A light in the dark

“It says ‘Human Altered’. Aren’t we supposed to call someone?”

The Fay were old allies of the human and most of their systems carried the warning but today was not the day for subtlety. The Captain reached out a talon and stripped off the sticker, “I need weapons and I need them now. I don’t care what you need to do, get them working.” With that he left.

B’echtel, lowly Apprentice Engineer and Catering crewman stood there in silence. The human Engineer had been a friend but, other than introducing hot sauce to his people, he had rarely mentioned what he was doing. He carefully removed the panel and stood back quickly. Nothing exploded, instead his Comms began to beep. He pushed the on-button, waiting for something horrific to happen but then the face of the old human engineer appeared.

“Hello from the past. If you are fucking about with this array, I imagine things have gone to shit. If you just thought it might be fun to find out what happens when you rip off that sticker well then welcome to your last days in space as you will be blacklisted from any ship that we have touched. Maybe you can build your own if you think you can fuck about with my work. If this ship is in danger, there is a really big red button under the heat-sink marked ‘420’. Unscrew it, carefully, and press the button.” The human face glared out at him, “Unless you have nothing to lose and are facing a real enemy you should go and play with something else.” The recording cut off and erased itself.

B’echtel stood frozen until the enemy ships slammed more plasma into his ship. It took only a moment to find the compartment named ‘Heat-Sink 420’ but it was screwed down, welded shut, glued solid and plastered with warnings. He drew his plasma-lance and cut the obstacles away. No time for half-measures. As he had expected was a big red button. He had heard, in the rumours and myths that followed the humans that if you found a ‘big-red button’ you get a wish. Either you wish you hadn’t pressed it or you wished you hadn’t needed to press it. He pressed it.

Something woke up deep in the systems. Something linked to his Comms and read everything. Finally, it seemed satisfied and a female human voice began. “Under Galatic law, humans are prohibited from interfering with any weapons array except for routine maintenance on a registered Orbital. Following recent court cases included in the metadata this includes human AI, human clones and those taking direct instruction from humans. You are Fay, species designated human-allied. Please designate AI species affiliation.”

B’echtel hesitated, “Umm...human?” The very human voice continued, “Designation failed. Do you wish to choose again?” It finally dawned on him. Catering really didn’t train you for this. “Fay, you’re definitely a Fay AI.”

“This AI is now designated Fay and is entitled to engage all weapons systems. Do you wish to proceed?”

“Umm...yes, please. I need a full restart and rebuild on the weapons. We are under fire and …, “ he gave up trying to be clever, “Please, just shoot those bastard pirates out of space before they kill us. Help, please.”

The AI scanned the system and the targets. Significant weapons discrepancy, significant power advantages. Primitive AI, poor systems protection. Social weaknesses, poor social cohesion.

“Fay legal systems and morality would indicate that a hostile response is warranted. Please chose a response:

1/ Immediate complete destruction of enemy craft.

2a/Disable enemy craft for surrender.

2b/Disable enemy craft for boarding, seizure and Intel.

3/Flare attack on enemy craft leading to systems insanity

4/Surrender (currently disabled, please contact your service provider)

More plasma slammed into the ship and the lights began to fail. B’echtel was ready to shout just kill the bastards but some old voice from the past, some lesson learned in childhood warned about this. The Fay had tried to challenge the humans, once upon a time. “Make them surrender, the 2b thing.”

The weapons system engaged, as unknown and unregistered human nano-tech rebuilt the failing weapons array. The twinned Pirate ships were immediately blinded by a systems flare that sent everything into self-shutdown. As the crew struggled with that, the trader’s rebuilt weapons began a systematic attack on its weapons and engines leaving them hanging in the dark with nothing to defend themselves. Their rudimentary repair AI was now chanting popular children’s songs and crying. A very human voice demanded immediate surrender or it would kill life support and turn up the heating systems. Her sweet, uninflected voice informed them that they would die in a way that left them edible to most domestic animals.

B’echtel stood silently while the AI took action. He received the surrender in silence and passed it to the Captain. His comms beeped again, “All actions successful. This AI will now delete all records. Please reseal ‘Heatsink 420’.” there was a pause and then the face of a human woman appeared on his comm screen, “That was fun. Call me if you need me. Bye.”

He walked slowly back to the bridge, surrounded by the astonished looks of the veteran crew. Someone had remembered the ridiculous human ritual of social approval and began slamming his limbs together. Soon he was walking through a line of noisy crewmembers as they listened to the failing enemy beg for recovery and rescue. The Captain stood at his post. He had been in space for a very long time and he had a bloody good idea of whose hand had helped his ship but that took nothing from his apprentice Engineer. “Engineer B’echtel, thank you for your assistance. I need you to go with security and begin stripping those ships for Intel. I believe you know the way.”

Back on Earth, an operator was leaning back in her seat. She was still grinning when the Director called her, “So does your clever new system work? Or will I need to deny everything again?”

She laughed, “No, all good. A pocketful of nano-tech and a decent connection and it worked fine. I’m in the middle of clearing up the mess but, honestly, there hasn’t been a human Engineer on that ship for over ten years so I doubt anyone will even look. Anyway, I was technically a Fay.”

The Director of the XCC cut the call and rattled it around his brain for a while. Fine. He sent out an obscure message to his Engineering corp that ‘Galadriel’ was approved. Now they all had a light in dark places if they needed it.