I was confused.

There was nothing to strike out against here, nothing to grab and claw and tear to ribbons. I couldn’t fight the darkness. I howled in pain and anger, wanting desperately to be able to attack someone, but there was nothing.

I realized through the bleary nightmare of my rage that I was back in the hole I’d tumbled into before Zeol had scooped me up. I roared again and tried to strike in the black to connect with something–anything–that would allow my bottled fury to become uncorked. But all I found was emptiness.

BOOM!

I hit something with enough force that I saw stars, except it was as though I could perceive them from every orifice in my body. I tasted copper–blood, I realized– and the pain from the collision rattled across my body in a radiating wave leaving me shuddering and screaming. Agony pierced every square inch of my skin, bones, and muscles as a terrifying heat washed over me. I knew, in a daze, that I was bleeding. Badly.

I realized I had my eyes closed and opened them to view my status screen. My health was deep into the red, and there were a few notifications that had burst forward in my vision, detailing exactly how utterly fucked I was.

Primal Rage!

You have taken Force Damage from falling!

+2% resistance from Zeol’s Falling Star Aegis

+2% resistance while enraged.

Condition: Fractured

Will continue to lose Stamina while suffering from this effect at a rate of 5 Stamina per 1 second(s).

Condition: Bleeding mitigated

So, I only felt like I was bleeding out. I supposed that was a net positive. But why the fuck hadn’t my Aegis completely nullified the damage? Wasn’t that something it could do? Did I have to activate it? Or had I used that little morsel too recently and I’d need to wait a whole twenty four hours to use it again? I didn’t know if it was still the same day from the last time I’d done it–which had happened automatically.

I knew that my Primal Rage had dissipated. I could feel it leaving my body like a rain cloud passing overhead. My thoughts became clear again.

Zeol.

Why had he done that? Why would he piss me off like that, only to…

I felt a pang of terror as I looked at my other notifications and then at my health bar.

-9 / 220 Health remaining!

Holy fucking hot cross fuck!

I’d lost everything and then some, crashing into the negatives.

Negative nine… oh, fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

I remembered that I had that orc trait–Unfaltering, or whatever–that kept me alive past the point of expected death. I could drop ten points below zero before dying, and luckily, I’d been one shy. But, this temporary boost to my life would only allow me to keep moving for one minute. After that, I would be toast.

Panic replaced anger as I became very fucking scared that I would die. I could still move, somehow, but my body felt like it was wrapped in a sleeping bag filled with ball-punches. I staggered to my feet and swayed, putting a hand up to steady myself against the rocky wall. I was finally able to see again with my Dark Vision now that I wasn’t Tasmanian Devil-ing through a void. However, my prospects looked grim.

I was crouching in another dark, empty expanse of tunnels. Though, these were considerably larger than the last one on account of the whole “no ceiling” thing I’d just collapsed through. My heart rate quickened again, this time from anxiety.

Where the fuck am I going to find healing? There’s nothing here!

I stumbled forward, panting. I felt hot and nauseous, sweating as I moved urgently. But, with the fall damage I’d received, it was slow going. I didn’t know how long I had left.

I’m going to fucking die! I’m going to fucking die! Move! I’ve gotta find something to heal myself with. I’m going to die!

I bumbled toward a hallway breathing hard. I tripped and fell forward but caught myself again on the wall, heaving from panic.

Shit! This is it! I’m going to die in a hole in the fucking ground in a stupid fucking world, in this stupid fucking body! Fuck!

Then, I heard a voice. It was inside my head.

Loon, the voice said, dangerously serious. This is Zeol.

“Go away, you dumb shit head!” I shouted. “I’m about to die, and I don’t need your numbskull-ass insults to drift with me down the River Styx!”

Listen to me very carefully, Zeol said. His tone was urgent and almost… pleading. Do you still have the pastry you stuffed into your pocket?

“What?” I asked stupidly.

The pastry that you took from the table–you snatched it up and took it with you.

I didn’t respond. I was having a tough time following his line of questioning.

Pastry? Like, the cookie? Did he mean that thing?

I stuck my hand in my pants and my fingers brushed against the crumbly texture of the sweet I’d so eagerly plucked for later. I withdrew it and stared at it, my eyes beginning to unfocus.

That’s the one, Loon! Stay with me, dear orc!

While inside my head, his words started to sound as if they were fading away, and I noticed that my Dark Vision seemed to be phasing in and out as well. Am I already dying? I was less scared of that now for some reason; my mind no longer an angry symphony of hate and discord. It felt nice. Comfortable, even. Like I needed to just drift off, and everything would be fine.

LOON!

The voice had come back with full power, jolting my awareness. I shook my head and looked at the cookie in my hand again. It had almost fallen out of my grasp, but I held it up in front of me to stare deep into it as if it would reveal some universal truth.

Eat it! Do it fast–you don’t have time to do anything else!

Man, the voice was loud… and annoying. I just wanted to sleep. I was so tired, and my body hurt so much. Wouldn’t just a short rest be better than continuing on like this? Plodding from place to place in this awful, alien world.

I had a moment of clarity as I realized what was happening. I was almost dead!

I can’t die here! What the hell was I doing? I will not die here. I’m going to die in a motorcycle accident on the run from the cops on my twenty-seventh birthday! Not here. Not. Fucking. Here.

I lifted the cookie with trembling fingers. Ones that were–and weren’t–mine. I could hear Zeol’s voice, faint and fading again.

Eat it, Loon! It will restore your health enough that you will survive!

“Restore… health?” I couldn’t manage anything else. In my compromised state, I was having trouble understanding why Zeol was trying to help me. He’d been such an asshole just a moment ago. Was he trying to trick me? What would be the purpose if I was about to die, though? One final prank before I drop dead in a pile of piss and shit?

I heard a shuffle not far from me. Something was moving in the pitch-black void of the underground tunnel, but with my Dark Vision ebbing in and out, I wasn’t able to see. Was there a light? Was it stars?

I opened my mouth and felt drool dripping from my lips. Come on! Just a little more! I examined the pastry. Fuck it. I’m going to die anyway. I lifted the cookie, summoning all my might. Almost there.

I drooped, feeling my strength fail me and the cookie tumbled out of my grasp. I watched it fall.

Oh…

A light burst to life in front of me, igniting in a fiery sphere. I couldn’t react, but for the record, I totally wouldn’t have winced anyway. There was a shape I couldn’t make out because of the sudden application of intense lumination. But I felt–whatever it was–strike my face. I didn’t go down, but I felt my jaw crumble as my face was hit again. Were my teeth shattered? Why didn’t it hurt more? Why was it… sweet?

Just as I saw my health bar dip to negative ten, I felt a tingle in my mouth, and then my HP was rocketing upward and shimmering with golden light.

That had been too close for comfort!

My lifeline kept growing until it hit my maximum. But then it kept climbing. It soared higher and higher, everything past my original total health turning electric green, while below it was still gold.

“Wha?” I muttered. My teeth hadn’t been broken, nor had my jaw. It had been the pastry. Someone had shoved it in my mouth and saved my life.

I instantly felt the curative energy pounding in my veins. It was uncomfortable, like tiny hammers striking my capillaries in a swarm. I could feel injuries inside my body begin to dissolve and muscles knit together. My bones creaked and groaned, and more of them than I was comfortable with snapped back into place with sharp stabs of miniature punishment. My body was working overtime to fix itself as quickly as possible, but goddamn it I didn’t like the sensation. It was like the day I found out bones were wet.

I let my eyes adjust to the glow of a fire. Torchlight. My savior slowly shifted into view, and I stared numbly at them.

Stinky.

He was smirking, his trio of mouths looking like cruelly-sliced deli ham.

“How…?” I said. Why wasn’t I able to communicate?

Oh.

My Stamina was super low again. Apparently, slogging along trying to not die while my health was flat-lining was not great for it. It made me physically exhausted, but why the mental cloud? I checked my status screen. Ah. It showed that Fatigue I had grown up, hit puberty, and gotten itself a mustache.

Condition: Fatigued

Fatigue II

Abilities and Skills suffer -10% efficiency while under the Fatigue II condition effect.

“Save the ‘thank you’s and waterworks, orc,” Stinky said. “You’ll need all the moisture you got for whatever blood is left in that body. Gods, man. You look like fresh death.”

“Fr…sh…” I started. “Fre–”

“What?” Stinky asked.

“Fresh… to death,” I was able to manage. “I’m… fresh to… death.”

Stinky just gave me a baffled look and shook his head.

“Why… help?” I breathed.

Stinky shrugged and shot me a dangerous grin that showcased all of his fangs. I would have shivered, but I needed the energy to keep my bones from falling out.

“I told you to wait up,” he said. “We have a truce. I’m not letting some hole in the ground claim you before I can.”

I managed a nod. I needed to rest, but this did not seem like the opportune time. Almost dying three times in less than twenty-four hours was apparently pretty fucking awful on your feel-goods. I was so fucking tired that my ears hurt. I began to drift a little, staring right at Stinky.

Don’t cut my throat… I thought. My eyes shifted, and I blinked slowly. Then I saw my health bar, and I could feel my eyes widen automatically.

Temporary Health +595

Hit Point increase for [240] minutes.

All conditions healed.

815 / 220 Health Points

“What was in that cookie…?” I wondered aloud quietly.

Then I passed the fuck out.