The Chosen One stuck to his refusal to help. Eventually, after a handful of failures, the pair discovered the token under one of the clams, and were able to move on to the next intelligence trial. This was another small tent, manned by another red-and-white clad wood elf.

“Roll up, roll up,” the wood elf said, despite the fact that the entire party were either walking or slorping. “One lucky toss and you’ll be walking away with this prized token! One ring for every party member, no restrictions!”

Qube wasn’t entirely sure what this was supposed to be testing, intelligence-wise. Maybe the ability to be extremely precise in throwing? Oh! Of course! It was testing attention to detail! Both the cup and the rings involved the ability to make rapid and extremely precise observation or movement!

“This stupid circus song is going to send me insane,” the Chosen One muttered to himself. Qube frowned.

“I don’t hear any song,” she said. She also wasn’t entirely sure what a circus was — as she thought that, knowledge of what a circus was flooded her mind. How could she forget? Circuses were like bands of travelling Bards! Did that mean there was going to be a performance later?

Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, using her extra long arms, reached out and dropped a ring directly over one of the potion bottles. The Circus Elf (possibly Circus Bard?) looked slightly put off by the rapid solving of his precision puzzle, but begrudgingly handed over the promised token.

Straining her ears, Qube felt like she should be able to hear a circus song. Circuses were known for their music and performances! There should be constant music! If the Chosen One could hear it, then surely she should be able to hear it too! This wasn’t even like the “assessing threat music” that she would get with practice.

There! Very faintly, on the edge of her hearing range, Qube felt like there was … something. A tune. A very simple, cheerful little ditty that was endlessly repeating. It was so soft that she couldn’t even swear that she really was hearing it, and not just her mind playing tricks on her because she wanted to hear a song.

But she still held on to that looping tune, distant and distorted like it was being played from inside the Forbidden Forest itself.

“Oh, I hear it now!” she said, with more confidence than she actually felt. When no one replied, she looked around and realised that everyone had wandered off to the third, and final, booth.

Everyone except for Squiggles, who lovingly spat a very chewed ring at Qube’s feet. Picking it up, Qube looked at the potion bottles embedded on the wooden board in the booth, and almost absentmindedly tossed the ring, aiming for the middle bottle.

Squiggles launched herself at the flying ring, grabbing it in mid air and then crashing into the whole potion bottle display, sending the board of bottles spinning into the back of the mini tent.

“No cheating!” the Circus Bard shouted, pulling out a wooden bat. Qube, panicked, grabbed Squiggles and half dragged, half carried the giant sharktopus away to where the Chosen One and Definitely Bad Guy were watching Sewer Bard and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady complete the final trial.

The Chosen One turned and looked at Qube, his supposed voice of reason, lugging a very happy Squiggles and behind them the booth they’d just been at in total shambles. Squiggles, oblivious to the Circus Bard’s now distant shouting, was happily waving in the air all the rings she’d just stolen, trying to get Qube or the Chosen One to continue the exciting game of fetch.

“I’m not even going to ask,” the Hero said.

“We’ll play later, Squiggles,” Qube said, trying to calm down the over-excited sharktopus. “Once we’ve paid the nice Circus Bard for his rings. I have to focus on supporting the others in the trial.”

Qube wasn’t entirely sure what standing half a clearing away counted for, in terms of emotional support, but she wanted to be paying full attention, just in case.

Definitely Bad Guy looked at Qube’s flustered frustration as she tried to ignore Squiggles and watch the Hunter and Bard and, with a sigh, he put away the book he’d been reading.

“Allow me to keep this creature distracted so that you may concentrate,” he said, and reached for one of the rings Squiggles was waving about, only to have Squiggles yank it away and hiss at him.

“You are being contrary,” the Mage informed the pet. Squiggles curled up all her tentacles underneath her shark half, tucking away the rings so he couldn’t touch them. Definitely Bad Guy looked at the misbehaving monster, the seconds of silence sliding into a minute of inaction as the two of them faced off against each other.

“Very well. You do not wish to have someone else touch what is yours. That is something I can respect,” Definitely Bad Guy said at last, nodding his head at the young sharktopus. “Make sure you guard it, then.” His gaze flickered over to where the Circus Bard was still yelling about cheaters. “And make sure it is yours to keep,” he added grimly. “Or else it will eat away at you.”

Squiggles continued to stare at him, her little black doll eyes narrowed almost into dots as the Mage pulled another book out of his pocket and started reading it.

After a few minutes she seemed to reach a decision and deliberately relaxed, her tentacles unwinding from beneath her body. Most of the rings were in the tentacles nearest the Chosen One and Qube. But there was one ring-holding tentacle, seemingly casually placed a short distance away from Definitely Bad Guy’s left foot.

Not waving around, demanding to be thrown, or anything of the like. There was not even a guarantee that it wouldn’t have been yanked back under her the instant he moved.

But it was there. A tiny token of begrudging acceptance.

Qube, meanwhile, had entirely missed the interaction between the two of them, as Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was in the middle of loudly arguing with Sewer Bard.

“I could not stand idly by while a creature as dignified as you lowered yourself in such a way,” Sewer Bard was insisting.

“My delightful Bard, as much as your songs light up my life, I will not dance to your tune,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady replied.

“Anyone can do it! All I need is for someone in your party to put their hands behind their back, and grab the apple in their mouth!” The new Circus Bard, looking directly at the Chosen One, raised his voice to be heard over the heated debate.

“The idea of some other man seeing you so disheveled is a crime no gentleman would allow to happen under his watch,” the Bard pressed.

“Many have seen me disheveled and wet,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady purred. “What’s a few more?”

Qube, entirely confused, suddenly realised that the Circus Bard at this particular tent was trying to get the duo to bob for apples in a big barrel of water. As much as Qube didn’t like the idea of Sewer Bard trying to dictate what the Hunter could and couldn’t do, the sight of the Forbidden Forest’s future leader shoving her face into a barrel of water and rooting around for apples like some sea-pig was supremely undignified.

The Chosen One was watching the whole scene with his hand jammed inside a jar of honey, furiously shovelling the sweetness into his mouth as he watched the back and forth.

“This is amazing,” he said through a mouthful of honey.

“Do I not have your leave to be jealous, Hunter of my heart?” Sewer Bard asked, reaching out and brushing aside some of Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s hair.

The Chosen One’s feeding frenzy slowed.

“Wait…” he said, staring. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady flicked her hair over her shoulder, out of the Bard’s grasp.

“I give you no such permission,” the Hunter replied tartly. Sewer Bard bowed gracefully, and stepped back from the barrel.

“Aw, nuts,” the Chosen One said, going back to his feast.

Qube, however, was not reassured by Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s loyalty. Several times in the past she’d thought that Sewer Bard had feelings for the Hunter, and this was proof! Naturally, given the amazing and special nature of the Chosen One (and her strange explanation of romance), Sexy Screamy Spider Lady would remain totally and utterly devoted to the Hero, but that just left Sewer Bard with a broken heart!

And there was nothing more disastrous than a party member in pain!

Qube had to fix this!

All she needed to do was find someone available for Sewer Bard to fall in love with. Someone he spent a lot of time with, had the intense interactions with that seemed to imply romance, and would either be happy being left in a safe location for him to collect after the Golden Prophecy had been fulfilled or, better yet, could join their party.

Someone he could interrogate. And easily go on dates with.

Someone… someone who was eager to find a soul mate.

Someone who believed in love.

Qube slowly turned around and looked at Definitely Bad Guy.

The Mage and Squiggles looked up at Qube as the Healer went bright red and quickly turned away from them.

What if Sewer Bard and Definitely Bad Guy fell in love? Qube wondered. Then neither of them would have a broken heart, and she would stop feeling this weird pressure from the Mage.

And it would mean that they would stop arguing so much! Thus increasing party cohesion!

It was perfect! There was literally nothing that could go wrong with this plan!

But how did one go about making two people fall in love? Would she need cake?

As Qube watched Sexy Screamy Spider Lady pierce two apples on each of her fangs, she knew the answer. She was going to have to face something she had hoped to avoid a recurrence of for the rest of her life.

She was going to have to talk to Sexy Screamy Spider Lady about romance, again.

---

Before she could get to solving the emotional problems of her fellow companions, however, Qube had to make sure she kept her distance as Sewer Bard and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady returned to Ruler Wefton. Even though, logically, she knew that neither the Ruler nor the Head Guard could see her, some part of her felt like it would still somehow count against Sewer Bard’s application.

She also wanted to make sure that the Chosen One wasn’t too disturbed by seeing his (firmly second place) best friend, Sewer Bard, boldly flirting with the love of the Chosen One’s life, Sexy Screamy Spider Lady.

“Chosen One,” Qube started as they hid behind their now-familiar tree to watch the proceedings.

“Sssh,” the Chosen One said, “this is actually interesting!”

Qube sulked. Fine! See if she would try and soothe his emotions if he was going to shush her!

… She probably would.

But not until she felt like it!

Having firmly stood up for herself, Qube chose to do what the Chosen One said, and quietly listen to the events unfolding before them.

“Welcome back, daughter,” Ruler Wefton intoned regally.

“Father,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady curtseyed, as Sewer Bard bowed. “As you can see, I have completed the second trial.” Qube squinted, but still couldn’t see any tokens exchanging hands. Interesting. Royalty really did have some way of knowing when their tasks had been completed, didn’t they?

“Then it is time for your third, and final, test,” Ruler Wefton said. “One in which your Head Guard and you will be pushed to your very limits. For while we have tested your compassion, and your cunning, it is now time to test your skill in combat.”

Ruler Wefton paused dramatically after his statement, but no one in his audience seemed particularly shocked. After a moment, he continued: “This will also be a test of the company you have chosen to keep close. Your companions may join you in this trial. I warn you, though, that any mistake could be fatal, and you will need to push yourselves —”

“Seriously, what is up with royalty and long, boring speeches?” the Chosen One muttered to Qube. “I was hoping he’d say something interesting about Sewer Bard, but it’s the same blah-blah-blah. So boring.”

“Chosen One!” Qube hissed. While not surprised by the Chosen One’s blasphemy, she still disapproved. “Please stop being rude about Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s parents within earshot!”

The Chosen One shot her a quick, amused glance, before Ruler Wefton theatrically rose up, and swept his arm out, pointing at Sexy Screamy Spider Lady.

“Let the combat trials begin!”

The world went black.