Ch. 50 – Home Stretch

The bus pulled away from the stop, and left Dixieland far behind them. It wasn’t the right route to get Derrick and Xavier back to the seawall so they could bring the device to Maxine, but at least it put some distance between them and the Dixies.

The street lamps had come on, and the neon glow of the city filtered in through the bus windows as the bus stopped at a traffic light. The bus was full of people, coughing and shifting in their seats. A wide businessman stood in front of Derrick and Xavier, and the audio from his headphones leaked out onto the bus: some sort of financial news program. One of the ceiling lights was flickering, creating a headache-inducing strobe effect, but it was somewhat ignorable if Derrick ducked behind the wide businessman’s coat. The businessman also provided some cover from the security camera near the front of the bus.

“Hey, lemme see it,” Xavier said. “That tablet thing.”

“Keep your voice down,” Derrick said. He leaned in and whispered into Xavier’s wig-covered ear. “We don’t know who’s watching right now. Let’s just focus on getting to our expert where we can get access to the account on the device. We’re getting off at this next stop.”

The stop was next to an alleyway, and Derrick covered his face with his small bag as he pushed towards the bus’s exit, with Xavier right behind him, yanking his dress out when it got caught between the passengers and the seats.

They stepped out onto the curb, and Xavier tapped Derrick’s shoulder. “Come on, lemme see it now. I paid you a fucking fortune to get this thing. And you better have the right thing, or you ain’t getting that extra money!”

“Okay, fine. Let’s go into the alleyway,” Derrick said.

They went halfway into the alleyway, and Derrick glanced around. No one was around. Derrick ripped the sticky vibrator off his chest and tugged his shirt to readjust it, only to find that it clung to the residue the vibrator had left behind. “Agh! Gross!”

“The fuck is this?” Xavier cried. “I thought you were supposed to get her tablet or something? This is her vibrator.”

Derrick held the power button on the bottom of the dildo, lighting up the screen.

“What the fuck?” Xavier said.

“It’s weird, I know. But the vibrator is actually a computer. I can show you more back at M’s place,” Derrick said. He stowed the vibrator back under his shirt, and started pushing Xavier back towards the street.

And so they took the bus to a stop a ways out away from the seawall, but as close as the bus system could get. They walked off into the night and onto the bare highway overlooking the seawall. The wind blew chilled them, and headlights from incoming cars were blinding up close. They’d started jogging after a bit, as walking would’ve taken forever, until they finally arrived at the path down to the seawall. Derrick’s legs trembled as he slowed his pace. There was nothing but the highway before and behind them, except for the dirt road to their left, on which Derrick had driven his car earlier. They tramped down it, mud squelching underneath their shoes. The car was fine; no one had thought to bother it way out here below the highway. Derrick popped the trunk open and hefted out a portable low-beam lamp. “We’re going to need this. It’d be way too dangerous to go out into the water at night without it. Here, give me a hand.”

“How the hell are we going to get it over the wall?” Xavier asked.

Derrick put the back strap over his back and motioned for Xavier to tie the lamp in. “Real slowly.”

It wasn’t how Derrick imagined he’d be ending the night. Sweaty as hell, some ratchet girl’s vibrator residue stuck to his chest, and climbing a ladder with a cross-dressing dude right on his ass, supporting the weight of the lamp. But here he was.

The way down on the other side was easier, and they were able to get the lamp mounted near the head of the canoe. The tide, and the water’s lapping against the dead city, seemed louder in the darkness. Each landmark in the hazardous water trail appear out of nowhere as they paddled the twisting path to Maxine’s base of operations, which meant the going was slow. They would make it before nine, though.

“Hey, you really messed up in there,” Derrick said, raising his voice above the sloshing of water against their boat. “That could’ve gone way more smoothly if you hadn’t taken the Afterburner and had those Dixies chasing us down the hall!”

“A man’s gotta provide for himself. Where do you think I got the money from to pay you with?”

“I’m not working with you again if you keep stealing from gangsters while I’m on the job. Heck, even if you steal to get the payment for the job! That’s going to catch up with you sooner or later, and I don’t want you bringing that trouble back to me,” Derrick said.

“Hey, why you getting all pissy, bro? The Hermanos, Leopards, and Dixies aren’t the good guys. Better I steal from them than some old lady on the street. Hell, those gangsters would steal from her too. So if you think about it, if I steal from gangsters and make them weaker, I’m really helping the community, know what I mean?”

“No, you’re not.”

“Bro, but think about it—”

“NO, you’re NOT!” Derrick shouted. “Stealing from the gangsters just makes them lash out harder. Even if you kill one, all their buddies will just find you and get revenge. The only way these gangsters will stop terrorizing the community is if someone kills them all. Like the White Leopards—I mean, we know where most of these guys hang out, right? There are enough of us in Chinatown that if we all bought a gun from outside the city and pulled up on them at the same time—”

Xavier’s oar stopped paddling. “Damn, I was just talking about stealing from them. I didn’t say anything about killing ‘em.” Then, there was only the sound of the water and the wind. Did the man agree with Derrick? Was he scared? Was he going to tip off the White Leopards, that there was some crazy mod-doc who wanted to murder them all?

“Shit,” Derrick said. “Forget I said any of that. It’s been a long day. Anyways, the point is, you need to be more careful what you do, okay? You’ll probably get yourself killed.”

Xavier finally spoke up. “Yeah, and you should be more careful what you say, sheesh. I mean you’re not wrong, but leave me outta it.”

They paddled the rest of the way in silence.

#

The glare of the lamp light reflected off the glass building, bouncing pinpricks of light between the glass and metal of its wreckage, and casting a faint glow into the water below. As their boat floated inside the ‘entrance,’ the light bounced in a twisting kaleidoscope around them as Derrick hefted the lamp up to illuminate the entrance.

“We’ll have to feel our way around as we get inside, because I do not want to be lugging that around any more,” Derrick said.

“Okay, but if I trip it’s your fault,” Xavier said, grabbing a hold of Derrick’s arm.

“Uh . . . could you let go of me please?”

“I can’t help it! I’m scared I’m going to trip and break my fuckin neck in here, it’s so dark. What else am I supposed to do? You know the place better than me.”

“Just walk slowly and follow close behind me. If you’re grabbing onto me like that we’re both going to fall over.” Derrick jerked his arm around until he shook Xavier’s hand off.

“Fine. Be like that.”

Derrick was thankful for the small glowing LED in the staircase.

The camera near the door descended again, and scanned the both of them into the hallway, in which Maxine was waiting.

“You’re finally back! My favorite troublemakers.” She held her hands out and made grabbing motions with them. “Now gimme gimme! I’ve never seen a full-blown computer in a vibrator before. Oh, wait.” She paused as she saw the vibrator, which now had a layer of lint from the inside of Derrick’s shirt stuck all over it. “Go over to the wash bin and clean it off for me first. You remember where it is, right Derrick?”

Derrick shifted the vibrator between his hands, and winced at the griminess. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Hey, why do you get to wash it?” Xavier complained. “I’m the one who’s gonna need it.”

“Yeah, but you might get water inside and break it or something. Trust me, I’m doing you a favor,” Derrick said.

Xavier grumbled, but followed Derrick over to the wash bin anyways. The air grew chill as they made the few turns down the hallway, and unlocked a door, which almost flew open as Derrick turned the doorknob, letting a gust of wind escape into the hall. Derrick stepped through the doorway and turned on the lights, which flickered and revealed what was basically just a room with a busted floor, which Maxine had cordoned off with tape and furniture. Under the hole was darkness; the room must have had a slight overhang to the rest of the building, as the wash of the tide that flowed through the old city was visible right through the hole in the busted floor.

The top half of a ceramic sink was fastened to the furniture near the hole, and attached to a tube that went down into the opening. A very limited plumbing affair. Maybe Maxine pooped into a hole in the floor as well?

Derrick turned on the tap, and water sputtered before starting a steady flow, and—moments later—hitting the surface of the ocean down below.

With the relatively clean vibrator in hand, Derrick and Xavier returned to the room that they had initially formulated the heist in, and Derrick set the vibrator down on a plastic crate in front of Maxine.

She picked it up and turned it over in her hands. “Hmmm, where in the world are all the ports on this thing? It must be able to connect wirelessly at least.” She poked and prodded at the few buttons at the base, and a few more messages flashed on the screen, with the version and install date of some sort of software for the vibrator.

“Alright, I can work with this,” Maxine muttered. “It’s new, but nothing special.”

“Come on, girl. Hurry up, it’s almost nine! My bad bitch is waiting on me,” Xavier whined.

“No, it’s only eight thirty,” Derrick said. “Just be patient and let her work. She can do it.”

Xavier didn’t respond, tapping furiously on his phone instead. He muttered various sweet nothings to himself, presumably sending them as texts to assuage his date’s impatience, as well as his own.

#

“Okay, I’ve got it!” Maxine said. The vibrator sat on the crate, having been unattended for the last fifteen minutes as her hands flew furiously over the keyboard and mouse. “You’re back in your account, mister uhhhh tdavidson.” On her screen was a sort of user panel interface, with links to various configurations for Revolute Prosthetics mods. The Better Butler logo was displayed prominently next to the link for home automation.

“Did you fix it yet?” Xavier asked. He was no longer wearing his skirt or boxers, and was staring very intensely at his crotch.

“Hold on, let me cancel this integration.” She navigated to the home automation tab, and deleted the entry for Xavier’s ‘Perfect Penis’ mod, and then clapped her hands. “It’s the moment of truth: time to test it. Go back to the room with the washbin and try rubbing one out into the hole there. If you still can’t, we’ll try something else.”

Xavier sprinted off towards the washbin, leaving only Derrick and Maxine in the room.

“Wow, that was a journey,” Derrick said, collapsing onto a plastic crate.

“And you got paid,” Maxine said, rubbing her elegant fingers together like there were invisible dollar bills between them.

“Yeah, I guess I did. Jeez, I know we checked the money, but I just really need it to be real. With no catch.”

“What’s wrong this time? I thought you guys had caught up on payments?”

“That was the last time I saw you, which was like forever ago. We’re behind on . . . everything now. I can’t even believe our shop is still running.”

“Boyyyyy, you’ll be okay.”

There was a hand on his knee. Derrick finished massaging his eyelids and opened them.

“Oh, uh . . .” Don’t get a boner. Don’t get a boner. He patted her hand—more like tapped it with his palm, really—and tried to smile. “Thanks.” With his make-up all washed off, it was guaranteed to be as ugly a smile as usual.

Maxine had a sort of afterglow: the kind he would see on Tony after he had finished having sex, but it obviously looked better on a pretty girl than on Tony. Maybe hacking was just that much fun for her?

“Well you’re welcome,” Maxine said. “And don’t be so sad all the time; you’ll scare all of Hack Alley’s customers away. Who knows how many outstanding shops get overlooked or ignored because the other place seemed nicer.”

A warm, red flush crept over his face. “Alright, I’ll try. But yeah, I really do appreciate it. And I couldn’t have done this job without you.”

Maxine laughed: a sharp bark of a laugh. “I got paid a ton for this too! And more importantly, I learned from it. Every new exploit, every weakness in the city’s infrastructure is like gold to me. So keep bringing me jobs! Or if not, at least bring me some food. Getting stuff delivered here is a pain in the ass.”

“Wait, you can get food delivered here?”

“Yeah, they started doing it recently.” Maxine said, gesturing to a half eaten take-out box on her counter. “Not to this building, but to other buildings that are easier to dock at. There are enough scavengers around the old city that you can get paid good money for just bringing food and other stuff to them. The delivery people just take a boat over to land, buy a bunch of food, and then bring it over here. It’s easier for me, because I only have to paddle a little bit, instead of going all the way to the city myself. Still sucks though, because I have to leave my hooome.” She stuck her arms out and spun around on the swivel chair.

“Wait, how big is this operation?” Derrick asked. “I feel like I’ve haven’t seen anyone bringing just food out on the water. Everyone here’s gotta eat, right? So they should be crossing the seawall all the time.”

Maxine halted her spinning and shrugged, head still bobbing as she recovered from spinning. “You just missed them, maybe, or they have a different entry point on the wall. They don’t come all the time either; people make a few big trips, and we have to either put things in a fridge if we have it, or get a bunch of canned food.”

“Huh, okay. I guess I’ll bring you some food next time I come out, since I’m making the trip anyways.”

“See, I knew I could count on you.”

“IT WORKS! SHIT, IT WORKS!” Xavier Williams’ screaming got louder and louder as he sprinted down the hallway towards them. His prosthetic penis flopped around in the air. Why couldn’t he have put his pants back on?

“Congratulations,” Derrick said, forcing a smile, and trying to look instead at the boxes of parts scattered around Maxine’s workshop.

“I FEEL LIKE A NEW MAN.” A nasty smell overtook the room.

“What the fuck, man?! Go wash yourself off!” Derrick yelled.

“You have to take me back to the city now!” Xavier said. “Come on, let’s go!”

Derrick leaped to the side, barely avoiding Xavier’s soiled hands.

Gross. Gross. GROSS. Derrick grabbed the mop leaning against the wall, and thrust the end of it into Xavier’s stomach. The man doubled over and fell to the ground, clutching his stomach.

“WASH YOUR HANDS IF YOU WANT TO GET ON MY BOAT,” Derrick said.

“Ouchhh. Geez, okay man,” Xavier said, clutching his stomach.

Derrick picked up the vibrator and held it out. “Oh yeah, and like we had discussed, I’m keeping this as collateral until we get the money. Once I have the money, I’ll hand it back to you. But if you run off, we’ll re-enable the home automation integration, and your erectile dysfunction will return.”

“Shit, I get it. I’ll get you your money,” Xavier said.

#

Derrick, and Xavier—whose hands were thoroughly cleaned at this point, pushed their boat off into the night once again. The dildo which once held control over Xavier’s orgasms was stowed securely in an old shopping bag that Maxine had provided. Derrick kept the combined vibrator-tablet in his own bag, which was strapped tightly to his chest.

The glittering lights of New Shore City shined through the sunken skyscrapers. Far away from the glass and steel jungle, near the cleaner, open water, the sheer volume of light beat back the darkness, diffusing onto the water’s surface. But towards the seawall, where Derrick and Xavier was heading, the shore was cloaked in muddy shadows.

#

Derrick clenched his teeth as he set the lamp down into the trunk. His lower back was completely sore, after a whole day of running around, paddling a canoe, hiding in a skyscraper, and then lugging a heavy-ass lamp up and down the seawall two times.

“Sorry, give me a second, I need to stretch my back out,” Derrick said.

“Shit man, just give me the keys. I can make it to my honey’s place myself, and I might try, too, if you don’t hurry up.”

“Don’t be hasty, we both need to get to your place so I can collect the second half of my payment.”

“Alright man, but we gotta be quick.”

Derrick touched his toes, and the knots in his back seemed to only coil tighter. Tomorrow would hurt, but he would be ten thousand dollars richer. “Okay, let’s go.”

Derrick and Xavier hopped in the car, and Derrick drove up the ramp back to the main road overlooking the seawall.

Headlights flashed by as lines of cars passed. As darkness settled into his rearview mirror again, Derrick gunned the accelerator and merged onto the road. “So, where is your place?”

“Keep going towards Chinatown, it’s the exit before it.”

The curving exit spat them out onto a potholed street, and Derrick’s bones rattled as the car thumped down the road.