“Hey big boy,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady purred at the pharaoh. “What’s a guy like you doing in a dead end like this?”

The pharaoh stopped looking around, and brought all his focus to bear on the giant creature before him. Her long, soft, brown hair tumbled down her back, lightly brushing the top of her abdomen. The various childrens’ faces stitched onto her body gave him knowing looks before resuming their silent screaming. Her eyes glittered as she sashayed towards him, her thorax undulating in a way that no one had ever seen before.

The pharaoh visibly swallowed. While it was impossible to read his facial expression underneath his mask, his throat was clearly working hard.

“We were trapped here after we were betrayed by our people,” he said. For the first time he sounded the tiniest bit uneasy as the Hunter approached.

“Wow, that must be really hard,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, rolling her right shoulder joints so that her long, brown hair cascaded over it.

“This is why we freed you, great and powerful pharaoh,” Sewer Bard said in smooth tones as he also approached the golden man.

“You have changed your tune, Bard,” the pharaoh sounded as if he was frowning under his mask.

“We freed you to give you a choice, most fearsome one,” Sewer Bard said soothingly. “And you have made your choice. Therefore, it falls to us to support you in your endeavours.”

Qube, meanwhile, was trying to whisper in Definitely Bad Guy’s ear.

“The runes,” she whispered. “Come look at them.”

“I have already examined them,” Definitely Bad Guy said. “Do not touch that, it looks delicate,” he ordered Squiggles, who was trying to eat a small urn. Squiggles gave him a cheeky look, before shoving the whole thing into her mouth.

The Mage sighed as Squiggles crunched away at her new snack.

“Do you do such things purely to vex me?” he asked her. She nodded enthusiastically, her crunching intensifying.

“Stop playing with Squiggles and pay attention!” Qube hissed.

“This is scarcely playing!” Definitely Bad Guy whispered back. “Your familiar is destroying ancient items that hold untold knowledge!”

“Well, pick the things you think are really important and tell Squiggles to carry them out of the room!” Qube gave Squiggles a stern look. “And no eating them, young lady! These things are for researching, not snacking on!” Squiggles gave her a wide-eyed look.

“If they’re not that important, then you can eat them afterwards.” Qube negotiated with her pet. Squiggles perked up. “If Definitely Bad Guy says you can,” Qube continued. Squiggles flattened herself against the ground and hissed.

“Don’t you take that tone with me!” Qube scolded, momentarily distracted from her very important plan to save the kingdom by her pet being bratty. Squiggles turned to Definitely Bad Guy and opened her maw, revealing her rows of teeth.

“No trying to intimidate him into letting you eat what you want, either!” Qube said fiercely. Definitely Bad Guy looked from the half-elf to the sharktopus, and heaved a short sigh.

“Squiggles,” he said, looking somewhat embarrassed, “this is clearly very important to your owner.” Squiggles stopped opening her mouth wider. “I believe we are alike in our desire to assist her in that which she deems necessary to her happiness. Or to protect them,” he added, looking down at the monstrous mascot.

Squiggles closed her mouth and rose from her prone position on the floor. Definitely Bad Guy gave her a small nod.

“These are the items most likely to be of assistance to us,” he said, quickly pointing out about a dozen different things. “Bring those to the scales.” He turned and walked past Qube to the doorway. “I shall reexamine where the runes were and see if I can determine anything.”

Qube and Squiggles looked at each other for a second as the Mage strode off.

“I think he likes you,” Qube said to her pet, before hurrying after him. Squiggles snorted, then slorped off to fulfil her mission.

The plan was really coming together! Qube continued past Definitely Bad Guy, who was staring at the faded runes and muttering to himself, and went up to the Chosen One, who was looking at the scales. Strangely, the fact that Sewer Bard had removed the golden crown, and thus changed the weight of the objects on one side of the scales, didn’t seem to have made the side holding the dagger move at all.

Which meant that, as measuring units, the scales were pretty useless, but it filled Qube with hope that her theory was correct, and that there was still a way to do both things.

“I think he’s waiting for me to come and collect the items,” the Chosen One said as he watched the pharaoh being slowly backed into his sarcophagus by the combined diplomatic pressure of Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and Sewer Bard.

“Well, he’ll be waiting a long time!” Qube said firmly. She looked at the golden sacrificial dagger still lying on the scale. There were runes carved into it that seemed similar to the ones that had been on the door. She squinted at them, trying to read the tiny scribbles.

“You know, those scarabs and mummies really were something,” the Chosen One said casually from directly behind her. Qube straightened up and glanced back at the Hero.

“Thank you!” she said automatically, despite the fact she’d had almost nothing to do with it.

“I do wish that spell had worked on this guy, though. That would have been pretty cool. Especially if we’d managed to get him on our team.” As he was speaking, the Chosen One looked over at the tomb and frowned.

Qube followed his gaze, and felt her stomach drop.

“We have no need of sycophants such as yourself,” the pharaoh was saying, using the flail to push away Sewer Bard. While Qube couldn’t see the Bard’s facial expression, she could read the rigid set of his shoulders and the unnaturally even tone of voice as he replied.

“I assure you, I am no such thing. I merely wish to help guide you as you rule,” the Bard said at his utmost diplomatic.

“And I wish to guide you in other ways,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady breathed, brushing against the pharaoh’s side.

“Enough!” the pharaoh barked as he flicked his flail from where it was pressed against Sewer Bard’s chest and hit one of Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s arms, shoving her away from him. “We have no need for an abomination such as you on our quest for vengeance!”

“Oh no,” Qube whimpered, covering her mouth with her hands. “Oh no.”

Sexy Screamy Spider Lady grabbed the pharaoh’s flail before he could hit her again. She bared her fangs at him.

“I have tried to be pleasing,” she practically spat, venom dripping from her fangs. “But it seems you refuse to be pleased.”

“I would advise you to get back in your sarcophagus,” Sewer Bard said, his voice silken and his lute now back in his hands. “It’s what would be best.”

“Definitely Bad Guy,” Qube called urgently, “have you fixed the runes yet?”

“I do not know if they can be fixed, but the magic that created them appears to still be present,” the Mage replied, frowning as he examined the faded runes with red-engulfed eyes. “This shall require extensive study.”

“We don’t really have time for extensive study!” Qube stressed.

One of the artefacts the Mage had pointed out as important skidded across the floor, coming to rest at the base of the scales.

“Squiggles,” Qube said desperately, “please be careful with those!”

“I don’t think your plan is working,” the Chosen One said unhelpfully.

“I’m aware,” Qube groaned, resisting the urge to start pulling out her hair. “Just — just grab the dagger; we’ll try using whatever remains of the runes and see what happens. Maybe it’ll still work.”

It was all going so wrong! And what was worse was that it all felt wrong too! Like she was leading everyone down the wrong path.

“I cannot speak to the safety of this,” Definitely Bad Guy warned, stepping away from the doors as Squiggles rushed past with another artefact.

“We shall make you bleed for this, peons,” the pharaoh snarled at the Hunter and Bard, who were attempting to press him into his sarcophagus. Despite the fact that he was hitting at them with his flail, none of the trio seemed to actually be injuring each other.

“Perhaps I shall let you taste my daggers,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady threatened.

“I tried to free you,” Sewer Bard added mournfully. “But some things cannot be salvaged.”

“Okay, so you want me to just what, slash open my hand or something?” the Chosen One asked Qube as he reached for the dagger. “How was I supposed to reinforce the seals? I don’t remember. Oh, hey, this cuts through all damage resistance.”

Qube pressed her hands against her temples, trying to stop the swirling chaos. She knew she shouldn’t have tried to lead anyone! She’d just made a mess of it! She didn’t understand the Temples at all! Why wouldn’t it let her just kill the pharaoh?

“Everyone get out of the tomb!” the Chosen One called as he grabbed the dagger.

This was worse than the Water Temple, where the Deep One and the Mermaid Princess had been determined to kill each other. Or the Air Temple, where that lion had wanted to be both a gryphon and a bird.

But every time they managed to solve it. They’d managed to have it so everyone was happy and healthy. Because the Chosen One had been leading them. But the one time she was in charge, she couldn’t even prove her worthiness to the Temple. She’d fallen for one side of their false choice, and couldn’t get to the other.

Their false choice.

With blinding clarity, Qube suddenly realised what was wrong.

“Stop!” she screamed, grabbing the Chosen One’s forearm and pulling it. The dagger he’d been about to drag across his other palm wobbled as she threw her full weight into it.

“What’s up?” the Chosen One asked, with his characteristic lack of regard for the dramaticness of the moment. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and Sewer Bard slowly backed towards the tomb entrance, both of them with their weapons of choice drawn, stopping the pharaoh from exiting. Not that he’d seemed at all inclined to do so before.

Squiggles continued her fetch quest, while Definitely Bad Guy tried to put as much space between himself and the tomb as possible.

“We’re doing the wrong thing,” Qube gasped. The Chosen One raised an eyebrow at her.

“Explain,” he ordered, before gentling his expression. “I mean, what are we doing wrong?” he clarified in a softer tone.

“We made one of the choices. We released the pharaoh. But if we bury him under the sand, then it’s like we never made the first choice.”

“Sure,” the Chosen One said, blinking a bit. “But wasn’t that what you wanted? Check if he was a bad dude before murdering him?”

Qube shook his arm a bit.

“No,” she said insistently. “It’s a false choice. Doing one, then the other, that’s just changing which option we chose, but it’s still the same choice. That’s not what the Temples want. They want us to think for ourselves, and do something completely different. They want us to find a way to make everyone happy.”

The Chosen One let Qube lower his arm as he stared at her, a slight frown between his eyes. Then his face lit up.

“You’ve found a way to properly break things, haven’t you?” he asked gleefully.

“I don’t know,” she said, and yanked the dagger off the Chosen One. Surprised, he released it without resistance.

The sensation of making contact with the dagger was the same as when she’d grabbed the feathers in the Air Temple, or the True Fire in the Fire Temple. This was something more, something terrifyingly strong.

She took the golden crown from Sewer Bard as she passed him, and slid it down her arm.

She felt the power surge within her as she stalked towards the pharaoh, who was warily eyeing the group. His mask shifted to fully face her as she approached, but he didn’t seem threatened by the sight of a small half-elf in Healer garb moving towards him.

“I’m really sorry about this,” she said sincerely, and plunged the dagger into his heart.