《Give me my lily pad back.》Beware of creepy consecrators.
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The road to Ravynmardi was a long one, and it was not made any shorter by Gidea's insistence on constant training. What was the point in Rosalind having a carriage if she was going to be made to run beside it anyway? Traditionally the Princess was supposed to ride inside the vehicle. But her mother was not often nicknamed the Fighting Fiend for nothing.
To her every second that you were awake was a training opportunity, and every second you were asleep was time for ambush preparedness training. (For some reason her mother wanted her to be prepared for being caught off guard, since enemies don’t usually bother to make an appointment, or even stick to waking hours, I know, rude right?)
As if that wasn’t bad enough she had a peashooter, and was not afraid to use it to as she put it “encourage alertness.” It really did not help that she could shoot down a fly on the wing, knew pressure points, and never missed.
Poor Mibbet meanwhile who had not had the benefit of many years of training was rather sick and tired of getting it in the neck (often in a literal fashion) about this. She was tired, and cranky, and knew if she still had froggy kinetic vision and tongue none of those shots would have stood a chance. She had after all caught far faster flies.
Instead now she had taken to walking on the sproingy part of her foot to maximise her chances of avoiding a hit, and it seemed to be working. She was doing far better now, and only two in three shots were getting through now. Plus she’d managed this really cool thing where she’d used choppy to split one of the small darts in two earlier. So maybe there was something to all this training after all.
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Elvira was training too of course, right alongside her cousin, and couldn’t help noticing she seemed a lot more relaxed these days, before now she had just hopped from demand to demand, true many of the demands were targeted at not very nice people, but she had still always looked about ten seconds away from explosion for years. Yet now here they were, helping charity, setting up infrastructure, and even getting along with her mother after a fashion. Usually they got along about as well as two thoroughly hydrated and argumentative cats who hate each other, in a single sack. Yet here she was accepting training.
Usually by now she would have broken a few things, kicked a person or two, sworn a lot, picked a fight, then stormed off. It had always been that way, back as long as Elvira could remember (and she had a decent memory.) So if this was a sign of progress for those two then she would take it, and do everything in her power to make sure that particular state of affairs continued.
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Gidea was confused by her child’s change of heart, if it meant her child training more then she’d take it. But not knowing what was going on was getting confusing, and more than just a little worrying. Last time her daughter had shown such a drastic change was after she took the title of arena champion, and started spending a little more time away from the castle.
She would have liked to have stuck around more, but had her grandparents tempers. (Grandpa had been a beast slayer berserker, and Grandma had been a bear type shifter druid, and apparently a bare knuckle boxing champion when feeling more human. That had by all accounts lead to a rather awkward incident when somebody called in a rampaging grizzly as a job, and... well I think the rest is pretty much self explanatory. But anyway after the silly misunderstanding, and the wreckage had been cleared up they went another round, then decided it would be much more convenient to fight again if they got married, so you could say it was love at first fight.) So for the sake of the kingdom it was far far far safer for her to live as far away from the major nobles as possible, especially given her being permanently armed. Because when you need diplomacy the last thing you need is a berserker barging in and trying to kick the snot out of a particularly demanding lord, or worse put them in a time out, (they get really really huffy when you make them stand in a corner apparently, and the correct diplomatic response to their formal complaints is not to track them down and ask “what are you going to do about it?)
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Now she was really worried, her baby was learning to fight, and not demanding stuff any more, that bit was fine. But designing canals, setting up temples, selling her stuff to raise funds. Becoming a Saintess? That was new, and potentially messy depending which gods in particular got involved. She hadn’t even heard of Wannashowa, until lately, and now here he was consecrating her daughter? He was a mere flash in the pan, how is a god like that supposed to support her?
Then of course there was the worrying issue of the whole married to the gods thing the clergy had going on, she didn’t want that for her daughter. Getting close to gods usually ends messily, and the last thing this world needed was more prophecies. Honestly sometimes in the city it felt like you could throw a stone anywhere in the city and it would hit some kind of a self proclaimed prophet. (They really can’t have been all that great can they? They never saw it coming after all. Or maybe the gods didn’t want to waste a perfectly good prophecy on something like ”duck,” which was fair enough. But she still did not like the idea of her little girl getting dragged in when things got all prophetic, plus even without that Rosalind was acting kind of different now, and Gidea was going to get to the bottom of it....... right after this training was done.
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- In Serial34 Chapters
Old Riding Author Lunatic Asylum
Just off the A19, in the dark, incomprehensible lands known as Yorkshire, there lies a town. A town where shadow-silent alleys glint with the secret hunger of knives. Where blood soaks the chipboard window shutters of forsaken terraces stretching off into the night. Where the smog-choked air rattles with the depraved laughter echoing out from clubs that can only generously be described as post-apocalyptic. Well, that’s Middlesbrough. But down the A19 a bit (an impossibly long way down, actually) there lies another town: Raughnen, in the ancient, forgotten Old Riding. It is an equal match in muggery and thuggery alike. It also has magic spells and pointy wizard hats. And now, across the miles and across all sensibilities, a pretty nasty power (a magic one) calls out for its pretty nasty counterpart (a decidedly unmagic one): a proper sound Boro lad. Nothing good can come of it. This is a collection of one novella and four connected short stories: I. A Yorkshire Summoning II. Old Riding Day Trip (the novella) III. Heaven is a Parmo IV. Death on the 66 V. Death on the 257 In total, this comprises 34 chapters totalling around 35,000 words, so try not to worry. It will be over relatively quickly. There are three more short stories with more tenuous links to the core collection: Rush, Paper Round and Scenario 79: Sausage Fingers, all of which can be found in my collection Short Records of Misadventure. Reading these may allow you to make more sense of certain parts of the story, if any sense is to be made at all. NOTE: There are instances of prejudice and discrimination within these stories, including elements of sexism and ageism, which are purely the thoughts and actions of the characters involved and which certainly do not reflect my own views on these matters. ANOTHER NOTE; A WARNING, PERHAPS: This can get a bit weird. In less than 150 pages, we have four viewpoints, first and third person narratives, and a completely disjointed plot with lots of gaps, dead ends and no real resolution. Also ZERO lunatic asylums. It's all a bit odd. If that sort of thing isn't your cup of tea, which it most likely isn't, it might be best to move on now.
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