Mash saw the look on Red’s face and understood. It was shame and the kind that could only come from betraying someone you truly trusted. He had worn that same expression once before. The look of utter despair as you gazed at someone who you knew would hate what you had done. He remembered seeing his sister and knowing that he had fundamentally done something wrong. That he couldn’t go back and change things. That his sister would forever remember that moment. Even now, he avoided telling her of his fights with other people for that reason. He couldn’t face the looks again.

It had been back when he was a child, soon after he had received his first class. Back then he had been desperate in his attempt to raise his stats. He followed his brother’s workout and did extra on top of it. He couldn’t even remember how old he was when it happened, but he knew that he had raised his stats significantly. It was after the imprisonment but before his sister had left. That was all he really remembered from that time. When he tried to think about his childhood, he found that it was hard to place events. He had spent so much of his time raising stats and training that the years blended together.

______________________________________________________________________________

Mash in the Past

Mash was training at the park. It had become a routine of his and one that he did constantly. The park he was it was near his house, and he enjoyed spending his time there. People rarely walked by, so he was able to train out of sight of everyone. He could even practice with a wooden stick so long as he hid it from his parents. After the incident, they had stopped him from ever holding anything that could be perceived as a weapon. So, Mash had found this place.

It was hidden behind some large bushes in a much more public park. The ground here was made of the same stone as the roads, and it could barely fit three people, but it was enough for him. There was enough space for him to do almost all the exercises his brother had written down. He did just that, training as often as he could. His parents didn’t mind most exercises, but they had been furious when tried to train with a stick. It wasn’t a proper weapon, but that didn’t seem to matter to them or anyone else for that matter. That only made him want to do it more. He was angry and wanted to get back at everyone that had imprisoned him. All he had done was fight back, and he didn’t deserve to be treated unfairly.

Honestly, Mash didn’t really feel bad for the boy. He understood that what he did was wrong, though that was mostly because of his sister’s insistence. Jonas had been as much to blame as he was. He could’ve just as easily been the one to die, but no one seemed to care about that fact. Mash hadn’t even wanted to fight; he had been content training by himself. Just like now, all he wanted to do was train. It was fun and felt better than playing as the other kids did.

Tucked in between two buildings, he smacked his stick against the nearby wall. It made a subdued clacking noise, as the stick strained against the stone. At first, he had been worried that someone inside would be able to hear him, but he had learned that these buildings were abandoned. He could use the space freely now, and he practiced his strikes against the stone wall. This stick wasn’t as big or sturdy as he would’ve liked, but it bent comfortably around his hands. It worked well enough as an imitation staff.

He heard a few noises, and before he could react two people charged through the bush. Both were boys, and one slammed into him. His shoulder pressed into Mash’s chest. Mash was pushed roughly into the building's wall. He winced as his elbow struck the stone awkwardly. His hand loosened on the staff, and it fell to the ground. Mash instinctively tried to hold on, but his hand shook as his arm felt numb for a second. Some tears formed in his eyes, and he used his opposite arm to wipe them away.

The two men before were at least a year older than him, and they looked like knights in training. One of them had a wooden sword at his waist, while the other had an imitation spear strapped to his back. The blade had been replaced by a plank of wood. Mash’s eyes lingered on the weapons a spike of jealousy rushing him. He wanted one but knew that his parents wouldn’t allow for it.

“Look he’s crying.”

The boy sounded arrogant, and he recognized him as one of the people who had been with Jason back then. These were his friends. Mash didn’t know what to do. He could scream, but then he would get in trouble with his parents. His little alcove made it so that he couldn’t run either. With how it was designed he was essentially in a small corner that was normally hidden behind the bushes. Two buildings’ edges met behind him and trapped him with the two older boys. Mash still found himself snapping back.

“Says the coward. You guys are just acting like bullies.”

Mash was distracted by the pain, and his words sounded a little forced. They were and he didn’t think that his insults were particularly effective. They still felt good to say, though that only lasted for a moment as the nearest boy drew his sword and swung it in one motion. The speed of the strike made him think it was a skill. Knight typically got a basic skill like strike or block. It seemed like this boy had gotten lucky. The blade struck Mash’s thigh and he fell to one leg. His knee hit the stone floor roughly, and he wished he had practiced in the park instead.

“Ouch!”

His yelp was more humiliating than he expected it to be. He clenched his teeth in frustration, but the stupid sound had already escaped his lips. To hide his embarrassment, he jumped at the boy with the wooden sword. While the kid was faster with his skill, Mash had higher stats than the kid. He had been gaining stats quickly with all of his training, and he knew that the knights train less than he did. Mash wasn’t able to jump as fast as he wanted, his thigh hurt when he tried to move. However, he still landed his blow and tackled the kid. His elbow dug into his side, and Mash heard something crunch. He winced from the noise, but it was drowned out as the other boy screamed.

The kid fell over ad coughed up some blood. Mash hadn’t expected his attack to be so strong and wasn’t sure what he should do now. The hesitation let the other boy swing his spear into the back of Mash’s head. At first, Mash didn’t realize what had happened. Then he felt the pain and stumbled forward as he felt dizzy. It made him angry that they were ganging up on him like that. Managing to get his leg under him, he stopped his fall and turned around. Seeing the spear coming for him again, he grabbed it. The wooden blade cut his skin a little but didn’t do much else. He pulled dragging the boy forward, and Mash slammed his elbow into the kid’s skull. He fell to the ground like a dropped doll. Mash turned to the other boy who was screaming as he stared at his blood mixed vomit. Mash stepped toward him and was about to kick him when he heard some rustling in the bush.

“Mash?”

Luna walked through, her eyes scanning everything with concern. Then it shifted to something else. It was fear and disappointment, something he never wanted to see. She started crying, her words coming out as incoherent mumbles. Not knowing what to do, Mash ran. He ran right past his sister, and just kept going. He couldn’t face her, not after what he had just done. So, he ran desperately to get away, to not have to speak or apologize.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Present

Mash looked at Red, and somehow knew what she was thinking. He didn’t know what was happening, but he was reminded of his own shame for some reason.

Priscilla’s message helped him regain his focus, and he thanked her. He needed to figure out what was happening. What was affecting his mind? He focused on what he was getting from his domain and realized that Red was emitting some mana from her body. More than normal. All people had some mana that surrounded their bodies, but what surrounded Red felt more substantial now. Was she using a skill on him?

“Red, what class did you get?”

Red who looked to be debating something, finally seemed to break. She fell to the ground across for him. She spoke quickly with more emotion than he had ever heard from her. Some tears streaked from her face, though they were made of blood. He also noticed that she had a tattoo under her left eye that very much resembled a streak of bloody tears. He didn’t say anything as she spoke. He just listened, her story growing more outrageous by the moment. When she finished, they just sat in silence for a while. Mash processing what she had said. She had started by explaining her class and what it did, he was surprised to hear of her own hatred and disgust with the class. With the way she spoke, he wondered why she hadn’t picked another. He didn’t ask though, thinking that would be a bad idea.

Hearing the talk of her class was interesting, and he realized that her aura was probably what dug up his bad memories. He would need to be careful with his thoughts around Red. It sounded like her friends would be affected by her mood just as much as her enemies. While he would normally be very interested in hearing about her class, his mind was more focused on what had come after. Her explanation of recent events and what had led her here. Mash didn’t know how to respond to that and just stared at her in silence for a while.

“Mash, please, I need to hear a response. I won’t argue if you don’t want to be on a team anymore, I doubt the others would be willing to trust me once they learn of the truth. We barely know each other, and you guys have no reason-”

Mash didn’t let her keep going. He knew what it felt like to talk yourself into despair. Plus, she was thinking about the situation too logically for her own good. In the first place, he never really acted with logic. She was his friend, and for better or worse, he would help her.

“Stop! We are close! All four of us, even if it doesn’t make much sense, it’s the truth. Can you honestly tell me that you expected Jill or Luke or me to abandon you for this?”

Red seemed taken aback by his outburst. Mash didn’t care and just kept going saying everything he wanted to. He was angry, both at Red for not telling them anything and because of her family. Mash had an idea of what his life would’ve been like without his siblings, and he knew how much his parents would’ve been able to change him. It wasn’t something he could just ignore. It was obvious that they had raised Red without any concern for her own thoughts or beliefs. They never even gave her the chance to form those. He spoke his mind without even trying to think through them.

“If Luke came back as a Lich or Jill with some other blasphemous class, I wouldn’t care. I mean that I would still be their teammates regardless. You would too. So just deal with it or let us deal with it. You are the only one that has to decide if you want to stay or not because I’m sure the rest of us want you too. You made a mistake, and so did I.”

Mash felt different images flash through his mind. The image of him running from Luna. The other things he had done back then. The pettiness with which he acted. Being around Red was affecting him more than he would like to admit. Even being aware of the aura didn’t help him much, and he realized that his items probably weren’t good enough to stop something from someone at her level. He knew logically that most items became more useless as someone leveled, but this was the first time he was experiencing it firsthand. He ended the conversation, wanting to distract himself, as his most recent actions came up. The beastmen he had killed, in what he now knew as misguided rage. Being mad at them for putting the collar on Red was one thing, but killing so many of them wasn’t justice.

“I’m going to meditate. Let’s figure out the rest after.”

As Mash closed his eyes to meditate, he saw Red mouth the words “thank you.” He had said all that he wanted and didn’t give her the opportunity to respond. It was somewhat embarrassing to speak so candidly, and he still needed to process his own thoughts too. It seemed like he would be having some trouble sleeping in the near future.