Pah, one of those strange fever dreams again. The man Edmund pokes at everything for treasure, Elaine eats mangoes with frantic despair, the kin yet not kin waves her axe around, and the cat-eared woman with the interesting weapons talks to her imaginary companion. Meanwhile, fruits rain on us, rotting shortly after they hit the ground while seasons and moons dance a mad waltz. Sadly, all of this falls within my expectations.

I have already decided that I would never face such an occurrence sober, and the girl Elaine has delivered nicely. She tastes of wings, stars, and mangoes.

“Your wish?” the horror disguised as an affable man offers.

He would do well to hide his essence a bit more. If I cared for this world, I would call him for what he is, and probably eat him as well. If I could. Pah, no matter. If I am to be stuck in this nonsensical dimension, the least I can get in return is a good hunt.

“I wish for a hunt for the perfect blood that I would have a decent chance of succeeding at within an hour.”

I thought my wish carefully worded enough to avoid imminent disaster, but obviously I was wrong. The creature smiles and delightfully smirks.

“Granted!” he beams.

A portal opens, and out of it, a dragon emerges. Well, emerges would be generous. It is ejected without ceremony, squawking as it hits the ground.

“Finally, a challenge!” I roar.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Elaine screams.

She should not worry too much. I specifically asked for one I could win. We are also clearly out of the normal timeline of this planet. All will be fine. I jump on the creature as it flaps its wing in a pitiful attempt to run for its life.

“Hahahahaha! PREY!”

“I’ll help if I can get the bones,” the kin-yet-not-kin Maud says.

“Loot!” the boy announces, twirling his spear.

Cat mumbles something about point value, but it is Elaine who expresses the clearest emotion. Her dismay is so awful that she has dropped her mango. I do not understand, and I care little. Dragon blood, here I come!

The creature tries to fly away, but it is slow, surprisingly slow despite its modest size. I grab its red, scaled flank and bring it down by stabbing its wing mid-launch. The soul blade in my hand drinks up a smidgen of essence and vitality, a fragment of a fragment, but I can already taste it on the tip of my tongue. Magic in its purest form. MUST HAVE IT. It attempts to shake me off with a slow bite, then fire roasts the spot I promptly left. Powerful, but sluggish. It will be an easy —

The world shakes.

“It’s not a dragon, you madwoman, it’s a whelp! A baby!” Elaine screams with despair.

A baby dragon is still a dragon, unless I misunderstand taxonomy. Bah, this is all distracting me from the hunt. The others have already started beating the beast while I was looking away, poking it with a variety of weapons while the kin-yet-not-kin blocks its flame breath with an ice spell. I cannot let them claim the trophy!

The world shakes again, and this time I almost fall. Shortly, the mad dance of seasons around us stops until we are mostly back in tempo with the world, but not with the moon. They continue to move around, except this time, they crack under the tremendous pressure that comes with their speed. The eyes on them blink out.

And are transported to a pair of malevolent real eyes in the distance. They seem to be attached to…

Ah.

Now that. That is a dragon.

The world cracks and realigns at the same time. I land on the whelp, only too aware of the mother’s malevolent gaze. Suddenly, it occurs me that if I die here, I might die in truth.

On the other hand, dragon blood.

“HSSSSS!”

The mother reappears in front of us in an instant. A loud bang pops my ear and I see a hint of fang, but suddenly a terrible radiance fills the space in front of me and the mother is gone, the image revealed to be an illusion. A cataclysmic battle starts between the mother and strange, giant animals coming out of nowhere, the shockwave of their struggle sending all of us tumbling down into the fallen remains of the nearby forest. The whelp tries to escape, but it gets knocked down by a particularly vicious hail of mangoes. As the battle rages, the whelp’s attempts to flee grow more frantic. We believe we have cornered it until a loud explosion sends us all careening to the ground.

“I GROW TIRED OF THOSE DISTRACTIONS!” I scream, until I realize the issue. The world is on fire. Pieces of the moons are raining down upon us. They leave smoking trails as they ignite in the atmosphere, striking the earth with great fury.

“Glacias tempestas,” Maud whispers to counter a scorching plume from the whelp. Cat stays at range, peppering the creature’s wing with her weapons and preventing it from taking off. Meanwhile, Edmund has found a strange rod in a chest inexplicably placed under a mound, and uses it to turn the destroyed trees into javelins, which he hurls at his target to great effect. I rejoin the fray, eager to claim my due and block a sweep of its tail. We are cornering our target nicely. The enticient perfume from its many wounds titillates my nose, but I fear the fire. I must subdue it before I can drink it dry.

“Promethean!”

The heavy links fasten around the creature’s neck, robbing it of its balance. This is the end! I jump on its back, just as Elaine’s ray hit it on the head for the kill… wait.

She healed it?

She healed it!

“What are you doing?” I scream.

“You are insane! Lun’Kat is destroying Remus! I live here, okay?”

“Why do we care about a loon cat, we have a mostly sane cat on our side,” I retort, pointing at the dark haired girl now trying to saw a wing off with a blade made of void.

“Not a cat, the mother! The mother dragon!”

“The weird animals can take care of it while we defeat its child. Come on. Think of… whatever it is that makes you stronger in this place.”

“It’s going to make me dead instead.”

“She is right,” a mysterious man says as he appears by her side. He has white hair, red eyes and… fangs? A kin? Here?

“Greetings,” I salute in Akkad. “It is always a pleasure to meet one of the blood.”

He is not from any bloodline I recognize.

“We do not have time for pleasantries, or indeed for anything else while Remus is at risk of total annihilation because of your reckless behavior. By provoking the mother, you have unwittingly—”

Blah blah blah. I tune him out. Milksop. Who cares about some continent, it’s a dragon hunt!

“Have at you!” I declare, and charge back into the fray with renewed vigor. The creature’s wings are already back to their previous, tattered state courtesy of Cat. Edmund somehow managed to wrap a large rope around its maw while Maud clobbers its fingers with every swipe attempt. We have it. I once again drop onto its neck and twist it, forcing the beast to the ground. If I can just bite through the thin shells around its jugular, I should be able to finish this fight once and for all. With all my might, I tilt the head back and stare with wonder at this wonderful sight. An exposed, scaly throat with the stars and flaming debris forming a scintillating background.

Wait.

Why are those moons so big?