《A Desolate Life》Chapter 77 - Unchanging Fate
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Chapter 77 - Unchanging Fate
Standing by his lonesome within a deep, dark forest, there was a young boy of 5 or 6 years old. Like the other boys in this village and similar mortal villages in the vicinity, this boy was slightly larger, better fed and better exercised than a typical child from a mortal region outside of the forest. As the boy looked down at his hands, he felt dazed.
"Why are my hands so tiny?" He blinked his innocent and youthful eyes. Then laughed and shrugged, scratching his head and running off to play. Perhaps it was the attention span of a child, but he immediately forgot about the strangeness of the situation.
The child ran past a particularly dark tree. This tree was slightly further into the woods, but it was a type of tree that he would never mistake, since it was one of the 100 year old dark oak trees he had been forced to chop down in Zong Village.
Yaan smiled as he recalled this memory, but suddenly froze, filled with a deep sense of dissonance. As memories from a life he had never lived entered his mind, Yaan was left dazed, at a complete loss as for what to do.
For a moment, a stream of memories flashed through his mind. He was no child but a young man, he was a powerful cultivator, and this…all of this was…
Yaan looked around. He was currently playing just out of the village outskirts. Technically this was forbidden, but the kids always loved to dare one another, to see who was the most courageous and by seeing who would venture furthest into the dark forest. Honestly though, nobody ever went more than 30 feet past the fence. They really were a bit scared of that place, especially when they remembered the stories their parents told them at night.
Dazed and feeling an indescribable feeling in his chest, Yaan continued to walk along the outer fence, brushing his hand against the wood. It had been a while since he'd felt this sort of rough and crude texture…
"Yaan! I told you not to go outside of the village! I'm serious Yaan, even if it's just outside of the fence, it really is dangerous, the guards can't protect you if you're out there!"
After spotting his father not far away, waving and shouting at him sternly to hop back over the dark forest gate, a warmth spread through Yaan's eyes. Despite being reprimanded, something that would have filled him with rage and discontent in the past, he now only felt the parental affection and worry coming from this man.
Yaan again looked down at his small hands, and as those strange, seemingly far away memories stormed through his mind, he shut his eye for a few seconds.
When he reopened his eyes, the memories were no longer present, but the current Yaan was also not the same naive child as he had been in the past. He smiled at his father, jogging over and walking side by side until they returned home.
The reason for his father searching for him, was actually because his mother was giving birth right now! Since in this village it was considered improper for the men to watch their wives give birth, Yaan's father went out to search for his son, if only to distract him from his anxiety for a short while.
Yaan met his aunt outside of the family home. He waited patiently until the midwife announced the successful and healthy birth. From start to finish, Yaan remained calm and unrushed, surprising the adults around him. It definitely wasn't normal for a child to stand still for hours like that…
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"Are you sure you're ok Yaan?" His father asked seriously at dinner. "You shouldn't worry so much about the immortal inspector, you really have nothing to worry about. The adults are just afraid of those important officials because they possess unusual abilities, that's all."
Yaan's warm smile faded slightly as a strange light flashed through his eyes. A certain memory entered his mind, but it was forcibly suppressed as soon as it surfaced.
He quickly recovered his care-free face, nodding and smiling at his father, the man who had raised him.
His father and mother shared a doubtful glance, but they were secretly thankful that Yaan wasn't being so agitated like all of the other children. Still though…
Finding him playing alone outside of the fence could be considered normal. He was anxious just like the other kids, so he ended up straying a bit far.
But after he returned home, he was so proactive in helping out with the family chores! Especially with caring for his mother, whilst making sure the baby was as happy and comfortable as possible.
"Yaan, to take on so many responsibilities to help out the family without even saying a word…" His father stared at him, making Yaan force a smile slightly.
"You have truly become a fine young man! Haha, I can rest easy now, knowing that I have a son such as you! Even if I were to die this very night, I could feel at ease, leaving the household matters and the care of the family to Yaan." The man smiled down at Yaan, a look of pride and amazement in his eyes. Yaan's smile become a bit more forced, but he then quickly recovered and nodded with a broad grin.
"Don't talk about dying off just yet father! You still have a newborn baby girl that you need to raise properly. I'm definitely not ready to raise a child right now…" Yaan spoke honestly, from the depths of his heart.
His parents were much more relaxed that night than they had expected. Everyone ate a humble dinner, then fell asleep early with almost full stomachs, and hopeful expectations for the future of their family.
The following day, that jovial mood was nowhere to be found. Well, really, it could only be found in the Kann household in the first place, nobody else in the village felt at ease in the least.
Yaan saw the children, worried and speaking to their parents, asking about what was happening. They hadn't been told anything until now, other than the fact that a highly esteemed immortal from the Heavenly Path Sect would be visiting, and that they all needed to be on their absolute best behaviour.
Yaan understood that the parents were anxious and didn't want to spread this anxiety to their kids, but he felt like leaving them all in the dark until the very last moment was also a mistake. If they had explained things days, even weeks or months ago, the children would have been prepared and acted properly.
Of course, baby June was…she was sleeping peacefully. Yaan's head swung to the side faster than a speeding blade, only looking relieved upon seeing the baby's adorable sleeping face.
Yaan didn't understand why, but he knew that it was imperative that nobody acted out, and that his baby sister remained quiet and asleep…
Truthfully, Yaan was wearing a look extremely similar to his father's own right now. Both of them wore the same expression, yet they were clearly very different. A young man with bright eyes and youth filling his gaze, and a young child, but a child with such a deep pair of eyes that people would avert their gaze away from him on instinct.
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Yaan noticed this a few times along his way towards the village square. Eventually, he averted his eyes, not looking at anyone, instead focussing on his family. His expression kept changing between a very faint, soft smile, and an uneasy look of fright. However, it was as if something was suppressing the frightful feeling, preventing him from thinking too deeply into it…
As Yaan stood there amongst the crowd, he still couldn't care less about the atmosphere, about the worries, or the so called 'immortal'. Rather, he had the urge to gaze upon his father's and mother's faces, as if attempting to burn these images into his mind. He also kept a close watch on his baby sister, and even fashioned a sort of baby-gag, something like a thin blanket that the baby would chew and suck in order to stop her from crying.
Of course, the only fabrics in their village were old rags, so it wasn't exactly without its flaws.
For a brief moment, Yaan's attention was drawn away from his family and towards the only other person in this village that he truly cared for like his own family. She was a young girl called Elia, the envy and desire of all the young boys, and Yaan's childhood friend. They regularly played together, but he remembered that he never felt nervous around her, unlike the other boys when they mustered up the courage to approach her.
For some reason, seeing Elia standing there, with both her family and all the other villagers, made Yaan feel an almost unbearable sense of guilt, regret, and ultimately, helplessness. He suddenly had the urge to rush up to her and apologise for every one of his wrong doings since they were children, but upon seeing her nervous expression, seeing her holding onto both her mother and father's hands…
Yaan sighed. He couldn't replace the comfort that a child felt from their parents. He was also just a kid after all….right, he was just a child, and today was-
"Wahhh!"
Yaan's heart skipped a beat and he whipped his body around. He turned and stared at the lord immortal, whilst stepping forwards in front of his baby sister to hide her from view, and gagging her such that she was unable to create another sound.
Everything became silent.
"Hmm." The old man whom Yaan only now realised was present, also elicited a bizarre emotional response within him.
For some reason, Yaan wanted to rush forwards, to tear off his limbs, to drink his blood and crush his heart! He wanted to place his head upon a spear and position it before everyone he cared for, to make an example of those who wronged him!
"Wait, what am I even thinking…?" Yaan murmured to himself with wide eyes. Luckily he was quiet enough that nobody heard him, but he became pale faced and swallowed as he was forced to acknowledge that…he had really just visualised something so cruel, so evil, as if it was only natural!
Dazed by his own thoughts, Yaan didn't realise that he was being called, until his father violently shook his shoulder and gave him a shove whilst whispering into his ear.
"Quickly, don't make the lord immortal wait, do as the others have done and test your talent!"
Yaan felt as if he was in a dream. The other kids were also quite clearly out of it and dazed by the sudden turn of events, but truthfully, none of this had surprised Yaan even a single time…as if he expected things to play out this way…
As he turned back to stare towards his family, he smiled and nodded.
His talent was measured as medium, so he was to join the Heavenly Path Sect outer sect in Zong Village.
'Eh, Zong Village…? Did he say that, or…?'
Yaan sighed and shook his head in the end. He felt somewhat wary as the kids were continually tested, and everyone congratulated Elia who felt prideful to have a high talent. Yaan also smiled politely, but he was feeling an increasingly bad premonition now, growing stronger by the second…but just what was it exactly….?
"Wahh- " Yaan's heart lurched and his eyes snapped towards his family. His mother hurriedly pushed the gag further into little June's mouth, whilst holding the baby beneath her loose fitting shoal, basically hiding her entirely. Yaan's father stepped forwards casually and stood in front of his wife…Yaan's aunt swallowed, frozen in fear and unable to act.
Yaan knew that Elder Sun wasn't all that impressive, he wasn't all knowing at least, so he hoped that this short cry would go unnoticed. Or perhaps, he would just leave it be, they had been kind and polite enough, right? Why would he-
Yaan's hopeful thoughts were brought to an abrupt stop when he quickly looked back at the older Qi master. The old man was smirking, gradually forming a faint mocking, even relieved smile, which he hid within an instant. Aside from Yaan, nobody else so much as noticed a trace of his glowing expression.
A scene akin to a nightmare played out in Yaan's eyes. He was too far away…he was a mortal…he had no weapon…this would be suicidal…he shouldn't…
But he did. As the old man raised his sword, Yaan dashed at him. Somehow, Yaan crossed a distance of twenty feet in just a couple of seconds, when starting from a stand still! This was a shocking feat for a mortal, but still was not enough!
Elder Sun had initiated his attack. The sword glowed with blue Yuan Qi, showing off his prowess to an unnecessary degree by actually using a spell just to kill some mortals.
Yaan's expression was filled with anger, loathing, hatred, helplessness, and…a feeling that he refused to accept. He knew that there was a truth, right there, practically attached to his body, and yet…
He wanted to save them. No matter what, no matter if this was real or illusion, dream or truth, it didn't matter…no matter what, Yaan would do whatever it took to save the lives of his family members!
And in that moment of desire, it was as if something clicked in his brain. He possessed nothing, no power, no strength, no weapon, not a damned thing! All he had to fight with, all he had at his disposal to protect his family, was his will and his mind!
Yaan himself was in a state of confusion, a sort of delirious mess of understanding wherein he wasn't sure what was real and what was fake. The memories of his two lives converged and overlapped, only….the whole memory of his life following his family's demise, really didn't feel possible, it was like some twisted dark fantasy that nobody would be willing to accept as the truth. These memories seemed to come and go, causing Yaan to continually remember and forget, as if he was rejecting the cruel truth…
But regardless, in this instant here and now, his family still lived, and Yaan had the ability to reach out!
He was still two feet away from the elder when the old man's sword began glowing with blue light. As the sword rapidly accelerated and shot forwards, not a single person could react. It was so fast that they couldn't even make out its movements!
CHI!
"Ah!"
"H-his hand!"
"Yaan, are you ok?!"
The children all screamed as Yaan attempted to block the sword. No, he did block the sword for a brief instant, but the spell…
He turned ever so slowly towards his left, ignoring his mutilated palm, twisting his neck until his eyes landed upon the same bloody corpses that he had…seen before…? How could he have- no, why was he thinking such useless thoughts, he needed to-
"Ah!"
Yaan let out a soft noise. He stared at his deceased mother, his headless aunt, his impaled baby sister, and his dying father who stared up at him.
His father finally smiled in relief when he saw that Yaan had chosen to stop, instead of losing himself to his rage. The blood swept into his eyes, but because Yaan was a bit further away, the dying man was at the very least able to make out the blurred figure of his son, his pride ad joy, his intelligent, talented child.
He slid down the sword blade. When the elder stared down at the corpses and casually waved his hand to retrieve the blade, he glanced at the man's face and snorted coldy.
CHI!
"You-!"
"Falcon…don't. Unless you want all of us to be killed next." Yaan spoke in a strangely calm voice, yet it was also so monotonous, so lacking in emotion and energy, that it did not sound like a human's voice.
The children stared at Yaan, amazed that he could stay calm and composed, even now. When Elder Sun returned to his side, he looked down at the child and felt shocked.
No hatred, no malicious intent, no anger, but there was…something…a sort of loneliness, a desolation that wouldn't usually be found on a child, as this feeling could only be accumulated over a lengthy, isolated life.
"You planned to kill to make an example and to imbue fear into the mortals. My sister crying out was merely an excuse, four individuals of varying ages were destined to die today." As Yaan spoke these words clearly and without a trace of emotion, Elder Sun froze, then even trembled.
He was a glorious True Yuan Qi realm powerhouse, whilst this brat was merely a child! And yet....and yet...for some reason, he absolutely wanted to avoid that child, he did not want to further aggravate this conflict or anything of the sort!
Yaan glanced at the old man indifferently. Perhaps if he had the ability to do so, he would kill this old man…but he did not. Even if he had overcome a certain boundary within this illusory world by pushing his mind to achieve the impossible, he was still too far away from being able to kill a True Yuan Qi realm Qi master.
But aside from that, Yaan now felt that this was somewhat pointless…this was an illusion, and he had already failed to change the course of the past.
Two carriages arrived to pick up the kids, but as they all boarded, Yaan simply walked past.
"Huh, kid? Where are you going! Get in the back, we're taking you to become disciples of the Heavenly Path Sect!"
Unfortunately, those inspiring words were meaningless to Yaan's ears.
Today, he had succeeded, and yet, he completely and utterly failed. He achieved the impossible, using the power of his mind to cross ten feet in an instant. He succeeded in cultivating his mind, or at least, he had realised the way.
Yaan was still resolute in his pursuit of comprehending psyche power, but firstly, how was he supposed to do that? Secondly…he wanted to see if he could change something. Anything, any significant outcome.
These were his thoughts when he had initially arrived in this place and realised the truth, that it was an illusion. After coming to this realisation, he had disconnected his mind from the outside world, leading to him forgetting his memories. He had the feeling that if he completely connected to his memories, he would be able to find a way out from this illusion, but he chose to take a different path.
He wanted to see if his family were actually destined to be massacred senselessly on that day, or if perhaps he could change this, even if it was a false world.
Yaan walked in the opposite direction of the horse drawn carriage. Mysteriously, the carriage driver blinked and rubbed his head following Yaan's departure, feeling confused as to why he had just shouted at…a child, was it? After shrugging and not overthinking it too much, he casually watched as a gloomy and despairing looking young boy entered the carriage. The driver sighed, pitying this boy who had just watched the ruthless massacre of those he once love.
Yaan entered the carriage, yet he also did not. It was as if in that moment where he decided to deliberately walk against the preordained fate set out in this dream of a world, he split away from his former position in the world. He unknowingly separated from the child he once was, walking towards an entirely separate path. This path was filled with unknowns, Yaan had no idea what would be from here. But still…he chose this path, and that alone was reason enough for him to see it through to the end.
Unknowingly, the wound on the palm of the Yaan who entered the carriage was nowhere to be seen. At the same time, nobody seemed to remember his actions from before…
When Yaan separated from his past in this way, the tentative connection he had established to his memories vanished. He no longer remembered who he was, but that was no matter. Whilst he could not see the path behind him, the path ahead was as clear as day.
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