Chapter Ten.

Waking up deprived of magical energy was probably one of the worst things I’d ever felt. Not on sheer pain- just overall feelings of horribleness. The worst migraine I’d ever had was pounding at me, only I didn’t have a real head so it was a migraine… everywhere. Crippling nausea (with no stomach, how??) and that weird tingly feeling like my non-existent limbs had fallen asleep completed the trifecta of suck for a truly unique experience in misery.

I’d reverted to puddle form again and I didn’t think I’d be leaving it any time soon. I couldn’t summon the concentration to move the puddle, let alone use [Mortal Shell].

Laying there for a few more minutes, I did my best to not focus on anything and just vegetate for a bit until my ‘return to puddle’ was interrupted by a deafening blast of energy through the link.

“YOU’REFINNALYAWAKEAREYOUOKWHATHAPPENDWH--” Skritter’s voice came pounding across, thoughts thundering through my consciousness like a stampede of angry elephants high on red bull.

Interrupting him with my best impression of a telepathic primal scream (which in my weakened state sounded more like a chimp trying to strangle a flock of ducks), the rapid-fire stream of words cut off with a single note of apology coming through at the end.

Collecting myself a few more minutes until I felt sane enough to reply, I gently eased myself back into the link.

“I’m ok bud, thanks. No idea what happened, one second I was reaching out to my ideal, the next--”

“The next, you were declaring to the world that ‘I am order! I am law!’ and trying to spread your power through the entire cavern, yes?” Veris’s dry tone cut through our conversation. He was seated on a very comfy looking reading chair in a relaxed pose, though his eyebrows were raised critically at me.

Ugh, I was so glad I didn’t have a face right now because if I did it would've been flaming with embarrassment. Nothing brings the humble pie like announcing you’re a deity in front of someone strong enough they might as well be one compared to you. Hopefully, my little uh… ‘outburst’ hadn’t completely ruined any shot at learning magic from him.

“Yeah… sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It all felt so… normal. Even looking back at it I can see that I was crazy but I have no idea why.” My puzzlement deepened the more I focused on my memories. I knew I could be full of myself at times but I distinctly recall referring to myself as a literal god there, something a tad beyond casual egotism. What if it happens again? Does this mean I won’t be able to use magic without going crazy?

Veris loudly cleared his throat, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. He held his gaze on me severely until I started to squirm before his stern facade cracked and he started to chuckle. In a few moments, he was practically howling with laughter and wiping tears from his eyes.

“Ah, I’d forgotten how much fun that was. I should take on new students more often!” Laughter subsiding he leaned forward in his chair and focused on me again. “What you have just experienced is one of the many joys of unlocking and manifesting your first Ideal. You can try to prepare for it all you like, but ultimately it makes little difference so most instructors don’t bother. A rather poignant lesson in humility is quite useful to many rising young mages after all.”

“So all that was normal!? I could have killed both of you, and you shot a fireball at me!” I couldn’t help but interject incredulously.

“Hardly.” Veris snorted. “Magic is not something the mind is designed to experience. The first time results in a temporary feeling of extreme empowerment, along with an emotional state connected to the Ideal in their minds. Fire Idealists often become enraged or passionate, air will likely float away in distraction. It takes the essential basics of your Ideal and magnifies it, giving anyone close by an excellent view into its true nature.” He nodded smugly to himself.

“As to the ‘fireball’, you were using your magic much too slowly. It would have taken you minutes to burn through your entire reservoir at that rate. No entertainment in watching a young fellow fantasize about their own divinity for minutes on end!” Chuckling at my outraged sputtering after this declaration, he continued.

“I jest of course. Your body is capable of directly metabolizing your energy reserves at a rate humans cannot match, not requiring digestion or any such mortal foibles. Had I not prompted you to expend your magic more quickly and thus completely tap your reserves, you’d have started cannibalizing yourself to fuel the Ideal. You’d still have run out eventually, just not before causing yourself significant harm.”

“Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense.”

Reflecting on it now, I knew I could directly utilize my mass for energy in day-to-day use like movement and shapeshifting. It made sense that if I didn’t drain my ‘mana pool’ faster than my body’s ability to refill it I could’ve eaten a good chunk of myself before I got low enough to pass out.

This did mean that I had a potentially larger available mana pool than I should at my level, but also that I’d have to be careful to not kill myself by getting wrapped up in my Ideal. I could already feel my inner pack-rat demanding I hoard as much food as possible with this additional strain on the energy pool that doubled as my body. The thought had lingered around the fringes of my consciousness since I started life here; how many days of energy do I have right now? Or better phrased, How long until I eat myself from existence?

It was nerve-wracking, especially when I’d first started out. In survival mode, you kinda block out extraneous thoughts like this but I remember the vague feeling of ‘holy shit if I don’t find anything to eat I’ll be dead in a few hours’. Dead or doomed to spend the next however many years as an immobile puddle, hoping something small enough to eat just falls in my lap.

Veris seemed to pick up on my anxious thoughts (possibly by watching Skritter, who was adorably concerned for a murder machine). “Worry not, young Kosimar. I’m not likely to let my first student in a hundred years expire thusly.” He leaned back in his chair and began speaking nostalgically.

“I remember my own first manifestation, it must have been almost four hundred years ago now. My tutors hailed me as a prodigy for advancing my affinities to a suitable level by the age of twelve. I’d thought my parents would make a spectacle of the affair, much like everything else. Imagine my surprise when I was taken to a secluded and heavily warded chamber on the estate with only my father present!” Chuckling ruefully at the memory he paused for a moment.

“A somewhat tempestuous lad, I’d chosen the Ideal of Storms as my first. The experience went much as your own. Ranted and raved about my coming ascendance, condescended to my father that he should begin building a temple in my honor, and finally collapsed after attempting to summon a hurricane to free myself from the chamber.”

Much as it felt nice to hear the memory, I was still hung up on a couple of earlier details. Four hundred years ago!?

I started to question him through the link when he frowned and interrupted.

“Now now, I’ve been accommodating since I know the debilitation of burnout, but I insist on proper spoken conversation if we’re to continue.”

Repressing a sigh at the (apparently very old) man’s stubborn adherence to etiquette, I actually was feeling well enough by that point to return to my ‘humanoid’ form. The transformation took seconds and felt easier than the last time, giving me some hope that at least something was getting easier down here.

“Much better! We are civilized beings, after all, social normalities are the basis of what separates us from the beasts. Er… no offense intended.” Seeming a bit embarrassed at insulting my ‘heritage’ he hurried on. “You were saying, boy?”

At first, I questioned him about his advanced age, wondering if there had been a translation error but nope! Apparently, it was quite common for powerful mages to live close to a thousand years. True immortality wasn’t possible in humans to his knowledge, although he did say that there were ‘workarounds’ to the problem of death. The subject made him very uncomfortable and cagey with his replies, but by that time my mana pool had recovered enough that we could keep training so we dived into it with enthusiasm.

“Your particular Ideal manifests itself as a ‘field’ or ‘aura’ around you. There are strengths and weaknesses to this that we shall eventually go over in detail, but for now, we shall first endeavour to grant you a greater measure of control. Summon your Ideal once more only this time you must limit the range of the effect as much as possible. This will decrease the rate of energy use exponentially, and reduce the negative effect on your mind in a similar fashion.”

Nervously I followed Veris’s instructions and reached toward the Ideal again. It came to me just as easily as before, but he’d been right about the first time causing the worst effects. I still felt my mind grow… colder, for lack of a better term. Not to the extent of before, but it still took an effort of will to tamp down a rising sense of superiority. Feeling the words resonating in my soul, I let them out- keeping as tight a leash on the power as I could.

“Our will is [Law]”

The same starry sky effect spread from my body and I did everything I could to rein it in. It was like trying to flex just one specific muscle that I’d never used before and couldn’t even see. My success was limited at first, the stars blossoming out to about eighty meters before halting as I strained to pull the aura back towards me.

“That’s it Kosimar! Try to focus on your emotions, keep yourself in tune with the Ideal and it will respond more easily to your commands. Just remember to maintain control.”

Easy for you to say! I couldn’t help but think, exasperatedly. What the heck kind of emotional state resonates with Cosmos!?

Thinking to myself I tried to imagine what emotions I associated with my Ideal. The Cosmos had always been a source of wonder to me but also permeated by a terrifying sense of vastness and indifference. It was too big to care about the problems of a dreamy-eyed kid and the realization finally came when I thought back to how I’d acted under its influence before.

Cosmos doesn’t care, acceptance of law is irrelevant. I’m struggling precisely because of that- I’m struggling. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Do… or do not. There is no try.

Calming myself, I stopped struggling against my Ideal. The border of my aura immediately started shrinking and eventually settled around a radius of twenty meters.

“Excellent! That’s how it should be done. Compare how you feel now to earlier, how significant is the difference?”

Veris was right, the area being exponentially smaller meant there was barely an effect on my mind. I still felt a little detached, but at least I wasn’t plotting world domination and declaring my godhood.

“Yeah, it’s much better.”

“You’ll also notice that at this level the aura can be sustained for a much greater period of time. Instead of burning yourself out in twelve seconds, you should be able to make it at least twenty-five minutes before you’ll need to stop, based on my calculations of course.” He’d started walking around my aura and… poking it with his magic somehow. The sensation was weird like he was smooshing a blob of jello against my consciousness. I hated it immediately.

“That time limit will decrease quite sharply should you begin to use your magic as more than a passive sense of your surroundings- and an admittedly impressive light show, I suppose.”

Cocking his head, he paused for a moment and glanced briefly into the depths of the cavern. “Hmm… the time allotted for lessons grows short. One more and we’ll be moving on to practical application!” Clapping his hands, he summoned another firebolt above his shoulder.

“Previously you managed to smother this with your [Law]. This time I’d like you to capture it. Don’t be alarmed, I’ll not be targeting you directly.” And without another word, he lobbed the firebolt into my domain.

I almost lost my concentration completely the moment the fire appeared. My kind’s instinctive aversion to all things flame almost had me dropping everything and booking it without the mind-altering effect of my aura to shield me.

Directing my now tenuous control at the firebolt and trying to recall how I’d done this before, I felt my aura condense around the flame. The foreign magic rebelled at the contact, fire wanting to burn, be free. Wanting to escape all control and rampage unchecked. I remembered Veris’s earlier advice and my own feelings from before, how I’d felt the fire was lesser to Cosmos, and my Ideal squeezed down on the intruding spell.

The bolt came to a shuddering stop halfway through my aura, sputtering for a few seconds before dying out completely.

“Not exactly perfect, but you’ll get there with some practice. Which brings us excellently into the aforementioned practical segment of our time here.”

Floating up into the air, Veris smirked at me before pointing towards a spot at the very edge of vision in the cavern. Straining to see for a minute, I couldn’t make anything out except for a discoloration on the floor until the dark spot started moving. And growing. Almost beyond hearing came a faint susurration, unlike any sound I’d heard before. Gaining in volume as the spot grew closer it finally clicked what I was hearing.

Bugs, millions of them.

I watched in growing shock as a tidal wave of crawling insects flooded toward us, coating every available surface in a layer half a meter deep and spreading out to cover all of the horizons in sight. Skritter grew more alarmed with each passing second, alternately hissing at the approaching swarm and urging us to run through the link.

“What the hell is that!?”

“That would be the Bane, young Kosimar. Quasi-magical, they devour almost everything in sight with a degree of digestive efficiency even you would envy. They reproduce via binary fission and can survive off of naught but ambient magic, meaning even a single one can spiral into an out of control infestation in days.” He grinned at me while floating higher into the air.

“They are most fortunately flightless, so I’ll be in no danger. Your scrappy friend, however, would be a bit outside his element against this foe so he’ll be joining me.”

A bubble popped up around a very distraught Skritter and lifted him into the air. I felt a brief flash of sympathy for the poor guy (Veris really likes ‘bubbling’ him, doesn’t he?) before a growing concern of my own came up.

“What about me??”

“You will be practicing your magic against them! Don’t worry, if they begin to consume you I’ll pull you right out.” He called back cheerily.

“But… you haven’t taught me to actually do anything yet!”

“Experience is the best teacher, my dear boy. Give the little devils what-for!”

I wanted to scream in frustration but I was out of time. The wave of bugs was almost on me, the sound nearly deafening. Just the sheer volume of mandibles clicking and claws scrabbling across the ground was unreal.

The Bane were big, for bugs. Each about the size of a mature rat on earth with a dark brown carapace, they resembled a terrestrial version of deep-sea isopods I’d seen eating sharks on the internet. A dozen legs with sharp claws scrabbled at the ground (and each other) underneath a segmented carapace with vicious jaws snapping at the front.

I braced myself as the tide reached the edge of my aura and swarmed through. It was the first time something living had entered my domain (while I was conscious enough to remember it anyway) and the experience was… weird.

Suddenly I had a complete sense of them, inside and out. I could feel each of them tugging at the ambient mana, each one ravenous and filled with an insatiable desire to spread. The delicate little spark at their centers driving them forward, demanding they investigate this disturbance and devour it if they could. And just like that, I had the solution.

Reaching out with my aura I surrounded the little sparks approaching me just like I’d done with Veris’s spells.

We are Cosmos. Our will is [Law], our will is…

DEATH.