《A Desolate Life》Chapter 79 - The Illusory Demoness
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Chapter 79 - The Illusory Demoness
Yaan looked at Rui with a nostalgic expression. She stared back at him, the cold look on her face never once faltering.
"On what basis do you make this claim?" Rui asked sharply, her eyes locking onto Yaan's. Yaan smiled wryly, he supposed it was natural that she would act somewhat confrontationally when he came right out and told her that this entire world was merely an illusion.
As he thought about his response, his mind suddenly became racked with agony as his memories from the outside world flooded in. Along with the memories came the pain that his mind had been subjected to before he entered this place.
The torrent of incoming memories this time was like a tsunami, whereas previously, it was merely the gentle trickling of a stream. Too much information stormed into his mind all at once, he was simply unable to keep ahold of it all.
Seeing his face contorting but that he was otherwise remaining silent and still, Rui raised an eyebrow, before narrowing her eyes. Only when Yaan finally steadied his breathing and wore a complex look on his face after he managed to reject many of the memories did she speak, no longer needing his answer right now.
"If what you say is true, then you entered an illusion and lost yourself, falling completely into the illusion and embracing it as truth. Am I correct?"
Yaan nodded, not bothering or caring to explain himself. Whilst what she said wasn't quite right, he felt that it didn't matter right now.
Secretly, this made Rui raise her opinion of this boy. From her perspective, he was only a mortal child, but his mindset alone showed her that this was clearly not the case.
"Is this world one that you recognise?" She suddenly asked.
Yaan nodded again.
"I recognised it right away…it's where I grew up, this is a repeat of the past. But, at a certain point, I decided to walk against the preordained fate of this repeating history…"
She didn't ask why, but simply stated:
"You wished to defy your fate, but in doing so, you completely forgot yourself and everything prior to the illusory world. And still, you continued?"
Yaan had to remind herself that this demonic woman was far too perceptive…she actually saw through everything so easily!
"I did." Yaan nodded.
"Since you are willingly revealing this to me, you have clearly changed your approach to handling this illusory world. What caused the change? Why not go on as you were?"
For a moment, Yaan was silent. He sighed and looked up at Rui with a melancholic expression.
Honestly, he had no idea what he should feel towards this unique demoness. She was like nobody else. She had manipulated him for her own gain, convincing him she was 'evil but truthful', all whilst scheming to finally kill him for her own recovery.
And yet, she was the reason that he was still alive, she taught him things which an ordinary teacher would never say to their student.
Rui planned to kill him, but she had also saved his life and taught him how to survive in this world.
Indeed, Yaan had no idea what he felt towards Rui, so he just spoke as if she were anyone else. Apparently though, Rui noticed the deep and complicated look in his eyes. With her intelligence, how could she not understand? Before Yaan even replied, she answered her own question.
"The change was your encounter with me…" Rui murmured, now staring at Yaan with an odd look briefly forming in her eyes.
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"Right. I finally felt danger, despite avoiding the path of my past fate…and then, the ring containing your soul, the ring that I found elsewhere in reality, the ring that let me meet you…literally threw itself at me. Even though I was not standing upon that path of fate, we still ended up meeting…"
Yaan spoke his thoughts aloud, but was careful not to reveal too much to this scheming woman. She had no reason to earnestly help him right now, and she was a demon through and through. Actually trusting her would be a moronic move.
Even so, Yaan felt the urge to stay by Rui's side, to talk with her some more.
It was as if the previous path he had been avoiding became entangled around the opposite path that he was now treading for himself.
Yaan understood that he needed to let go of this path if he wanted to progress. As he made this decision resolutely, more memories continued to flood back, causing his face to contort in pain.
Rui watched him expressionlessly, only speaking when he looked up and exhaled.
"If this world is truly an illusion, then you're in serious trouble outside of this place."
Yaan smiled wryly. He was beginning to recover some of his memories. He remembered Rui, and he vaguely remembered how he came to enter this world, so he knew that she was right.
Ignoring that latter half of her remark, he asked:
"You still don't believe that this world is an illusion? Well, since I'm the one in the illusion, I guess it would be hard for the inhabitants to accept that they're…they're…"
Rui's gaze flashed, but she hid it quickly before Yaan suddenly looked up.
"What are you, exactly? Are you alive? Are you an illusion? And…what exactly makes something an illusion?"
Unknowingly they had started walking in a random direction, side by side.
Without even thinking about it or knowing the direction, Yaan was now heading back to the Heavenly Path Sect.
"Illusion…is reality really any different to a perfect illusion of reality…" Rui murmured, leaving Yaan in a daze as he felt like he had almost comprehended something important.
Rui glanced down at him, observing his expression and taking note of his thoughtful reaction to her words.
"Are you afraid? That if I break the illusion, you'll die?" Yaan finally replied after some time.
"For me to die, I would first need to be alive. Are you saying that the inhabitants of this illusion are true, living beings?"
Rui's expression right now was almost teasing, leaving Yaan feeling dazed. It was as if she already knew the answer, like she was only trying to get Yaan to think. But more importantly, the way she was acting towards him felt somewhat different compared to the Rui he remembered…
Was it because he was more mature, so she was treating him differently? Had she realised something that he had not? Was the illusory Rui different from the real Rui?
Or maybe, she was just acting, manipulating him once again…
The pair continued to converse as they walked.
"So this illusion really is a trial." Rui nodded as Yaan finally remembered and explained how he arrived in this world.
He had found that whenever he focussed, he was able to cut through a membrane of darkness, digging deep into a vast empty space. He would grab the countless specs of lights floating in a patterns through this space, taking them for himself.
He quickly realised that these specs were his memories, but these memories were all poisoned to a horrifying degree. Rui also noticed this, making her feel bewildered as to why he had entered this shocking trial in such a desperate state! His mind was afflicted by astral spirits, and even the calamity of insanity pill!
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Yaan endured the pain, focussing on remembering as much as he could. It was as if clearing up the toxic fog around a memory would purify it, allowing him to absorb it into his mind, restoring the memory for himself in this world, but without risking him exiting the illusion like before.
"So, you've finally accepted that this is an illusion?" Yaan chuckled, but wheezed slightly in pain at the end there.
"Caring about questions like that is why you're still unable to complete the trial." Rui spoke indifferently, showing no signs of caring about his horrific plight.
Yaan laughed and scratched his head. Indeed, earlier, he discussed illusion trials with Rui, starting from the weakest and most ordinary, but eventually reaching such incredible illusions…like this one.
As Yaan's memories came back and he described how he had come here and why he did it, Rui hid her shock. Still, she did explain to Yaan that an illusion trial like this was not even close to ordinary, it was actually amongst the most mysterious known to this world.
She told him that an illusion which could both train the mind and act as a mental trial wasn't strange, as illusions were actually one of the best ways to both train and test the mind. After all, when you became fully enveloped into an illusion like this, you could only rely on your mind to bring you out.
As for why she felt that this illusory world was so extreme, Rui refused to say.
"Since you're able to reach through the illusion and grab the memory fragments from your psyche, you should easily be able to break through this illusion by force. Just recover your memories, then spend a few months attacking the-"
"I already said no." Yaan cut her off firmly, silencing her with a light sigh.
She became silent, she already knew he'd say this. After all, Yaan discovered this method within seconds of arriving in this place, but rejected it completely after just another few moments. This sort of absolute certainty was very unusual…
"Then which method will you choose?" Rui asked, glancing down at him.
They had now been walking for three days without rest, speaking a few sentences maybe once every hour or so. Neither was the talkative type, and they would only open their mouths if they felt it important enough to say aloud.
"None." Yaan replied flatly. As Rui looked at him expressionlessly, Yaan laughed. Rather than responding with his words, he suddenly reached out with both arms.
TIIII!
He tore through an imaginary wall, reaching a vast yet spaceless void. With a calm and resolute gaze, Yaan reached out, waved his hands, then dragged towards him as many fragments of white light as he could fit into his arms as possible!
Rui only saw the lights flash around Yaan's head, followed by a thick corrosive sludge making its way into his brain. There was also an astral spirit, something that made her feel slightly startled. There was also the entire remainder of the calamity of insanity pill!
Until now, Yaan only tentatively took back his memories, a few at a time. This time though, he deliberately drew in as many of the densest, most powerful memories as possible!
These turned out to be the very same memories afflicted by Ghu Lin's poison, the countless other poisons, the calamity of insanity pill in its entirety, and the 2-Star astral spirit!
Entering the illusion unexpectedly protected Yaan from all of the detriment to his mind until now. It was as if his consciousness no longer resided within his mind in the real world, and was only here, in the trial illusion!
He realised that this was one of the reasons the old man had agreed to send him into the trial. The trial itself was dangerous for Yaan, yet also protected him from his fragile situation.
But when he dragged those things towards his conscious mind, they assaulted him with the ferocity of a thousand hounds!
Rui stared with a sharp gaze. She knew that any one of these malicious things should easily be able to collapse a mortal's mind within mere seconds! Knowing that time was of the essence, she leaned over and stretched out, intending to detoxify these monstrosities herself.
"I entered the illusion…not for the trial…but to step onto the path of psyche power!" Yaan growled out in a pained voice. Rui paused, an inch before touching him. She stared down at him for three minutes, before silently sitting down on the ground, just a few feet away.
'Undertaking a divine illusion trial, not for the trial reward…but to temper his mind…' She thought silently. After hearing Yaan's words, she could feel the indomitable resolution in his weakened aura.
Like Yaan, Rui was a decisive person. She had decided this time that no matter what, she would merely watch. Whether he lived or died, she would not intervene or even say a single word. If he wanted to survive this calamity, he would need to achieve something truly miraculous.
An hour passed by. The fact that Yaan was still alive was incredible. His willpower was amazing, but that alone would not be enough.
After two hours, Yaan looked like a dried up corpse. After three, Rui suddenly remember something…
"He's a mortal, yet he walked for three days straight without any food or water…combined with these poisons and the pressure he must be facing from this shocking illusion…"
Despite knowing exactly how to help him overcome this enormous hurdle, Rui remained silent and didn't move.
But Yaan did move, slowly raising both hands. His head was now shrivelled up like a dried dusty prune. Rui stared expressionlessly, as if completely unconcerned.
"The mind as a whole, contains ones intelligence…"
"The sea…or the fragments of light…contain one's knowledge…"
"The background fabric is wisdom…"
"And the walls…form and hold together sentience itself!"
Yaan' voice was weak and raspy, but Rui's eyes widened in surprise at his words. She narrowed her gaze and stared seriously as he again reached through the realm boundary, towards his own mind!
"Ugh…" Yun involuntarily groaned in agony as his migraine was amplified by multiple fold for every second he clenched down with his two palms. Yaan couldn't help but scream out in agony, until his body lacked the energy to even scream.
He exhaled wheezily. After a full 90 seconds of intense struggle, he pulled back his palms, slowly pushing them together and materialising a deep dark orb of blurred energy as he did so. Cracking sounds echoed throughout his body, until his body could no longer exert anymore force to devour the dark orb.
Yaan grit his teeth, then leaned in and opened his mouth, biting down with his teeth to crush the ball down even further!
His teeth almost cracked as memories seeped into his brain in a random order, draining him crazily!
If it weren't for the past year, this year where Yaan developed the ability to become so overwhelmingly single minded that he could even willingly forget his own past, then maybe he would have failed at this stage. The pain was so maddening that he wanted nothing more than to stop, to scream, to give up…
And yet, his remaining spark of resolution was enough to drive him forwards crazily, such that he would forcefully persevere with this method, even throughout his own death!
And dying he was. Grey skin, shattered bones, half of his blood pooling on the floor below, a disfigured face….
Yaan curled into a ball and squeezed with his remaining strength, exerting more power than any mortal should be able to muster.
For some reason, the memory of him attacking Elder Sun returned to his mind.
Suddenly, Yaan seemed to gain an impossible, overwhelming surge of strength, pushing forth with his entire body so ferociously that the orb was finally small enough to be fully absorbed into his body.
But unlike his damaging body tempering training, there was no element present for his recovery here. The unknown mental fortitude that had filled his body until now, simply gave Yaan the ability to draw out far more of his strength than his body could handle.
As the black energy finally seeped into his flesh, the power instantly reappeared within his mind and reformed the black orb within. Just as quickly, the orb exploded, refilling and reforming his mind.
Yaan simultaneously forced every malicious entity contained within the dark orb into the same mental space.
The astral spirit attacked first, but it was defeated immediately before the others fell soon after.
Yaan slowly sat up, looking as decrepit as ever. Slowly, he let out a sigh, before opening his eyes whilst Rui watched on, looking at him oddly.
"You tore out a chunk of your own mind. It seems you are truly determined to to see this through."
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