Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and Sewer Bard had absolutely no retort to Qube’s proclamation of her destiny. Recognising her flawless logic, the dynamic duo instead focused on murdering the giant spider whose home they had invaded.

The Chosen One, being the polite Hero that he was, respected their need for space as they each fulfilled their own destiny, and started playing fetch with Squiggles. If Qube was being honest, she’d expected her rush into the front line would cause Squiggles and Definitely Bad Guy to follow her, inspired by her leadership.

As Qube dodged the not-quite-Boss-sized spider, she reflected that, for all her schooling in how to be the perfect Childhood Companion, she’d never had a single lesson in being a Hero. While the Chosen One made it look effortless, Qube knew that he must have been training to be a Hero while she was being taught to become the ultimate Healer. The power of the Golden Prophecy had no doubt enhanced his abilities, but the way everyone would always follow him into any situation was a testimony to his charismatic skills.

It turned out getting people to join you as you recklessly charged head first into potential death took work.

Even without her teammates backing her up, though, Qube’s bombastic interruption (and her spells) revitalised the pair. It also gave Sewer Bard the space he needed to skip back, and quickly unleash a complex melody, casting support spell after support spell on Sexy Screamy Spider Lady before drawing his rapier and cutting at the enemy. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, constantly bolstered by her dual support, returned the frenzied attack the spider had inflicted on her with interest.

Far, far quicker than Qube could have thought possible, the mini-Boss curled up onto its back and dissolved into a small wooden chest, covered in dead ivy.

Qube felt the Chosen One’s eyes zero in on the potential loot holder.

“Open it!” he called from a safe distance. “I wanna know what’s inside!”

Sexy Screamy Spider Lady threw a mechanically provocative look over her shoulder at the Hero, before reaching forward and touching the lid of the chest.

As soon as her claws made contact with the wood, the world once again went black.

---

Qube was starting to get a little irritated by the world constantly disappearing and reappearing. What was wrong with a nice, normal teleportation portal? Why did the wood elves feel the need to just yank them around without warning?

It was then that Qube realised they weren’t in the Forbidden Forest anymore.

Looking around the grove filled with lush greenery, giggling fairies and a sweet-smelling, gentle breeze, Qube froze in horror.

“Wood Warrior,” a musical voice trilled. “And my ever-faithful subjects. It is a pleasure.”

They were in the Dryad Queen’s domain.

“My Queen,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, who had teleported to the front of the group, said, dropping to her knees. Sewer Bard, who’d shown up next to the Chosen One, knelt as well, and even Definitely Bad Guy (at the back of the party) bowed to the Guardian of the Forbidden Forest. Squiggles, possibly not wanting to be left out, flattened herself to the ground.

Neither Qube nor the Chosen One bowed.

The Chosen One was frowning at an overly-large wolf sitting next to the Dryad Queen.

And Qube…

Like a mouse before a snake, Qube was locked in place, staring into the blazing green lights that were the Dryad Queen’s eyes.

The Dryad Queen did not look away as she waved her hand at the others, gesturing for them to rise.

“I see your Trial was a success, my child,” the Dryad Queen addressed Sexy Screamy Spider Lady without breaking eye (ball of light?) contact with Qube. “Your parents will be honoured that you have put their training to such good use. Managing to get the —” the Dryad Queen frowned, and looked away from Qube to the Chosen One and the Bard by his side.

Qube started breathing again.

“— the Wood Warrior as your Head Guard?” The Dryad Queen seemed to become more and more uncertain as she spoke, ending the sentence almost like it was a question. She looked at Sewer Bard, who was gazing at her adoringly. “Securing the eternal protection of the man who pledged to me his heart?” She looked back at the Chosen One, who pointed at the wolf.

“Does that look familiar to you?” he asked Qube.

“Yes, Chosen One,” Qube replied with unending patience. “That’s the wolf whom I [Heal]ed in the Forbidden Forest. He said the Dryad Queen…” Qube trailed off, suddenly remembering that the wolf had confessed to ripping out and keeping the Dryad Queen’s heart, trapping her in the Mother Gothel form. And yet here he was, happily sitting next to the Dryad Queen, wagging his tail.

Well, this was rather awkward. Romance really was complicated.

“Huh,” the Chosen One said thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t have thought it could enter this area. Unless… oh!” he snapped his fingers. “This must be where it’s supposed to end up if we give it the heart!”

“I don’t know,” Qube said, uneasily aware that the Dryad Queen had gone back to glaring at her. It was a bit difficult not to notice the two green spots lighting her up. “Perhaps he wanted to give their relationship another chance?”

“I’m surprised they aren’t attacking each other,” the Chosen One said, circling around the wolf. The canine watched him, twirling in place to follow him. “Although I suppose why would they be hostile if they weren’t supposed to be in the same place?”

“Yes, I wouldn’t have expected them to try getting back together again,” Qube said.

“Perhaps, with both of their hearts returned to them, their love for each other has been reignited?” Sewer Bard asked hopefully. He gazed worshipfully at the Dryad Queen. “I can understand why he would want to see if the spark was still there. No man would be able to resist the allure of one so earth-shatteringly beautiful. If I were not honour-bound to follow our Noble Patron, I could not think of any fate more magnificent than to stay and worship at your feet, my Queen.”

Qube started to feel more hopeful about the Sewer Bard love situation. She might not be an expert at romance, but she suspected that someone who was seriously in love with Sexy Screamy Spider Lady wouldn’t want to spend their life just sitting around, looking at another woman and her wolf boyfriend.

Squiggles, meanwhile, seemed to be getting agitated, and wriggled in between Sewer Bard’s legs, wrapping her tentacles around his ankles and opening her mouth at the Dryad Queen. Her innumerable rows of teeth gleamed in the ethereal lights.

“About the Trial, my Queen,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, attempting to wrench the conversation back on track. For once, the lure of romance was not enough to distract the love-obsessed Hunter. “Sewer Bard requested to stand as my Head Guard.”

“Yes,” the Dryad Queen said slowly, withdrawing her gaze from Qube. “The Bard is your Head Guard. This…” she put a hand to her forehead.

“It was an honour to protect you, my lady,” Sewer Bard said earnestly to Sexy Screamy Spider Lady. The Hunter gave him a brief smile.

For someone who had just won the right to rule over all her people, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady didn’t seem terribly happy. The Dryad Queen, however, seemed to settle after Sewer Bard’s interjection.

“Yes,” she said, focusing entirely on Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, “step forward, and I shall bestow upon you the power you have so rightfully earned.”

But the arachnid didn’t move.

“My parents…” she said, before curtseying again to the Dryad Queen. “Forgive me, but I must know. Are my parents in danger of dying?”

The Dryad Queen’s eyes repeatedly dimmed in rapid succession, her version of blinking.

“No, my child,” she said. “Not to my knowledge.”

“Then there is time for others to take the Trial.”

“Oh [snacks],” Qube heard the Chosen One breathe. She glanced at him and saw his face was practically glowing with glee.

“I… yes, it is possible,” the Dryad Queen conceded.

“Then I’m afraid —” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady took a deep breath. “I’m afraid I must decline the Thorny Crown. For now,” she added hastily.

“You do not want the Thorny Crown?” The Dryad Queen sounded halfway between total shock and severe offense.

“Not yet,” the Hunter replied. “I don’t know what the future will hold. But, for now, I have so many desires that cannot be fulfilled if I am leading my people. I… don’t want to be tied down.”

Having made such a bold declaration, the Hunter seemed to relax back into her normal speech patterns.

“You will not have to actually rule until after your father passes,” the Dryad Queen said, still confused.

“Then completing the Trial now is pointless,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady stated firmly. “I don’t want to make promises for the future,” the Hunter looked at the Chosen One, “especially when I don’t know if I’ll still want it after I save the world. Not when there’s a chance someone else will come along who can also complete the Trial, and be just as worthy of ruling as myself. In fact...” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady broke into a smile, her many eyes shining. “In fact, I hope someone else does come.”

The Dryad Queen’s twisted face writhed in disapproval. She turned and glared, not at Qube for once, but at the Chosen One.

“Then you would follow this human, and bind yourself to whomever they put on the humans’ throne?” she asked, scorn dripping from her voice. “Rather than take your rightful place, you will give in to this chaos?”

“I don’t know,” the Hunter replied simply. “That depends. I want to save the world first, before settling down or making any commitments.”

Even the wolf was looking confused now. The Dryad Queen lapsed into silence.

“So we just… leave the quest like this?” Qube asked eventually. After all, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady had completed the Trial. She just… hadn’t accepted the prize.

Was that even allowed?

What about Sewer Bard, did he still get to be Head Guard? The Bard was looking between Sexy Screamy Spider Lady and the Dryad Queen, his brow furrowed as if he was trying to solve an extremely complex riddle.

“There is another matter,” Definitely Bad Guy suddenly interjected from the back of the group. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady looked at him, before straightening.

“The curse!” she exclaimed. Qube nearly slapped herself — of course! How could she forget that Sexy Screamy Spider Lady wasn’t supposed to be a giant spider covered in screaming children’s faces? “My Queen, the curse that you laid upon your people when your heart was stolen —”

There was an awkward beat of silence as everyone looked at the wolf. He just flopped out his tongue and started happily panting.

“— it has not been lifted from me, even after the return of your heart —”

More silence. The wolf whined slightly as everyone looked at him again.

“— and I was hoping that you could return me to my wood elf form.”

Qube thought it was interesting that Sexy Screamy Spider Lady didn’t say her true form.

The Dryad Queen, although still appearing a little upset about the whole “Thorny Crown rejection” thing, focused her full attention on Sexy Screamy Spider Lady. Looking closely at the Hunter, her eyes flared, and she reached out and grabbed her subject by the chin, turning her head this way and that.

“Interesting,” she said, the twisted roots that made up her fingers quivering slightly. “The curse should have been lifted. How did I not notice it until this moment?”

Qube slid behind the Chosen One as the Dryad Queen glanced at her.

“It seems your … companion’s,” the Dryad Queen nearly growled out the word, “impact was greater than I thought. The spell is tightly bound to you, in a way I’ve never seen before.”

The Chosen One was now watching the Dryad Queen with great interest.

“When you say bound to her, what do you mean?” he asked.

The Queen frowned.

“This curse is related to me,” she said, “I can recognise that. And so I should be able to remove it. But —” the Queen broke off, and stared once more at Sexy Screamy Spider Lady. “It’s intertwined with her,” she said eventually, “in some way I cannot explain. That is possibly why I could not even see her curse unless I examined her closely. It’s as if only part of her is cursed.”

Definitely Bad Guy nodded.

“It took me specifically looking at her with my [Detect Curse] ability to even be able to see that she had been cursed,” the Mage said, unblushingly announcing one of his spells. “I did not even realise she had originally been a wood elf until the others informed me.”

“Is that why I can now see myself as a spider more?” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady asked. “Am I… absorbing the curse, somehow? Is it getting stronger? Am I getting stronger?”

“I can attempt to remove it and return you to your true form,” the Dryad Queen said, still looking at the Hunter, “but you may lose memories, or parts of yourself too tightly connected to the curse.”

“Lose memories, return her to her true — hang on a minute,” the Chosen One said. “Are you talking about a reset?”