The door opened with a long, low creak to reveal a room that immediately made me feel tiny. It was a living room that could have belonged to any one of the homes I had recently explored in Threewells. There was a rotting carpet on the ground, chairs with missing legs placed around a stone fireplace, a few tables and shelves that were covered in dust and no lack of rotting refuse just piled into the corners.

Where things got strange was when I stepped in and actually took in the size of everything. I could have fit three Broccolis side by side on any one of the chairs, the ceiling was five meters above and even the smallest table stopped next to my shoulders.

I felt like a mouse that had wandered into a bear’s den.

Slowly, carefully, I lowered my backpack next to the door then moved in. I had my knife by my side, even though I didn’t really know how--or even wanted to--use it, and my other hand tingled with cleaning magic just waiting to be released. I was crossing the entrance to a bedroom, the door left ajar, when the entrance door slammed shut.

I ‘eeked’ and jumped five feet up and nearly lost my heart from the fright. I crouched and hoped that nothing was going to pop up to eat me. It took some time for my heart to decide that it wanted to stay in my chest.

The bedroom was clear, though the bed itself was big enough for an entire family to sleep on and I could easily crawl under it on my hands and knees if I wanted. There wasn’t anything there for me, so I moved on.

I found Maddy the mad skeleton sitting in the dining room. Only his head and shoulders stood out above the tall table, and his feet dangled a foot off the ground where he was perched on the edge of an enormous chair. Three more zombie animals were at the table. A red furred fox, a sickly goat and a big fork-tongued lizard.

Maddy was trying, in vain, to lift a kettle the size of his torso up when he saw me enter.

“Hello, Maddy,” I said.

There were no doors here, no place for Maddy to escape to. Something told me that this was the end of the line for one of us.

The skeleton stood up onto his chair, then climbed atop the table with more alacrity than I thought a skeleton ought to have. He yanked his hat off, and from its depths pulled out three more hats.

“Oh no,” I said as I started to run.

A large wig landed on the zombie fox’s head just as I reached the creature and yanked at its tail. It flopped to the ground with a clatter, a gavel spinning out of its mouth a moment before I goomba stomped it flat.

Ding! Congratulations, you have rendered the final judgement on Zombie Judge fox, level 2!

The other two zombie animals landed with a clatter of hooves and a... bounce?

I turned and fired off two quick Insights before taking them in with my own eyes.

A zombie Viking goat, level two.

A zombie Clown lizard, level two.

The goat had a big red helmet on, two large horns that were definitely not goat-like sticking out of the sides and a round shield was strapped to its back.

The lizard...

I stared at the clown makeup slathered with more enthusiasm than skill across the lizard’s green scales and the big honking nose on the end of its snout. A red wig sat atop its head, wobbling to and fro as the lizard balanced on its hindlegs atop a big, multi-coloured ball.

“That doesn’t even make sense,” I said.

They charged. There was no gimmick here, no tricksy trick. The goat lowered its head and charged right at me and the lizard followed suit.

I spun on my heel and dashed back towards the living room, narrowly avoiding a thrown knife that sunk into the doorway with a dull thunk as I passed it. The lizard was juggling knives and that wasn’t fair!

The goat’s hooves skittered across the ground as it turned the corner, losing enough traction that the lizard overtook it on its huge ball.

I darted into the bedroom, then ducked behind the door. A moment later the lizard zoomed into the room. “Got you!” I said as I moved out, pulling the door shut behind me and feeling a wave of satisfaction wash over me as it clicked shut.

The satisfaction left when a hard head rammed into my tummy and sent me flying.

I landed with a roll, coughing for all I was worth as the goat, only visible from the corner of my eye, backed away and stomped a hoof like a bull after a matador.

Health 93/110

That had taken a chunk out of me. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to stand again, and I had lost my knife somewhere after being punted. Hooves clattering on wood announced the goat’s next charge.

I rolled, just barely avoiding the attack that had the zombie slowing down and turning to face me again. “You made one mistake, mister Goat,” I said as I got onto shaky legs. “You left your gate open.”

Spinning around, I ran back towards the dining room.

The goat followed.

When it sounded close I ducked to the side and saw it shoot past me and deeper into the living room. That was my chance! I darted into the dining room, ran to one of the chairs and with both hands on the edge of it, jumped.

I landed in a crouch on the edge of the chair and had only just gotten my balance back when the goat rammed one of the legs. The crunch of rotten wood giving way sounded out and the entire platform shook and started to tumble to the side.

I ran, gaining some momentum before I jumped and, with an arm over the edge to help me up, managed to roll onto the table then onto my feet.

Maddy was standing across from me, something akin to surprise on his skeletal face. “Now what?” I asked him.

The goat bleeted angrily below and I heard it move to another chair. It might be able to climb up, which didn’t leave me much time. It was my turn to charge at an adversary. Maddy reached into his hat and pulled out all sorts of hats that he flung at me. Shakos and cowboy hats and police caps. All dodged or batted away until, finally, I was in front of the mad hatter and slapped him hard across the chest.

“Clean!” I screamed.

Magic, all the magic I had left, poured into the skeleton.

I took a couple of steps back, wary and uncertain.

Maddy placed his top hat back on, then tipped it to me a moment before he and his hats began to fade into motes of light.

Ding! Congratulations, you have wiped three opponents (‘Zombie Viking goat,’ level 2. ‘Zombie Clown lizard,’ level 2. ‘Maddy the Hatter, Skeleton Milliner,’ level 4)! Bonus Exp was granted for cleaning a monster above your level!

“Heh, got all of them!” I cheered as Maddy faded away completely. A teacup and kettle landed where he had fallen.

Bing Bong! Congratulations, your Cinnamon Bun class has reached level 3!

Stamina +10

Flexibility +5

You have gained: One Class Point

“Woo!” I cheered as wonderful little tingles ran up my spine and made me feel light as a feather. I was still tired, the constant fighting and adrenaline taking their toll, but I was also energized by my victory. It was a strange feeling, but one I welcomed.

Dungeon Alert:

First Floor Boss Defeated. 24 hours until respawn.

Second Floor Unlocked.

“Even better!”

Congratulations! Through repeated actions your Jumping skill has improved and is now eligible for rank up!

Rank D is a free rank!

Jumping

Rank D - 00%

The Ability to jump. Your reflexes and timing for jumps has increased. You can now jump higher and farther.

And the giddiness just grew as more gifts were rained down onto me. I calmed down a moment of two later, my tiredness catching up to me. Seeing that Maddy was just a construct helped a lot.

I suppose it meant that I could leave and return and fight all of the same monsters again and again. If I recalled books with dungeons though, there would be new tricks and traps next time, and being overconfident could lead to me walking right into a pile of trouble. Also, Maddie’s hats felt... randomly assigned. Maybe I would get a really poor match-up next time.

It was probably best that I learn when to quit and when to move on.

Next was checking out my loot.

An enchanted teacup, new

An enchanted teapot, new

Not as handy as my awesome new hat, but they might be valuable. The cup and kettle were both a beige colour, with tiny animals etched into the side. They looked... well, they were tiny zombie animals, but maybe someone that didn’t know would think they were just poorly drawn.

I held my prizes close to my chest and started trekking over towards the door when everything wiggled and waved and the world spun. Then, between one blink and the next, I was at the entrance of the level, back to the door that still had Maddy’s sign on it and front facing the drop in the middle of the dungeon.

“Oh,” I said. A look down showed my backpack, unceremoniously dumped by my side, and my teacup and pot were both still pressed against my chest. Even my knife was returned to me, left on the ground by my foot. “That was kind. Thank you dungeon!” I said.

No response came.

I decided that a break was in order and settled down next to the wall with my back to it. Out came the honey jar and a spoon and soon I was lick-licking my way through a tasty and well-earned treat.

Name Broccoli Bunch Race Human (Riftwalker) First Class Cinnamon Bun First Class Level 3 Age 16​ Health 110​ Stamina 125​ Mana 105​ Resilience 20​ Flexibility 25​ Magic 10​ Skills Rank Cinnamon Bun Skills Cleaning C - 76% Jumping D - 00% General Skills Insight D - 48% Makeshift Weapon Proficiency F - 72% Archeology F - 35%

“Hrm, my Cleaning skill is getting close to Rank B. That might be handy. And Jumping is actually pretty nifty. I look forward to getting it up to C to find out what it does! What do you think, mister Menu?” I asked.

The box didn’t say anything, but I like to think that it appreciated the attention.

Then my eyes alighted on my race and I stared. “Well, that’s new,” I said. Or was it? Had I just not been paying attention last time? Did it matter at all? I was going to have to ask someone the next time I found myself in a more civilised place.

I finished up my honey a few minutes later and pulled out a bottle of lukewarm water to sip at, then just kind of sat back and relaxed. I was getting the hang of the adventurer’s life. At least, I hoped I was.

The future had so much in store here! I was going to become super strong and respected and I was going to make a ton of friends and one day I’d ride a dragon. I smiled as I leaned my head back against the wall and just let my imagination run wild...

A distant whisper of wind startled me awake and I looked around bleary eyed. There wasn’t anyone around, just the huge empty dungeon.

I climbed back to my feet, legs kind of ache-y from the way I had been sitting back until I stretched and tried to get my blood flowing again.

Health 110/110

Stamina 125/125

Mana 105/105

“At least my nap wasn’t all bed, huh?” I asked my status menu while hiding a grin behind a hand.

It must have been shy because it popped away soon after. The poor thing. This time my trip down the mushroom path was as easy as pie. I could feel the difference the rank up had made with my jumping skill. It was so much easier to guess when the exact right moment to land would come up and when and how to bend my knees and shift my weight just so.

I landed with a huge smile on my face and skipped over to the second door of the dungeon. It was time to move onto the next part of the adventure!