I stood at the very edge of the balcony and looked down at the big mushroom just a few feet down. A few feet down and a few feet away. And between me and the big fluffy looking mushroom was a two storey drop to a rocky field.

“Okay, it’s okay, it’s obviously a path,” I said to myself as I looked at all the big bouncy-looking mushrooms all lined up in a curve that led to the next platform down. This was a... risk.

And risks could be bad.

I shook my head, then unwound one of my ropes. It was more than long enough to make it from where I was to the next platform. I created a loop, set a knot into it, and hung the rope off of a rocky outcropping. A few really hard tugs without so much as a creak and I figured it could hold my weight.

Then I tied the rope around my waist. If I fell it would hurt. Hitting the ground all the way down would hurt more.

I jumped on the spot a few times to unlimber myself, made sure that my backpack was nice and snug, then I jumped.

I didn’t expect the mushroom to deflate on landing, then burst back to its full size.

My knees shot up into my chest and I barely had time to kick at the next mushroom down.

I landed on the third bum-first with a scream that echoed across the dungeon. I managed to flip once, my backpack flopping around, my legs kicking out to find purchase. My hand scraped the wall and I belly flopped onto the fourth mushroom down.

It shot me back into the air where I had plenty of time to see the platform coming before I landed on it face first.

“Ouch,” I said as I laid on the ground, cheek pressed down, butt in the air and knees and wrists lancing with pain. That had been, I decided, a horrible idea. A no-good, very bad, super dumb idea.

Health 107/110

I climbed to my hands and knees, straightened my skirt back down from where it had flipped, then crawled away from the edge when one foot slipped over it. “Nope,” I said. “Not until Jumping is way higher.”

I took a moment to relax and calm my racing heart, then stood up and undid the rope around my waist. I tied it to a rock and took in my surroundings.

There wasn't much to see. This ledge was about half a floor lower than the entrance ledge with a rocky archway filled with vines that partially hid a wooden door. The ground was one large slab of stone with a small sconce at the end with an unlit brazier on it. There was a sign hanging from the door, I cleared the vines before it.

Out for tea

-Maddy the Hatter

Did someone live here? Just in case, I knocked carefully on the door and waited a moment. When no answer came after my third knock I opened the door and looked within. “Hello?”

The inside was a corridor. The ground packed earth, the walls were rough stone that might have been chiseled to be a little more uniform, but not enough to prevent creeping vines from climbing all the way up to the ceiling.

A few glyph-covered stones hung in little iron cages, the rocks glowing blue and green and red and lighting up the corridor quite nicely.

I checked for traps, wished I had a ten foot pole, then moved in. Nothing shot out of the walls, there were no time travelling critters and I couldn’t hear anything except for a faint and distant clicking.

Careful not to make too much noise, I retrieved my showerhead flail and held it close by my side as I moved on.

The corridor opened up to a field of sorts, a small hill surrounded on three sides by hedges that climbed up and up and up. The green sky had three bright suns in it, all of them carefully moving around and making the entire area bright and cheery while throwing my shadow around in weird ways.

A large door stood open on the far hedge, some twenty meters away. And between me and that door, right atop the hill, was a large skeleton sitting with his legs sprawled out. He had an upside-down tophat on his head and was bringing a tea cup up against his mouth with a faint clinking noise.

Two animals sat next to him on a blanket laid out atop the hill. One was a calico cat, with patches of fur missing, the other a long green snake that was missing an eye and quite a few scales.

“Hello!” I said as I waved to the group. “Ah, it’s a nice afternoon for tea, isn’t it?”

The skeleton stared at me without any eyes to see. His long legs gathered up to his chest and his toes dug into the blanket before he stood up straight and tall.

“Insight,” I whispered as I took in the three before me.

Maddy the Hatter, Skeleton Milliner, level 4

Zombie snake, level 2

Zombie cat, level 2

I smiled at Maddy. “Do you like tea?” I asked. It seemed like a good place to start a conversation. He could invite me to tea, and I had some honey to share, and we could chit and chat and become the best of friends.

Maddy threw his cup to the ground where it shattered. The door behind me shut with a dull boom and the clunk of a lock engaging sounded out.

Reaching up, the skeleton removed his hat and reached an arm into it. Out came a big floppy wizard’s hat, all purple and covered with uneven yellow stars. He placed the hat atop the snake. Then he pulled out a second hat, a nurse’s cap with a big red cross on the front which he slapped onto the cat’s head.

“Um?” I asked.

Zombie Hedge Wizard snake, level 2

Zombie Nursing cat, level 2

“Oh,” I said. “That’s really neat!”

Maddy spun on a heel, quite literally, and stomped off the hill, slamming the door in the hedge behind him with a loud clatter and bang.

“Did I say something wrong?” I asked the almost-cute zombie animals.

The snake opened its mouth wide and a fireball shot out of it.

I ‘eeped’ and hopped over the rather slow-moving projectile and heard it boom against the wall behind me. Then it opened its mouth again and a second fireball started to form.

“Oh, shoot.”

At least this time I knew what to do.

I tossed my backpack off and started running and jumped over another fireball. They weren’t very big, and they only moved as fast as a dodgeball thrown by, well, me. Easy enough to avoid. But they were fireballs.

I started spinning my flail around. I didn’t have all that much mana, not enough for two zombies as tough as the time rabbit at least. There was a pattern to the fireballs. They would launch, then slow down once they were a few feet from the snake. Then it would close its mouth, stare at me, and ready the next one.

A pattern!

I waited for the next fireball which I somewhat nimbly sidestepped, the warmth of it washing past me as if I had walked by an open oven but with less cookies and more fiery death. The moment the snake closed his mouth I rushed up the hill and brought my flail down.

It smacked the snake right on the head like a very hard, very rude boop.

“Hah!” I shouted before reaching down to pull out my knife. I didn’t want to do it, but it seemed as if I had no choice. At least I could reason that you couldn’t kill something that was already dead.

A blur of white barreled into me, claws swinging this way and that with a cattish howl that sent me tumbling bum over teakettle down the hill. When I regained my feet it was to find the zombie snake completely healed... well, mostly healed, it was still very dead, but now bandages were wrapped around it and it had a few plasters on its snout.

I took a moment to regroup while the snake shook its head and glared at me with its one eye. I had overlooked the calico, which was apparently a very bad idea. There was a clear theme here. The hats gave the zombies classes or something similar. No wonder Maddy was level four!

The snake was a wizard, which meant fireballs for days. The calico cat was a nurse, which meant healing and first aid for the snake.

That made everything a whole lot harder.

I had to focus on the healer.

With a huff, I picked up my flail and charged for the cat, only to pause as I had to jump over a fresh fireball. And that, right there, explained their gimmick. If I ran after the cat the snake would pelt me with fireballs. Focus the snake and the cat would hit me instead.

Tricksy zombie animals were not my forte.

I charged after the nurse cat who turned tail and darted away, moving faster and slower as if to bait me into getting hit by one of the fireballs raining down on me. Then, the moment the latest fireball shot past, I turned and hopped up the hill in three bounds and brought my flail down on the snake again.

As expected, there was a screeching yowl and a ball of angry kitty shot towards me.

So I hugged it.

“Cleaning hug!” I shouted, because attack names are important. A bit of mana left me and washed over the kitty.

Ding! Congratulations, you have eliminated Zombie Nursing cat, level 2!

I wanted to whoop in delight as a ghostly cat purred out of the nurse, but then a fireball struck me in the chest and I went rolling down the hill again.

This time the snake was playing for keeps. Fireballs, much smaller than before were raining down towards me, each one moving way faster than the big cumbersome ones from before.

I ran, breath catching in my throat as I panted and patted down my chest. The gambeson and leather coat were singed and smoking a little but they weren’t too damaged.

I ran over to a large stone off to one side, jumped over it, and landed in a crouch that ended with my back pressed against the cool rock and my chest heaving.

That had been... well it had been terrifying.

The snap and crackle of fireballs hitting the stone stopped a moment later. “Are you done, mister snake?” I asked. “I really don’t want to have to fight.”

I dropped my flail for a moment, tugged my knife out of its sheath and transferred it to my left hand before grabbing my flail again. Maybe I could throw the knife at the snake and distract it?

I checked my menus for anything handy and was surprised to find a message waiting for me.

Congratulations! Through repeated actions your Jumping skill has improved and is now eligible for rank up!

Rank E is a free rank!

“That was fast.” Maybe dodging fireballs gave more experience than just skipping around?

Congratulations! Jumping is now Rank E!

Jumping

Rank E - 00%

The ability to jump. You can now jump farther and higher than before.

I was about to dig into that when a hiss sounded from right above me. I looked up to find the snake with its floppy wizard hat staring down at me, mouth opened and fireball growing.

My knife-wielding hand shot up and the sharp steel dug into the monster’s palate.

I cringed back as the snake flopped around, then began to turn to dust. The hat glowed and disappeared with a soap-bubble pop.

I leaned my head back against the stone, eyes closed as adrenaline coursed through me.

“Note to self: snakes are sneaky.”