《They Shall Call Me EMPRESS (Cultivation Tales of an Isekai'ed Life Coach)》18. Knock the Rest of the Teeth Right Out of His Face
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Big Shilei wrinkled his nose in disgust. "This smells even worse than Lynn's 'truffle earth smoothie'."
"Hey, I put a lot of work into that! And your smoothies!" I huffed. With Granny's help, I'd spent the better part of three hours crouched over a foul-smelling cauldron while Granny P purified ingredients in her tiny qi furnace before passing them to me and telling me how to add them to the mixture. Most of the time, I could have guess just based on the qi rising off the stuff. I guess alchemy was a very intuitive art, so it was good that I was such an intuitive person.
"Not that I'm ungrateful, Lynn," Shilei said with a sheepish grin, "but it does smell worse. This will do what, exactly?"
"It probably tastes worse, too," Granny P admitted. "But it'll stabilize your deviation - basically it's concentrated earth-aligned and similar qi and it'll plug your ruptured dantian the way mud plugs a dam, and whatever doesn't plug the ruptures will stay there, providing a nice, stabilizing environment for the plugs. You take this and no more qi ruptures, no more degenerating cultivation base…"
"But…" Shilei said, not quite willing to commit to swallowing the pungent stuff.
"But you can't cycle qi any more, ever. If you try, not only will it hurt like a thousand shards of glass shoved right into your abdomen, It'll dislodge the qi barrier and you'll go right back into deviation. You'll keep your cultivator's physique, but no cultivation and no techniques ever…"
"Healer Phuong, is this truly the best that can be done?" Ichika asked, concern writ large across her delicate brow.
Granny P shrugged in response, adding: "It's the best that I can do - and only that thanks to Lynn. It's probably the best anybody can do in Emerald Vale or anywhere on the frontier."
Big Shilei let out a sigh, his head dipping ever so slightly. "So… my defiance of the heavens ends here…"
Ken put a hand on his shoulder. "We'll find a way, big guy. There must be a way…"
"If there's a way, we will find it together," Ichika stated.
"Mister Shilei will need his rest for the next twelve or fourteen hours as the qi in the concoction settles," Granny P said. "In the meanwhile, with Black-blade stirred up into a frothing rage, I'd be grateful if you lot were nowhere to be found when the Dark Riders came knocking…"
"Even with Shlei and Ken recovering, we can take them," Ichika said confidently. "The Black-blade is, at best, equivalent to the early third realm and his remaining men well below that…"
"And if it comes to a fight, can you dispatch them without destroying half the neighborhood? Will you be able to protect me, my grandson, whatever patients find their way here, and your own recovering friend?"
"Point taken, Healer Phuong. I'm sure we who've slept in the rough lately can find acceptable lodging with the… how much have we got left, Yangutan?"
Monkey Yang cringed. "Two yao, my iron flower."
"Oof," I said. "That's not gonna get us lodged anywhere. Hey… I think I have an idea, though. Where would Black-blade Feng never think to look for us?"
Ichika shot me a flat look. "I'm sure you'll tell us."
I nodded enthusiastically. "Follow me!"
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I led my friends - everybody but Big Shilei - out of Granny P's cottage and through the early evening town. At this hour, with the sun sitting low in the sky and people rushing about to finish their business for the day, or else get home for supper, it was easy to remain unnoticed among the throng and the long shadows of buildings stretching across the plazas and courtyards.
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I could feel Lin perking up in my dantian, the spiritual equivalent of my stomach grumbling. She could stay outside of me for a few hours at a time, but doing so gradually drew upon her resources. In time, she would grow in strength as she cultivated, and one day she might even be able to remain fully in the world if she wanted to…
It was still hard to believe that the original Lin was living inside of me and that she was now a cultivator, too. She'd been present, in a way, for the lessons I'd given Hana, as well as my reading and martial arts lessons, and she was plenty sharp. In fact, if I understood Ichika's hypothesis correctly, her healed cultivator's brain was basically a clone of mine, just with our memories swapped (that is, I could access Lin's memories, but they felt like something remembered from a well-remembered dream rather than experienced in real life, and for her it was the opposite).
When she got bored of video games and didn't have anything else to do (which was often), Lin had tried her hand at cultivating, and she'd been quite successful since she had secondhand access to all of my memories on how to do it. Of course, the predominant strain of 'pure' qi out in the cultivation wasteland of Heaven's Abyss came from the sun, the moon, the planets, and the stars - in other words, qi with various flavors of celestial aspect. Unlike myself, who had incorporated just about every kind of qi into my dantian, Lin's core was about half celestial qi and half other odds and ends to balance it out.
"Celestial qi is exceedingly difficult for most to cultivate," Ichika had said with a hint of pride. She primarily cultivated moon and silver-aspected qi and her magical sword, Red Harvest, was a family heirloom forged from the metal of a red starseed… some kind of meteorite if I understood correctly. "Lin finds herself in good company - her core is only equivalent to the late first stage, but it appears similar to that of an infant qilin, one of the four heavenly beasts. Not that I've ever seen such a creature, but its core would be half celestial and half that of their birth environment."
"And Lin has a core, which is different from a dantian?"
"The difference is nuanced, but yes. A cultivator must have a dantian but only gradually develops a spiritual core, whereas a spirit or demon incorporates qi as part of its fundamental nature - spirits through cultivation much like human cultivators do and demons through stealing the fruits of others' cultivation. Neither have souls in the way that humans do, and there is some theological debate as to whether they are part of the cycle of samsara at all…"
Ken had offered his opinion on the topic: "I'd say not."
"There is some debate," Ichika restated.
"I guess that makes sense, since I basically ate Lin's soul. Accidentally, obvs. Though I wonder how she could cultivate if she hasn't got an inner light like we do…"
I could sense Lin taking in threads of lunar qi as we walked, the moon already high in the sky as the sun continued to set, the sky fading to purple. We kept our eyes peeled for any sign of Black-blade Feng or any of the other Dark Riders, but the city was strangely quiet.
We proceeded at an easy pace - even though Ken was doing much better than he'd been just a day before, he had some of the new and improved salve that Granny P and I had mixed up slathered across the more serious burns and he was supposed to be careful not to rub it off since we had a limited supply and no money to make more. Though I hoped we might soon have more money for incidentals.
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And maybe clothes shopping.
"So…" I said. I stopped at a cross-street in the affluent part of town. Nobody except for Black-blade and maybe the mayor was actually rich in Emerald Vale, and my friends suggested that a noble in the imperial city could probably buy this whole town several times over, at least if they had decent connections with a trading house. The houses here were well-separated, each having a sizable garden and a courtyard to itself, the houses mostly two floors but some stretching three, all of them exquisitely maintained. At least on the outside. "Lin's Uncle Dan lives there." I gestured toward the house.
"And you brought us here why?" Ken asked, slightly piqued. "Thought you said we could avoid the Dark Riders here, not settle your grudges."
"I mean… they don't exactly have cell phones, do they?" I said.
"I have no idea what that means."
"I mean… if we go in there, tie him up, and throw him in the closet, how would anybody find out? Nobody's gonna know…"
"They're gonna know," Ken replied.
"How would they know? The Dark Riders aren't gonna search the house of their own dude, at least not right away. Lee Dan's not even second realm, either. So we just handle him and crash here until we're all healed up and ready to take on Black-blade Feng."
Ichika nodded. "Lynn's plan has merit - as long as we can avoid making a noisy scene. And if we do cause a ruckus, we simply leave and we're no worse off than before. Do you disagree?"
"I guess when you put it like that, it sounds alright," Ken grumbled. "Fine. But I'm still recovering - it's Lynn's plan, she can do the dirty work. Think you can deal with an almost second stage almost-cultivator, Lynn?"
I nodded. "I think I can knock the rest of the teeth right out of his face."
"Atta girl."
I was only a little nervous as I approached the house. The last time I'd been here, it had been bolting out the front door after nearly getting throttled by a much larger, stronger Lee Dan. That memory still weighted heavily on my emotions, driving my heart to a flutter even though I knew the balance of power was reversed now. He was still bulkier than me, but I could kick his ass all the way to the market and back again before switching to my good foot.
The door was unlocked - locks existed in the empire, but most people didn't have them. Most people had sliding doors that could be bolted on the inside if need be, either simple wooden pegs for most peoples' doors, or iron rods if you had a sturdy door and took security seriously. Lee Dan's door was the second sort, but he hadn't bothered to drop the rods into place. He was about to get a rude awakening…
Unless he was still awake, in which case, he'd just get a punch or ten. Either way worked for me.
I crept in as casually but quietly as I could. I didn't want any passersby out on the street to see me sneaking in too obviously - that was a surefire way to get my misdeed reported to Black-blade. I just walked in like I still lived there while trying not to creak too obviously along the floor. I crept up the stairs toward the bedroom, planning out how I'd clock Lee Dan in the face, stuff a soiled sheet into his mouth to muffle him, bind him tightly with the hardened leather straps from his own armor, and lock him away in the little reeking closet where he used to make Lin sleep.
I nudged the bedroom door open, wincing as it creaked along its slot, and peered into the dimly-lit bedroom, the setting sun peeking through the curtains. It was empty.
"Huh… guess he's not home," I said to myself.
I crept back down the stairs, congratulating myself on avoiding any creaks or thumps whatsoever. I could have been a spy! We'd just have to lie in wait until Lee Dan got home and then beat him up and throw him in the closet. I'd just go out and tell Ichika-
Glass clinked against glass in the dingy kitchen. I froze, my eyes darting over to the kitchen door. There Lee Dan stood, just as frozen as I was, save for the telltale waver that suggested he was already well into his bottles. My hands curled into fists and my body tensed for action. A spark of qi flared into being deep inside my dantian, and then the room flared with golden light.
"You!" Lin shouted.
"Wh- ah!" Lee Dan screamed as he stumbled backward into the kitchen.
Glass broke. Wood cracked. Lee Lin was a feral little savage.
"You- you stole my life, you motherfucker! You got me killed! You! Fucking! Bastard!" she screamed.
Lee Dan reeled back, blocking Lin's first few reckless strikes as she advanced, celestial energy flaring about her body like she was a miniature, human-shaped sun. With a scream and a flash of blinding, silvery lunar qi, the arc of a great crescent blade cracked through the air. Lee Dan clutched at his chest, a deep arterial wound eight inches long quickly flowing out rivulets of red.
"I- Lin?" he gasped.
That was the last thing he ever said. As he clutched at a grievous wound that would have been deadly to any non-cultivator, Lin grabbed one of the many discarded wine jugs that littered the kitchen. She smashed it against his disbelieving face and then used the jagged edge to slash his throat open. When Lee Dan stumbled to the ground, she leapt on top of the shocked man, straddling him, her small fists raining down qi-powered destruction onto his face until all that was left was a bloody pulp.
Finally, Lin let out a primal scream of victory and her qi-desaturated form gradually dissipated, lodging itself back in her core within my dantian.
"Uh… Lynn?" Ichika muttered behind me. I guess the rest of the crew swarmed in at Lin's first blinding-bright flare of energy.
I glanced between Lee Dan's thoroughly butchered and very bloody body and myself - a thousand tiny speckles of spattered blood had already soaked into my clothes and the nearby floor was an absolute mess. I choked back my bile and wiped the thin mist of blood from my face. "So… that just happened," I said.
"Lin did that?" Monkey Yang sounded impressed.
I nodded. "I don't blame her. Not even a little bit. Let's just hope she didn't alert the neighbors."
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"Alright, Hana, you know the drill," I said.
Hana and I were seated in Lee Dan's sitting room, situated across the table from one another and seated in the lotus position. Of the rooms in Lee Dan's place, it was the second most-inhabitable after the bedroom. Sure, the room was cluttered, but making it usable was just a matter of piling all the junk into one corner of the room. The kitchen was an absolute wreck, even worse than it had been two weeks ago, even if you didn't include all the blood. The entryway and atrium were only a bit dirty but utterly devoid of furniture.
While Ichika cultivated upstairs, Hana gave me more literacy lessons at the sitting room table and then we segued into cultivation lessons. Ken and Monkey Yang were who-knows-where - they'd declared that they'd take turns on watch, but I think they'd gone somewhere to play gambling games and drink Lee Dan's wine. Apparently, it was surprisingly decent wine.
"I mean… I know the man was a bastard, but he knew a good rice wine," Yang had confided before wandering off. Between the two of them, Monkey and Ken had commandeered about a dozen bottles of the stuff. I guess that made sense - it could take a lot of mortal-grade alcohol to get even a first realm cultivator hammered, and the two men were in the peak body refinement stage.
Hana had wanted to try some of the wine, and I told her she could 'try' as much as she wanted when she managed to find her inner light. Perhaps that was a bit unfair - bullying Hana, even with good intentions in mind, was a bit like kicking a corgi puppy.
"I'm going to start cultivating now, which should draw all of the nearby qi. Anything that's still free will be weak sauce, and you'll be able to sense it being affected by something - that'll be me. But the ones that get near your inner light will be affected by it, too. As soon as you notice anything strange or unexpected near your mind's eye, I want you to focus on it - your inner light will be somewhere in there. Are you ready?"
"Y-yes, Miss Lynn," Hana said.
I took a deep breath and replied without opening my eyes. I didn't need to open my eyes as my awareness slowly expanded through the room like a mist escaping my body. "Miss Lynn? What happened to Mistress Lynn?" I asked.
In truth, just Lynn was fine. I didn't want the responsibility of being anybody's mentor. As much as I wanted Hana to see her dreams come true, I didn't need the responsibility of overseeing her spiritual development. However reluctant I was to be an authority figure, it gave me something to strive for: to be the mentor that Hana deserved. Hana's heartbeat ticked up…
"You're anxious about something," I stated. "Is it about earlier today? I already told you I'm not mad…"
"It's just…" Hana's attention was all over the place - no way was she getting any productive cultivation practice in unless I nipped whatever this was in the bud. "I made trouble for everybody… again. I'm a burden…"
"You're learning," I said.
"Yeah, but… Lynn, what if it's always like that? What if I'm not a student and I'm just a burden? What if I never become a cultivator?"
"Hana, honey… you've only been at this a week. It takes months for people to get good at meditation, even with good instruction. If you want to stop and go home, I'll help you as soon as we've got this Black-blade sitch dealt with. I won't think any less of you. I'll just be disappointed that I wasn't good enough to help you get to where you wanted to be in your life. But I can promise you this: I'll never give up on you. If anybody gives up on you, it'll be you giving up on yourself. Are you going to give up on yourself, Hana?"
"I… I miss Rushing… Rushing Rivers…" Hana's voice caught in her throat. "I miss my mom and dad. I didn't even say goodbye, and this is a lot harder than I thought it would be… not at all like my cultivation novels."
"Yeah, I used to read a lot of slashfic and real life is always a lot less clear-cut. I'll tell you what, Hana. I want you to make a secret promise - not to me, but to yourself. I want you to decide right now how much longer you want to try what we're doing here, and I want you to stick with your promise. For as long as you promise to yourself, you'll give cultivation your all. There'll be no more doubts, no second-guessing, just a hundred percent effort. Then, if you haven't succeeded at the end, I want you to tell me what you want to do and I'll help you make it happen. How does that sound?"
"It… it sounds good, Mistress Lynn," Hana said, her voice growing firmer.
I nodded. "Did you come up with a promise for yourself?"
"Yes. I'm going to-"
"Don't tell me," I snapped. "It's a secret. You can't just go blabbing secrets everywhere or it isn't worth anything."
"Right! Of course!"
"Good," I said. "Now let's cultivate. Close your eyes and relax. Notice the sensation of your breath as it comes in and out…"
My attention was diverted by Monkey Yang entering the room, concern playing across his face. I cracked one eye open to see what his deal was, and he was mindful enough of Hana's exercises to lean in to whisper to me: "We've got a Dark Riders situation afoot - one of them just rode up to the house, and I imagine he'll be looking for Lee Dan…"
"Okay, I'll come help however I can," I said. I turned to Hana, who was just now going through the 'body check' phase of our usual guided meditations. "Hana, I'd like you to continue, okay? I'll be back in just a few minutes."
"Okay, Mistress Lynn!"
Ichika and Ken were already waiting just outside the sitting room. Ichika nodded to Lynn before turning to the others. "Alright, ideas on how to dispatch of this knave without alerting half the town?"
Monkey Yang wiggled his bushy eyebrows. "I think I might know just the thing… and you ladies are gonna absolutely hate it!"
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