Chapter 4: Meat Cute, Meeting Cute, Mote Cute?

The reward for good work is more work.

“I have the census data compiled, Lady Via.”

And that was only more true now that I'd unveiled my miracle.

“Thanks.” I took the sheaf of papers from Ishanti. “Christ, I've had these numbers for days and haven't had a chance to compile them.” The woman dipped into a smooth curtsy at my words, accepting the compliment.

We were in my ‘office’, a small room in the water mill. The mill itself was the biggest building in town, even after all the machinery had been installed. Really, though, I’d set up here because I was too used to the sound of my inventions lumbering along in the background to get any work done anywhere else.

“I fear that the numbering of households may already be outdated.” Ishanti folded her hands in front of her, smoothing out the fabric of her plain dress. “There has been an influx of new families from several nearby villages.”

I clicked my tongue. “Long as we have a starting point. Still, I didn't expect so many new people just because I turned the lights on…”

I'd actually expected people to start clamoring for indoor lighting and do whatever they could to keep the influx of new people out, but that had never materialized. No one even understood the possibilities that electricity offered.

Ishanti nodded her head. “I have done my best to rectify the errors, but I my efforts were based completely upon hearsay. As such, there were limits to what I have managed to compile.” Did I see a hint of worry on her normally placid face? “The sudden migration stems from the collapse of the Adventurers’ Guild in Silverwall.”

“So, that explains the lack of people controlling the local monster population and the sudden uptick in bandits.” I hummed, fanning the sheaf of papers.

“It is just so.”

“Got it.” I nodded, flicking through the report. “Good work on getting things up to date.” The village of Ineir hadn’t taken a population census in ages. At this point, any numbers were better than no numbers.

At best guess, the village had just over 100 households, at least a dozen of which were new. An elegant hand made a note in the margin that prior to the influx, the village was on the verge of splintering into disconnected homesteads and disappearing entirely.

I glanced at Ishanti. “Your own analysis?”

Her shoulders tightened slightly. “Yes, My Lady.” She straightened with an effort of will. “…members of the royal family are expected to be well versed in matters of statecraft.”

“Despite never being expected to actually use it?”

She winced. “It is… just so,” she said again.

I hummed, flicking through the next two pages and looking over her notes. “Seems solid to me.” I was no sociologist or city planner, so hell if I knew about half of this shit. At least someone in this mess knew what they were doing.

I pretended not to notice how Ishanti’s shoulders dipped slightly in relief.

“Anyway,” I said, “if that was everything—”

“As a matter of course, My Lady, it is nearing the appointed hour of your daily audience.”

I paused, before letting out a long sigh as I checked the clock on my wrist panel. Noon on the dot.

“This is why I always fucking work alone…” I huffed, pushing myself up from my desk. “Cook’s all done?”

Ishanti nodded. “The hall is being set as we speak.”

“Alright, alright, you don’t need to drag me.” I combed my fingers through my hair a few times before rising and exiting my office.

Rel was already waiting at the door. “Mistress.”

“Rel.” I rolled my eyes. “I told you I'd do the stupid audience is already, didn't I?”

“You said as much last week as well.” Rel’s lips quirked upwards.

“It was one time!” Still, I couldn't keep the smile off my face as we proceeded to the throne room.

Now, I was a ‘handle your own shit and let me handle mine’ kinda girl. I would have been perfectly fine leaving Ineir to its own system of governance, as long as they didn't get in my way. Unfortunately, both Rel and Ishanti told me that things didn't really work that way. Folks were very big on Absolute Rule here.

The banquet was my own addition, because if a girl was gonna handle all these people's problems, then at least she was gonna do it over a good meal.

Now, you might wonder how we were getting enough food for everyone, considering that this was a tiny village in the middle of nowhere that was already struggling to feed itself. If you'd been listening closely, you would also have realized that there were a bunch of monsters in the countryside made of delicious, delicious meat, and that I had a shit ton (yes, that is the scientific unit) of demons at my disposal.

What, did you think I started a vegetable garden?

I ran my hand along the slightly more ornate chair at the head of the room. Behind me, the gears and shafts turning the generators hummed in a giant clockwork masterpiece. It was a fitting backdrop for the high table where I and my trusted lieutenants sat. The floors were stone, the walls were bare, and ad-hoc wires and ancillary gears framed my throne like a mechanist’s wet dream.

I should know.

I slipped into the throne, tucking up one leg to hide how the stupid chair left my toes brushing the floor. Rel took her place at my right hand, with Ishanti one seat farther down. Meanwhile, I had chairs for Electra and the boys to my left. I had expected Ishanti to raise a fuss about her spot at the table, but she seemed to realize exactly what kind of position she was in.

Or maybe she just wasn't another entitled self-important bitch like I was used to dealing with. I'm sure it was possible to be born rich and still possess a moral compass, I'd just yet to meet anyone who did.

My father's entire family included.

“There's the lady of the hour!”

I glanced over, giving the cook a smile. “Ma'am.” She was a large woman, and apparently the adoptive mother of Dee and Dum, and dozens of other children besides.

“None of that.” The woman smiled, brushing a strand of grey-blonde hair behind your ear. “I told you to call me Mama, whole city did!”

“Most of the village as well…” I ran a hand through my hair. “How were the ranger eels?” My demons hunted the surrounding jungle and sea both for extra food, and thus far ‘Mama’ had yet to find something she couldn't cook.

“Oh those.” She waved a hand, floomphing into the nearest chair. “Elaine is a wonder with that little filleting knife you made, and Ferrio loves seasoning fish.”

“Just soak it in brine!” a cute little black-haired boy called from the kitchen door. He and a few others were carrying out the last two plates of eel and assorted other bits from my larder. At least we had plenty of steel ware.

“How are the kids liking their work study?” We didn't have nearly enough teachers to have everyone at school at the same time, and families still needed hands to work the fields. Never mind that someone had to teach the teachers what to teach, as if that wasn't confusing enough just to think about.

It looked like I'd be waiting a while to get that college program up and running.

“It’s fine, fine.” Mama waved her hand. “I appreciate it, you know, givin’ these kids a chance to make something better of themselves.”

I bit my lip, looking away. “It's the least I can do.”

“Well, I think I'll be the judge of that.”

I shrugged, sitting back in my chair while the rest of the tables were set.

I remained seated as the villagers and my own people, looking more and more like one group with every passing day, started to filter in from their daily tasks. “Just over 100 families, huh?” I ran my fingers against my chin.

Rel glanced over at me. “What was that, Mistress?”

I shook my head. “I have never in my life been responsible for so many people.”

“But they still call you ‘Empress’.” I could hear the question in Ishanti’s voice.

“An empire of steel.” I chuckled, stroking General Tock as he skittered over to his customary place at my side. “Robots are easier. You can just put them back together if they break.”

The princess didn't seem to know what to say to that.

In any case, the village was still small enough in absolute terms. It didn't take long for the four long tables that made the rest of the hall to fill up with the men, women, and children under my care.

If there was one good thing about the feudal system, it was that no one else in the damn Republic seemed to care that I'd sniped a village out from under their noses. Hell, I hadn't even seen the taxman yet.

Once everyone had been seated, I waved my hand to begin. Rel and Ishanti both made to stand, and I held back a wince. Both women—intentionally or not—seemed to be vying for the position of my herald. Today, it was Rel that won the impromptu staredown. “The audience hall is now open,” she declared.

Fucking finally. At least I talked them down from me making a speech every single day. I liked to keep my dramatic flair in my back pocket for special occasions.

I picked up my fork and knife, cutting myself a bit from the smoked eel to my left. At that, everyone else began eating as well, a low murmur of casual conversation filling the room. Now, you'd think that since I held audiences every flipping day, I'd be able to eat in peace at least half of the time.

In reality, the first petitioner was lined up before I had finished chewing my first bite.

“Dulhan, boss.” Dum called from the floor. An older farmer came before the high table. Dee was happily munching away on my left, but the boys would switch off about halfway through.

“Dulhan.” I took a sip of the (boiled) water I had at my side. I’d need it. “What would you ask of me?”

“Your ladyship.” Dulhan sketched a messy bow, and for the nth time I had to refrain from telling him that I was not a lady.

Christ, but I’d had enough bowing and scraping for a lifetime.

“It's about the big old fence you got put around the village.” He tugged on the sleeve of his jerkin. “I know it's to keep those monsters out, but it makes a mess of getting to the fields in the morning, not leastwise if we need to bring the livestock in or out of that gate. I'm here on behalf of… a few others—and meself o’course—asking for the gate to be widened their summit to make it easier for us to get to our fields.”

I set down my fork, swallowing another morsel of fish. “There are already plans being drafted to push the walls out to enclose the nearest fields, and all of the barns.” I pretended not to notice as the room quieted down as I began to speak. At least this way I don't have to bang a gong. “If you and any other farmers want to speed that process up, we always need more lumber, or more hands to finish the clear cutting.”

My Kingdom for a bulldozer, and this was one place my demons couldn't help, because I had yet to find one that could chop down trees instead of tearing them apart into unusable splinters.

The man tried to hide his wince. “That'll be helpful… ladyship.”

I hummed, using the moment to cover for another bite of eel. “How bad is it in the mornings?”

He shrugged nervously. “Betimes it can take an extra bell to get to the fields, ladyship.”

I sighed. What, a whole extra hour then? “I'll draft a work crew to knock out additional gates in the north and south walls. A bridge over the river will have to wait, but we'll see what we can do in the meantime. Next!”

The man gave another bow, a happier one this time, as Rel quickly pulled out a map of the village.

I gave a light chuckle as I looked over the walls. Ineir sat only a short way from the sea to the west. The river ran along the village’s northwest flank, with a rough wooden palisade surrounding the rest. I'd had a lone gate put in the east wall, trying to split the difference between the northern and southern fields.

Well, nuts to that. I quickly marked two sections of the wall for work crews to look over and find the best spots for the extra gates.

As Dulhan walked back to his cheerfully waving table, I took a moment to scarf down some more food.

Dum announced the next petitioner all too soon. A severe-looking woman, Carnenn, stepped forward. I despaired at the queue already forming behind her as more and more people finished their meals.

“Your ladyship.” Carnenn folded her arms. “I have a problem with these schools of yours.”

Here we go. I set down my fork again. “Your concern is noted. School attendance is mandatory for children three days a week.”

“Three days!” the woman threw her hands up. “Do you know how hard it is running a home when your children are up and gone near half the week? It's hard enough to get the crops and animals tended when—”

I cut her off with a slice of my hand. “Schooling is mandatory, and that is final.” Hell, I'd have classes more than every other day if there were enough teachers, but that was just one more thing on the pile. “In the meantime, we are doing all we can to balance out the distribution of labor around the village while the next generation learns the skills and the knowledge that will reshape the—”

“And that's another thing!” the woman pointed a finger at me. “Forcing this wrongheaded ‘knowledge’ down our children's throats! Why I—just the other day my own daughter called me a liar! I’m not sure what you’re teaching those kids, but it’s not the gods’ honest truth.” I held back a frown as I saw several other people at the tables nodding along. Oh goodie, I'd knocked over a protectionist syndicate just in time to butt heads with the PTA.

I took a deep breath. Publicly destroying this woman would defeat the entire point of having these audiences in the first place. Not that I was against striking these meetings from my calendar, but Rel would be disappointed with me.

The things I do for people.

“If you have a problem with what the children are learning, you're more than welcome to sit in on their lessons yourself.” I said instead. “The freedom to learn is a fundamental right of all people.”

And one I wholeheartedly believed in, for once.

The woman glared at me. “Well, maybe I will! In fact—”

“Good.” I clapped my hands. “Next!”

She sputtered. “Now listen here, I wasn't…” able to stop Dum as he bodily removed you from the floor?

No, I suppose you're not.

But the annoyance drained out of me as the next person shouldered past the petitioners to the front of the room. She was a short woman in armor, an axe hanging from her side.

I leaned back idly in my chair. “There’s a line for a reason, you know.”

The short woman gave a smarmy grin. “What, can't make an exception for an old friend?”

I blinked. “I'm sorry, who are you again?”

She stopped, frowning. “Oi! I'm the one who helped take you down?”

I tilted my head, before glancing out around my throne room with tables full of food and the overturning edifice of gears behind me. “Are you sure about that?”

She glared, crossing her arms. “Not my fault you escaped.”

I waved a hand, and a few of my higher-level enforcers rose to their feet, weapons in hand. “Maybe I should make sure you don’t escape, then?”

“Woah, woah, woah! Let's not be so hasty there!” The woman waved a hand back and forth in front of her. Of course, that didn't hide her other hand as it went to the weapon at her waist. “Come on, I’m practically here to help you! I mean, you can't really think you're gonna get away with kidnapping a Princess!”

A low murmur swept through the room at that, more than a few gazes turning towards Ishanti as she shrunk back into her seat.

I mean, not that her identity was a secret we could keep. The royal family was pretty eye-catching, with their silver hair and golden eyes.

“Kidnapped?” I raised an eyebrow. “Do you see any chains? She's as free to leave as anyone else here.”

“Oh, that's a—"

“Meanwhile, I do see some metal on you.” I leaned forward. “That axe. You were one of the bandits that raided Ineir less than a week ago. You almost burned down half a dozen fields.” I smirked as the focus of the room shifted. “Or was that also just something you were doing to… help?”

“She's done it before too,” Electra chimed in. “Last time she and her party were here, they threatened to ransack the inn and who knows what else.”

The blonde adventurer scowled, but she knew when she was beat. “Fine, it was just gonna offer you an easy way to get rid of the girl, but we can do things the hard way.”

“Now who's trying to kidnap a Princess…” I smirked. “Why don't you run along now, tell whomever is holding your leash to back. The fuck. Off.” I would have preferred to keep her as a prisoner, but we didn’t have the capabilities to imprison someone with a combat class. “Or don't, because making an enemy of me worked out so well for you the last time.”

Her scowl deepened, before she turned and exited the room, sending the doors slamming shut behind her. I sent Dee with a few others to make sure she didn't get lost on her way out of the village.

After the conversation in the hall started up again, Electra leaned over. “Did you really recognize her axe?” she whispered.

I blinked. “What? Of course not, idiot.”