anything. “Good luck, okay!”
“E-eh?” he stopped, gaping at me. I ran forward to go for the next one, my blood boiling.
Finally! Finally, after all this time! I could let loose! I could really hit things, break them, feel them hit me back!
A 1 came zooming around a corner long enough for me to bash my head into it. I pushed it up into the air, then jumped up over it as it let out a keening screech sound. I brought my legs up as I began to fall.
“BOWSER BOMB!”
I dropped on top of the robot with every bit of my bulk, the robot turning to pieces. A three and two rushed me, smashing me as I was still recovering from my drop. I felt metal fists smash into my chin and chest. Then I pulled my arms and legs into my shell and started spinning, hearing robots smash to pieces!
Robots! I decided I loved villain robots. For the first time, I could really let loose and not worry about hurting anyone. Basically…
“I can be as hard core as I want and it’ll still be PG!” I roared as I came out of my shell, literally and metaphorically.
A 3 fired missiles at me. Probably some low level ones, basically just paint bombs, but still. I unleashed a blast of flames, blowing them out of the air in a move I’d practiced with Pony (I briefly wondered how she was doing), then tackled into the robot, smashing into a building, then out the other side of it, concrete exploding around us.
“HAHAHA!” I laughed as I grabbed the missile pods on the 3 and lifted it up. “Yes!” I spun the robot around and smashed it into a 2. When the 3 responded by weakly smacking me in the chin, I ripped it in half. My claws dug into the sputtering pieces and I grinned around me, only to stop when I saw some kids staring at me in shock. “Oh. You guys want this spot?”
“Please,” one kid said quietly.
“All right. Later!” I rushed off, still holding the halves of the robot. When a 2 approached me, I hit him with a right, using the piece of robot like a boxing glove, and following with a left hook to get it while it was dazed.
I went for the next, hitting a 3, then a 1. And a 1… And a 1? What the hell?
I got another 2, slashing through it, but I was beginning to have to hunt down the robots, rather than having plenty of them coming to me. We’d barely started!
Well. Desperate times.
I started smashing through the buildings, running for every loud sound I could hear. Sure I likely couldn’t just kool-aid myself through whole buildings as an actual hero, but for now it helped knowing literally no one lived or worked in these things. I dropped down on 1s, tore through 2s and found myself forced to toss the pieces of some robots at others that were too far away for me to take down efficiently.
I got to 42 points or so when it showed up. The 0 pointer.
The city shook. And a giant fucking robot came out of nowhere.
I glared up at it as a hand clenched at a building, sending debris falling down. I noticed some debris beginning on a roof just above a shocked pair of kids and ran over to grab them, pulling them away just as that roof shattered to drop stones and mortar where they had been. I let the shrapnel bounce off my shell to protect the kids, nonchalantly glancing up at the robot.
Well, I say ‘nonchalantly’. In truth, the thing was fucking impressive. Giant robots. Always impressive.
“You two okay?” I asked the kids. They were both young men, one with a light brown nose shaped like a rock.
“Y-Yeah!” the kid with the rock nose said shakily. The other, a normal looking dude with white hair, was just staring upwards before he finally spoke.
“What the hell is UA thinking!? This is so crazy!”
“So is hero work,” I pointed out, helping them up and pushing them gently. “Go on, get some more points.”
“T-Thanks, Turtle-san!” the rock-nosed one said as they ran off.
I slowly gazed up at the giant fucking robot as it slowly plodded forward, coming towards the students. They were all running away and okay, so no worries there. Then I looked to my right. Another 0-pointer was further away, but it was so tall it was easy to make it out. I ignored the one that was approaching, instead turning to run towards that one. This part. This part I wanted to see.
I saw Izuku running towards the robot. I saw Ochaco there, under the rubble. Then… the dust flew apart. He rocketed into the air. I felt chills across my scales, running along my spine beneath my shell.
“SMAAAAASH!”
The impact of Deku’s fist on that robot made caved in its fucking face! And when that face was the size of a small building and set off several small explosions all along the ‘spine’ of the robot… I wouldn’t want to be hit by it. I felt the gust of the impact from all the way from where I was standing.
Damn. Damn. Deku may not have been able to control his power without breaking a limb, but he might be able to knock even my invulnerable ass out with a hit like that.
He fell out of the sky, legs waving weakly in the wind before Ochaco smacked him in the face, stopping his fall. Seriously clutch.
I was there in time to see the round-cheeked young girl… er, well. Release the rainbow, as it were.
I got over to Deku- fuck me, I kept calling him that mentally. Izuku. I got over to IZUKU just as he was dragging himself along the ground, tears in his eyes. I heard him speak.
“If I can get just one point!” he sputtered. “Just-”
“Here,” I kneeled down, grabbing his uninjured arm. He gaped up at me in surprise as I lifted him up. “I’ll help you man. Let’s see if we can find another one for you to-”
“Time’s up!” Present Mic called out, shocking me. Izuku started up at the sky, tears still in his eyes as I held him with one arm. Alarms rang out through the city, echoing.
“...Fuck,” I mumbled.
Izuku passed out in my arm, his broken limbs falling limply.
“...” I shook my head sadly. For the cameras.
Inside, I was chuckling. 60 points, well earned. It was funny to think of that.
I gently placed him on his back, and sat down to wait, looking over at Ochaco, who was still lying limply on the robot she had floated on to save our boy. “You okay?”
“Uuuunghhh,” she said weakly.
A bunch of kids approached. “Are you all okay?” one brown haired kid with a green headband asked.
“Yeah, we’re good. Just waiting for the medic,” I noted a certain blonde kid standing nearby, a confident bounce to his flamboyant step. “Hey. You do okay, Laser Show?”
He seemed surprised to be addressed, but still winked. “Certainement, mine turtle ami!”
Aoyoma really was a classy as fuck dude.
“Man, that was a hell of hit,” one of the other kids said in awe, staring at the remains of the destroyed giant robot. “Who would have thought a kid that timid could hit so hard?”
As the peanut gallery spoke, Iida walked over. The spectacled speedster looked like he was thinking heavily, and seemed ready to just standby.
“Oi, Ida-san!” I called out to him.
“E-eh?” he said. I waved him over. The tall (for a human teen) young man walked over, his blue hair glistening with a bit of sweat.
“How did you do?” I asked.
“Oh. I obtained 52 points,” he said, though he didn’t seem too proud of that. The kids around us, on the other hand, started whispering in shock. Couldn’t blame them. That was pretty damn impressive.
“Nice job,” I said honestly.
He gave me an odd look, then looked down at Izuku, then Ochaco before finally speaking. “You are… Bowsa-san, I think he called you?” Ida said awkwardly.
“Koopa Bowser,” I bowed as best as I could while sitting. “My apologies, I forgot to introduce myself.”
“Ah, I am from Somei Private Academy! My name is Tenya Ida,” he bowed back, then took a deep breath as he rose. “I’m sorry,” when I only blinked in confusion. “I assumed you-both of you,” he glanced at Izuku. “Weren’t taking this exam seriously. But I see now that you saw more to the exam than I did. I misjudged you! I’m sorry!”
Damnit Ida, stop being a lovable dork dude. I grinned at him. “Hey, you didn’t misjudge me. I’m a big violent fuckhead who can’t stop cussing and wants to be a hero. You nailed it on the head.”
He shook his head seriously, but before he could say anything else, a diminutive older woman came over. As Recovery Girl began treating everyone's wounds (Which was super cool to see, even with the old woman cooties clearly involved in the process), he looked over at Izuku with a serious look in his eyes.
Ida really was way nicer once he started loosening the stick up his ass. Like Dek-IZUKU said. Not mean. Just earnest. And really lacking awareness of others emotions.
As for me? Well… I was happy.
Maybe I wouldn’t get into Class 1-A. But I was sure I’d get into the school. And I’d done everything I could, pushing myself to the limit.
A full year of training and hard work. All over now.
Tomorrow I’d find out the results of my training. For right then, it was time to see how Pony did. Then, I’d prepare for what would follow.
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