Chapter Ninety-Seven - Enter the Dragon

“And so, every day, upon the sun’s rise, you will gather what puny amount of gold you have collected and shall deposit it upon the ground where I may collect it at my leisure,” the blue dragon said.

His voice was a deep, guttural rumble, like a rock inside a drying machine.

I cleared my throat. “Hello, mister dragon,” I said.

“And if you have any virgin princesses, they are now forfeit to me so that I may build myself a harem of such beings that will care for and polish my many scales,” Rhawrexdee continued. He was looking up, nose raised and chest puffed out.

Did he not hear me? “Hey!” I screamed.

The dragon paused, then he lowered his huge head down, neck stretching out behind, until his face hovered a dozen feet away from me. “Did you interrupt me?” he asked.

“Ah... sorry about that,” I said. “Didn’t mean to be impolite.”

“Oh, well, in that case it’s all well and good.”

“Really? Neat!” I said.

“Of course it isn’t!” he roared. “Who are you to interrupt the mighty Rhawrexdee? He who smote the clouds themselves? The thunder hammer! The scourge of the northern desert!”

Lightning cracked ominously in the background.

“Oh, that was kinda cool.” I shook my head and pretended that I didn’t see Amaryllis shaking her head off to the side, or the way Awen was trembling like a leaf. “I’m Broccoli, Broccoli Bunch,” I said.

Rhawrexdee turned his head to the side a little so that he could stare at me with one eye the size of my entire head. “I demanded virgin princesses. You do not smell like a princess... you smell like a...” The dragon sniffed the air once, then recoiled. “Riftwalker.”

I crossed my arms. “Yeah, so what?”

His eyes narrowed. “What do you want, little riftwalker?” he asked.

I didn’t expect the dragon to actually be accommodating. “Uh. Well, I guess an apology? You scared all these people, and you broke their tower, which I’m pretty sure they worked hard to build.”

“You think I would apologize?!” Rhawrexdee roared. “To little humans?”

“Well, yeah,” I said. “You broke their stuff. I mean, did they ever do anything to you?” Maybe the folks around here had been rude. It wouldn’t excuse the destruction, but it explained part of it.

“They failed to create a throne of gold upon which I could perch,” the dragon said. “That is sin enough, is it not? Even now, look, none of them are here grovelling at my feet. They hide and watch us speak like cowards. As if I would eat more than a few of them.”

“You wanted to eat the townspeople?” I asked.

“I’m a little peckish,” Rhawrexdee said.

My mouth worked. “No! You can’t eat people!”

“Oh, I assure you I can,” the dragon said.

“I mean, physically, I’m sure you could, you’re a dragon so... duh, but it’s morally wrong,” I said.

Rhawrexdee huffed, his breath washing over me and sending my hair flying back even as it filled the air with a scent of ozone. “Do you look down upon the wolf for eating a lamb?” he asked.

“If the lamb can talk, then yeah,” I said.

The dragon blinked. “Well I’m not a wolf and if I want to eat people you can’t stop me. I might even eat you, riftwalker or no.”

“I won’t let just anyone eat me,” I warned. This entire conversation was going downhill, and fast.

“You’re probably all bones anyway,” the dragon muttered.

“How about, instead of eating people, we become friends?” I asked, both because being friends with a dragon would be totally awesome, and because I really wanted to activate my Friendmaking skill.

Rhawrexdee

Desired Quality: Someone who would help him find a girlfriend

Dream: To go on dates with a cute princess

What.

“Why would I want to be friends with the likes of you?” Rhawrexdee extended his head way back, the tower’s masonry creaking in protest to the motion. “You have already disrupted my monologue and have wasted my precious time. Perhaps I will eat you after all.” He grinned down at me, electrical sparks flashing between very sharp teeth.

Then a bolt of lightning so bright it warred with the sun to illuminate the street crashed into the side of Rhawrexdee’s head with the force of a battering ram.

The dragon’s head twitched to the side.

“Broccoli, run!” Amaryllis screamed.

“You dare!” Rharexdee screamed.

My breath caught. I could only imagine the dragon snapping around and hurting my friend.

The moment Rharexdee turned to face Amaryllis he paused. His nostrils twitched. I started to have a sinking feeling in the pit of my tummy. “A princess? A virgin princess?” Rhawrexdee said. His eyes narrowed onto Amaryllis. “A Thundere virgin princess... with wings.” His huge dragon-y head turned to face me. “Who is that woman?” he demanded to know.

I clenched my hands into fists, then pointed right at him. “You can’t go on a date with Amaryllis, not unless she wants to,” I said.

“Who are you to decide who I date? You’re not my mother!” Rhawrexdee said. He shook his head a moment later and seemed to refocus. “Answer my questions little riftwalker.”

I crossed my arms. “Only if you promise to leave the town alone.”

“I will promise no such thing!” he said.

Amaryllis looked like someone caught between a dragon and a hard place. “Why aren’t you running, you daft moron?” she hissed. “I risked my tail feathers to distract that brute!”

I had to remind myself that she could probably not understand the dragon’s language (which begged the question, why the monologue?) so she was still blissfully ignorant.

“What did she say?” the dragon asked. “Did she compliment my fearsome, horny figure?”

I pressed my fingers against my temples and started to massage a blossoming headache away. I thought that negotiation with a dragon would be hard, but not this complicated. “Mister Rhawrexdee, I think we started off on the wrong foot. Can we start over?”

The dragon stared at me for a moment, then glanced over to Amaryllis. “She’s your friend?” he asked.

“My best friend,” I confirmed. “Her and Awen over there.”

“Ah, the other one, yes. She has a near-princess-y smell to her, but it’s not quite there. Maybe after a coup or two.”

“Right,” I said. “So... uh, can we come to some sort of agreement here?”

“I am a dragon, I don’t need to negotiate.”

“Well I’m a Cinnamon Bun, and I say that you need to or else... or else I’ll tell your mom that you were rude.”

Rhawrexdee snapped his head back as if I’d slapped him. “You wouldn’t dare!” he growled.

“Watch me, big guy. You can’t just fly into town and start bullying, and eating, people just like that. Not while I’m around.”

The dragon growled, then he huffed again and shifted to the side a little. “We seem to be at an impasse then. I will conquer this town in order to grow my wealth so that I can impress any princesses I run across.”

I shook my head. “Any girl that’s more impressed by your gold than by your personality just isn’t worth it,” I said.

“Hrm. My mother said the same thing. How strange.”

I looked around, spotted a chair behind one of the little kiosks and went to pick it up. A moment or two later I was folding my skirts under me as I sat down across from Rhawrexdee. “Okay. So, let’s see what we can make of this situation,” I said.

Rhawrexdee watched me, especially when Amaryllis and Awen slowly, carefully, came to stand just behind me.

“What’s going on?” Amaryllis asked.

“We’re going to negotiate with the nice dragon,” I said. “So far, he has the fact that he’s a dragon on his side of the table. And we have the fact that I’m a riftwalker, that I could tell his mom that he’s rude, and that you’re a princess.”

Amaryllis placed a hand on my shoulder. Then her grip tightened. “Broccoli,” she said as she leaned in. “You’re not using me as a bargaining chip with a dragon, right?”

“I’d never do that!” I said.

“How do you want to do this, little riftwalker?” Rhawrexdee demanded.

I coughed to clear my throat. I couldn’t hear myself speak whatever language the dragon spoke--it all sounded like English to me--but I could tell it was growly by how hard it was on my vocal cords. “Right, let’s both tell each other what we want, and then we can work from there.”

“I want all the town’s gold, and I want that princess,” Rhawrexdee said. He stomped a massive foot down, tearing another chunk of the tower off. “And I want tribute and my weight in cattle.”

I nodded along. “Okay, okay, that’s a start. We want you to not take Amaryllis because doing that is wrong. Also, you can’t have the town’s gold. Or their cattle.”

Rhawrexdee bellowed in rage. “Then I will take what I want!” he said.

I shook my head. “Now now, mister Rhawrexdee, that would be very, very rude. We can negotiate. Like, um... I think I can get the townspeople to not make a fuss about the tower. We can call it an accident, I’m sure they’ll understand. And as for Amaryllis, um, give me a moment.”

I turned to Amaryllis who started to glare at me.

“Hey, Amaryllis, how do you feel about dating a dragon?”

“No,” she said.

“He is kind of handsome,” I needled. “Look at his chin.”

“No,” she repeated, this time with wings crossed and a whole lot more emphasis.

I shrugged. That was a no then. “What about helping the dragon with, uh, dating advice.”

“Dating... advice?” Amaryllis repeated.

“Yeah. We could all help!”

“Awa, that, that sounds nicer than getting, um, eaten,” Awen said.

I nodded, then tried puppy dog eyes on Amaryllis.

She zapped me in the middle of the forehead. “Fine. We can help the dragon.”

“She is very feisty, I like this,” Rhawrexdee said.

I nodded to him. “She really is.” I wiggled on my seat to make myself comfortable, then prepared for the next part of my pitch. “Okay, so we’ve come up with a solution to all... most of your problems,” I said

“I am listening.”

“Amaryllis doesn’t want to date you,” I said. The dragon rocked back, eyes filling with hurt, and then anger. “But! But, she is willing to help you. And so am I... and Awen too.”

“Help me how?” he demanded to know.

“Simple! Amaryllis knows a bunch about nobility. Awen too. And I’m great with making friends! So, in exchange for not destroying the town, we’ll teach you how to date girls.” I pointed to Awen. “She’s even a wyrmgineer. I bet that would help in making you a nice suit for when you go on dates.”

Rhawrexdee considered this. “I see. I don’t get the princesses now. But I learn how to get more princesses later.”

“And you get to spend time with us!” I said. “We could become the best of friends, I’m sure!”

He huffed. “Very well. Let us begin this training then.”

“Ah, no. Not right now. We actually have a bunch of things that we need to do first,” I said. “We came here because we wanted to get a class for Amaryllis in the local dungeon. It was just good luck that we were around when you landed.”

“How long will you make me wait?”

I tapped my chin. “How about... uh, two days?” I asked. “We can meet just outside of town. It’ll give us time to do what we need to, and to prepare a, uh, training regimen.”

I stared up at the dragon, my most friendliest smile on.

I really hoped that my plan would work.

***