Chapter Nineteen - To Kill My Kin

I screamed for him to dodge a moment too late. Sharp fangs raked across Bellcandy’s outstretched arm but a blue film of light shimmered into existence around him for the briefest moment, evidence that his Protect spell was mitigating some of the damage.

Instead of screaming or even flinching much despite the bloody gash across his arm, the halfling backed away, chanting all the while. White light erupted from his hands when he finished, and I found myself almost attacking him out of habit. Long standing instinct to kill the healer first and foremost temporarily drove logic and reason from my mind.

I was perfectly safe high above, but my companions weren’t. Unfortunately, they weren’t running away either like they’d both promised to do if we encountered any of my kin.

“Akwa, Bell. Please, run away!” I begged. “We can do this some other way!”

Fuck, maybe I should’ve come on my own. I could fly. That didn’t make me invulnerable by any means but If I’d just come alone then I wouldn’t be in this conflict.

Akwa had placed herself between Bellcandy and the Raptor and was ineffectually thwarting its attacks with her shield. She attacked during the openings she saw but the beast was too quick, rarely dealing any more damage than she’d taken.

“It’s ten fucking levels above us, Gell. Please don’t let me die!” Akwa called back.

‘Jellycrap, why did I let myself get into this position?’ I thought, paralyzed with indecision.

I wasn’t given any more time. Fed up with the pesky shield getting in the way of its attacks, the raptor opened its jaw wide and bit the entire shield before wrenching it away. Akwa screamed as the straps were yanked off her arm, and I watched her hitpoints drop dramatically.

“Gell, fucking shock it!” Bellcandy called.

I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to hurt it, but I didn’t want my friends to die either! Intellectually I knew they were right. The beast would respawn in a matter of a cycle and would go on living as it always had. I knew why I’d been turned into an adventurer now. It had nothing to do with killing my kin. Killing… these mindless nothings controlled by their own behavioral code.

But… I…

I moved, half heartedly attempting to ready my shocker but I was too late.

The raptor turned back to the now defenceless Paladin. When it struck, the girl attempted to leap over the Raptor’s huge head but failed with her heavy armor. The beast’s jaws closed around her torso and flung sideways, her body hanging helpless in the raptor’s grasp.

“DPS, dammit, help her!” Bellcandy cried as he finished chanting a different spell.

A sudden blast of wind burst from the Healer, knocking the raptor into a tumble across the jungle floor.

-67 hp!

Unfortunately, Akwa was dragged right along with it, screaming as she rolled, still trapped within the tight clutch of the raptor’s teeth. She screamed and I watched her hp plummet to zero in moments.

Her body disappeared, replaced by a blank gravestone. A beautiful grey angel hovered above it as Bellcandy cursed.

I’d just let my friend die. Just like I’d sat by and let the bugbears die. As easy as that. One minute there, the next gone. Nevermind that she’d be back alive soon enough. Never mind that.

My body began to glow a hot red. I remembered this feeling. The rage that had come over me in Twisted Wronkle Woods when Red Thorn had made that flimsy attempt at an apology, but this was worse. This was my friends. Dying. Because I was too scared, too unwilling, to admit that there was no life in the faux family I’d once clung to.

Not again. I didn’t know this Raptor. I didn’t share any special bond with it. It’s instinct told it to kill us, otherwise it would be nothing. But Akwa was real. Akwa cared about me. Responded. Did more than just grunt in my general direction! Bellcandy was real and in real danger too and I’d just betrayed them.

No more.

I darted down to the battlefield faster than I’d ever moved. The raptor, only just recovering from its tumble, didn’t have any time to dodge as I let my shocker loose against its face.

It let loose a surprisingly bird-like screech, its HP dropping dramatically, but still not enough to kill it.

I had no other way to attack in this form so I shapeshifted back into a human and readied Rose, my stolen dagger. I wielded it with no difficulty, despite the fact that I wasn’t supposed to be able to until level 20.

The beast was paralyzed and would remain so for a few seconds. I wasted no time, crouching down to the creature’s fallen body and slicing at its neck with the gleaming steel.

The hide was solid and despite the overwhelming power of the weapon, I did little damage as I struck it repeatedly.

-3hp!

-7hp!

Critical! -15 hp

-4hp!

I growled in frustration. Was its skin made of steel!?

Bellcandy finished yet another chant and suddenly the gravestone and angel disappeared, replaced by a woozy Akwa. Her HP bar reappeared in my invisible interface, but her health was still drastically low.

“Akwa! I’m sorry!” I shouted, backing away as the Raptor shook itself free of its paralysis, and almost clipped me with a rapid tail-swing. I was fast though and scrambled back away before it could touch me.

It stood back to its feet, now absolutely livid with us.

“Don’t worry about it, just kill the damn thing!” she exclaimed, running to step in beside me.

Baffled by her dashing towards the monster with her health so low, I turned and dodged another lightning quick bite from the Raptor. I swung my dagger but missed and over balanced, tumbling to the ground.

‘Stupid human body!’ I cursed myself, certain I was about to feel those teeth sink into my flesh. Instead, I heard the familiar clang of scale-on-shield. Akwa. The Raptor roared in annoyance but I was already scrambling to my feet.

Bellcandy’s next spell burst sending more white light bouncing through the jungle as Akwa’s health jumped back into the mid levels.

The girl glowed red for a moment, and shouted a frightening warcry. The Raptor, having been distracted by the healer, turned back to Akwa in a fury of bites.

“Now, Gell!”

“Right!” I said, panicked, but still cognizant enough to notice the Raptor’s unguarded flank.

My shocker had recharged fully at this point and I dove in, touching the raptor’s body with my bare hand before letting the ability out.

-95 hp!

The raptor screamed, falling once again to the jungle floor, twitching with electrical sparks.

Hefting her sword high Akwa brought it down hard on the creature’s exposed neck. This time, it’s tough skin was no match for the edge of Akwa’s sword.

-37 hp!

The beast roared in pain, before collapsing to the ground, its heavy body shaking the ground as it landed. Still not dead but only just.

A different sort of instinct guided me. I had to kill it, else my friends would likely die. This thing would be alive again in a cycle. I shoved the feelings of guilt and fear aside and activated my newest ability.

Backstab.

Unlike my earlier attacks, this time the dagger sunk in with deadly efficiency, as easily as Akwa’s sword had.

-49 hp! Critical!

That was enough. The raptor’s struggles ceased as I removed the Rose from its back, staring at the unmoving creature. Dead. Just like Momma Bossbear, all that time ago.

Congratulations! You have gained 6,428 experience points!

Your party has received loot! Cast your lot!

Scalemail Jerkin

Raptor Flesh

Raptor Bone (Superior)

I winced. The last time I had seen those words, the world had broken. Shattered. Reality warped into a twisted version of itself before nothingness came.

That didn’t happen this time. There were no level ups. No… no world breaking feeling of loss. Surprisingly, not even any guilt, except that it had taken me so long to intervene.

I stared at the dead beast, uncaring about everything else.

I felt cold inside as I stared at my dead kin. When my friends had been in danger… when Akwa had actually died, I’d turned on it. But… How was I any different than them now? I’d killed my kin. I might as well have come to Dungeon Home to kill my bugbears myself.

What would Bugbear think of me?

I felt sick.

“Oh gods,” I breathed. Feeling vile, like I’d broken some sort of sacred trust, I activated the ability to turn back to my Jellyfae form hoping to escape.

“Fuck… that thing was level 24. And those are the normal monsters in this area. Guys, I don’t think we can handle this place,” Bellcandy said, oblivious to my crushing despair. My body flipped between a glowing purple and deep violet. Despair and self loathing.

“Fuck its level!” I shouted. “Why? Why did we have to kill it? What did it ever…?”

“Gell,” Akwa said softly. Just my name. But there was sympathy there. Understanding. Surprise. Akwa was realizing just how deeply hurting my Kin impacted me the same as I was.

She walked up to me and I floated into her, burying my body in her shoulder, somehow dissatisfied. I couldn’t cry in this form so I abandoned it, the ability returning me to a human so I could hug her. Why? Why couldn’t my form feel the release of tears?

“Gell. I’m… sorry,” Bellcandy rasped behind me.

I didn’t know what to say, so I just kept crying into Akwa’s shoulder.