《Lament of the Fallen》Chapter 122

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”For the sake of argument, let’s say I’ll go with what you’re suggesting. What happens next?” Dee asked. She wasn’t happy going along with Xinglong’s suggestion because it somewhat went against her nature to simply acquiesce to someone’s plan like that. That said, retaining her sanity and not being the prisoner of her dragon side were too important to reject simply because of that. She realized that there were still things she could not accomplish by herself, and time was an issue in this case.

“It will take me some time to prepare the spell. It requires a rather large and complex magical formation to function, and there was no point in making one until I was sure when it would be used. I didn’t know how long your period of madness would last after all. Once I am done with the formation, I will then cast the spell and will most likely die soon after. I’m not sure how long after, but I would guess days or hours instead of months or years. I will also have to set all my affairs in order. We will be ready to begin in a few days. Something you should consider though. I know you’re eager to study the changes in your abilities now that you’ve become immortal, but I would advise you to put that off until after the ritual.” Xinglong requested.

“I don’t find that unreasonable but I’d like to know why. Is it because I might lose myself again?” Dee inquired.

“Partly.” The dragon replied, hedging his words a bit before deciding just to go with it. “It’s also because if part of the price you have to pay is some of your abilities, then you won’t miss something you don’t even know is gone. Or that if one of your abilities changes, you won’t know what it is exactly that you lost.”

Dee was silent for a while before giving her assent with a nod. “I’ll start the preparations then.” Xinglong said. The whole things seemed a little rushed, but he had mentally prepared for this long ago, and most of the actual preparations were ready. He was also not in as healthy of a condition as the front he was putting on. The curse was rather painful and he would be glad to be rid of the pain.

“Before that, I have a request. Tell me about Selvaria. You must have been friends considering she sent me to you, even if that didn’t go according to plan.” Dee suddenly said. She had not met people who knew of Selvaria before and was curious. She knew surprisingly little of her mother, partly because she had been so young when they were separated.

Xinglong released a long humming sound while lost in thought. “What to say about her? Well, I suppose you managed to find out she was a scientist and a researcher of sorts. She always had her head buried in one project or another, and you might have noticed that she is sort of an airhead. At first, she was much more involved in the matters of the universe and even managed to befriend many dragons due to her actions. She always got along with our kind. She was also much more focused as a person back then. However, the more she saw of how things never seemed to change no matter what she and others did, the more she withdrew from public affairs. She used to be a fairly important member of the Assembly, but that was because she was powerful and because she was one of the best teachers and researchers among them. She wasn’t really into the power-plays, which I suppose was understandable.”

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He took a long look at Dee. “You are aware that it was her that created the technique that destroyed the hells, yes?” Dee nodded in reply. “After that, she withdrew even more, partly because of the horror of what happened and what followed. Eventually, it made her almost a complete recluse. As she couldn’t change how the universe worked, she decided to help individuals instead. She used to rescue women who were in dire situations and offer them a way out. When the Holy Purge came, she tried to help some of the demons as well, but had limited success. She no longer had the will to do what had to be done, even if that would have helped many.”

He was once again quiet for a while as he considered what else to say. “I suppose she was rather beautiful by humanoid standards, but always tried to hide it. She didn’t want to be remembered because of her physical attributes, but because of her mind instead. In that, she did succeed. Her work, while crazy at times, was also brilliant. Her abilities with spatial magic, in particular, were rather brilliant. Not everyone can create a pocket dimension like hers, though thanks to her work that became much easier.”

“How is she now? Do you know?” Dee asked with a fragile voice.

“There was an incident around the time you came to Pantheon, the two most likely being connected. She ran afoul of the Archangel of Order and he sealed the pocket dimension she calls home. Even our portals can’t enter because the destination is too vague, being a pocket dimension and all. It doesn’t really exist in a specific place. She should be fine, but no one can get to her unless the seal is removed. I tried to get a message to her myself when you disappeared, but had no luck. I’m not entirely familiar with the methods the angels used since there’s some holy magic involved, so you’d have to ask them. The Assembly wasn’t pleased, but wasn’t going to attack the angels since she’s still alive and all. There are pro-angel factions in the Assembly as well, and they’re the ones who kept the tension at a manageable level.” Xinglong continued to tell a few more stories about Selvaria, but Dee was mostly too distracted to pay attention at that point.

------

While Xinglong prepared the magical formation, Dee exited the rather luxurious caves he had made his lair. She had never been in the first circle before, and something about the mountain made it impossible for her to feel anything outside as well. Xinglong had encouraged her to check things out as long as she didn’t leave the mountain. As she exited the cave, a heavy and almost oppressive feeling of the ambient mana settled on her. There seemed to be something about the mountain that prevented the mana from entering inside in excess.

The mountain itself was not nearly as big as the volcano the old man had taken residence in, but the stone itself felt almost alive. The heavy mana had changed the stone in ways that Dee couldn’t even quite explain, but the stone had turned into a precious material that seemed almost impervious to damage and ravages of time. To make things even weirder, the mountain was surrounded around its middle by a golden circle of power that almost looked like a halo.

She could feel that the ‘halo’ was a powerful defensive enchantment that would attack anyone approaching and also isolated the mountain to an extent from the world outside. Dee could not read the magical powers involved in detail, but got the impression that Xinglong must have been elsewhere when he was cursed. Otherwise, the mountain would have prevented the curse from taking effect. The sloping sides of the mountain were dotted with many precious mineral outcroppings as if the ambient mana was making them grow out like mushrooms.

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The mountain was surrounded by nothing but lush forests. The deep green trees looked like a calm ocean and hid anything beneath the branches from view. For all she knew, there could have been entire cities below, but she couldn’t tell. Because of the isolating effect of the mountain, she had no idea what was inside the forest and would have to leave the mountain to find out. Which she didn’t plan on doing for now at least. For now, she had to settle for feeling the power surrounding her and watching the nice view. The amount of power in the air would make the life of mages really easy, providing essentially an endless source of mana, assuming one could turn the wild ambient mana into the more purified mana mages used for spells.

“Are you really alright now?” Croestia suddenly asked for the third time. Apparently, the time Dee had gone mad had also done a number on Croestia. The magical item’s emotions seemed a little…unbalanced. Probably a result of her craze, as usually items like Croestia got their personality mostly from their owners. Dee’s sudden craze might have forced the item to develop independently.

“I’m fine, for now at least.” Dee replied. “We need to get a word back to the Four Winds soon, though I suppose we will be returning in person soon enough.” Suddenly something occurred to her. While Xinglong had told her not to really explore her new powers, there was something they could do. “Hey, wasn’t one of the doors inside you keyed to me becoming an immortal?”

“Oh, you’re right! I forgot with…well, you know.” Croestia went quiet for a while before giving a mental whistle. “Well, this I didn’t expect.”

“Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.” Dee urged.

“Right. There’s a message from Selvaria. That should clear things up. It says: “While I would prefer you to live a peaceful and happy life, odds are you will seek to punish the angels for their actions sooner or later. Truth be told I’m not sure if I should encourage you or try to stop you. In the end, the decision is not up to me, and I have no right to tell you what to do, especially considering my own fault in this. If you do decide to wage a war against them however, I would prefer you were prepared. Pantheon isn’t the only place with Authorities, and I managed to steal this one from the vaults of the Assembly once upon a time when I also considered taking drastic measures. You might not want to let them know you have it since they’ll want it back. However, I would ask you do not pick up this blade before you march to war. Some burdens are harder to put down than others.” That’s it. That was the message. The rest is some basic information and instructions.” Croestia explained.

“Summarize the information for me.” Dee prompted Croestia to continue.

“Apparently she left you something that goes beyond simple Hero Authorities. It’s one of those that go above such classification, just like the Sun Authorities Mazatl mentioned long ago. Apparently, it’s formed from the legend of a so-called Relentless War God, who stood against endless hordes of enemies as his race fell around him. The race is left unnamed. Apparently, this war god broke the enemy armies in the end, but at that point it was too late. Only dregs of his race remained and they fell into obscurity. His legend remains though because he embarked on a crusade of revenge, hunting down all those that had taken part in the death of his race. His actions saved many other races, so although his own race was forgotten, his actions were sung about for a thousand generations before becoming just a legend. Ironically, the fact that he never removed his armor meant that his race was forgotten even faster, as no one saw his true visage.” Croestia gave the short version of the story.

“Seems fitting somehow. A lone crusade to avenge a race. Not exactly what I had in mind, but close enough.” Dee commented. It wasn’t really revenge that drove her, not exactly. There was a taste of revenge involved, sure, but it was not what really drove her.

“Yeah, I noticed the parallel as well. Apparently the Authority takes the form of a weapon of your choice and an armor. I would guess from the description that they are powerful, but it seems Selvaria was right. Once you pick it up, the Authority will not be easy to put down. The holder of the Authority will have to reap a certain amount of lives to deactivate the Authority and the amount grows with each use. If the goal is not met, then the armor cannot be removed and the weapon can’t be set down.” Croestia’s voice made it clear that she found the Authority rather creepy. “You could use just the weapon, but it would not show its true strength without the armor.”

“Seems the Authority will suit me just fine in the future. For now, it might be better to not use it. We have other business to attend to. Did Selvaria leave the whole story with you? Then tell it to me, please. We’ll have to wait for Xinglong to do his thing anyway.” Dee sat down to listen.

------

Dee was lying down in the center of an enormous magical formation. The formation took most of the largest cavern inside Xinglong’s lair, barely leaving enough room for the large dragon to stay out of the formation. The formation was made entirely of blood red dust that Dee suspected was some kind of mix of blood and ground-down gems of some sort. The dust had been poured into little crevices which had been carved into the ground. “Are you ready?” Xinglong asked just to make sure. “I haven’t done this before so I can’t say whether it hurts or not. You might not even be conscious during the whole thing.”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Dee replied and uncharacteristically decided to make a silent prayer to the four deities watching over her. ‘Eternity, Death, Umbra, Lumen, let this go well.’ The small prayer was short and to the point. It was also a lot more polite than what she had used in the past.

Xinglong used a sharp claw to slash at his side and started guiding the blood over the magical runes in the formation. As soon as he started to put his magic into the formation, it started to glow and Dee blacked out. She found herself standing near the familiar campfire surrounded by the four deities. Lumen looked less than pleased, most likely miffed that Dee had put her name last in the prayer. The others seemed to be more nonchalant.

“I’m not sure whether or not I should be surprised to find myself here.” Dee commented rather stoically. Her prayers were few and far between. Usually they were answered to a degree at least.

“Your request. We can help make it happen.” Lumen stated rather abruptly.

“The dragon is good at what he does, but he is dabbling in things he’s not familiar with. This is not his specialty. We can smooth the progress and make sure the result is the best for you.” Umbra continued her sister’s words.

“I sense a ‘but’ coming. Or do you want something in exchange?” Dee asked with a raised eyebrow.

“No. Your creators should have made sure this would not be necessary in the first place, but in their defense, they didn’t really fully know what they were doing either. While my part in your creation was very small, I do feel obliged to do my best to right the problem. However…” Umbra was hedging her words.

Lumen looked at her sister sternly and continued in her stead. “However, while we, or more specifically I, can make sure the problem is fixed, we can’t do anything about the price you must pay. We want you to understand that.”

“The price again. How bad can it be?” Dee asked unhappily. Xinglong had mentioned a price as well.

“That depends on how you take it.” The old man suddenly spoke instead. “You can view it as a positive thing, leaving your past behind. Or you can cling to what is gone for sentimental reasons. As someone blessed by Umbra and her potential champion, change should not be too much for you to handle. However, such things tend to affect people very personally.”

“So what is this price you speak of?” Dee demanded an answer rather angrily.

Lumen gave a sigh. “The problems stem from an imbalance in your mind and body. After that is fixed, your body and mind will once again harmonize. First thing is that you will no longer be affected by sudden swings in your mood due to your dragon side, but it will also mean some of that nature that caused those feelings will become your own. It will affect you a bit, though not drastically. Simply put, some of the dragon traits will carry over.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad.” Dee mumbled. Sure the draconic mood swings had been troublesome on occasion, but they were still a part of her in a weird way. Maybe she’d even become slightly less gluttonous? Fat chance of that happening. That particular trait would be sure to carry over, seeing as it already had become a part of her.

“That’s just your mind though. There’s still your body. Do you remember how you used to have a werewolf form and how you’ve extremely rarely used it for years now? That’s because your body harmonized once before when your nine-tailed fox form appeared, and the werewolf form combined with that form. It’s not that you became any less of a werewolf; there simply was no need for the form anymore. It would not be unfair to say that kitsune form of yours is almost as much a nine-tailed wolf as it is fox. A similar thing will happen once again, just on a more fundamental level. I suspect that later on you will only have two forms once your body harmonizes perfectly.”

“So no dragon form?” Dee asked with frown. The form had felt powerful in the short time she had been in it.

“No, you will still have a dragon form. That form expresses an important part of you and will most likely be one of the two that will remain in the end. Just that it will combine with the blood of the Astral Dragon helping you and will see some changes. No, while the issues with you seem to stem from your dragon part, the problem is much more fundamental and will affect you at your very base. More specifically it will bring about a change that was supposed to come much later, but will now combine your normal form with the closest counterpart.” Lumen explained, her voice turning gentle.

“No more angel form?” Dee asked, almost hopefully. Not because she didn’t want the form anymore, she had come to terms with that form already. No, she was hopeful because the other option was much worse.

“You will have to see for yourself. Though I suspect you already know the answer.” Lumen replied and with a wave of her hand sent Dee’s spirit back towards her body.

-----

Even Xinglong was surprised when Dee’s entire body turned into pure light in the middle of the ritual. At first he started to panic as he thought something had gone wrong, but then he felt the strong holy power inside Dee’s body, and considered another possibility. Dee was blessed after all. He had gotten a quick glance inside her Domain and at her totem, which had shown she was not blessed by just one deity. They seemed to be interfering.

Dee’s body, now made entirely of light, floated off the ground. All the blood and the red powder in the formation suddenly seemed to mix and get absorbed by the light. Most of it was Xinglong’s own blood, and the red powder was used as a catalyst. Then the form of light started changing. First it seemed to assume the naked shape of Dee’s angel form. Xinglong had seen it clothed several times before, so he recognized it immediately. The large wings and halo completed the appearance.

Then the form started changing. It lost a little of the ‘lush’ shape that Dee’s angel form had and took some of the more athletic form of her normal appearance. The change stopped midway, as the differences in shape were not that large between Dee’s two humanoid forms. Then the form acquired the ten tails that Dee’s base form had shown for the couple of days Xinglong had needed for the preparations. He wasn’t sure if Dee had even noticed the tenth tail.

The open but clearly still unconscious eyes took the look of a canine with a golden glow. She now looked much more like a traditional kitsune in humanoid form, except with wings, four hands, and a halo. All the hands also had longer and sharper nails as was often the case with kitsune. Xinglong half expected a pair of fox ears to also appear but that didn’t happen and the reason became obvious rather quickly.

A pair of dragon’s horns sprouted from her forehead and bent backwards towards the back of her head, taking the space where any possible fox ears could be. Xinglong had seen the horns Dee’s abyssal form had and knew these to be the same, only smaller. They were not the antlers that Dee’s kitsune form had taken earlier. Instead they were proper thick dragon horns that carried the trait abyssal had. It seemed like the horns were cracked and there was some kind of purple power trying to break out from the gaps.

The magic seemed to be coming to an end as Dee’s body slowly floated back to the ground, and her eyes suddenly regained the clarity of consciousness. As soon as that happened, her hand went to her face, where Dee felt around and noted that her eyes were not lying. Her snout was not there. She got up, unconcerned by her lack of clothing and changed shapes back to her normal angel form and then into her normal form. The results caused her to utter a painful groan of someone who last lost something dear.

Dee could still assume her old shape, she was capable of shapeshifting after all, but as soon as she took her old form, she felt the same restricting pressure she always felt when not in one of her true forms. She could also feel a very slight drain on her powers, and knew the drain would slowly grow until she had to assume her true form again. Her new true form, which was no longer the same one that had accompanied her for her whole life until now. It was no longer the form she had grown up with. She had finally received some acceptance in her normal form as well. She no longer felt rejected and ugly when in that form. And now it was gone. In its place was…whatever that new form was supposed to be.

She suddenly collapsed on the ground, hugging her knees. Her angel form was also suffering the same fate, but that didn’t concern her. She usually only took that form temporarily anyway. She had accepted that form, but it was not what she was the most comfortable with. That loss didn’t make her grieve. The new form was closer to it anyway, just with some extra parts added. Extra parts that were easy to hide if necessary. Assuming her normal form like this took much more effort, where once it had been a relief and would happen without thought. She felt like slowly but surely she was losing her old self and something important.

Suddenly she heard Xinglong’s tired voice. “I realize you’re having a moment, but could I distract you for just a bit?”

Dee shook off her stupor. She looked at the very tired dragon with a large wound on his side. A wound that was apparently not healing for some reason. “I’m back. What is it? Should I help heal you?”

“No, in fact, I want the exact opposite. I would like you to kill me.” Xinglong said with a grave voice.

“Excuse me?!” Dee asked shocked. “Didn’t you say you still have some time?”

“I did. The ritual took more out of me than I thought, but that’s not what I mean. I was going to ask you to do this later anyway, but it seems we must speed things along. I don’t fear death, however if I simply die after you leave, the Celestial Emperor will come for my body. He will then have it mounted on his gate as a warning to others. I would rather avoid that and the best way to avoid it is with those weird black flames of yours. You can destroy my body completely in a way that it will be impossible to recover.” The dragon was silent for a while.

“I also know something you don’t. You really didn’t do a very good job of hiding your totem while lost in a craze. To complete your totem, you will need the soul and thus the skull of a rank thirteen being. That will eventually become your throne. I would like to think that would be a worthy end for someone like me and at least that way my death will serve a purpose.” The dragon leaned towards Dee and allowed his claw to touch her forehead. She felt a rush of knowledge, and among the information were several ways to hide her totem from the eyes of someone like Xinglong, as well as the methods Astral Dragons used to travel the Astral Sea. “Use that information well. You will need it after I’m gone. The Celestial Emperor just became aware of your existence. Or to be more exact, the empress behind the throne did. She will pass that information along though, as she always does.”

Dee looked at Xinglong for a long time before nodding. For the first time, she assumed her dragon form willingly. It felt very natural and took no effort at all, unlike taking her old form sadly. She felt it appropriate that she would help Xinglong pass on as a favor from one dragon to another. She recognized that for the first time she actually thought of herself as a dragon willingly, and understood why Xinglong would want an end like this. Dragons and their pride. They wanted to be remembered, just not in the wrong way.

To both of their surprise, Dee’s dragon form had gone through large changes as well. The largest change was that it now had the serpentine form that Xinglong and other Kirin had. The difference between her and them was that her form still retained the same abyssal trait as Dee’s new horns, where the eerie dark purple glow seemed to come from between the scales. Unlike other Kirin, her head still resembled an Abyssal Dragon with the glowing eyes and a sturdy ridge on her forehead where two horns sprouted from. She was much shorter and thinner than the much older Xinglong, but that was a factor of age. Dragons continued to grow through their long lives and while powerful, Dee was still very young.

“Well, that is somewhat unexpected.” Xinglong commented dumbly. They had suspected there would be changes, but this was much more than they had assumed.

“Yes, it is. Although I feel that this is appropriate.” Dee replied, feeling more at peace with herself. Something about this form calmed her heart over the loss of her normal form. It helped her accept the change, even if she wasn’t happy about it. Perhaps that too was part of the change in her nature, and something of Xinglong’s nature had carried over with the blood. It gave her perspective. Everyone left their old selves behind as they grew older. Perhaps that something she had felt like she was losing was something everyone eventually lost. Perhaps losing that something was necessary so that something new could grow in its place.

Xinglong lay down on the ground. “Do it. I will not resist.”

Dee could feel the dark flames building in her throat. “Farewell Xinglong. I will tell mother that you fulfilled your promise.”

The words brought a smile on the old dragon’s face just before the unnatural flames consumed him. He might not have wanted forgiveness, but he would not reject it either.

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